Ants On Fire

The level of worries escalates as the end of the month draw nearer knowing that my fate will be sealed if nothing happens. Being entirely helpless obviously does nothing to a mind that thinks that it has to do a g'zillion things at a time. That said, ironically, the body refuses to move. It is not the lazy bone at work but the thought and hope that things might take its turn, just allows procrastination to take its place. All these will end with the panic that sat in of a sudden and the realisation of how dire the following times can get. Maybe desperation is the only word that can aptly describe the situation.

As much as I think I'm possibly a very unlucky person but somehow, I'm often very blessed with little things in life that will sort itself out when comes crunch time. However, not to test fate and take life for granted, the hunting process for survival must be doubled up. God only help those who help themselves and I'm not about to feed myself with my excuses. Any food within reasonable reach is edible!

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

Let's Start From Here

Song by Joanna Wang that moved many. The soothing voice just adds on to the myriad of emotions that came with the lyrics. The videoclip can not longer be embedded so follow this link. Joanna Wang - Let's Start From Here

Giving up, why should I
I've come to far to forget
We're beautiful, we just got lost
Somewhere along the way
So much was missing when you went away
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here

Standing here face to face
A finger on your lips
Don't say a word don't make a sound
Silence surrounds us now
Even when you were gone I felt you everywhere
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here
Let's start from here

I've never been the one to open up
But you've always been the voice within
The only warmth from my cold heart
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don't need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don't need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn't seem to keep
I don't care where we go

Let's start from here

Pet Peeves

Everyone will have their pet peeves and bottom lines, almost like a self-defence mechanism. It may be a common peeve and one found on Wikipedia even mention what I know is a common pet peeve among many drivers here in Singapore, "Gap Snachers" - drivers who speed up to keep others from changing lanes. It is difficult to come up with a list of pet peeves that bother us because we are often unaware of what annoys us especially when it comes down to the nitty gritties. If you ask me, I think there's an inherent fear in everyone and depending on what it is, some things might just annoy the hell out of you. Most of us learn about pet peeves of friends and family over time and as you interact, others just tolerate nonsense as they come your way. In the worst case scenario, things turn ugly. Mostly, this greatly depends on the tolerance level for others within ourselves and at least for me, this tolerance level exist in exponential levels relative to the importance of the person.

As far as my memory serves me right, I remembered my Grandma wronged me on several occasions (because of an irritating younger brother which I am sure most of you can relate to...) when I was little and all I did in retaliation was to hide in my little corner and sob. There were also times when I flew into a rage but those times got far lesser as I grew older. My defence mechanism got stronger and all I did was to hide in my little corner. I was extremely upset and annoyed especially if these things are caused by those you love most.

Some little things in life may signify the bigger picture what life can bring. Pet peeves could be due to fear for things that could possibly happen in the future. For every little thing done, there could possibly be another similar act this is of a much bigger magnitude/scale. So how much would the little pet peeve set you off and how much can one tolerate? As amazing as our tolerance levels can surprise us, if pet peeves get in the way, would we still walk the walk and talk the talk?

Simple Pleasures in Life

It might just be a fresh & warm chwee kueh to some and most times, an ice cold Coke blows me away. Lying down in the comfort of your very own room watching TV can just be as comforting or if not, more peaceful. In that aspect, hugs are miraculous when it comes to soul healing. Even that little touch of the finger when silence slowly engulf the atmosphere, can possibly send some spark down your nervous system heading straight for the blood pumping organ. When the breaths becomes deeper and longer, the heartrate responds accordingly. The mind gives in and thinks while it takes a break from thinking as well. The complexity yet the simplest in life...

The weekend wasn't the most thrilling neither was it the happiest but it was one that I could just take things slowly and absorb the best of what people around me fills me with. It was just so peaceful to be able to pour the toxins out and the body once rid of the bitter bits, will start absorbing the beautiful and serene ones. It's the little things in life that completes it.

The smile that you put across my face with the words you splash across my screen, gives me the nutrition I need to walk down the desert and may there be drought ahead, I know I'm well prepared for the journey. For I know, you will be waiting at the finishing line...

"I love you. You... you complete me. And I just..."
"Shut up, just shut up. You had me at 'hello'. "

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might

Penguin has swam across the ocean in search of bigger fishes while Rabbit stays behind to hold the fort and plant some carrots in this drought-strickened fields although she constantly peers over to the land across the next mountain and hoping to see some healthy plants growing there. Life seems to go on and Rabbit is happily missing her partner. Penguin might be away but he's never been closer to Rabbit. It's unexplainable...

Many things in life in amidst of the cruel Rat Race, the chase for endless results tires many down. Some lose their smiles, others might even lose their lives. It is unthinkable that without emotional support, where does survival gets its nutrition? Friends of the forest ease highly strung situations and bodies. Laughs take our minds off the ongoing war. Smiles remind us of the moments. The feet becomes lighter because of hope.

During times when it feels like the chase is imminent and without the fight, the soul slips. It is only when one has straighten all the fingers, losing the grips and grabs then the gain is immense. It is when the seek becomes the sought and only to discover, it was never too far away to begin with.

Love the star that the star is and only when you forget that it actually shines, it will sparkle right up your face.

When Rabbit Goes To Hell

It's been a few days and I wonder how I can actually blog this. I'm barely an explicit blogger neither do I wanna share certain bits with the world. But how much that has happened is enough to bury my soul. Right now, I'm beyond words. Let me try to reiterate in my way.

When Bunny first decide to move for greener pastures, she already had a patch of greens, albeit it was a small patch. Maybe this little Bunny, or "Rabbit" as Stitch9966 likes to call her, just wasn't happy with that 2 x 2 sq feet space so when the 10 x 10 sq feet came along, she jumped into it not knowing that this patch of grass is situation on the downhill. Then it started to rain, soil was waterlogged, the flood slowly sat in. In an attempt to remove the flood, all the grass and soil must first be removed to see if there's anything blocking the flow of water but while they do so, the rabbit can't survive on a grassless patch. There will be no food and the food Rabbit borrowed last winter has still not been paid up, no matter how hard Rabbit has been working. If the neighbours wants the interest for the food left, Rabbit will need to jump into the puddle of water and kill herself first. So Rabbit will need to seek another pasture to feed upon but this time, she is carrying her little knapsack and she'll be walking miles to a brand new area. (At least this is what Rabbit hopes.)

During the time when Rabbit was moving from 2 x 2 to 10 x 10, she met her friend, Penguin. Both of them trottered in her little bunny mobile and went places. That was one of her happiest times although both of them were nursing wounds from previous falls. Penguin mobile was undergoing plastic surgery and they spent some time just visiting the hospitals.

To lose her Rabbit mobile was imminent but has proven highly unlikely. So right now, Rabbit will have to find her way to the new piece of greens so she can start harvesting anew and be the star that she once was, all over again. Whereever this piece of land may be, waits to be seen.

Penguin finally broke out of his little quiet moody self and became the man she always saw him to be. He was patient with her antics and stood by her, trying his best to understand her frustrations and what caused her tears. The pressure that was cooking in Rabbit was far more than she would think she could ever handle. Although she's surviving well, she was mentally exhausted and torn apart. Had it not been the support Penguin gave and stood by her all this while, Rabbit's decisions may just be unthinkable.

By now, all the friends from the jungle came out and offered their concern and hugs and Rabbit is very thankful for the friends she has and the hugs they gave. All she wants now is to find the new patch of grass knowing that Penguin is there to hold her hand and her friends from the jungle will be there for her whenever she needs them.

The End.

Take 5

Never realised the importance of time with myself, even if it's just for a mere 5 minutes. It was my time with God and myself. I can't remember a time that I was more antsy than this morning. I fret like a little baby in the wrong environment but not knowing what was up. Short breaths, cold fingers and a running mind weren't considered fun. The time with myself was definitely needed.

Whenever we say, "whenever you need me, I'll be there". This morning was a time I felt I needed someone, badly. But not knowing what or who I needed, I knew it had to be just myself. I had to be there for myself if no one else would or could. Fretting is not going to get one past a day near a small percentage of efficiency. Clearing my mind was the only way out. I tried breathing and I spoke to myself in the tiny but silent room.

In life, people say all kinds of things. Some are pleasant to our ears, others just fire us up. Eventually, it does boils down to perspective as I've always pointed it out. We can choose to listen to them or turn a deaf ear. Some words are comforting even after a few months since it was first written. If the words still takes on the same meaning, life would be great. But things changes. Things people used to say might mean nothing now as much as we treasure it like our last heirloom and find comfort reading it over and again. I suppose that's why many keep little notes and letters by old friends, only to remind ourselves how great things used to be.

Human beings tend to look back and think of the beautiful things and forget how painful and crazy those times can be. Take for example, my last employment drove me to nuts with painful little episodes but now that I'm out of it, I look back and only recall the good portions. Only fond memories are left UNTIL Babhooska Mom reminded me of some things. But memories are just memories and I'm glad to leave them there.

Someone once told me before that human beings only remember the good things and dump the bad which is why memories are generally fond and wonderful. Pain is too temporary that we forget once we're out of it. Some of us carry this pain further but eventually, we will let them go. The story of the monk carrying the lady across the river, one that I believe many of you have heard or read it before, has left the lady at the river bank but his counterpart was the one harbouring thoughts on how proper it was for a monk to carry the lady across the river. If only we can leave some things behind like the monk... During the last service, Pastor Prince said something along this line - "Leaving it behind you". It immediately reminds me of this monk story as much as it may seem like two conflicting religions and I was in church!

Some of us still carry baggages be it knowingly or otherwise. We might have thought we left it behind but truth is, we might not. My Grandma left me some years ago and on days, I still wake up thinking she's alive. Whenever I feel low, I still try to seek comfort speaking to her before I sleep. I know she's someone I can never let go. I know no matter what, she will live in me. Before I slept last night, I tried to speak to her but didn't get to because I broke into bags of tears. I miss her dearly but I know she's no longer here for me. To me, it was sufficiently to know she has once loved me like no one else in this world ever did. That was enough for me. Whether one still consider her as a baggage, that is perspective. She left fond memories and whatever she taught me, will only make me a better and stronger person.

Before she left, she told me that one day someone would truly love me. At that point in time, I just brushed her off because no one can love me like she did. Since then, I have very little confidence of being loved by anyone. There are several occasions I thought some people did come close but I was left disappointed and stranded. Confidence is not exactly something I have that is building within me unless reassurances are enforced. Then I learnt to slowly let myself go to learn to love again and be loved.

I was once told via a text, that if I have more faith in myself one day, someone would truly love me and then I'll know, I have all the time in the world to share it with... I still hold that thought very very close to me.

Take 5 minutes with yourself when you're antsy and the world should appear brighter.

Honesty Is The Best Policy, Or Not?

Is it delusion or plain stupidity that drives people to a point of no return? The hand is all open and things fall effortlessly.

Imagine a provision shop where payment is based on trust and honesty in people, there is no shopkeeper nor security cameras. Patrons are expected to pay for what they consume. Are human beings naturally honest or circumstantial? Well, if I dangle a carrot in front of a hungry bunny, I expect certain results. So would Socrates be correct that people are basically honest? And when trust is betrayed, what would it take to regain that? This is not plain Freakonomics, it's humans and their predictability vs unpredictability.

When the provision shop owner places the products in the shop to be consumed freely by its patrons, he/she would be totally vulnerable to invasions and hurt to know that people aren't as what he/she thought they would be. But without opening a window to subject yourself to pain, how would one know how wonderful some people or life in general can be? But more often than not, when given too much freedon, men in general do breach that zone. Taking the honesty rule for granted, takers think very little of the harm they are causing until they see the blood and tears for themselves. Or maybe until a day, the shop will no longer be there. Would the desire of convenience then prevail and guilt sits in?

Honesty is the best policy - An age old idiom that still holds water.

Packing up the shop and leaving might just be the best way for the shopkeeper albeit with much realisation and pain. The best way is also subjective. In this case, the shopkeeper is keeping the window of vulnerability open in search of hope.

爱于诚 - Love & Truth

This is one song I've been hearing over and again but never quite found out what it meant until I googled it earlier and was repeating it on my music player. If you can read Mandarin, you would probably find some wisdom in the lyrics although the song is in Cantonese.



其实自己一个更开心 只等你讲
其实大家早已嫌大家却扮忙
恨有多一点碰撞 仍然无聊事干不敢打搅对方
要是你愿意 诚实讲一趟
彼此都起码觉得释放
不要哭 我也忍得了这些年来的委曲
没法真心爱下去 只好真心真意的结束

别再做情人 做只猫做只狗 不做情人
做只宠物至少可爱迷人
和你不瞅不睬 最终只会成为敌人
沦为旧朋友 是否又称心
没有心 只像间人
若有空 难道有空可接吻
注定似过路人陌生 你怎么手震

长期被迫恋爱也真比 失恋更惨
长期扮演若无其事般 更困难
是我专登反应慢 明明为时甚晚 牌一早该要摊
再像我伴侣 仍望多一眼 一生都将会记得今晚
对不起 自动分手错愕的你怕会伤感
盲目的我 现在也可转台来贺你新生

别再做情人 做只猫做只狗 不做情人
做只宠物至少可爱迷人
和你相交不浅无谓明日会被你憎
沦为旧朋友 是否又称心
没有心 只像间人
若有空 难道有空可接吻
注定似过路人陌生 你怎么手震

Not A Superwoman

As I always quote George Sands, "There's only one happiness in life..."

Life is unpredictable and intuition has proven to be more than just a pre-menstrual syndrome. Silence is painful but necessary. Life is complex and unfathomable. Drive is the going and the inertia. Rollercoaster ride is not a selected game in the amusement park. Pause is to rest and recollect.

Many a times, we question ourselves "what do we really want"? And more often, we find that we may not have an answer that is the answer. Trials forms the process, the process forms the ride and the ride takes you there, or not.

Is happiness how we perceive or do we have a formula? Can we gauge happiness by the smiles or the trials? How many times have we say, "if only I did or did not do certain things" and regret becomes part of the baggage. Baggage aren't meant to be permanent, or will they grow onto you? Can we all pick up and walk? We're still human.

The desire to be a super person keeps the lazy bone moving. And the love for another keeps the mind going. Not everyone is Clark Kent and even Clark Kent can be paralysed.

I wish but I'm not... A Superwoman...

Early in the morning I put breakfast at your table
一夜都没睡但我 不曾如此清醒
我早餐准备了你 爱吃的东西
这次换我等你被咖啡 的香味叫醒
想要找回每天早晨 对我微笑着的你
还能够 做些什么代替我的歉意
总是望着我 小心翼翼 顺着我呼吸
而我竟然理所当然 让你精疲力尽

You were my superwoman
安静的在身边 无条件给我 梦寐以求的温柔
But I am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞 残忍的犯了错
不能失去你

You fought your way through the rush hour
Try to make it home just for me
月光下静静靠着彼此 只求夜长一点
有多久没有好好看你 只是认定了我
无论在什么时候回头 都有你的笑容
是我忽略了你也会有 想要哭的感觉
没有一种付出应该永远心甘情愿
再给被宠坏的男人最后一次机会
换我忍耐换我等待 不要真的弃权

You were my superwoman
安静的在身边 无条件给我 梦寐以求的温柔
But I am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞 残忍的犯了错
不能失去你 Ooh—Babe---

是我把爱想得太简单
以为只要我存在就能让你取暖
心里唯一的superwoman没有人能代替
不能想像更不能原谅这样让爱化成 灰烬

You were my superwoman
安静的在身边 无条件给我 梦寐以求的温柔
But I am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞 残忍的犯了错
不能失去你

One can only make a difference if it's perceived that a difference is being made or was made. Making a difference is not a forte one can master. All you can is to surrender yourself, do your best and leave the rest to life to arrange into place. There's only so much one can do...

And Karyn White sang in the same tune...

Early in the morning
I put breakfast at your table
And make sure that your coffee
Has its sugar and cream

Your eggs are over easy
Your toast done lightly
All that's missing is your morning kiss
That used to greet me

Now you say the juice is sour
It used to be so sweet
And I can't help but to wonder
If you're talking 'bout me

We don't talk the way we used to talk
It's hurtin' so deep
I've got my pride, I will not cry
But it's makin' me weak

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional
Hugs as a token of love from you to me

I fought my way through the rush hour
Trying to make it home just for you
I want to make sure that your dinner
Will be waiting for you

But when you get there you just tell me
You're not hungry at all
You said you'd rather read the paper
And you don't want to talk

You like to think that I'm just crazy
When I say that you changed
I'm convinced I know the problem
You don't love me the same

You're just going through the motions
And you're not being fair
I've got my pride, I will not cry
Still I can't help but care

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human (I'm only human)
This girl needs more than occasional
Hugs as a token of love from you to me

Oh, baby, look into the corners of your mind
I'll always be there for you through good and bad times
But I can't be that superwoman that you want me to be
I'll give my everlasting love if you'll return love to me

I'm not your superwoman.

Belated Birthday Gift

After an entire day of excruciating pain from some strained muscles along my shoulder blade, I knew I had to see a doctor when a sneeze felt like it could take my life away and breathing became a chore. Painkillers were prescribed to ease the pain (duh) rooting from an injured deep tissue muscle that was near to my ribcage. Friends have been making fun of Moody Penguin and myself for injuring ourselves at the same time but truth is, we weren't injured while attempting some kinky stuffs. I pulled my muscle when I was trying to lose those flabs at the gym! Then again, the more you explain, the worse it becomes. People love to hear what they love to hear.

Anyway, Moody Penguin had wanted to get me my birthday pressie since... well, my birthday. Knowing him, he ranks last in the hopeless romantic list and practicality reigns in terms of the things he bet his last dollar on. And those of you who are thinking of "useful girlfriend", wipe that thought off! He briefly mentioned late last week that we're gonna hit town and get my pressie sometime this week and he needed for me to be present. But that thought didn't quite occur when we went to Marina Square yesterday. His prelude of hanging around aimlessly and stories of finding an old point & shoot camera at home being less than decent to loan it to a business counterpart convinced me that he was going to get a point & shoot for himself when we walked into Cathay.

As he was browsing, I took very little interest in the camera stuffs because that was my g'zillionth time in that shop ever since I dated him. As he picked up some cameras to see, I casually picked another camera to play with since that was the sucessor of the camera I almost bought a few years ago but eventually settled for a Sony T10 which by the way, he thinks it's a crappy camera (I do not disagree at all). After seeing my cousin carrying a similar camera during Chinese New Year, I took special interest in the Canon Ixus 870 IS with the HUGE viewfinder and I mean the 3" screen nearly filled the entire back of the little camera. I was pretty impressed by the wide angle function (although I didn't think it was very wide-angled) but I was sold on the macro function. Not to compare with people with the "tua leng kong" ie DSLR, I could take relatively sharp images of objects that was less than 2cm away from the lens.

At this time, Moody Penguin "showed interest" in the camera I was holding and started playing with it. And within a minute, told the guy that he's getting it. He liked the silver one but I thought the gold one looked better. Without even batting an eyelid, he told the guy to bring out a new piece of the gold one. So I questioned him as to why the gold one. He was so quick, he said "more unique". I bought that (the story). Even until this point, I was totally oblivious to his intentions because we could pay in instalments on my credit card and I thought that was the only reason why he brought me along.

As we were walking, he shooed me to buy an ice cream cone for him which I was more than willing to do since he never fails to chomp down on that mint chip thingy everytime we pass by Andersen's. It's extremely pleasing to see that smile on his face whenever he's chowing the ice cream down to nothing. Simple pleasures in life. Me watching him and him munching his favourite thing. And within 10 steps, he just casually passed me the bag and mumbled "nah your birthday present". I was pleasantly surprised but I didn't want him to spend so much money on a gift like that on me. Besides, I'm not a serial point & shoot blogger. (Think: Ms PillowLim)

Moody Penguin, being the guy he is, has this MAN thing. No sweet talk nor nonsense. His concern is beyond words and as much as I can get extremely exasperated at times when I just need a little sayang, I know he cares. Similarly, he said nothing sweet nor romantic but just gave me the "nah your birthday present" nonchalantly. It's not the cost of the gift nor the practicality and for once, we mean every word of "it's the thought that counts". Not that it's not a good gift and in fact, I totally dig it. I think it's a major improvement from my "lok kok" T10 and I can now go snap happy and be a second PillowLim, aka PillowSim. But what mattered most was his intentions. Not every gift is perfect or even great as much as we appreciate most of them. But the amount of effort one puts in to get someone an apt gift, is irreplaceable.

A quote we can hardly forget if you belong to this generation of mine. In Jerry Maguire, Dorothy (Our Bridget Jones whose name escapes me this very moment... Right... Renée Zellweger) said, "I love him! I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is."

Meanwhile I'm going to play with the camera... Provided that I have a charged up battery. See! This morning I came into the office thinking that I'll charge it in here since I need a minimum of 9 hours to charge and after I do that, I can use it tonight. Our smart friend here (it's ME by the way...) brought the camera, the memory card, the charger but forgot about the battery entirely! Marvellous! For a review of the camera, you have got to wait for me to have a chance to charge my camera's battery.

Thanks Dear...

Twenty Six Cents

This post comes a little late but better than never. I told myself, I had to blog this because thinking about it gives me the giggles.

Was having coffee with Dentist Woo Woo end of last week and just before we met, he rang me and asked if I have got postage stamps with me. Who the hell carries stamps around with them unless you're got one stuck on each eye? Not wanting to sounds any lamer, let me continue...

So we met and I offered to walk with him to the Sam machine to purchase those stamps all for a cuppa hot milo. On the way to the machine, he blatantly revealed that he doesn't know where else he can buy a stamp without stepping into the post office. Right. This was totally forgiveble since the admin does most of the posting work and none was left for him to dirty his hands with.

When we got there, he was amused that local postage cost 26cents. To be utterly honest, I knew we had to pay GST for the stamps but I didn't know they cost 26cents either (the last price I heard was 22cents), which of course, he didn't know cuz I didn't try to exclaim how equally dumb I was and as you can see, I don't post my own mails either.

When the stamps were dispensed, they took the form of a sticker rather than the traditional square jagged edged you-gotta-lick-it-to-stick-it-stamp (this I knew very clearly that it was a stamp and not a Panini collectable sticker). I swore the look on DWW's face turned from amused to bemused. He was seriously worried if the machine cheated him out of his $2.60 since he bought 10 stamps. Which I wonder... What would he do with the other 9 stamps?

And you think my fun ended there and then? Not quite. When we were at the post box posting out this mail, he was hunting for some sign. The sign that said local postage costs 26cents! He was still in disbelief that he had to pay GST (and probably inflation) for stamps. His time stood still when local postages were a mere 20cents. I was in disbelief how a man of such intelligence and success had trouble understanding postage stamps are subject to GST as well and post office wasn't the only place you can purchase postage stamps.

All these only because he had to get a small cheque out to a car club to "chope" his membership.

I had an amused Friday and I dare say, I worked hard for that Milo.

Happy Birthday to All

Today's Dad's birthday and also all of ours. Known as "RenRi" (Man's Day), this day falls on the 7th day of the Chinese New Year. Birthdays of Chinese were traditionally celebrated on this day. So you get older during this day instead of a particular day in the calendar that marks our individual birthdays that we are more commonly used to. For Dad, it was easier. According to the way we're more used to calculating age, he's 57 this year. I'm still not used to the repeated "sudden" realisation that they are fast growing older by the day although it did hit me when it was my birthday earlier this year when I inched closer to the big 3.

Dinner at my place was never a huge affair given the space constaints but also made gatherings alot cosier. Without too much room to roam, people were forced to interact and not that it's a bad thing. To have my favourite cousin whom I'm closest to and her two princesses over was the highlight of my day although XiaoMeiren cousin never fails to be a better "daughter" to Dad. She bought him a nice cake and I on the other hand, totally forgot about it. She's like the big sister who always covers my arse. Somehow, I feel happily inadequate...

Dinner Diplomacy

Until recently, I never knew there are so much details to look out for over a simple Chinese dinner. When Dentist Woo Woo told me about the subtle political moves, I didn't think much of it. Thankfully, I was brought up relatively proper, I knew my basic table manners for a Chinese dinner. Nerves still had a good hold of me but it was a mere fraction of what I went through when I first met with Moody Penguin's parents.

Upon reaching the venue, I immediately knew I was badly dressed even though there were no specific dress code. It was still Chinese New Year and the restaurant was looking like someone just spilled the same red paint all over their patrons. I came from work and had a meeting earlier that day. So a safe colour from my wardrobe would be all black. Without much colours in my closet, there was very little I could do to add more colours to myself even if I had wanted to. To be frank, I did put thought into it. I just couldn't find anything reasonable smart for work and they're not in black or white.

What are the right things to say became whole new knowledge. The general guidelines doesn't work here and the high level of superhuman powers to watch our language has just elevated itself. Nothing was safe to talk about and given the super ability to shoot off my mouth, I almost died trying to hold my tongue. Was told to be natural. It was 90% natural but the 10% was creeping forward as the dinner progressed and ironically, the more comfortable one gets, the more you find yourself watching over to avoid accidentally tripping over.

All in all, better be safe than sorry. A happy camper I am for now.

Kong Hei Fatt Choi

If you're wondering why I haven't posted for the past few days, it was public holiday over here in Singapore and a major festivity for Chinese all over the world. It's the Lunar New Year or the Chinese New Year. Celebrations in other parts of the worls can span over 2 weeks since technically, there are 15 days of Chinese New Year, 3 more than Christmas! All Chinese would rush home during this season to spend time with their family. The most eventful getogether would have to be the Reunion Dinner. As the name goes, it is a time when all family members return home to have dinner on New Year's Eve. In Singapore, most families would prepare hotpot (commonly known as steamboat in Singapore which would leave alot scratching their head thinking how does these Chinese serve a marine vessel on their dinner table..?) It has also become comfort food for many Singaporeans especially those living abroad. I can still fondly recall my last Christmas in New York in the middle of freezing winter, we were all seated around a little apartment stuffing our faces around the steamboat.

On the first day of Chinese New Year, we would visit and greet our elders and in return we receive a little token wrapped in red paper or envelopes called "Hong Bao" in Mandarin, "Ang Pow" in Singaporean terms due to our mostly Hokkien/Teo Chew heritage or "Lai See" in Cantonese. That was also part of the reason why most kids love Chinese New Year. On top of that, hosts would usually prepare a huge array of snacks and candies. A winner with the little ones. If you're unmarried, you still qualify to receive ang pows but you would probably have given the biggest one to your parents so that are substantially less attractive in terms of relative monetary gains. However, it is believed that the auspicious words/phrases you receive from your elders when you greet them would bring you good luck and whatever that they wish you, would have their likelihood to fulfil in the coming year. So the progression from greetings like "Kuai Gao Zhang Da" (grow up/taller fast) in the younger years, to "Xue Ye Jin Bu" (great improvements to one's studies), till "Shi Shi Shun Li" (sail through things with ease). To our elders, we would usually wish them great health like "Shen Ti Jian Kang".

The night before Chinese New Year which is the time after reunion dinner, the younger generations in the family would try to sleep as late as they can as this custom known as shou sui. I don't intentionally try to stay up late but it's a time of "serial gambling" with family or friends so that makes Dad happy.

This year wasn't that exceptional. Visitations were still done during the first 2 days albeit alot less gambling took place. Or shall I say, not yet! Coming weekend would be a continuation over the unwelcomed 3 days break from the festivities. It's been good so far. How was your Chinese New Year?

Yacht For Sale

Some people's idea of a high life is probably like a jetsetter and there are many in this world who owns their very own jets. Take for example, John Travolta is a big fan of planes and he lives in a "fly-in" home with his own runway right at his doorstep called The Jumbolair. Others love to spend their free time cruising on the ocean. Saw this piece of news today and thought it would be nice to share. I had a bit of a giggle when I first saw this piece of news...


The Iraqi government's attempts to sell a luxury yacht that once belonged to Saddam Hussein have foundered.

Despite features including a missile launcher and operating theatre, no-one was willing to pay $30m for the 82m (270ft) Basrah Breeze.

The vessel, which will be towed back to Iraq from Europe, also has an escape tunnel leading to a mini-submarine.

Baghdad officials have blamed the global economic slump for their failure to find a buyer.

"The Iraqi government decision to bring the yacht home will spare Baghdad the possibility of facing other claims and saves it docking and crew costs," a government statement said.

"The Iraqi government will not be able to sell the yacht in the current circumstances with the world dealing with the financial crisis."

The yacht will now be towed from the Greek port of Piraeus back to Basra province, the government said.

Iraq decided to sell the yacht late last year after it won a legal battle with a Jordanian company over its ownership.

The vessel had been expected to sell for about $30m, but brokers warned that the "Arabesque" decor would not suit all tastes.

It had been decked out with mahogany carvings, gold tap fittings and brightly-coloured deep-pile carpets.

The yacht, originally called Qadissiyet Saddam after a historic Iraqi military victory, was built in a Danish shipyard in 1981 by workers who were sworn to secrecy.

But, despite its luxurious facilities, Saddam Hussein is never thought to have stayed on board himself, fearing political instability if he left Iraq.

So for most of its life the Basrah Breeze, which was also known as the Ocean Breeze, was moored in Saudi Arabia.

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/middle_east/7842954.stm

Who the hell has got a missile launcher and operating theatre on their yacht? It's for sale though. So if you're keen... Just thinking aloud - What would the Singapore government think if this yacht is docked at Punggol Marina?

Old Chang Kee - The Love & Hate Relationship

For the benefit of those of you who doesn't know Old Chang Kee, it is a chain of outlets in Singapore selling deep-fried snacks. The one thing that made them really famous must be their curry puff enveloping the most juicy mixture of potatoes and chicken (with a tiny slice of egg) ever. Needless to say, it is a guilty indulgence after it's been through the evil deep frying ritual having the puff soak in some super hot unhealthy oil. Still, many follow the smell religiously and before they know it, all the weight losing program will have no whatsoever effect on them anymore.

Curry puff is probably one of the favourite snacks of Singaporeans. The preference for different "types" of curry puffs vary from person to person. Some love the thick crust, some love it thin. Some love the super spicy ones, others love the tuna filled ones. For myself, the Old Chang Kee one is good enough for me. Although I must say, A1 curry puffs come a close second but because they do not have as many outlets and aren't as accessible, they are unable to share the trophy position with Old Chang Kee. On top of that, Old Chang Kee also has got a huge array of other "poisonous" choices. My personal favourite got to be the Deep Fried Squid Head. Absolutely heavenly. Sometimes I wish they are less oily but heck!

On bad days when I lose my appetite for lunch, my tea break will consist simply of 1 Old Chang Kee curry puff and 1 squid head. Nothing more nothing less. Anything more would be giving my heart the one big reason why it should die on me. Anything less is just unsatisfying. But one thing I really hate about them... Well, the fault lies in me actually. I'm totally useless when it comes to resisting temptation and even if I'm feeling bad, I'll succumb to it as if my knees are jelly. Nuff' said...

*Started to walk to Old Chang Kee

家后

I have never been emotionally close to my Mom since I was a kid. My grandma was my pillar of support and I'm quite obviously, a Daddy's girl. Recently, I begin to see so much of my Mom's flaws in myself and that isn't making my life any better. Realisation is only the beginning of a long journey ahead of me.

Throughout the years, especially during the bad times when Dad could barely support us (my hamper delivery experience would say alot but that's for another day), Mom never left the family. Having gone home one day to see them scream and shout at one another, makes me dread going home but that scene never quite appeared again. After that episode, they made the extra effort to not turn things ugly before the children's eyes. Only long after I grew up, I found out that the things that they argued about was even uglier. These belong to the past which I do not wanna dig out and launder.

My Dad is a traditional Chinese man and would want to do his best for his children which he rarely fail us. Even if it means he has to give us all he's got and left with nothing for himself, he would do just that. I have very great respect for this man who means the world to me and made me what I am today. Although I was forced to be independent, I'm still thankful every single day of my life that I was brought up that way.

Mom on the other hand was milder and more of the "educator" than "disciplinarian". By reasonable standards, considering that I was caned by Dad on a regular basis, I should be really close to my Mom and love her to bits, I still can't help but feel detached from her. In a way, I think I'm too defensive of my Dad. But in recent years, I can slowly see why she did certain things. That didn't made me love her more but made me see how much she loves my Dad. Even till today, my Mom is so emotionally attached to my Dad, you start to see the little sacrifices she made in her little life. We always say "Behind every successful man, there's a woman." In my parents' case, that sentence is a testimony.

Of all the bad things I picked up from my Mom, I also found myself to be really tolerant with things and issues around me over the past few years, with patience you can never imagine me to have. Hot temperament is one that I inherited from Dad and that never quite gone hand in hand with patience and tolerance. But circumstances does change someone and after observing my Mom, I doubt it came from the circumstances. I could see those traits in her that I see in myself. She can be a little short in her temperament and lacks tact in her words... Or am I describing myself? For almost 30 years, I know it hasn't been easy for them to walk together and I know had she wanted, she might already have abandoned us all too long ago. She hung on and insisted on holding onto the family because the last thing she wanted was to watch us grow up in a broken family.

I know she loves me just because she's Mom but I know, to my Dad, without her, life will never be the same again and he'll never find someone who will love him as much as my Mom did, does and will continue to do so until God calls for them.



有一日咱若老　找无人甲咱友孝　我会陪你
(有一天我们若是老了 找不到人来孝顺 我会陪着你)

坐惦椅寮　听你讲少年的时阵　你有外摮
(坐在长板凳 听你讲着年轻的时候 你有多厉害)

吃好吃丑无计较　怨天怨地嘛袂晓　你的手
(吃好吃歹无计较 怨天怨地嘛不会 你的手)

我会甲你牵条条　因为我是你的家后
(我会紧紧牵着不放 因为我是你的妻子)

阮将青春嫁置恁兜　阮对少年跟你跟甲老
(我将青春嫁给你家 我从年少跟你跟到老)

人情世事已经看透透　有啥人比你卡重要
(人情世事也已经看透了 还有谁比你还重要?)

阮的一生献乎恁兜　才知幸福是吵吵闹闹
(我的一生奉献给你家 才知道幸福是吵吵闹闹)

等待返去的时阵若到　我会让你先走
(等你回去的时候若到了 我会让你先走)

因为我会呒甘　放你为我目屎流
(因为我不忍心 看着你为我流眼泪)

有一日咱若老　有媳妇子儿友孝　你若无聊
(有一天我们若是老了 有媳妇儿子来孝顺 你若是无聊)

拿咱的相片　看卡早结婚的时阵　你外缘投
(拿我们的照片 看以前结婚的时候 你有多英俊)

穿好穿丑无计较　怪东怪西嘛袂晓
(穿好穿歹无计较 怪东怪西嘛不会)

你的心我会永远记条条　因为我是你的家后
(你的心我会永远的记住 因为我是你的妻子)

阮将青春嫁置恁兜　阮对少年就跟你跟甲老
(我将青春嫁给你家 我从年少就跟你跟到老)

人情世事嘛已经看透透　有啥人比你卡重要
(人情世事嘛已经看透了 还有谁会比你还重要?)

阮的一生献乎恁兜　才知幸福是吵吵闹闹
(我的一生奉献给你家 才知道幸福是吵吵闹闹)

等待返去的时阵若到　你着让我先走
(等你回去的时候若到了 我会让你先走)

因为我会呒甘　看你为我目屎流
(因为我舍不得 看着你为我流眼泪)

Happiness and Smiles - So Nice

I might have wrote on this song before but given my current frame of mind, I might have different things to blog about. Titled "So Nice", this bossa nova number definitely has more than one available rendition but my personal favourite is that of Stacey Kent's. To me, you know when you have found the one when you can relate to what the song has to say. Very simple things in life yet tough to seek. Here's how the song goes...



Someone to hold me tight
That would be very nice
Someone to love me right
That would be very nice
Someone to understand
Each little dream in me
Someone to take my hand
And be a team with me

So nice, life would be so nice
If one day I'd find
Someone who would take my hand
And samba through life with me

Someone to cling to me
Stay with me right or wrong
Someone to sing to me
Some little samba song
Someone to take my heart
And give his heart to me
Someone who's ready to
Give love a start with me

Oh yes, that would be so nice
Shouldn't we, you and me?
I can see it will be nice...

As human beings, we're not perfect as much as we aim to be better than the person we are today to be the person we will be tomorrow. It's through difficulties and tough times when people cling to one another for support and just by having the other person hold your hand and walk down the trees of fall with leaves falling in shades of sepia. We could choose to see it as dying leaves or picture perfect. It was definitely a moment that could determine a lifetime. It's the willingness to be there for one another whether if times are good or bad which brings us to the marriage vow - "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part." Very simple words, in the most layman terms, holds the most complex and hardest to grasp and fathom, the meanings of life.

The constant doubts rooting from the many evils of life cast onto whatever that may seem like a strong bond may just destroy what essentially is, but a happy concrete block of human connection. Solution is something I do not have because doubt is one I cannot rid of. When in doubt, we seek perfection. In absence of perfection, we crumble. Often, we fail to see, there's no such thing as perfection in human nor in their connections. We may err but may we forgive or forget. That is actually a choice, one we often deprive ourselves from.

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. Henry David Thoreau

Many ran the rat race hoping to achieve smiles but little do they know, they have lost more along the way. It is quintessential for us to know that smiles not only brightens your day but they are your eventual goal. Do not run away from it for you will live a life less fulfilled.

Too much thoughts... Too much.



我这幸运儿合着眼睛只得你沉重的身影
如果这记忆非爱情连天都不会太高兴

莫非可终身美丽才值得勾勾手指发誓
对你不止感激敬礼当你知己才是虚伪

我这幸运儿幸运到一转身找到你来为我打气
如果可抱起这爱情连天都会替我高兴

因有自信所以美丽使我自卑都放低
在半空之中亲你不管身世

Bits of the song I've been listening to these couple of days...

With my inadequate language translation, I will not attempt to translate but if you get it, then you do. If not, you're not missing out. Go search for your smiles.

Love Of Her Life

There's this email that I rarely access due to the massive amount of junk I have in them but I did this morning. One of the email was titled Sad News and I was reluctant to open it since I saw the name of the sender because I know I might not be able to take the news.

Just a little foreground - I met this elderly Australian couple on Star Cruise some years back and got along very well with them. There's also a very touching love story behind this. Lorraine and Peter started out as friends in a club of elderly friends. Peter had a sickly wife who later on passed away. Lorraine had a hard life. Her husband left her with her kids. She had to sell flowers on the streets to earn a living. She had a hard life and her knees were constantly giving her problems. She could hardly walk because during her younger days, she spent too much time standing while selling flowers. But after Peter's wife passed away, he took on the responsibility to look after Lorraine. He loved her like no one else did or would. He would cook for her and as much as she hated veggie, he would mash brocolli with mashed potatoes so that she would take some veggie. He brought her on cruises after cruises because she couldn't walk much and all they really enjoyed, was going out on a cruise and let the world pass them by. Needless to say, he spent loads of money to bring her to such trips and still continue to work backstage at a university. Life was good.

Whenever they come to Singapore, I would try to bring them out or have a meal with them. They call me their little princess, the daughter that they'd never have and to me, they were like my godparents.

They got married about a year or 2 back...

When I saw the title of the email, my first thought was "something must have happened to Lorraine..." until I read the entire mail...

Dear XXX,
I am a friend of Lorraine’s and assisting her with accessing Peter’s emails. Sadly Peter passed away on November 22 after suffering a massive heart attack. Peter was in the garden when he suffered the attack and although he never regained consciousness Lorraine was able to say her goodbyes during the 48 hours after the attack.

Lorraine has asked me to send this email as she knows you would want to know and would have wanted to know sooner unfortunately email was her only way of contacting you. She has tried your phone several times to no avail.

Lorraine’s phone number is Australia XXX.

On behalf of Lorraine Burrows,
Yours sincerely,
XXX

Peter has left Lorraine and frankly, I would rather truth be the other way around. Now, there's no one to look after Lorraine and to love her like Peter did. Thankfully, she did experience this beautiful love story which actually happened to herself. I can only pray hard that she will be strong and laugh like the way she did when Peter was around. Life without Peter would be very hard for her I would imagine.

Right now, I can only blame myself for procrastinating endlessly to visit them in their Esperance home and not being able to see Peter for the very last time. I know he's in God's good hands and I can only pray...

Peter, I love you for the man you were and the man you were for Lorraine. Thanks for all the love you showered on me even though I wasn't your very own and made all those trips to visit me whenever you could. I'll miss all the smiles and emails telling me that you're going to be here for yet another vacation, just another excuse to pay me a visit. I miss you dearly.

PS. After speaking to Lorraine, I'm ashamed that all I could was to sob with her and did nothing much to console her. She's been losing sleep and is on sleeping pills but she knows Peter is watching her from above.

Simple Birthday Trip & Treat

Just when I thought birthday was going to be a quiet one since my parents are going to be away, I was asked to go on the Royal Caribbean with my parents. Although the Legend of the Seas wasn't one of the biggest ship in their fleet, it was quite a decemt luxuriuous cruise. To be able to go on the cruise with my favourite cousin, XiaoMeiren and her 2 girls on board, I couldn't have asked for more. Doing silly stuffs like taking endless pictures and putting out of whatever rules you can think of on the mini golf turf, I got to momentarily leave the stressful thoughts at home. In fact, our schedules were so packed, I didn't had time for the pool despite packing in 2 sets of swim wear nor the mahjong game my nieces were looking forward to play.

Our first port of call was Penang. Believe it or not, this was my first time in Penang. When we were planning to sign up for tours, we had a rather long discussion on where we wanted to go which essentially was between a "makan (eating)" tour and a heritage trail to check out on the Peranakan culture as well. Thinking democracy is the best way out, we had to vote. Eventually, it wasn't the voting that mattered. Long story short, we went for the "makan" tour because the other tour was cancelled. It couldn't have been more boring than to visit tourist shopping shops for local delights and a batik factory where the batiks are hand-made. Over priced batiks drove us out of the shop pretty darn quick. By the end of the tour, we were too eagar to go back to the ship for a repeat of our scrumptious dinner the night before. Needless to say, food was endless and amazingly, it was good. Friends would know me as someone who's very picky about my beef and I'll have it no other way than medium rare. It was done very nicely and the quality of beef was better than expectations. The array of starters also provided the right waist widening tools. I think "overdosing on escargots" is an understatement altogether.

The next stop was Kuala Lumpur where our free & easy tour brought us to shopping haven, Bukit Bintang and the next few hours were crazy shopping. It was a relieve to be buying things in ringgit after a few days on board where everything is priced in USD. To be fair, we didn't need to spend those money because everything was taken care of but we just got to fork out the gratuities and whatever extras we wanted. As for me, Coke deprivation was serious business.

On the last night, my cousin organised a cake for me and to my surprise (horror at times due to the embarrassment), the entire crew of waiters came over to my table to sing the birthday song for me. I'm really thankful to have a cousin like her. It's not about the gifts or money but the effort. She was the one who remembered the day. I would imagine my parents to forget that it was my birthday although over the past years, we did try to arrange dinners within my immediate family whenever there's a birthday to celebrate. Over the years, I just paid lesser and lesser attention and didn't even felt like it was a special day. Maybe because I'm getting old...

Lunch today was with 2 of the SBW, namely Daftbitch and Road Planner. Bster was with us in spirit because the poor boy's stuck in reservist. It was just our usual lunch until Daftbitch said it was time for dessert. At that point, I was contemplating between chin chow or cheng tng. Then Road Planner took out 3 slices of cake. My face was red and not because of the chemical peel I did yesterday, it was utterly embarrassingly. It was a very simple act and we didn't had like mega celebration but it was fun and definitely memorable. Thanks guys...

Birthday Cruise

Went on a few days cruise on the Legend of the Seas, Royal Caribbean and it was absolutely fun. Will post more details and pictures soon. Be patient. Be very patient...

For those of you who sms-ed, emailed, PM-ed me the well wishes, thank you so much.

Tribute to Shandy Sim

Some time ago, I was going through the obituary and remembered pointing out to someone that the girl in the picture looked so young and so pretty and she was only 30. In my mind, I was thinking, this is another sad story and I wonder what would it be. Not long after, I chanced upon the blog of Shandy Sim from newspaper articles and other blogs. After reading the way she stayed so positive and could joke about the pains and the way life was torturing her, I was terribly moved and motivated to do something about my life which should have always been the case but we tend to all take things too easy and life for granted. As much as I'm all teary and encouraged at the point of typing this article, I know I'll revert to a slop of nothing sooner than I would like. However, my point being, all of us should look back and be thankful for what we have got. I don't even think I can ever live through the kind of pain. It also scares me that the occassional pain and aches I feel on my hip/butt joint, could be something I'd rather not want to to related to.

Her views on motherhood and kids were similar to mine. It's part and parcel of being a woman that you experience childbirth once in your lifetime. I understand not everyone agrees with me but that is solely my view. I do know of people who are happy without kids and I wouldn't see them with one either. Yes, RS4Cab Xiaohong, I'm talking about you. At some point in time, I would want to fulfil my duties as a wife and a mother.

She wrote in one of her articles named 4 Days of Crying -

"When I was diagnosed, I cried everyday. 4 days to be exact.

On the first day, I cried because there was a huge mass on my pelvic.
I hoped that it would not be cancerous.

On the second day, I cried because it was cancerous.
I hoped that it has nothing to do with my womb.

On the third day, I cried because it was cervical cancer.
I hoped that I could still have children.

On the fourth day, I cried because I was told to forget about fertility.
I stopped hoping. "
If I were her, I'd be devastated.

Taken from her first post on her blog -

"On 4 June 2008, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Cervical Cancer.

I was 29 years, 10 months and 9 days old."

Her battle lasted for about half a year till Boxing Day when the Lord decided to bring her closer to him so he could take all the pain away from this cheery girl. I know she's in good hands now and what she left us is greater strength to press forward in life and not give up.

"Just do it..."

Auld Lang Syne

New Year's resolution has never been part of my life. I never believed in them because I can never remember them. Recently received a Christmas resolution mitten from Zouk with some fill in the blanks stuffs. Here's mine and feel free to replace your own in the "blanks" I've highlighted.

1. I will not worry myself unnecessarily again, ever.

2. I will make enough money to mod my car.

3. I will love and hate less.

4. I will finally get my "to do" list active again.

5. I will quit spending to much money, start to save some, and eat cheaper food.

6. I will go to have my teeth fixed and smile brighter.

7. No more extravagent lunches and huge dinners.

8. I want to meet more clients and bring in more businesses to my company.

9. I will try to make time for family gatherings.

The above are not my new year's resolution but an activity I thought would be fun to share with those of you out there. I know I will continue to procrastinate doing things like washing my car but I want to be making more money so i can send it for professional grooming more often. Just love more and hate less.

2009

Ushered in the new year with the usual Texas Hold'Em people, nothing glamourous. 2009 isn't quite the year we would look forward to given the gloomy outlook. Only our perspective remains positive. With a good 4 months ahead that I'm going to be spending alone and probably worse when the year end draws near, it's still a little too premature for me to worry at this point in time. Taking things step at a time, I'm actually quite enjoying my life excluding the part whereby I worry myself sick about not having much achievements at work so far. The bear market is an excuse but if one can make some light out of this darkness, one can make light anywhere.

New Year's Day was quiet. It happened to also be my Chinese birthday. No celebrations. In fact, I didn't even know until Mom told me. Was sleeping on and off, recuperating from the late eve's night and the morning "chauffeur service" for Moody Penguin. The day before, he had gone to have someone peel open his eyes and "burn" them before "brushing" the eye back into place. Not being able to see properly, he wasn't a good candidate to be found behind the wheel. But to be able to spend the day together is all that's enough to make me happy.

Another work dayand the weekend comes again. After this weekend, it'd be time to fight some war... Very quiet war.

Meet The Parents

More often, I can easily work a crowd like fish in water and specifically, I have never encountered any awkwardness when it comes to meeting the parents. With most of my friends' parents, I almost always end up being the cheery girl that they always remember by. The weekend episode couldn't have been more disastrous.

About 24 hours before the "event", I was told that I was invited. Me? No way... Now? What? Me? Again? WTF!? That was when the fluster began. Fighting within myself if I should even turn up. Deep down, I knew I had to. Well, it has never been too difficult at all so what's the difference.

What to wear - I was tossing and turning the night before before because I was planning to wear a dress for Aidan's 1st month do at Noble House but aborted the idea because it would seem like I'm overdressing for the housewarming or in my case, meeting the parents. So I carefully picked a top that wasn't too revealing and wore jeans. Now that's safe. Or so I thought... I suppose, it was but nothing actually could help the jitters, including the "what to wear" portion.

What to bring - Now that is hard. It's effectively a housewarming for a house that has everything... Almost I reckon and hello, I'm not going to turn up with an oven or toaster. My brains started to show signs of cracking up. I drove and drove and drove and thought of nothing I could bring. Went over to my cousin's place to seek help and viola, wine! So the very next hours were spend thinking what wine, how many, red/white, sparkling/still, budget, packaging and the list went on. Decided on a safe bet of an excellent pinot noir coupled with some recommended syrah which I'm never good at picking out the right one.

The plan - Work the crowd, i.e. work the parents.

Reality - My nerves got the better of me. Without any official introduction, I waved like a schoolgirl at school for the first time, waving to the discipline master and like a church mouse, I whispered "Hi Uncle". No handshakes, no merry christmas, no how are you doing, no self-introduction. NOTHING! I was like a block of ice and for the record, I was freezing from the nervewrecking "hi".

Subsequently, I heard someone mentioned the Mom looked rather fair. And my eyes starting to scan across the room and started to wonder, right... who's the Mom?

The night went on like a usual dinner with friends. It was when it came to the time to leave... Oh did I forgot to mentioned that everytime any of his parent walked past, I was magically turned into a block of wood. Time for goodbyes was my second and last chance for that day and I made no use of it at all. Slightly braver than my first try, I actually got "Bye Auntie... Bye Uncle..." out of my mouth but that was all. And yes, no merry christmas nor thank yous nor whatsoever. I scooted off like a thief...

I felt useless. I had to screw up this one thing that I'm actually good at. I just felt that I've screwed up everything. Bugger! Although deep down, I wish Moody Penguin could have just helped the situation a little by helping with a proper introduction and warm me up with things, I knew it was just my inability to rid those nerves. If only I could turn back time...

Tis' The Season To Be Jolly

It's been a week and I drafted several posts which I canned them eventually due to the lack of time to complete them. There's a lump in my throat and I'd better get that emotion out of my system before I go crazy and create more trouble for myself. Took the day off thinking I could do something meaningful but I ended up spending it like any other weekend, wandering around. Weekends are usually really precious to me especially after I started working. It's the only days in the week I could possibly sleep a little longer, laze a little more and enjoy that bit extra.

Over the Christmas week, I truly enjoyed myself. Not having done much significant but even if it means not having the need to speak but having your loved one hold your hand while driving round town, was the most enjoyable experience. Doing turkey and ham-filled dinners over at friends' place coupled with typical Chinese gathering gambling dens, I couldn't think of a better way to be spending Christmas. Oh well, last Christmas in NYC wasn't bad but it keeps getting better in a different way I suppose.

To have that someone with you does make that tad of a difference during seasons like this. Spoke to Alcoholic Empress Dowager and it sounds almost familiar things she shared but of course, hers in much greater magnitude. Attending events with everyone else coupled up, it really feels like crap. Girl, you know I'm here for you so do whatever that makes you happy because it's the ends that justify the means. But come Feb, I'll have to learn to ignore the lovey dovey spirits sprinkled along the streets, in every nook and cranny. If I go on, I'm not going to sound coherant so if you would excuse me...

Audi A6 is in Singapore!

After a sumptuous MSG-laden dinner last night with Attituder, Kimchi and Mrs FruitcakePabloHoney last night, I headed to the launch of the new Audi A6. Didn't get to take the car out for a test drive because my driver's licence was in the car and I wasn't superbly interested because it is a car beyond my means right now. Must say it looks very sleek and executive-like. It was the company that sent me into endless fits of laughter throughout the rest of the night. Adult jokes were those that most can relate to and with characters like Saints, SY69U and FruitcakePabloHoney, we were all very much, almost, rolling on the floor. With Moody Penguin away, much of the focus was inevitably on me but I didn't mind at all because I was honoured to be able to bring some smiles to people's faces.



The door gift was a planner for 2009. Looks pretty decent except that on their brochure that came along in the same bag, had a spelling mistake! (Refer to the picture below) I know I'm nitpicking but you can't afford such mistakes in advertising or marketing campaigns. Then again, people are just more concerned with the numbers. Just for the record - The A6 2.0 TFSI multitronic is going for S$165,800 and the A6 3.0 TFSI quattro tiptronic is going for S$238,000. Apart from the fact that it's a AWD, at the price of the 3litre variant, I'd pick a 335 over it. Easily. Then again, you would be of a different class of people altogether if you pick the A6 which is... Not too shabby afterall.

Did You Hear The Pin Drop?

Things have been so quiet. Nothing's moving. Everything's either stopping or have already stopped. The only noise to break the silence is more bad news. The only hope now is to have some major earthquake splitting the world into two and start getting all pumped into the economy after the grief settles. I'm not crazy enough to really want that to happen and I'm not even half as evil but if there are no casualties, I say, why not?

Plans for the customary wedding for Earlgrey is underway and all I can say, the boys are really gonna get it. When you get a few bitchy girls with some vicious blood streaming down their veins, this is what you get. All in the name of fun, we're not here to create permanent damages.

One for the mid-week...


Have a laugh...

Skinny Stripes

Lunch with the SBW was funny today. The moment I got to the car, I couldn't stop laughing. Daftbitch and Bster both wore light blue striped shirt and guess what, I was wearing one too. Mr LTA then turned up in light blue striped shirt as well. Because of this, we even made friends with the people sitting on the same table, they were just too amused. Pictures would be up if you come back later...

Check this out - For girls with assets that you think might be too big for your own good, think again.

Please do not mistaken this as an attempt to boost my very own ego. Some girls out there like myself are troubled because we are curvy. It always seems like there's a wardrobe malfunction because of popping buttons and disconcerting glares. Dresses tend to fit us beautifully but only very selective dresses because we can’t fit the rest. And given the short legs that I’ve got, anything oversized will make me look like I’m swimming in them and eventually, my legs will go into hiding as if they are in shame. And trust me, boobs make you look FAT too. But only when you lose it conveniently after attempting to lose that 5 pounds you put on over your last buffet lunch, would you genuinely appreciate that it’s a gift. God made all of us different and we can’t have the best of everything. I do admit some do have the best of most but I’m not complaining. Neither should my better half (Haha!).

The writer of the above article cleverly highlighted the pains curvy girls have to be put through when the rest of the world just think that you're lucky and not appreciative but at the same time, think that you are one size bigger to be looking good enough. For myself, being short and having a skinny boyfriend doesn't help at all. But I'm grateful for what makes me the me that you see.

Atoming Away... Fast!

Last Saturday was well filled by the Ariel Atom affair. Had I not been consumed by the massive rain headache I've been having since Friday evening till now, I would probably have alot more fun. Having said that, I did enjoy myself. My main purpose for appearing was to assist RS4Cab aka Xiaohong should she need any help on that day since she was the main person in charge of the event itself. Before that, I hadn't heard much about the Ariel Atom let alone the need to wanna get a ride in it. My only impression of it was when Jeremy Clarkson's face looked funny when this sub 3 seconds car accelerated to heaven until my better half who was totally excited about having the opportunity to shoot it.

The road worthy one, if they pass LTA, will be here early 2009. The road version will have ginner headlights, wing mirrors and even has the IU unit. the track version would be going in excess of 170k in Singapore and the road worthy version will cost more than 280k. The cars do come with trailer at costs of about 30k and the cheapest variant at 26k. At top speed of about 170kph, it's not going to be the fastest car on the high end but from 1-100, it is lightning fast! Watch this on YouTube...

If you need or want to buy one, let me know...

Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You

Not about to kill you with lovey doveys. Just heard this song on the radio earlier while I was reading on and commenting on most men not being able to stay faithful after reading an article on Vivian Chow's unfaithful boyfriend whom she's been attached to for the past 20 years.

Love never stays as passionate as it is. It will evolve into a commitment, a habit and a lifestyle but one thing to always remember is that as much as love takes on a different form, love should still be love. It's easier said since I've only this many years of my life and in about a month's time, I'd be another year older. Even then, I've only tasted the easiest bit in life.

In Chow's case, even without marriage, some form of commitment is expected. Whether we're acknowleging the fact that she has accepted the man for the person who he is and fidelity takes backstage, it is secondary. The man for the person he should be, to promise to love and to hold, should never take such promises likely and to depart on the woman who did all to be there when you need a partner. I'm not saying this will only happen from men to women. Nowadays, gender plays a very little part in infidelity and betrayal.

Promises should not be taken likely and trust should not be taken for granted.

Question: Will a person who has once strayed continue to stray all the time down the road?

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong

Our dreams are young
And we both know they'll take us
Where we want to go

Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you

If the road ahead is not so easy,
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too

Kids Will Be Kids

I literally froze in front of my screen and gawk when I read this. But to be fair, when I look back, I have no idea how recession can affect. The most important thing in the world then was whether I could get the coolest toy in town. Nothing much has changed. This time round, recession hit me bad and for the first time in my life, I felt it. I fear... Living in fear that I might lose my job and the 2000 "what ifs" that follows. Thankfully, I went grocery shopping with my Mom often enough even when I was a child, so I could understand the value of daily necessities and wouldn't be living in denial that groceries costs can run up to the hundreds every week. Worked out some numbers last night, my only way out if to start making some money again.

Taken off AsiaOne
Thu, Dec 11, 2008
The Straits Times

By Lim Pow Hong & Seow Kai Lun

SINGAPORE'S school-going children seem unaware of terms such as 'recession' or 'economic downturn'.

To the average teenager, a budget meal costs $8 at a fast-food outlet and saving means putting aside money for a 'cool' $248 iPod nano. When they run out of cash, they just ask their parents for more.

The Straits Times polled 100 students - aged 13 to 19 - who received pocket money. Their responses showed most of them did not think the current recession here would affect their spending habits or that of their families.

Tips for parents

Start giving a child a fixed allowance at a young age, so that he learns the value of money.


Give allowances on a daily basis first, encouraging a child to save 10 per cent of it daily, before moving to a weekly, then monthly basis. Do this rather than giving lump sums of money.


A child should also be given an allowance in smaller denominations so he can save some immediately when he gets it.
Kids talk about money and spending

FAST FOOD OVER KOPITIAM
'I would rather eat fast food than go to the kopitiam to eat as the food there is not so nice.' -Ruthie Tan, 14, Tanjong Katong Girls' School

RACKING UP PHONE BILLS
'My parents got me to switch to prepaid cards so I wouldn't overspend on my phone bills. I have to spend $50 on two prepaid cards sometimes.' - Serene Heng, 13, Cedar Girls' Secondary School

GROCERIES COST THAT MUCH?
'My parents say that they spend $100 to $200 on groceries each time, but I don't believe it. How can they cost so much?' -Nur Fathin Ayunie, 13, Bukit View Secondary School

Ai Race Mai

A popular slogan in one of the local car forums. Not meant to provoke anyone in hope of inviting a real race but just a fun one liner that was started way back when... it was still Ai Kum Mai which obviously is suggestive and the underlying connotation was definitely not allowed on the public forum. I just borrowed that for my title...

Was thinking about the topic Venetta Lopez brought up this morning. What is the main purpose of having the check box "Race" in some of the forms that we see? Doesn't that promote discrimination? Given all the efforts we've put in to create racial harmony, is that what we're going to do to separate the people again? Food for thought...

Some days ago, I read on the news on some Eurasian child who score tops in some PSLE for his racial group but he wasn't listed as a Eurasian child. In the very first place, why do officials have to separate the different races. The best should be named and awarded but truth is, it should matter more that you scored best in a certain field/subject rather than your race. The definitions of some races are still very grey. Would an American Asian mix be Eurasian? No? American with European ancestry and Asian mix?

And as for younger generations who can't speak their mother tongue? Is it that important? I was brought up to be effectively bilingual and trust me, helped me a great deal in handling many situations in life and of course, my job. Mother tongue or not, having the ability to be able to speak more than one languages will definitely help. As much as I'd like to advocate one to pursue their mother tongue and be able to at least speak it, I am not ready to put anyone down based on their inability to do so. But I do know with my kids in future, I'd want them to be able to speak their mother tongue just because they have the advantage than to pick up something totally foreign.

What's your take?

Orchard Road

It's been eons since I last walked around Orchard. In search of a purple dress, the town was combed through resulting in cramped up thighs the next day. The Christmas lightings were up and the crowd was amazing. I literally had to weave past the crowds to get from building to building. The sea of people with cameras of sorts ranging from the point & shoot to the big bazooka looking ones filled up the streets. It was a mess but oddly enough, I enjoyed it.

Except for the hiccup that ended the day, it was a great day out. Aimlessly walking and window shopping, stopping occasionally for a drink or munchbits, it's warm to have someone walking with you and breathing in the holiday spirit together. As much as it was tiring and left me with a bad left leg the next day, I wouldn't mind doing it yet again. This time, I'll make sure I charge myself up with enough carbos along the way to stop me from turning into a hungry monster.

Go down and explore Orchard Road if you haven't done so in a long time...

To the person who left the last comment - I appreciate that you're taking time to read my crap. I take pride that people do at least read the shitload of them. It's my outlet and I'm sure you have benefitted tremendously from it.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

Lovingly DIY-ed by Moody Penguin.

Patiently wrapped by the above mentioned.




One of the toughest part.




Smoothly wrapped...




Toughest piece on the car. Totally awesome.




Entirely changed how Kokoro looks...




Other amazing details...




Panel above glove box done up in dry CF as well.




Enjoy...




There are many things in life we want and not need. To sticker the panels in my car is neither. I thought it would look good but wasn't too tempted to get anything done. It didn't matter if I had it or not but I'm telling you, this is one of the best gift ever! It takes alot of patience and it speaks words that one can't bring out of themselves or concern stuck behind the veil of the inability to display it. I'm thankful not because I now have CF trimmings but I know you care.

Grey Grey and More Grey Grey

Stepping out of Amara after lunching with Daftbitch and Bster, all we saw was grey. Rain was imminent and the two of them just ran off. Before I could walk to the other end of the building, it started to pour like cats and dogs and I was trapped. Texted Wuuu Wuuu and borrowed his heavy duty brolly only to find out that it was mildly leaking but good enough nonetheless. My shoes trapped a gallon of rain water but the rest of me was still relatively dry.

Moody Penguin took half an hour and a bucket of perspiration last night to remove the interior trimmings from Kokoro. He's going to stick on the dry carbon fibre sticker these couple of days and Kokoro's interior would look vastly different. Frankly, I'm not a CF crazy person and could do with the current trimmings but I was a willing guinea pig and knowing that he would put in his heart and soul to make it right, I trusted him to try his new skill out on Kokoro. After some little and somewhat insignificant dents here and there, he finally found the easy way to do it. Pictures should be up once it's done.

Now for the more exciting part - I've been thinking of getting the Gruppe M for the longest time ever but couldn't bring myself to dump so much money into it given the current bearish market. There was someone offering it on the forum at a good price and even then, I didn't waver enough to take the plunge. Moody Penguin then decided to tell me about his plans for my Christmas pressie. And you've guessed it, Christmas came early for me this year. I picked the air intake over a gift that could possibly melt most girls' heart. I just couldn't say no to the giant piece of carbon fibre that produces that beautiful sound... Pictures will be up when it's up and running... I hope...

Thanks Darling...

I Think & I Think... Too Much...

Mentally tired. A phrase overused by me but nonetheless, carries the meaning it was meant to. Thoughts bugged me although things may have taken a whole new meaning. I contradict myself all the time. I pressed on against what I dread to face. Standing alone, the determination that surrounds the doubts is unbelieveable. I'm amazed at myself.

Every step is taken with care. Should this be or not to be?

Following steps previously laid out only puts one in fear of making the same mistake or never emerging to see daylight. Not being able to carve out your own route, you will just be living under shadows. Abandoning the entire trail has never been a choice until the fatique sets in. Doubts still circles the air.

With clouds above one's head, you flout the basic rules. The need to feel deserved should be put back into place. The need to be appreciated lingers on.

Peace on Earth

"Peace on earth
Goodwill to men"

A Christmas carol that tugs a tear from the corner of my eye. In the light of the Mumbai terror and the death of Lo Hwei Yen, someone whom I remember to be cheerful and sweet though I don't know her too well on a personal level, it came to me that we are taking peace for granted. The past years of being able to sing our carols in absolute peace and dragging our lazy bodies to attend the Christmas service that's always held early in the morning, we have taken it for granted. We take it for granted that we're able to spend our next Christmas with the same people we hold dear. At this moment, I can only pray that Michael is taking this well. This is not easy for a man who's involved in politics and have his wife lost in a political struggle. Only having had a brief encounter with Michael once, he came across as a very nice and friendly person who loves people around him, be it his friends or family. I'm very sorry for his loss. No words can ever describe the grief he's going through right now. I can only pray that Hwei Yen is in God's good hands... Michael, you take care.

Looking back at my little episode in Phuket some months back, I feel so much luckier than the people stuck in Bangkok right now. Yet another political act that has proved to be disturbing. However, I must say that the Thais have made efforts, even during their protest, that they reassure the tourists that they are not intending to hurt them but purely fighting for that they believe in. In that aspect, they do have my respect for fighting for what they want although they have no doubt, inconvenienced others.

Among all the gloomy news, I have a special announcement to make. A joyous one...

Baby Aidan was born on the 29th Nov 2008, at around 7 pm weighing 3.01kg. Congratulations to his parents and he can be quite sure that the uncles and aunties in the group would pamper him like no other.


Peace on earth... Such simple words, so hard to achieve.
Hark! the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King
Peace on earth and mercy mild,
God and sinners reconciled!"
Joyful, all ye nations rise;
Join the triumph of the skies;
With angelic host proclaim
"Christ is born in Bethlehem!"
Hark! the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Are You Ready?

At the beginning with this year, I was lamenting on the number of weddings I had to attend and I managed to skip a good portion of them. I love weddings and attending them but at this age, you get even your peers asking when is your turn and such and you subsequently just avoid such occasions, Chinese New Year + inquisitive relatives included. As a girl, you dream about your big day since you first saw your elder female cousin/aunt trying on their gown. But when reality kicks in, there are so much more to life than just putting on the gown and veil. There are more factors that revolve around being married than getting married. And as you blow the next birthday candle, you think lesser and lesser of such things or so you wish to believe.

Among my group of friends from school days, we have a divorcee, 2 single souls and the rest of the bunch are all married. It appears that apart from that one (or rather his wife) from the married bunch, the other 3 of us often end up on the same mahjong table.

And then you have the bunch of SBW... (I know some of you guys are reading this and it's meant for your eyes anyway... Celebrate! You're now mentioned on my blog, hence a celebrity. Ha! See you guys for lunch later!) Among them is DaftBitch, a tai-tai triathlete wannabe. She's been with her beau for the longest time ever and is not thinking of tying the knot due to various reasons. Not that we're pushing them for that but I think they're ready. However, DaftBitch is pretty much a character like myself. We're both loud, funloving, insane people but we think alot about life. She's alot more carefree than myself, or so I think. I tend to dwell too much into things. She mentioned she's not in a rush and I feel that mentally, she's got to be ready and no one can push her into it. Similarly for many of you out there who are thinking of getting hitched, I urge you to think if you can live a life with that special someone before rushing into it.

Ex-Sir's Sir is the divorcee I mentioned above. We've been the best of friends forever because he's always been there for me when I needed a friend. He married his sweetheart some years back because they have been together since school, went through that and NS and later on, their individual careers. Finally, they settled down. Little do they know, maybe the time is just not right and now, they are apart.

Ex-Sir's Sir asked me not too long ago if I'm hitting the panic button already. My thoughts are... Probably given some 5 years back, I would have been eager to jump onto the bandwagon with the rest of them. I'm thankful I didn't do that. And those of you who knows me, that relationship of mine that lasted slightly more than half a decade has ended and is defined nothing short of a disaster. Since then, I've never been in a rush.

Was asked if I would mind if my better half isn't ready in a couple of years when I'm turning yellow and haggard (Alright, I'm exaggerating..) I thought about it seriously. I think it's much more important for two persons to feel that they are on stable and solid foundation than to rush into a constitution that they are unsure of. Apart from giving children the legitimacy, I don't think the marriage certification would be of a big issue. In today's society and in particularly referring to myself, women are financially independent and we do not need the certification to give us the security we need. The security tends to be more emotional than tangible. As long as we know that we have a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear to mumble the daily grumbles to, we are usually more than happy.

But of course, I can't be too sure how things would be like in say 5 years time but I'm sure if I know that this is a person that I'm going to spend my life with, it's because he can provide me with the emotional security and is there for me to love and to hold and not merely tied down by the vow of till death do us part. The physical vow is nothing but bullshit. It is the willingness to live out the vows that really matters.

One of my favourite uncle who has been dating for more than a decade way before my Grandpa passed away, still hasn't got any plans to get married because he didn't see the need to and isn't bothered by my ever-nagging Grandma. I don't think why any of you out there should unless you plan to have kids or buy a HDB flat.

My favourite line still goes... "As long as you're here with me, nothing else matters."