Look At Me For The Person I Really Am

Few people will deny that I'm often misunderstood. Not that i'm an angel or anything, but i tend to do things that upsets people without realising it. Sometimes i don't know what i did and i still don't.

"Jit Eh Knight" told me last night that i have a homage instinct towards bad boys. I don't. I don't even look forward to belong to any entity. I'm just a sucker for sweets. Why don't people get the entire picture i'm getting before they pass their judgement? "Jit Eh Knight", you're not the one who passed the judgement, just a comment i've heard from elsewhere.

I often sink into modes of lows and i can't quite get out. I may look like i'm the happiest person in the world, i'm not. Why am i saying this? Don't get me wrong, i'm not fishing for sympathy and don't even feel anything like that for me, i don't deserve it and i don't want it.

Tell me what have i been doing wrong? Why am i like the common jinx and trash?

Grandma's 100 Days Anniversary

Dear Cousins, Nieces, Nephews,

I'm too lazy to email it to everyone so just right click and save it at your own pleasure. Today's Grandma's 100 days anniversary and we will always remember her. Look how grand her new home is, envious?

We will miss her. We will always love her.

假装

Had a good chat with BR just now. Given all the unhappiness we have had in this friendship, i can't deny she's always been there when i needed a shoulder. I admit i'm a super lousy drinker but she puts up with my nonsense from time to time. When Princess needs to make a lifelong career decision, she was there to reaffirm what i thought but hesitated. She made doubts into decisions. I should know and should remember, my career is of utmost importance now. When a woman is financially independent, things will fall into place. Right now, i want to be the independent woman i've always wanted to be.

The more i sink into the "i think i miss him" shit, the less i'm becoming the person i actually was and the person i've always aspired to be. Most people around now knows i'm hungry to be right on top of the vicious food chain and i want to make a difference to people around me. I want to be able to be the "contact" or "network" that gives off the "wow" factor.

I will still think of Dum Dum. I'm not someone who likes something and withdraw almost immediately. I need a closure even if it is not a possible route. I will make the closure happen. Maybe i'm not the one...

I have to admit it wouldn't be easy for me to step out of this circle and step into another one for a long time to come but i suppose it's good that i can put time into my career. Guess this is the only consolation i can give myself at this point in time.

This is one song that truly describes me, right now... I'm going back to bed to snuggle with myself and drown myself with repetitions of this song, constantly reminding myself of the pain i'm in and that i should get out of in a heartbeat.

呼吸着一种孤独的味道
心跳在你沉默以后慢慢的被淡忘掉
我笑了笑反正你看不到
我要的幸福遗落在你怀抱

当爱失了焦
那些最初的美好
早被你搁在一角
街上拥挤人潮走着看着都是摧眠符号
记忆停不了
穿过读你的心跳
穿过想你的味道
我只想不被打扰

假装多好
我只要只想要再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱
一直会让我依靠
继续等待
还心甘情愿的不想逃

当爱失了焦
那些最初的美好
早被你搁在一角
街上拥挤人潮走着看着都是摧眠符号
记忆停不了
穿过读你的心跳
穿过想你的味道
我只想不被打扰

假装多好
我只要只想要再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱
一直会让我依靠
继续等待心甘情愿不想逃

假装多好
依然是依然是暧昧的tone调
一个人无理取闹
两人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己设下的圈套

像是驼鸟相信时间是唯一解药
视而不见傻到了无可救药
其实早明了你的爱已随风飘
想要找再也找不到

假装多好
我只要只想要再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱
还心甘情愿的不想逃

假装多好
依然是依然是暧昧的tone调
一个人无理取闹
两人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己设下的圈套

假装自己已解开冰冷的手铐

女人心事

东区的咖啡座幽暗的沙发里
总有几张熟悉的脸
那种聪明带点防卫的气质
想放弃却又不甘心的样子
越过她的肩膀空洞洞的视线
摩登女子灰色心事
那种以为自己什么都可以
喝了酒却又哭得像个孩子
我听见(爱我的人在哪边)渴望的泪
我看见(伤心的故事一遍遍)我的从前
曾经我也痛过我也恨过怨过放弃过
在自己的房间里觉得幸福遗弃我
如果没有分离背叛的丑陋
怎么算是真爱过
请你试著相信一爱再爱不要低下头
别怕青春消逝就不信单纯的美梦
我在这岸看着你游
为你的坚持感动
你会的有一天会幸福的

我会幸福嗎﹖

Rotten Sunday

I've got a myriad of things to blog given the day has barely passed and i haven't even had any food. Bear with my grumbling...

I supposed i was overwhelmed by exhaustion yesterday. My brains were all filled by negative and upsetting things. Spoke to "Oscarised" last night and i mentioned if she's back in Singapore, she could come snuggle the Saturday night wth me and watch at DVD at my place or something. Then we came to realise, if she's in Singapore, she wouldn't even have time for all these ro for me for that matter of fact haha. But due to the time difference, when i'm lazing at home in the evening, she's also preparing to tie up loose ends and head for the bed so we could chat till the cows come home and we did. It's odd how lucky i am to have friends saying "when i come back to Singapore, i'll whack the person who upset you" or "i'll send the ah beng to beat that fellow up. How can he do this to you?" I'm usually the protective big sister because i've always felt the need to protect my little brother but in reality, i always feel vulnerable and it's nice to know that you're protected by people who will attempt to shield the pain for you. "Oscarised" , can we make it a point to spend more quality time when you decide to come back for good? Oh and i'd like to play mahjong with your sister... and possibly your Mom. You've got the best parents in the world and send your parents a kiss from the Princess when you speak to them the next time.

When guys say you're more than a friend, do they mean, you're a good friend, a buddy, a special friend, a special someone or "you're just a friend and i don't wanna upset you so don't read too much into it."? Just a wonder... Pour in your comments, i'd like to hear your opinions. Tag me!

Would you change your job to think of long term possible prospects or would you stay in a good, possibly better environment that you're already enjoying. Should one be adventurous and to venture out into new grounds and not look back even if you're bitten? I do not want to turn back neither do i want to be adventurous now. I was so courageous at one point in time that it seems as though nothing, absolutely nothing is going to make me stay in what i believe is a shithole. This is NOT a shithole, in fact it's a haven alot of people would love to be in. Am i stupid or what? Should i stay? My heart tells me to but too many complicating thoughts are just telling me to to be less complacent and more adventurous. Do i really want to move?

I was given permission to hire someone at work to help me. This is essentially someone who wants to do a pure administrative role. Now i know why employers have headache and why some candidates simply look good on paper but never turn out to be hired by the prospective employers. A few weeks ago i resorted to telling my colleagues that we should hire this girl because her name begins with a J. You see, everyone in my office has a J name. My ex-boss, my current boss, my colleague, my right hand at work and of course, myself. So we usually shout across the room.. "Jjjjuuu...jjjjeeee....jjjaaa... Argh why are we all JJJJJJ" but it's fun and i even heard they were very excited after they have decided to hir me some months ago. My current boss went back to the office and told therest of the office, "Guess what? She's a J. Jasmine!" To think about it is hilarious.

My dog was whining this morning and eventually woke me up. I'm happy with my weekend timing this time round, i slept early and woke up early. The best part, i had sufficient sleep! Yoohooo!!! It's about time i need to catch up on my anti-aging regime. I'm back on my "rejuvenating, anti-wrinkling" regime that cost me a bomb. I told a friend, "Estee Lauder cheated me of my money". But do you know, Estee Lauder is already the cheaper option. Much much cheaper. Right now i only wanna get a feet scrub. My feet got really rough after hours of running on the sand yesterday. My skin is peeling and my feet look like they belong to a construction worker.

CNY shopping must commence immediately! I've met up with some people twice and got no shopping done except skin care. I'm not going to wear my aging skin and go out for CNY. This year i can't "bai nian" because my grandma just passed away but Dad says as long as we don't bring oranges or wish people, we're fine. So must still look good for CNY right? ok i'm too tired to blog anymore, to be continued after i get some food.

I just had cornflakes and i'm back in action. Spoke to Inuka the Pig, she's quite clever to see what was bothering me and she was spot on. Do not ever doubt a woman's sixth sense. Just like how Blood Red guessed "the flower", it all came true. "The flower" really wasn't simple. The flower had the dog's attention, all the time. BR, i so need to tell you this on Monday. It's funny yet frustrating but i could only say, a woman's sixth sense, is simply unbelieveable.

I'm having my period which is why i wasn't in the best of moods these days. I've been grumbling about everything, anything and barely anyone knew what i was talking about. Maybe i should just heed "Gay Club Ringleader"'s advice to do the Mirena thing. But i'm not even sexually active, it's a bit expensive right. The day i deicde to do that, you know i've found someone i love and decided to do some family planning. "Gay Club Ringleader" is bringing "No Idea Why We All Call Her Rachel" to do it and because he told me that, i knew their relationship is stable and heading north. I's just a feeling. A girl wouldn't say yes to something this invasive, not needle or anything but invasive as in the discomfort of a foreign object stuck up inside you constantly releasing hormones regulating substances. Then again, friends on the Pill had been encouraging me to take it just because i'm physically active and it does affects my sports and beach days. So Mirena or Pill?

Today's Grandma's 100 days. I don't know how to blog it anymore. Spoke to Inuka the Pig and Black Pepper yesterday, it's such a torment to bear with the pain of losing a loved one. Losing the person who loves you the most and brought you up, the pain is indescribable. I still can't stop tearing. I wish she can be here when the world fails me, when guys fail me, when work fail me, when friends fail me, i know she for one, will never fail me.

On this rotten Sunday, i only wanna rot with my dog. Get a drink. Cry in my bed. Sleep and dream about beautiful things and wake up tomorrow to reality.

Dum Dum, I want and i need to talk to you.

Sore

I have to say it was a great deal of fun today to be out with these boys.

Right inside me at this point in time, i'm not particulary interested to talk about what we did but to give you a brief idea, the rain came intermittently but didn't quite interrrupted the softball, touch rugby, dodgeball, etc. The sun was weak but nonetheless, present and its effects was seen on my arms and legs. I have to admit there was a huge deal of fun, laughter, sand, hugs, sweat, pain, oil... It was great.

On a separate note...

There was some sort of anticipation and dismay deep inside me. Maybe it's just PMS, maybe it's just a fact that i can't digest. The dismay didn't quite follow the anticipation, it is the unexpected that caused the dismay. Rather i should say it is the thing that i didn't quite want it to happen but some part of me knew it was happening but denial got the better of me and when it is right in front of your eyes, you can't help but feel stupid for believing things some people said. I have told myself so many times not to believe in stuffs people say but see it for myself, i got taught the best lesson recently.

I thought you had me at hello and i was told that i was being liked and missed by you. I thought this vehicle was going at first gear then it picked up to second but in actual fact, the vehicle didn't move at all. It's the cars beside me moving that gave me the illusion that i was moving.

The hug never came. The hug will never come. I rather never to have anticipated the hug. I wish you've never looked at me in my eyes so i wouldn't miss the smile glimmering in your eyes.

I was stupid to have told you how i felt and thought what you said were genuine about how you felt. But when i saw you, you just were not the person i've been texting with. I felt like an idiot near you. To think of it, i've never quite heard you over the line, maybe i was in a dream i just refuse to wake up from and indulged myself to sleep through it longer. I never thought i'd say things like, you never had time for me because i knew better, that you had more meaningful things in your life which is true. But you never ever had that one minute to call to say hello. The truth is i'm just hallucinating. Whenever i stole a glimpse, it was never something i would want to see. Sometimes you feel so near, at other times, you're just faraway. I guess now you're just getting further and further away. I've lost the grip which i've never possessed. Now i've even lost grip in myself. I'm just a loser.

Interesting Description of A Capricorn Woman

Tag and let me know how true this thing is...

CAPRICORN WOMAN

A tall (??) slim (??), cool(??) and quiet(??) woman. Once she is mad she can be very fierce. She can work better than some men and she is very highly confident woman. In her opinion, a woman is not just a flower or decoration at home or in an office and certainly not the weaker sex who needs protection. She likes to control and hide her weak emotions.

She will never try to change anyone, but she will learn to accept them as they are. If she does not like someone, she will not comment or criticise but she will completely ignore that person.

She hates plastic and artificial flowers because it make her feel that you are not being sincere. She loves real flowers and it's scent. She loves a guy who wear after shave cologne. If you are the type of a guy who wear your jeans one month before washing, or wear old sneakers, then you can forget about her.

She loves music and nature even there is a rare case otherwise. She loves to go picnic in nature, so if you don't have so much time for her, you can take her fishing too. (Ya right...)

She is not as jealous as the Aquarius or Leo woman, but do not cross the line. Better not to see her get mad, especially in front of public when she feels like she's losing face. She loves to make herself up and dress perfectly and she's very neat, so never rush her for this matter.

She has her own goal in life and does not care if you have a doctorate degree or not, if she thinks you are not bright then she will not care about you at all. She likes smart people by character not by certification. If you can not show her this quality, go and take a bus and go to the next stop.

She does not like a dreamer who talk about his dream but never put his hands in action to make it happens. Don't bother to tell her "everyone is doing it, you should do it too", or "I think you should do it, it's good foryou", because she will do what she wants to do only.

She is a neat and tidy person, so if your apartment is a pigsty , do not take her there. If you go out on a date with her , try to be presentable such as nice and clean clothes, clean nails or else it will be your last date.

She is a cool type and will not nag, so easy on your ears. She is a slow but sure type. She will always respect and honor you and will never try to make you lose your face. If she loves you, she will help you in anything you do. She likes to help people and expect nothing in return. If she asks you for a favor and does not get one, she will feel very disappointed.

She has very high hopes and faith and believes in her own confidence than believing in"Luck". If she is your wife, you will have nice and clean home and a gourmet cooking. If your parents visit your house, they will be pleased. She is a 3 in 1 means , a perfect mother, a perfect housewife, a perfect wife or you could say "happily ever after".

6 weeks; 6 months; 6 years

If there's anything that's going to deter anyone from going into a relationship or marriage, here it is:-

Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

Apology:
6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

Planning for Vacations:
6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???

TV:
6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself.

Alcohol...

The limit of tolerance was peaked last night.

Drinks followed naturally after dinner with "Blood Red" and my old time church choir mate, "Speedy Gonzales". What was initially an after dinner drink grew into games of bluff which of course meant more alcohol. For someone who's a cheap drinker like myself, wine for lunch was fine, whiskey after dinner was fine, both were fine, game drinking wasn't. I wasn't in the best mood and my mates knew it so she made sure i drank and i did. Happily. To a point where i couldn't hear much longer, i knew i was gone. Then again, i could still sing while waiting for the washroom. I wasn't quite super duper drunk, i think i was just really upset.

But this morning, i felt much much better. Alcohol does work to a certain extent! I'm feeling so much better today. I do not want to be bothered with nitty gritty stupid boys stuffs now. Right now, career come first, says Blood Red and i'm going to be doing just that.

Ah Poo Neh & The Big Brown Bear

When we were bored, we did this...

CCM says:
i was at the airport one day
BR says:
when a Bear ran in
CCM says:
the crowd dispersed in a millisecond
BR says:
suddenly the Bear grabbed an air stewardess
CCM says:
from behind and she screamed, while trying to break off the bear's grip
BR says:
an on looking indian cleaner felt that this was his chance to do something heroic
CCM says:
so he went to fetch the broom from the toilet
BR says:
and took a rug as his cape
CCM says:
he ran as fast and he could with his cape flying gloriously,
BR says:
then he "zam" break cos he realised he wasn't wearing boots & all super heroes wore boots!
CCM says:
but no worries, he could do the "breaking" dance
BR says:
HE spun towards his trolley & found his bright neon yellow boots
CCM says:
he jumped into the boots like how puss jumped in his
BR says:
meanwhile the distressed air stewardess was screaming:" HELP!!!"
CCM says:
Upon seeing his beloved in the bear's arms, he ran to the bear and said
BR says:
:' eh u!! blardy idiotic teddy bear.. u gib me my girl back"
CCM says:
The angry bear then turn around and roared with his greatest might
BR says:
ah neh stuffed the end of his broom up the bear's ass before he realised wat was happening
CCM says:
then Ah Neh said, "don't you dare touch friend's girl, she's from TIGER airways hor, you want problem you come to me, my name is Ah Poo Neh!"
BR says:
The bear in pain released the girl
CCM says:
and started crying
BR says:
the miraculously the bear Started to talk in a human voice
CCM says:
he said, "my SIA girl left me 10 years ago and married a voodoo guru"
BR says:
"i Loved my girl alot & vowed to get her back"

To be continued...

Shattered

Has love always been defensive?

What happened to love at first sight or that love is all we need?

Shouldn't falling in love be as natural as "click - you know it or you don't"?

Didn't Romeo and Juliet entangle themselves in this undying love because they were simply in love and not think about the other realities in life?

Is falling in love exclusive of external factors? For many of us, it's not. It means the difference in age, social status, financial status, etc. For once, i think love should just be love and be exclusive of all other factors. Other times, it's the emotional barrier that's harder to break through. We have all gone through the ego inflation and deflation which makes your heart beat faster and more confusing than the New York stock exchange's biddings.

But the harsh reality is, we all have some sort of defensive mechanism to reject what may post possible hardship for us in future.

Can we ever put down our defense to try to experience what love can actually bring? I've tried but very soon, the defensive mechanism went back right on and i'm wary as to whether i can be truly in acceptance again. Exhaustion has set in, the pain is still tingling. Gosh, i just realise how much i desire for you to use your strong arms to pull me close to your chest, using your hand to hold my head close to your chest so that i can listen to your heartbeat, putting your other hand around me protecting me from the world and gently kiss me on my forehead and tell me, "Dear, you belong to me and only to me."

This is like a dream shattering into dust and gone with the wind...


从来不相信我的世界可以有多完美
痛苦寂寞还有一些疲惫
不允许他人随意进入我的零度空间
宁愿孤独懒的再去想谁
俩个人一起是否只是得到一种安慰
挣脱过去然后忘记一切
没想过有天我的结局忽然全部改变
谁会抓住我的无力双臂

怎么会哭
(谁错谁对为谁抱歉)
不会再哭
(谁错谁对为谁憔悴)

走入零度空间等到一切分裂
就算爱的危险我们一起面对

来不及的防备没听过的誓言
要我怎么学会多了爱的明天

走出零度空间终于一切分裂
就算爱的很累我却不会后悔

放下所有防备一切都无所谓
逃出黑暗世界开始新的明天

新的明天

俩个人一起是否只是得到一种安慰
挣脱过去然后忘记一切
没想过有天我的结局忽然全部改变
谁会抓住我的无力双臂

怎么会哭
(谁错谁对为谁抱歉)
不会再哭
(谁错谁对为谁憔悴)

走入零度空间等到一切分裂
就算爱的危险我们一起面对

来不及的防备没听过的誓言
要我怎么学会多了爱的明天

走出零度空间终于一切分裂
就算爱的很累我却不会后悔

放下所有防备一切都无所谓
逃出黑暗世界开始新的明天

新的明天

走出零度空间终于一切分裂
就算爱的很累我却不会后悔

放下所有防备一切都无所谓
逃出黑暗世界开始新的明天

新的明天
新的世界

Somewhere In Between

"Blood Red" wants me to listen to this song by Lifehouse and told me it says alot about my current mood. It's great to be able to bitch with her after such a long time and our 12 or 13 year relationship has not just ended without news. I knew we could have gone on and on at Burger King but we didn't had to because whenever i need to, i know you'll be there. Thanks babe. I love you and i know you're happy, that's the most important. I'll be right here whenever you need these puny shoulders.

I cant be losing sleep over this, no I cant
And now I can not stop pacing
Give me a few hours, Ill have all this sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I cant be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head but underneath my feet
Cuz by tomorrow morning Ill have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cuz Im waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And Im somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I dont want to run away from this
I know that I just dont need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I cant be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

Cuz Im waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And Im somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream

"Inuka the Pig" & "Empty Box"

It's always nice to see couples in love, no matter how long they have been together. Even the occassional bicker and names calling sounds really affectionate. Met this couple recently through a friend, "Inuka the Pig" and "Empty Box". I don't deny that every couple will have their own problems but when they have the unique solutions and the amount of give and take in that relationship they put in, you know it will work. Well unless there's a freak sudden problem that is.

"Inuka the Pig" is this sweet little girl who is probably one of the best person to talk rubbish to over MSN. "Empty Box" is this utterly unromantic bloke but you know he loves "Inuka the Pig" a hell lot. I'm so envious.

They spend their weekends snuggling and visiting Sheba and Inuka at the zoo. They don't talk all the time but she trys and he does it too. He knows he's not romantic but he's heeding advices from the "Loveless Guru" and well, that's me. The way he proclaims his love with icons of him kissing her is simply too sweet for my weak decaying tooth.

"Inuka the Pig" - You're a really nice girl and i like talking to you. I know you'll be a great buddy. Cheers!

"Empty Box" - Time you give her the empty box, dude!

9 of My Nieces and Nephews

Just found this Picture and according to Didi, this is one of the two copies of this picture so it's really precious. For those who are reading and you do not happen to be one of my cousins or nieces and nephews, the above picture shows part of the nieces and nephews contingent.

I hope i get all the names correct, well at least by Ah Boy's knowledge of his cousins,

from left to right, Ah Bee(Yao Dong), Ah Cai(Orh Gui Zai), ?? (Whoever this is, please own up - just wondering, is it Hiao Hiao Elvin?), Gor Gor (Kelvin), Ah Jing, Ah Mei, Eddie, Ah Boy (Kevin) - He's my age so you roughly know when this picture was taken, Ah Boy Jie Jie.

They were all terribly cute right. Ah Boy told me that this coming Chinese New Year he'll be getting all his cousins to to his place to take pictures so we'll get the updated version after CNY hopefully. Looking forward...

I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

This post is probably not going to contain one of my best language ability, not even on a prep level. My mind is confused and i'm really unable to organise my thoughts and be able to write them in any sensible sequence. Being the legally trained person i am, i had to disclaim and in anycase you feel like scolding me for being such a nutter or a brainless idiot, please feel free to call and scold me because my tears and hugs need an outlet.

I have to admit that i haven't been feeling good these days. Spoke to "I Got My Name While Learning To Ride A Horse" earlier on and he was talking about his gf giving him major problems because she's too insecure. Now they're taking a week off in their relationship. M, Come back to Singapore! I'll give you a hug!

I did try to convince him that he's lucky someone loves him so much and such but surprisingly, i was defending the girl and not him. However when i heard the details of the story, he does have my sympathy and i do agree the girl went a little overboard, then again, it's for love, it can easily be forgiven and i would forgive people who demand because they love. I told him he's lucky that he's got someone to snuggle in bed with on Sunday mornings and have someone to hug and kiss him with no quantiy ceiling. Value the person who is next to you. You'll know it sucks when you've got no one. I was in a relationship where the other party was too possessive and overly jealous, i survived because i knew he loved me. I've learnt to live with it, i'm glad i didn't leave him because he loved me too much.

However, this whole overly possessive thing is coming back to me like a recurring nightmare. I'm not with anyone, let alone someone who is possessive. I think i've fallen for someone whom i shouldn't be falling for. No not my boss, no not my colleagues, no not my cousins, no not some French bloke, just a man who is full of himself, clever but sends "i'm actually stupid" text messages, someone whom i'd love to laugh with and snuggle in bed on Sunday mornings, someone whom i'll look forward running half the world with, someone whom i'd want to go to the movies with, someone whom i'd wanna walk the dog with. I suppose i'm not bright enough to be sending out all the bloody wrong signals.

Don't get me wrong, not one of those, "i wanna flirt with you but don't want a relationship" sort of signals. He thinks i'm open which i am on certain spectrum but on a closer inspection, i'm actually one of the most conservative creatures you'll ever meet, though it's not quite reflected in my actions and dress sense. Well since he thinks i'm open, he sends me really really sweet text messages which sends smiles on my face stretching from ear to ear everytime i see them. (BTW, i smile at the slightest sweet thing he says - gosh i'm mad!) The messages were filled with hugs and kisses and so i thought he might be interested in me and i did reciprocate those messages thinking he's someone nice, funny, clever, cute, interesting whom i'd want to go out with.

Until today when the frequency of acting stupid was getting a little too much for me to take(well because usually guys will make certain move which he never did and i do not want to play the guessing game any longer), to begin with i wasn't in a great mood and when you actually do you scroll down to read my last post, you'll know. I was straight about the hugs and kisses and it was misleading me, and if he hadn't had any intention to bring this forward, he should stop. He mentioned that anyone who falls for him will be in all sorts of trouble and i replied that i'm probably in trouble. Up to this point, which of you guys out there does not get what i'm trying to say. It's already so explicit. Get it?

The reason why i said he's a clever man trying to act like a blonde in his texts, God knows from which messages, i was promoted to the "buddy status". Girls reading this, when someone(usually a girl but in this case it's a guy) says we'll be friends or you felt like a friend or we're in the friend zone or you're such a buddy, it only means "you're a nice friend but you're not good enough to be my passenger if i only have a coupe" or "you haven't got legs like Giselle hence you don't qualify to be my girl" or simply, "i do not like you in the romantically inclined way." I read it in a more subtle way, i do not want to be in any relationship with you but if THE girl comes by, all hell will break loose and i'll just ignore whatever principles i have. Basically, the guy just doesn't like me, or anyone for the matter of fact, enough to commit. Gosh i was stupid to even think he's got a liking, i do think too highly of myself, haven't i. But hey, i'm VERY eligible ok? I'm beginning to sound incoherent, ain't i? I'm losing it! It's HIS LOSS! Right? (*breaking down after screaming that)

Having said all that, i don't mind being the buddy and i guess i'll end up being the buddy, the Aunt Aggie when he ever encounters such problems with someone else. I always end up as the buddy don't i? Maybe because i'm just like "one of the guys".

He mentioned before that this is a nice song, i don't disagree and i loved this song since school days but it's just too sarcastic to be hearing it now.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing

A Letter To A Faraway Place

My tears can't be stopped.

I can still feel your presence, so near yet so far.

It's been almost 3 months and i still can't help feeling the loss. I couldn't cry when you first left. I was needed. I needed to be strong for everyone. I needed to be strong for my Dad. I needed to be strong for my uncles and aunties. My tears were stopped. All the running around stopped me from thinking. All the emotions were hidden. After the funeral, i thought all was over. I got to know the nephews and nieces i never knew existed. They became my new best friends and i love their company.

When night falls and when i'm all alone on my bed, staring at the empty space you used to sleep, when i was trying to ignore your snores and trying to get to sleep, my tears just came running down. I wish you can be here, i want you to snore so i know you're right beside me, keeping me company, loving me, caring for me...

In front of everyone, i seemed the emotionless girl without tears and laughing just after you passed on. In fact i'm quite happy that you're not in pain anymore I can't help missing you. I can still see your face when you were smiling, when i visited you, when you were weak and bedridden, when you lie in your final resting place.

Will you visit me in my dreams tonight?

I can't stop crying. Please come back... I know i'm silly. I should know better that this will never happen but i miss you too much. I wanna be the kid you held in your arms again and tug your blouse, "please don't go", "please come back", "please don't leave me here alone". I miss you.

All Good Things Come To An End

Loves Nelly Furtado's songs because you can just sing along with it. First heard this song during one of the mahjong sessions, didn't quite hit in or got what it meant but heard the live version, it was really good and speaks about alot of young female executives out there walking right smack in the middle of Raffles Place, finding a good place to spend some time during lunch hour and hopefully find something to look forward to after the clock hits 6.30pm at the end of today being the end of a stress loaded week. How many of us actually do have anything to look forward to after work apart from the usual martinis and pray that there'll be some excellent company.

Although the rhythm of the Nelly Furtado's song, "All Good Things Come To An End" is rather bouncy, not exactly perky, guess i just wanna say rhythmic. The lyrics were quite a shocker when i Googled it. Felt like some secret shoutouts from deep inside me which i never quite realised. Here it is, ENJOY!

Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die

Honestly what will become of me
I don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
We missed everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Travelling I always stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day until the feeling went away
And the clouds were dropping and the...
The rain forgot how to bring salvation
The dogs were whistling a new tune barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die

Personally, some snuggling with an ideal snuggler is all i'm looking forward to after a hard day's work.

The following lyrics is for my buddy, "Blood Red", we've come a long way and i know this is how you feel. Go out shopping girl and thanks for being there for me. I don't wanna be a doormat, i wanna be the dreamgirl. I only wanna be HIS dreamgirl but i also know, i do not want to need him if i'm not needed by him and you know girl, i've woken up from my senses. Like i've been saying these days, "Happiness is being needed by the one you love" and i wanna be happy, just like your Auntie "I'm Pretty and I'm Free So I'm Happy". I am me. Simply me. I want to be happy.

Pussycat Dolls - I Don't Need A Man!
I see you looking at me
Like I got something for you
And the way that you stare
Don't you dare
'Cause I'm not about to
Just give it on up to you
'Cause there are some things I won't do
And I'm not afraid to tell you
I don't ever want to leave you confused

The more you try
The less I buy it
And I don't have to think it through
You know if I'm into you

I don't need a man to make it happen
I get off being free
I don't need a man to make me feel good
I get off doing my thing
I don't need a ring around my finger
To make me feel complete
So let me break it down
I can get off when you ain't around
Oh!

You know I got my own life
And I bought everything that's in it
So if you want to be with me
It ain't all about the bling you bringing
I want a love that's for real
And without that then no deal
And baby I don't need a hand
If it only wants to grab one thing

The more you try
The less I buy it
And I don't have to think it through
You know if I'm feeling you

I don't need a man to make it happen
I get off being free
I don't need a man to make me feel good
I get off doing my thing
I don't need a ring around my finger
To make me feel complete
So let me break it down
I can get off when you ain't around

Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go

I don't need a
I don't need a man, I don't
I don't need a man
I'll get me through
'Cause I know I'm fine
I feel brand new

I don't need a
I don't need a man, I don't
I don't need a man
I'll make it through
'Cause I know I'm fine
Without you!

I don't need a man to make it happen
I get off being free
I don't need a man to make me feel good
I get off doing my thing
I don't need a ring around my finger
To make me feel complete
So let me break it down
I can get off when you ain't around
Oh!

I don't need a man (I'm over you)
I don't need a man (I'm over you)
I don't need a man
(I'm without you)
(I'm over you)

I don't need a man
I don't need a man
I don't need a man

Cramping In...

I'm having this MAJOR stomach cramp today and i prayed like never before on my way to work, i felt like i was dying and ready to just pass out on the streets. I think my prayers aren't working because i was fooling around when they said grace last night and i just went like "Grace, Amen" haha. It's been so long since i met the girls and i miss them big time.

As usual, "Curly Gem" was always there when i needed to whine about all the stupid guys around me and to bring me back into my senses by telling me, "Look, this is what i say when i'm sweet-talking a girl, all the virtual hugs and kisses are NOTHING!" This morning, i realise, i'm still living in denial but "Curly Gem"'s words really rang the alarm and i started to retreat like a hermit being shook out of its shell by this mischievous kid on the beach. I feel that i'm back in my shell and i think my stomach cramp's just makes the retreating way easier. I feel that my whole system is being being shut down this morning, physically & mentally.

I always thought i'm like a guy, whether i like something or i don't, i simply know it right away. Which in turn, makes spending money easy as well. I can walk into a shop and know if i like a certain piece in a millisecond and the decision making process doesn't take more than a couple of minutes. If i don't like it, i'll walk straight out IMMEDIATELY with no hesitation and being the stubborn mule that i am, i will go back to buy THAT one piece even if i can't afford it at that point in time. But if that particular piece does get sold or it's not for sale, then there's nothing i can do. Same thing in life, i know what i want but if that item was tagged and hung on the shelf, i would think it's for sale. But even if it's not, there's nothing much i could do right? But i need to know if it's for sale. How irritating it is if the salesperson come to you and promote this item, telling you the magic it does and how much the item wants to go home with you. The catch, it is NOT for sale! WTF!

Like i mentioned, i thought being that decisive, i'm just like a guy. That was before i found out, i'm still a girl right inside. Girls are the decisive creatures. Men/Guys are the indecisive species. They are the ones who can't make up their mind or decide if they want to walk. I always think that men are like cars (If you've read my blog from some months ago). Whatever car they may be, they are like constantly on the slope facing up. There will always be gravity. You can push this car, it's not going to move much unless the car's engine is started and the foot is set on the accelerator, ready to go. Sometimes it's just best to leave the car stationary, where it was.

Talking about cars, i went to watch One Last Dance last night. My piece of advice, DO NOT WATCH IT at ALL cost! I was trying to avoid yawning so i don't tear but if i don't tear, my eyes were prepared to close. I even saw people leaving the cinema midway, something i was all prepared to do but i thought "maybe the ending will be a pleasant surprise". Ya what surprise? It was utterly boring and to think i adore Francis Ng.

Oh back to cars, how can i not recognise that the yellow ride was a Honda Civic. I should be able to tell one from 2000 miles away. My dear friend, Victor, had been changing his Civic with another Civic and i've taken countless rides and i couldn't recognise it at all???!!! What happened to the nights of roundings at the old national library? How embarrassing! I have whacked my head like 2 million times when trying to get in his super low, super-car wannabe little black car and i can't tell a Civic! Someone kill me! I always felt proud that i can tell an Evo from a Rex or a Ferrari from a Lamborghini by hearing them pass by me (that is not difficult - however, i'm not that powerful as to be able to tell a V10 and V12 yet though) But for the sort of cars most of my friends drive and the car which i've probably spend more time in than any other car, i'm disappointed with my inability to tell that it is the same o'Honda.

It's a curse!

Desperate House-Dweller

If i sounded desperate, no i'm not going to say that's because i am, i am not. I am NOT desperate, do not take pity on me at all! I just felt empty on this PMS-laden day. I'm tired and lethargic. I just need a hug.

My face is zit-infested.

Someone To Love Me Right, That Would Be Very Nice... So Nice

If a picture paints a thousand words, songs are comparatively insignificant to pictures. I've never been this into Chinese songs but i'm still not as bad as my two nieces. From Chinese songs idiots to "we can go ktv by ourselves and we love chinese songs" lunatics, these two cute babies are a huge influence in the music i listen to.

I've never quite liked S.H.E if my readers even know who they are but i always seem to be able to chant according to their songs all thanks to my S.H.E crazy brother who has got S.H.E's posters as his wallpaper, not just for his computer but his room as well. Must i mention that he plays their songs like the recorder's in a really bad shape? He's insane. This chirpy song by the 3 girls kinda send a smile to my face. The upbeat tempo just makes you wanna repeat this song over and again. I'm kind enough to share the lyrics with you people, that is, if you are able to read Chinese characters. Proudly, i don't have a problem with that, i can even draft in Mandarin. (*laughs hysterically)

Here it goes,

S.H.E-触电

风走在我们前面
甩裙摆画着圆圈
花美得兴高采烈
那香味有点阴险

你在我旁边的旁边
但影子却肩碰肩
偷看一眼
你的唇边
是不是也有笑意明显

明明是昨天的事情
怎么今天我还在经历
一丁点回忆都能惊天又动地
想问个愚蠢问题
我们再这样下去
你猜会走到哪里

但请你不要太快揭开还沉默的情话
先让我多着急一下再终于等到解答
太容易的爱故事就不耐人回味啦
像这样触电
就够我快乐熔化

我们就耐心培养萌芽不要急着开花
反正有长长的日记等我们去填满它
在被全世界发现以前先愉快装傻
就这样触电
一直甜蜜触电
直到爆炸

像一年四个季节
都被你变成夏天
我才会在你面前
总是被晒红了脸

像一百万个秋千
在我心里面叛变
被你指尖
碰到指尖
我瞬间就被荡到天边

Was in a "i wanna snuggle up to someone, smell him then slowly fall asleep while watching him" mood last night but the downside, there's no him. Just like a joke we shared in the office - Everything is ready, the bride's all dressed up, got a house nicely decorated with state of the art kitchen and a cosy bedroom with an incredible wardrobe, dream wedding by the beach with the pink and white ribbons is all set, all of you are invited for the reception. Gifts are exempted but please bring the groom with you! Back to what i was trying to say, i digged out Stacey Kent and was running it the entire night. It was great being with myself but after finding myself sending a last good night message out, i knew i wanted something else. There's a reason why my blog is titled "Snuggle With Me". It's like a hidden desire, well not really hidden since you're greeted by how much i desire to be hugged and kissed on the top right hand corner of this blog. But i would like to share this song which lullabied me to sleep last night and i love it.

Someone to hold me tight
That would be very nice
Someone to love me right
That would be very nice
Someone to understand
Each little dream in me
Someone to take my hand
To be a team with me
So nice, life would be so nice
If one day I'd find
Someone who would take my hand
And samba through life with me

Someone to cling to me
Stay with me right or wrong
Someone to sing to me
Some little samba song
Someone to take my heart
And give his heart to me
Someone who's ready to
Give love a start with me

Oh yes, that would be so nice
Shouldn't we, you and me?
I can see it will be nice…

Birthday Hangover

With a glass of shiraz on hand and a late night yesterday, i just want to forget about work and blog about my birthday. Thank you for all the text messages by all who remembered and loves me.

My birthday was smashing! The KTV room was huge so was our laughter. This has got to be blessings of my Grandma watching me from above. I've never felt more fulfilled and loved in my entire life. Most of my closest nices, nephews and cousins were there. I had the most lovely birthday cake, my personal favourite, Passionfruit Meringue, courtesy of "Pretty Ka-Chng". I sang 等一个晴天 by 蔡淳佳 and it had a very special meaning for my "Pretty Ka-Chng" and myself. My eyes welled when i was singing that. I will be posting the lyrics and if i've done it before, just bear with me, it means ALOT to me.

阳光中风筝断了线
往事般落在我面前
那是谁忘了放风筝握紧一点
捡起了那年的秋天

阳光中我住雨里面
你给我风筝和蓝天
那是我忘了将幸福握紧一点
感谢你最后的相约

等一个晴天
我们会再相见
你说了风吹我就听见
笑着说再见
就一定会再见
心晴朗就看得到永远

阳光在抚摸我的脸
感觉到你还在身边
那是秋牵回忆的手温暖一点
我独自散步在从前

阳光在照亮你的脸
难忘你微笑的双眼
那是你让离别可以晴朗一点
你背影我目送到今天

等一个晴天
我们会再相见
你说了风吹我就听见
笑着说再见
就一定会再见
心晴朗就看得到永远

等一个晴天
我们会再相见
你说了风吹我就听见
笑着说再见
就一定会再见
心晴朗就看得到永远

因为很想念
每天都是晴天
心晴朗就看到永远

阳光中风筝飞上天
你笑着回到我面前
让我像那风筝贴着天空的脸
让爱是今生不断的线

Thank you all nieces, nephews and cousins who came to grace the occasion last night and it was my best birthday ever. I look forward to more laughter and fun with all of you. Once again, thank you.

On a different note, men just never seem to get what girls are trying to say right. C'mon, i've posted this ages before, speak up when you feel it or the girl will never know. It's tough for girls to take the initiative, show a little love. It wouldn't hurt. If anything, your life will only be more complete thereafter. I need a hug. That's all i need.

Happy Birthday to Me!

It has got to be my BEST birthday EVER!

I had my first birthday cake two days ago at a friend's chalet. It was a combined birthday with someone i barely knew but the whole 3 days of chalet was insanely fun!. Love playing the bone game seeing "Sir Uncle" gobble down fishballs, "Sir Fit Fit" cursing and swearing on top of his voice, "Sir Canine" grabbing his bone with natural canine instinct. The girls weren't far behind. "Mdm Uncle" and "I-fell-down-while-playing-the-game Sweetie" were my Power Puff girly buddies and we helped each other with fishballs and satays. I LLLOOOVVVVEEEE IT! Thank you, "Sit-At-The-Same-Table-And-Have-Dinner-Together Buddy"

Came to work reluctantly today but it wasn't so bad. No doubt, it's been really busy given my absence for the past 2 days and the emails been piling up but my colleagues were so sweet, they got me a cheesecake from Fullerton and i love it! Will post the picture tonight when i get home, if i'm still not dead. My bestest left hand left me nice smelling stuffs before she went on leave, i think she thinks i stink. Wahahaha!!!

Tonight would be the grand finale and something i really look forward to. I'm going KTV with my nieces, nephews and cousins. My favourite cousin, "Ultimate Power Power Ka-Chng" will be getting me a passionfruit meringue and i already love it when she told me. Will post on the happenings tonight. (Again, if i get home awake.)

Old Friends vs Good Friends

We all have old friends, not in terms of age but for the prolonged period of time since you've met the person, you do give each other hugs when you see one another, you go to his prom night during college, when your loved ones passes on, he'll call to check out on you but these are mere short contacts which cuts off after you press the red button on your mobile. Could it be myself that i wasn't proactive enough in maintaining this friendship?

Good friends are keepers but not that the former isn't. I went out for dinner with one sec school mate late night and it was fun. Though we never had anything non-platonic going on, i feel guilty that i might be partly responsible for his failed marriage. Well you see, wives do get jealous over female buddies and knowing the woman that i am as much as all you girls out there, we're bottomless pits of jealousy. I'm glad at least this friend is THE keeper. We can chat about anything under the sky and not feel offended with mindless comments. To talk about staying together was great and to plan for contingency like if you ever meet a guy/girl and have to move out, what will happen and NO it's not fuck buddy, no sex or even emotions that go further than simply friends are involved or ever will. One day, he will find his princess and i will keep my third eye on the watch because he's really someone who will appreciate a girl the right way. Take this as an advertisement if you wish, he does deserve a good girl.

If his ex-wife is reading this, though it might never ever happen, you have just missed out on the man who loves you more than anything. Your suspicious character had put me as a likely suspect and you couldn't be more wrong. There could be platonic friendster between opposite sexes and we're just one of the many good examples out there. Adn up till today, nothing has changed and never will so you are just so wrong. This mistake is costing you your lifelong happiness and you are bound to live to regret your dumb decision.

Happy New Year!

It's been a year of ups and downs. I've graduated, got a job, lost some love, lost the most important love and found some new ones. Now i've got a new life, new found relatives, new job and new things to grumble about.

Christmas was good this year. Well, my definition of good is not calculated with the amount of or the value of gifts, it's because i've got my favourite cousins, nieces and nephews with me and we had an excellent time. I just hope that the Christmases down the years will be as good or if not, even better. Hope you equally enjoyed yours.

It's only a few more hours to another year and let me wish you a happy new year before it's too late. I'm not used to having new year resolution because i never seem to fulfil them but i hope during the coming year, i can excel career wise and see some results by the 3rd quarter. I also want to be a better person and this should be a lifelong aim instead of an annual one. I also hope i can find true love... Someone who loves me and whom i can snuggle with early in the morning refusing to drag myself out of bed to get to work then he'll drop me at work before bringing himself to his own. I just hope that i don't have the same resolution same time next year.

Have a great new year! Cheers!

Transformer!

Transformer Cybertron was my favourite cartoon and i love Optimus Prime, the leader of the group, just like a cute guy with this chiselled face and multi-talented. I thought i'll never watch transformer again since i'm all grown up and such. Guess what? The Transformer movie will be out next year. Got to watch this...

Watch the trailer!

Feeling Old?

I do not want to sound like a broken recorder so i am indeed repeating this here one last time. Some people have already heard it and probably sick and tired of hearing it so i'm writing this as a form of closure for myself.

I'm feeling old.

I'll be having my birthday soon and no, i'm not hinting for gifts to flow in. I've never ever felt old before. I've always been very chirpy and maybe a little too chirpy for some and in fact, may be unbearable to many. Over the years, i've toned down alot but i can't help being hyperactive when the sugar level repeatedly hit its new high everyday. I'm not aiming to be the most popular person around but i have hit certain lows emotionally when i feel like i've made others felt disturbed by my actions.

I'm feeling old not so much because i'm not in any stable relationship or that my life's not going according to plan. I'm feeling old when i think of my age and i'm still stuck at a career low. It may be premature to even say career low when i've only started work for 6 months but i do feel that i'm not moving fast enough and my biological clock is ticking real fast. Yet again i have to stress that biological clock is not about being a mother, getting married, giving births after births, just physically you can feel your body ticking towards failing health. Back to career, i don't know if certain choices i'm making is right. Maybe i should just wait and watch and see what happens. Maybe i shouldn't be so ambitious and expect things to move faster than i hope for. Maybe i should just feel contented to even have a job. Maybe... Just maybe...

Crashed - The bloke's heart i mean...

Saw this on Sydney Morning Herald and thought it'd be cool to share. For the full story, go to SMH.

I bet the bunch of guys behind him are laughing their big fat arses off. That's like ouch, my favourite car just gone in less than 60 secs. I could have brought it for a nice and slow ride before you crash it into the bright yellow pole. Don't ever do it again, now pass me the key for the new Gallardo you bought.

What I Want For Christmas... A Black iPod Nano

Heard from friends that Coca-cola gave its employees a limited edition iPod nano each in Coca-cola's red and with their logo engraved at the back. How lucky is that? All i want for Christmas is my own iPod nano. I have an iPod elephant right now and it doesn't go with my chic and slim image haha ya right... Ok my image now does suit the elephant one cuz i'm short and chubby but hey, i have dreams alright.

Maybe i'll get myself a birthday present... Oh please let me clear my credit card bills...

Snug Box's Feeling Chilly

Is my blog dying? Is anyone coming? Am i talking to myself? Can visitors please show your presence on my Snug Box. It's there for a purpose. I feel like i'm talking to myself, well i probably am.

Love Of My Life

The Love Of My Life
She gave me her everything. I've tried to give her my all but it's not enough. The love will live in me forever. I love her. I never knew i'm capable of loving someone so much. I don't think i can love anyone else more than i love her. Are you taking good care of yourself in heaven? Are you having a ball with Grandpa? Do you know i really miss you? Do you know life has lost it's meaning without you? Do you know i love you? I really do. Can i hug you?

When A Man Loves A Woman

I was just talking about this yesterday and i got this email today. Really wanna share this with all of you. This is being loved.

1. If you like her...ASK HER OUT already!!!

2. When you hug her, put your ARMS around her WAIST and hold her close.

3. When you walk next to her, get as CLOSE as you can to her.

4. If she's the only one in your life, TELL HER.

5. ALWAYS let her knows how much you like her, love her, or think about her.

6. Give her presents and cards for no reason, SHE WILL RETURN THE FAVOUR...ALWAYS.

7. If she hangs up on you, call her right back.

8. Always offer to pay. If she says NO twice, then let her pay but make a deal that you get to pay next time (offer a date too!).

9. Kiss her lightly every chance you get.

10. Look in her eyes and kiss her on the lips, forehead, or nose.

11. If she says she's cold, don't be an idiot and say "Me too." and stand there; give her your jacket or just simply hold her in your arms.

12. Don't force her to do anything she's not comfortable with.

13. Invite her to dinner or somewhere where you can talk, instead of the movies.

14. Try not to ask her if she's mad at you EVERY TIME you speak to her.

15. Always tell her you LOVE her only if you really mean it.

16. DON'T pressure her to do anything she isnt READY to do. When she is ready, she will let you know. She just wants everything to be more SPECIAL and PERFECT. So appreciate what she does do with you.

17. DON'T go and tell your friends anything that happens between you two, cause it will hurt her and make her mad...and it will NEVER happen again.

I swear by my last penny a woman wrote this.

Really Touching

I watched this when i went to the Young Lawyers' Forum and had a hard time finding it. Now that i've found it, i want all of you to see it. Do i have to say it, yes it's a true story. Love is amazing.

Fun But Disastrous Trip

Hong Kong was fun as usual but you can't believe what actually happened to me. i shall keep you in suspense till the end of this post.

I was told a few hours before i board the plane that i'll be going straight into our Hong Kong office so we had to be in formal attire when we get on the bloody flight. Be begin with, it was already torturous to wake up early in the morning let alone having to work immediately after landing. You may call us lucky, our flight was delayed slightly but it didn't quite made a difference. From the airport express station, we actually walked to the office, on foot of course, lugging ridiculously heavy luggages. Well you see, i do not travel light at all. My toiletries bag itself weighed a tonne. By the time i got to the office, i can deflated entirely.

There was no computer for me so i didn't quite work till a hour later or something while i waited for my comp to be set up. I could have gone to the hotel to take a shower, would have felt much fresher. Not that it mattered, my colleagues there were wonderful people.

Friday night was a night of food and more food, drinks and more drinks and i loved it. Well didn't had much party, we were just too exhausted. But Saturday night was almost insane. We club hopped till the wee hours in the morning and i have to admit, it's been a long time since i've done that and i really enjoyed myself. Having a boss who is a party animal himself, it was "almost" all expenses paid.

Treasure hunt on Saturday was unexpectedly fun. My team was really competitive and we won ourselves each a HKD 100 Dymocks voucher. Photos can be found via a link on this blog. Look for my favourite colleague holding her swanky cam. Other photos can be viewed on http://www.lawalliancetreasurehunt.zoomshare.com - Enjoy!

Sunday was the beginning of disaster. When i left in the cab heading to my next hotel, i realised i lost HKD 2000. I quickly waved at my colleagues who were heading to the airport and they thought i was saying goodbye. However i did managed to stop them to rob them of their last dollar.

Monday was worst. You wouldn't believe the amount of bad luck i carried in me. I got pickpocketed of another HKD 900 after i spent only 100 for lunch. I didn't quite had mood for the rest of the trip until i bought myself some stuffs which included a wallet to keep my monies organised. I left for the airport early cuz i had no more money to shop and i probably maxed out my credit card by then.

And you think my bad luck should have ran out by now. Nope it didn't. I bought this gorgeous pair of shoes, wasn't cheap. Got home, realised both sides were of different sizes and i couldn't fit my right leg in at all. Now i've got to send it back to Hong Kong and hopefully my colleague can find the shady shop and hope that she could change it for me.

All in all, i still enjoyed my trip. I was glad at least i came home safe and sound. Money is going to be the last issue to bother me. I may be poor but i do not wanna stay unhappy as well. I'm looking forward to my next Hong Kong trip already.

Arses Stay Together...

Dear Pretty Mom,

I know life is tough and the uncertainties in life are driving you crazy. Hang in there! Whenever i can, i'll give you a hug and will continue to bug you till the end of times. Although i do not have anyone to hug right now, i know one day i will find that someone. Even then, you'll always get my warm hug. By then, you'd have found spring and probably be done and over with this rough patch. I love you!

Your Big Fat & Short Arse...

The Growing Tree

New MSN Family Group

Hong Kong, I'm Coming!!!

Time passes faster than i'd want. I'm actually looking forward to go Hong Kong despite the pressing credit card bills and irritating phonecalls from Citibank. I say this to myself all the time but now is the time to stick to what i say, "Stop spending money!"

The Macau trip initially planned by our Hong Kong office has been cancelled due to the hassle of customs for the huge group of people. Macau never sounded interesting at all and i've never really felt to excited about going. But this time, i do genuinely wanna go. I think it's gonna be great fun esp with my hilarious colleagues from our Hong Kong office. Well, now that it's officially cancelled, we have no freaking idea what we're going to do on Saturday. The thought of bonding sessions just sends shivers up my fatty spine.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

My other dumb worry, i seriously suspect that i'm going to have my period during that fews days. Gosh, it's so gonna spoil my holiday. Please come NOW...

Happy Feet

Catch the trailer! Makes me happy just tapping along under the office desk.

Here Without You - 3 Doors Down

A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I've saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me

The miles just keep rollin as the people either way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done it get hard but it won’t take away my love

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me

"Loneliness is unbearable and you left me for good..."

Grandma visited me...

I'm sure it was my Grandma! She came back to visit us. My cousin, "Pretty Mom" had a dream of Grandma at about the same time too. My other cousin, "Diamond Babe" said that Grandma came back to visit us because she loves us most. And the truth is, my Grandma does love "Pretty Mom" and myself loads cuz we've always visited her and was with her till the last moment. She loved me, i know it. "Pretty Mom", Grandma loves us and we know it.

Dreaming of you...

I have a serious character flaw that strips off any good relationship i'd want to have. When i say relationship, it doesn't quite refer to guys but also friends and family. I must admit i'm not a popular person and i know that very fact. I've always had some attitude problem which pushes people away and throughout my entire life, i'm constantly in search of what i can do to better myself so that i wouldn't be the common enemy or jinx. I've never ever found that answer and i guess i'll never will.

I think i'll go into hiding again.

I need someone to hug me tight and hear me cry.

I dreamt of my Grandma thevery first time after she passed away. I didn't wanna tell anyone about it but the fear of losing the image of her in my dream, i've decided to blog about it.

In my dream, i was driven around by some friend in a car behind some dark and shady streets of Bangkok. We came across this door and someone in the car asked me, "what's behind the door?" I told him as if i've been to that place, i told him "you go in, turn left then right, you'll reach the main lobby". The very next moment, i found myself walking through the door and according to my own instructions, i walked to the main lobby. When i got to the lobby, i found a very young looking Grandma standing beside two of her children and if i'm not wrong, it's "Pretty Mom"'s Mom and my Dad. I went up to hug her and cried like never before. But after a while of crying, i found myself hugging a luggage instead. My aunt then took out two books out of that luggage and one of which is a Bible, please don't ask me why. Then she took my Grandma's picture out of the Bible. Somehow i think my Auntie was trying to tell me that my Grandma is dead and i have to face the pain of reality. In actual fact, there's still a large part of me that still can't believe that Grandma has passed away and left me. I didn't quite cry after she passed on because i thought she's still there whenever i needed a shelter.

Back to the dream, i just cried and continued hugging the two books. After a while, i found myself hugging my Grandma again but this time, she had turned very old - Just like how she looked like before she passed away. I just cried and cried. I woke up and i continued to cry. I guess i really miss her although i didn't quite show it. On the outside, it seems that i've got over it really fast. And through her funeral, we've managed to bond with some relatives. That reduced alot of the pain because i've got to spend a generous amount of time with them now. But whenever i get home and the noise vanishes, when i'm all alone again, i do miss her. The pain i experienced was indescribable. I guess that's what people call grieving. I've never really cried out loud after she passed on, not even during the funeral. But today, i let all my emotions go entirely and i cried out. And of course, all by myself, yet again. It's beginning to hit in real hard to know that the person who loves me most has already left me. No doubt she has gone to a better place, i still can't accept the torture of actuality. I used to escape the harshness of life once in a while to pay her a visit but right now, i can only have a good sleep and cry when i wake up. I have no friends, i have no company, i have no desirable emotions anymore. I'm so tired... I want my Grandma...

You Don't Bring Me Flowers

My mood's a little grey, just like the weather today...

Sometimes love just dies and you wouldn't know it until you realise, there are no more flowers or blooms in the relationship.

You Don't Bring Me Flowers
Sung by: Neil Diamond & Barbra Streisand

You don't bring me flowers
You don't sing me love songs
You hardly talk to me anymore
When you come thru the door
At the end of the day
I remember when you couldn't wait to love me
Used to hate to leave me
Now after lovin' me late at night
When it's good for you, babe
And you're feelin' alright
Well you just roll over and turn out the light
And you don't bring me flowers anymore
It used to be so natural to talk about forever
But "used to be's" don't count anymore
They just lay on the floor
'Til we sweep them away
Baby, I remember
All the things you taught me
I learned how to laugh
And I learned how to cry
Well, I leared how to love
And I learned how to lie
So you'd think I could learn
How to tell you goodbye
You don't bring me flowers anymore
Well, you'd think I'd could learn
How to say tell you goodbye
You don't say you need me
You don't sing me love songs
You don't bring me flowers anymore

Are Marriages for Everyone?

I was out with my bunch of cousins and nieces and nephews last night. By the way, is there like an acronym for nieces and nephews? I'll just call them my NN from now on, then again, NN sounds like neh neh, whatever. As usual, it was interesting but the better part came after we sent the underaged ones back home to slumberland.

One of my cousin is undergoing a rough patch and the sky ahead does seem better. The clouds are clearing and just hope she'll stay happy just as she has always been. My other cousin married this one guy who is eerily similar to the guy i almost married myself to(in terms of character and temperament) and i'm thankful i didn't. So decide for yourself what she had got herself into. I love both my cousins and i know they will emerge a stronger person/s one day and be happy eventually but these stuffs actually gives me the fear to go into any marriage. Well they do have beautiful kids...

One of the major regrets in my life: My grandma never lived to see my kids, if i ever have any in future. Just before she passed away, when her mind wasn't that crystal clear, she actually asked if i'm married already. I really wish to see her carry my kids just like the way she carried me when i was a baby.

I've always thought that i'm a family person and that i'll make a good wife and mother. Not that i can't be one now but i've lost the urge to have kids while i'm still young. I still want to be a young mother but i don't know if i can be a young wife. I've always tried to be a good girlfriend and in future, a good wife but i suppose it's just the wrong person, the wrong time, all the time.

Do i still have any hope of being a young Mom? I don't know but i will continue to be a good person, or so i try to.

A quote which i've picked out from Oprah Show some time back, "First a Wife, then a Mother" and i'd like to add on, "First a woman, then a wife, then a mother"

Old Post - Welcome To My Life

8/28/2005
Welcome To My Life

I know i'm upset but that didn't led me to the bloody accident i met with today. I'm a safe and accident free driver and not like i'm not already but from today onwards, i genuinely hate FEMALE drivers! And yes, i'm one myself but hey, don't drive like one and get stereotyped into one.

Don't worry, i didn't lose any limbs juz lost my mind for that moment of heat. I was driving my black mobile around Katong Mall and cuz they only have a driveway for pick-ups, i had to turn round and round till i manage to pick the person i wanted to pick, up. I stopped by the side of the road, with my hazard light on.

I decided i wanted to make a left turn into the waiting zone so I signalled left and i moved off real slowly. After checking my mirror, i only managed to hear a great Bang! The bloody bitch came from the lane on my right with a failed attempt to cut into my lane and turn left. My mirror told me she was going straight, meaning obviously, she DID NOT signal!

Being the nice accomodating girl i've never failed to be, i was prepared to talk to her nicely. Well i haven't got the bloody chance to do so cuz she came by my door almost immediately and stood there and scolded me continuously. I couldn't even open my door. So i went like, hey hey hey Look! Can i get out of my car to check the damage? She was walking away slowly away from the door and while doing all these, she never stopped her bloody mouth. I did try to explain that she shouldn't be turning in and all and guess what, she insisted that i did not signal and pushed the whole load of fault onto me.

I admit that while i'm on the road, i owe other road users a duty of care and whatever it is, i'm contributary negligent too but hey, don't scream at me just so because i was wearing jeans and cute t-shirt complete with limited edition cool Nike Air-Force Delta and look absolutely young. She must have thought i'm some young punk and shouldn't be on the road but i swear i make a much better driver lah. Fortunately i didn't really create a huge dent on the car, juz scratches which ends on the bumper/bodykit and i could juz spray the kit, i hope...

Damn it lah... She was driving this lousy silver Corolla lor... Mine's a new set of wheels... Only out of the Mitsubishi garage for less than 2 months... Fucking bitch... I told her to wait as my clearer headed friend was headed down to talk amicably, i really wasn't in the mood to talk anymore. I swear i was just damn unlucky. She kept going on about me wasting her precious time and that she needed to go for a concert and was running late and she happily scribbled illegible words on her "kiam cai" notebook and ask me to sign... Look lah, i may be a young punk but as a law student, and a bright one at that, i wouldn't be so stupid as in to sign anything lah. Do i really have the good to bully face?

So i quarreled with her lah. Almost went into a cat fight. My face was all flushed, my fist went inches from her face but all the S18..Offences Against a Person's Act starting to haunt me like hungry ghost lah... I kept my temper down. For those who really know me, i have a bloody fiery temper ok. Don't play play... I would have juz slapped the brains outta her there and then lah plus i wasn't exactly in a good mood to mediate things out. Fucker. Then my savior came. He was like "Look, both cars are on the move. There's no witness. It's your words against my word. So if you want both our insurance premium to go up, by all means, we can report if not we'll forget it and bear our own costs. How?" She initially shouted like it's between me and her not your problem and went wild lah. But slowly she calmed down and was like ok...

My engine juz got started, i went on and on like her it's her fault, i'll pay to get an automobile forensic and check the marks and see whose fault lah... But after a while i shut up cuz i'll get my friend into trouble lah... I was so angry i cried and cried and i trembled like hell lah. never before have i seen red, so red that i trembled in anger. And this happened twice this week.I probably offended some God or something...

First it was the sucky resignation and the whole heart pain saga then yesterday at Union Square, this fat fuck stomped on my foot and it's all swollen like some swine's trotter and my "ai ren" has gone for London and now this fucking bitch lah. I really wasn't at fault but she think i can be bullied kept rambling on... When my savior came, she shut up like some 1st grader lah. BITCH! Obviously bullying me. I swear i'll overtake her everytime i see her. Wait till i get my twin turbo. Now i need to pay for the damn scratches lah... Somemore she couldn't get a worst car plate but suits her lah... It's a CB as she was to me... 7887... What CB number right?

But blessing in disguise, i was unharmed lah. I watched Bewitched just now and at some point, the thing Nicole Kidman said makes me really upset lah. Like reminding how "sway" i've been. The scene when she told her Dad about she wanted to leave everything and forget about jerks... Whatever lah... I feel like crying but then again, it's all over. I shouldn't be so silly anymore. I'll open my eyes bigger next time.

Welcome To My Life...
Yes, in the song mode again.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desparate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like what it's like
To be hurt
To feel los
tTo be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like, what it's like Welcome to my life!!!!!!

Old Post - Police Car

When i thought, going into the police force was my only way out. Thank goodness i woke up in time. What was i thinking?

There was a picture, just didn't turn out when i transfered the post.

8/26/2005
Singapore Police Car - WRX

The only reason for me to join the police is to be able to race on the road and be the only one doing it. Do you even care if it's a STi? I want! I think if you squint your eyes enough, you can juz admire the sheer size of the rims.

Now we're talking... Would prefer if the car is in waxed black and the word "POLICE" glows in florescent pink. Way vrooom cool.

Which reminds me, i kept seeing this pair(yes two not one) of STi. They're like identical twins, both white with pink stickers on the same spot. I believe the drivers are husband and wife cuz they each have a kid in their back seat waving frantically and making funny faces at each other ALL THE TIME! I wonder what did the lady say to her husband to convince him to "tia" pink stickers on the car lor. Anyway the car looked like it was gone past a Xerox the size of the car-wash. I want a Xerox liddat too. By the way if you guys have the August WHEELS, there's this picture inside which was damn funny. I was rolling on my bed when i say it. It's actually a Mitsubishi Lancer ah hem the one i always drive, with Subaru's signature air-scoop mounted on it and with a classic Subaru's high mount spoiler. Guess what, the fun part was that, the editors called it the "Mitsubaru Lancer WRX" haha i swear both are car and the owner are confused. What was the guys thinking man... Me? I want my Evo GSR in full fierce black polished to a mirror shine with huge rims say 20" anything bigger than that i might have to tear the inside of the car down, hammer it totally outta shape and the car would be in a total unbalanced ride then again, the bigger the better, complete with Brembo break pads, Momo and more Momo, ok let Momo live in harmony with Ralliart accessories, not so much Momo, one piece low chunky bulky bumber, in short, full body kit... For at least 156k to begin with. What a "humble" figure... I want man...

Guys with Sharkies are welcome to propose to "ben xiao jie" and take note, the bigger your rims, the better/higher your chances. Not those rims, what are you thinking of... Ok it's those rims... Silver polished one... I must be mad lah... Ok i'm really mad. I'll be more chin chai, i'll take a WRX STi.

But still dun wanna be "ma ta" leh...

Daddy!!!

Old Post - Joke - Dark In Here

09/8/2005
Dark In Here

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"Man - "Sold."A
few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"Boy -"$1,000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.......that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.The boy says, "Dark in here."The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet now."

Old Post - Sucker Sucker

I only want my S40 right now. Oh well a Grand Vitara will do. Fine fine, Suzie then...

24/08/2005

I'm a SUCKER!
Princess Jaz

All my friends probably know that i'm a sucker for big nice shiny rim and i swoon over nice cars. Recently i thought i found a relatively ok Japanese car with potential for bigger rims and i was willing to wait for the big rims to happen. In case you haven't realise, rims in this case, means men and my life suck big time.

Well as i was saying, this set of rims looks like it has potential for upgrading to fit nicer broader cooler, stable tires which will fit the family saloon. I couldn't be more wrong. I was actually in for a undesired surprise. This set rims were made backyard, lousy, total fake and accident prone. No tires will ever fit nicely purely because those rims were weren't meant to be used, juz nice to look at. Like when you go shopping, "nice to see, nice to touch, dun attempt breaking it cuz you'll go home to cry your lungs out."

Maybe the continental car which doesn't look half as good, with reliable rims seems better afterall though i'm never going to be madly in love with normal rims but hey, i love them cuz they can be utilised and relied on.I swear i'm a total sucker. And because i made some god forsaken mistake, i may need to quit my job tomorrow but i know i'll be happier.

For the past few cars which past me by, after driving and sitting in it, i feel good at least i drove it once right and i never shed a tear. But hey why am i crying over bad car, with bad rims, terrible performance, ugly colour, totally unable to withstand knocks and blows which i haven't even gotten to test drive it. Good news, i know the car is inferior before losing my life in it uninsured. Lesson learnt, continental cars are still the ones with reliable engines regardless of how it looks and one day, you may find yourself driving a black shiny 6series, right? Who knows...I'm glad i have friends there for me all these while to tell me the car i was dying to drive sucks.

Though not all Japanese cars suck, in this case, it juz happen to be a mistake in the production line i reckon. I'm lucky not to have driven the car or in this case, let the car drive me. After a few more drinks i finally learnt my lesson, don't drink and drive. Since i am a nice MR-S myself, why would i want a fucked up car? I may not have very nice engines and rims yet but hey, i have space for expansion and before you know it, i may be a nice white Fair Lady with suitably large rims. I'm not looking for a 7 series nor a swanky Lexus, i only wanted a reliable family saloon, why is that so tough? But shouldn't i be happy with my Holden for now? Maybe one day, it'll be part of the Ford family right?I've put bad rims and ugly colours behind me. I only want a reliable Camry. Afterall, it's still a 2L car.

Old Post - Super Girl

I was mad to even think of joining the police...

7/24/2005
Super Girl

I felt like i'm super-girl when i finished painting my room all by myself yesterday and went Salsa at night and continued the night by party with some friends. Though i'm damn tired but hey, it's a feat.

Some people really piss me off and why must i still be so shamelessly contemplating whether i should call or sms to tell you i miss you? Someone chop off my hands... Please! Ok i miss you... For whatever toenail or toothpick, i miss you. Only Lisa knows what i mean so dun ask me or even try to figure out what toenail and toothpick means.

I met some interesting figures at the bodokan i learnt my Krav Maga from today. I always knew Stephen, the guy who owns the place is some volunteer police or something like that. He was from the police and such. He trains people who teaches unarmed in police academy. Maybe Jo would be interested. This Dave guy i met is teaching there and he told me, though the pay isn't that good in the police, for degree holders like us(to be) can fly really fast. In fact what i'm looking at is they pay for your education in future if you qualify. And more importantly, someone is going to be happy if we were to take criminology, something which Jo and myself have been wanting to do for a long time. Unfortunately, our school doesn't offer that option.

Come to think of it, gonna be quite fun. In fact, I dun need to cut my hair really short. It's like school girl cut, that'll be sufficient. You'd start as an inspector, after the c-course even ASP if they have the space. You can fly as high as a DSP in less than half a year. But even the slowest, you can look at ASP in half and year, no probs. Tempting right? I'm tempted. But pay wise will be about $800 to even $1k lower if you work in the private sector but stress level is proportional to the pay level. But promotion seems more likely in the police at our level. We should talk about it. Next time you should talk to Dave. He'll make you convinced joining the police will be damn fun lah. Imagine police academy with our voices, damn cool. Reminds me of a TV serial i watched some time ago. Had practice at Sophie's place earlier. Damn cool. like a typical Japanese, she's damn on when it comes to practising and when our Merengue instructor told us to practice even when we're brushing our teeth, we thought he was joking, she did it. She's really sweet... And cool. Oh saw this on Ben's MSN thought it's funny and i'd like to share, ok i laughed my intestines out. Here it goes, "I tried sniffing coke once, but had ice cubes stuck in my nose"