Everytime We Say Goodbye, I Wish We Had Another Kiss

If one is found sitting in an empty and cold room staring into the promises written on the ball of the past, the legs curl up and you try to remind yourself, happiness is not measured by this moment but a collective series of episodes consisting of the past, present and the future. Hoping that crazy emotions doesn't get the better of things, you take a deep breather and just think of the most beautiful images you could ever piece together and recall. What is missed is often easily brought up by a song or a line but what could be missed could possibly mean a lifetime. Life brings about many junctions and many tend to detour you but once the destination is a clear one, perseverence will pay off. Or will it really? The junctions bring about opportunities and alternative happiness but eventually, it is the destination that you are concerned with. However, the company that keeps you going during this journey cannot be taken out of the equation. So what if the junctions are tempting, the decision lies within. When I believe it to be beautiful, it is not an illusion. It is beautiful. Bring me to life!



Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, fell the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

想太多

I remembered when we were young, our school bags were atrociously heavy. Every night, I'd religiously pack my bag to make sure that I will have the necessary the next day but not overpack. However, the possibility of overpacking was unavoidable due to personal anal characteristics that I'd rather overpack than underpack. To underpack would be disastrous. Which actually equates to a huge travel toiletries bag and that normally takes up a good quarter of my luggage for any short haul trips. When underpacked, I'd feel totally inadequate and my mood would normally hit rock bottom, killing the rest of my trips. Well, that generally applies to crucial items like spectacles, contact lenses, hair mask and my flat iron for the unmanageable hair.

Back to school bags, my parents were always worried if I run the risk of becoming the Hunchback of Notredame. And as the day passes, the bag becomes heavier. Or when the weather isn't quite going the way you want it to be, you just wish to dump the bag in some field and bury it forever till it turns to dust. I knew my parents would ensure I'm the one to bite the dust eventually so I gradually gave up that thought.

How many times have we found ourselves beginning a day with a light bag and subsequently found it too heavy for our shoulders? The contents hasn't changed and if any, cash miraculously disappeared during the day. For me, I blame it on the shopping indulgence happening once every blue moon. I prefer to call it retail therapy. Minus the shopping part, the shoulders get more and more tired without any significant addition to the general weight of the bag. The drag is painful but we're bound to carry them home. How many of these times do we wanna just head straight home (excluding the shopping trips in Hong Kong whereby it's so convenient to drop off your shopping at the hotel before returning to the mall for more killings) and not care about the load anymore? Sometimes we succumb to the sore shoulders but for myself, more often than not, I endured till the end of the day and happily head home to smile at my very victorious shopping trip. All is not wasted when you put on your pair of killer heels or that sexy little black dress. However, not all shopping trips end with good purchases. On days, you find yourself going back to swop but better sizes/colours or a total refund for the unwanted product. Though few and far between, it sure does happen. Undesirable but unavoidable. So the next time when your bag gets heavy, don't just flag a cab and head home. think of the more beautiful things awaiting for you at the end of the day. Hopefully, life gets more fulfilled.


你笑着说 他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔
我的不安 那么沉重
只有你不懂
他霸占了 你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说 我们 不是你和我

是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却没有 真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

他霸占了 你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说 我们 不是你和我

是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却没有 真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

我想我没有 错怪了什么
虽然你不说 都是错在我
太晚我才懂 爱了你太多

是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却没有 真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

Authenticity of Care

Every girl, and for that matter, every human being likes to be given the attention and to be cared for. But life is weird in the way when you are expecting concern from specific people, they tend to not notice your needs. On the very same page, you have people who care and gives you the attention you so desire. Does it really matter at the end of the day if such cares are genuine or are such concerns a selfish way to keep our emotions on a constant high? What is the yardstick for authenticity then?

I suppose if we look at our life like the GPS navigation system. One needs to get from point A to point B. At times, we may need to take a detour but we're eventually headed to our destination. Other times, for one reason or another, we abort the current destination to hunt for the nearest mall. There are traffic warnings here and there but it boils down to oneself is you would want to bring withn the speed limit or beat that red light. Penalty may or may not come. The single most important factor determining the destination is eventually the driver him/herself. One decides if a detour is needed or desired regardless of the highlighted route.

Crucially, your conscience should be your natural direction in life. The destination may not be clear but clearly, the drive ought to be a safe and hopefully, interesting one.

Life's Eclipse

It's been quiet but it isn't dead. Besides work, my Blackberry has occupied all my other time frantically trying to find someone for dinner in the bare remaining hours I'm left with after work. Due to the lack of an interface to blog via my Blackberry, I've gone pretty darn silent. I'm back with a vengence and I'm determined to find a user friendly interface to start blogging again. If you have got any suggestions, please inform me.

After work, life mostly revolves around a short dinner cum coffee then it's straight home because by then, I'll be dead beat. Rarely do I have the luxury of spending hours out after working hours because I'd be expected to be at work on time, if not, before official start time. And to be working on the other end of this island, being at work on time is important yet discouraging.

To be home early has lost its appeal. Having my folks grumbling about my job and the limited promised dough isn't pleasant and with Skype no longer blinking away with highly anticipated conversations, to be home early has lost its incentive. However, going home slightly later doesn't mean that I have loads of time to unwind. Doubled with the lack of sleep, I'm beginning to look like a real zombie.

Hopefully, Cannonbola Run 3 this weekend can spice up my life that bit more.

THE Prada Bag

Shopping has always been my more feminine love and equally as painfully and detrimental to my pocket as my love for cars. Slightly more than a year back, I made my choice and adopted Kokoro. Subsequently, I lost my job and settled for a job I would never have imagined myself to take on. As much as it is interesting, it's not able to financially support my expensive passions. Not that I'm regretting and in fact, I'm thankful for such an opportunity. However, I do want to kill myself when I go shopping and realise I have lost the spending power I used to have. I started to think if things would have been better had I continued to plough on the same dry ground and hoping the rain starts to pour and on a daily basis, pray that things grow on the barren ground. I kinda like the way it is now that my life doesn't depend on the variant in my paycheck but that also means it wouldn't grow no matter how hard I work.

While staring at the black leather/fabric bag in Prada, I was so tempted to bring it home. When I was told that they have only brought in 5 pieces and that was the last piece, I nearly died because I wanted it so damn badly. My immediate reaction wwas thinking if I should go back to my previous line. to be honest, apart from the meagre paycheck, I do enjoy what I'm doing at the moment. But for the kinda headache I have to brave through, I am seriously overutilised on the per dollar basis. Don't get me wrong because I'm not complaining. I just wanted that bag quite badly but I cannot justify spending 2 months worth of car installments on it and not eat and spend for the rest of the month. Sigh...

Friday Entertainment

My self entertainment while facing pain at work, turning my anguish to laughter.

An internal email to a colleague:

"Dear XXX (XXX to protect my innocent colleague),

I think for general XXX (XXX to protect my innocent department) “Mental” Health, we should set up a course. Common Sense Development Course (CSDC) The purpose of this course is to reduce hazardous remarks that are said without putting any reasonable thoughts to it and causing grieve to others as a result. In the course, we will provide XXX (XXX to protect a particular government organisation) certified trainers which are commonly found in most zoos and humans call them monkeys. The honouranium will be in the form of peanuts.

Please approve this course suggestion so we can get non-English language certified courseware developers to start developing courseware plagued with spelling errors.

PS. I wore my watch on my waist today and my belt on my wrist. I’m so happy."
Another follow up email by me:

Dear XXX (XXX to protect my innocent colleague),

Thank you for the approval. Please note that trainees are able to claim special funds from Mandai XXXlogical (XXX to protect someone who doesn't quite need much protection) Garten but please do direct them to the Idiots Only Department (IOD). They have to meet the basic requirements as follows:

- From department of Sales/Marketing
- Certified as old ugly men and occasionally some old ugly women

Unfortunately, I’m sorry to tell you that you do not qualify so XXX (XXX to protect my innocent department) will not be able to sponsor you for the course as XXX (XXX to protect my innocent department in another desperate attempt) is the anal department always giving people trouble and always receiving others’ unwanted burden. You need to be ugly and stupid enough to qualify so in the event that you disfigured your face AND killed your brains, we will accept an appeal from you and might consider waiving your course fee.

I have just entertained myself on a PMS plagued, stressed up Friday.

Contentment Makes Life Cheaper to Maintain

It's been a few weeks at work and I'm drowning further. Having a great boss helped ease the load a fair bit but the opportunities given to me should not be undermined. I may not have a healthy bank account as most of us would like. I am, however, really thankful for the opportunity to learn in the job and as the days pass by, I am more in control of my jurisdiction. The steep learning curve has not deterred me in any way. In fact, it has pushed me to my limits and this limits kept seeing new peaks. At times, I was be amazed at my elasticity to stretch beyond what I would ever imagine.

Weekends have taken whole new meanings to "a darn good rest". All I want would be to stay at home and sleep with impromptu mahjong sessions slotted in between. My last weekend was exceptionally unforgettable with very little sleep but extremely fulfilled. I kinda like how my cash-poor, soul-rich life right now.

Saturday was a whole day event with Percival and MyPlyn's wedding. As a "jie-mei", I had to wake up early and work for "ang pow". All is done in good fun with the groom sweating his last drop my perspiration out. The banquet was held in St.Regis. Food was decent despite the bad reviews on the insufficiency in food portions. Personally, I thought it was alright and to top it all, the menu did not have any sharks' fin. Most wedding dinners should adopt this as sharks' fins can easily be replaced. In this case, each guest was served with a whole abalone, albeit it wasn't huge.

Sunday was the charity event that set me out to write this post. Together with some MediaCorp artistes and RJC, one of the car forums that I tend to be rather active in, was involved in a charity event for Boon Lay constituency called "Bring A Hope".



The objective is to deliver some food and to find out the wishes of the individual families and come Christmas, we will try to fulfil their wishes. Growing up in a dual income family, I hardly came across extreme poverty in Singapore. And by saying that, I mean people who can't even afford their next meals. All they were wishing for were food and very little of luxuries. Domestic violence and drug addiction seemed prevalent in the neighbourhood. I've always been painted the beautiful picture that Singaporeans have little to worry about in terms of food at the very least. That wasn't the case at all. But of course, there were a couple of families which would refuse to even help themselves which made it hard for others to want to help them. There was a family when asked if they would like to work if offered a job, the answer we got was, "Too tired, don't want to work. No money. I want money" I only believe that God will only help those who help themselves. I can teach you how to fish but I can't be supplying you fishes forever.

This event was very meaningful because it made me feel so fortunate that I have a job, I know I can afford lunch and dinner, I have got proper limbs and a great mind to take me through life's journey. With contentment, my life is surprisingly filled with more smiles. That is how I feel about my current job as well. Until I finally get drowned in the pile of emails.

ICU For Kokoro

As you might have read in my last entry that Kokoro is currently admitted to Volkswagen Hospital. It seems as though I've got a lemon in my garage. Not too long ago, the car kept coming back with engine light popping up. I suppose it's a little to early for Christmas street light up. It went through operations to get an entire list of stuffs replaced. They were all small issues until my recent drive up to Malacca.

It was a normal drive on the NSH and none of the B roads, hence, the failure was totally uncomprehensible. Kokoro started to vibrate violently. The initial suspicion were the coil packs which the GTi is known to have problems with. On the way back from Malacca, Saints who took my car reckoned that it could be the manifold because the vibration was much worse than a mere coilpack problem.

true enough, after some diagnosis with VW, the problem was indeed the manifold. There was a leak and the injectors need to be replaced. Kokoro has been in there for the past 2 weeks and I doubt it would be out today as well. His heart (ie. the engine) is currently out of the body and operations to get it back up and running again is underway. Apparently, VW has admitted that it is a manufacturing fault. Although I love my car and I think with this price, I doubt I can get a better car, I'm still peeved that I'm paying all the taxes/licences and installments at the moment and I don't get to drive it. It is just depreciating daily in value just sitting in VW. I don't quite wanna fault them but my patience is running out... QUICK!

Oh where oh where can my baby be...

The Blackberry Addiction

You know you're addicted to your Blackberry when:

1. You can't leave home without it.

2. It's the main point of contact anyone can get it be it via a phonecall, SMS, email, IM, BB Messenger (well, another form of IM but not quite... totally adore the function which brings me to my third point...)

3. You don't just give someone your email address or contact number. You give them your Blackberry Pin. By the way, do leave a message if you're a genuine friend and wants to add me to your BB chat.

4. You are constantly trying to avoid walking into a lamp-post.

5. You need a charger in the office, at home and in the car. That's not it, you will also need the USB cable just in case the power runs out during a meeting and you can just plug it to charge via your laptop.

Alright, I'm THE addict!

No Time Mdm

if you are thinking that I've probably vanished into thin air, you're not far from right. I have in fact been moving around quite a bit. The past weeks had been anything but peaceful. It all started with my Dad getting admitted of a sudden to the hospital and was placed in the ICU. The word "ICU" alone scares the hell out of many of us, me included. That's one anecdote that I'll have to take another day to illustrate but Dad is home, safe and sound. He just got to watch his diet and not take too much greens due to the presence of vitamin K in them. I thought that was heavenly diet since I'm pretty much a carnivore.

I used to stare at horoscope predictions and wonder where they got the "this week/month is bad for travelling..." There were no predictions by any readings so do not start asking me which tarot or fengshui master I went to. My very last Shanghai trip before I started work, ah hem yes I started work this week which explains why I've been so busy, started off really bad as I lost my wallet on the plane TO Shanghai. Subsequently, my car ran into some trouble during a drive to Malacca and is still now in Volkwagen hospital undergoing some operation.

Work has driven me crazy but with loads of adrenalin pumping through my body. It is not one that pays like my previous jobs and the scope is far wider. This is a good learning experience and I'm going to get up and running as soon as possible to prove my limited worth. Wish me luck!

Chia Orh Orh

An entire week of silence. Do you miss me? Running around was the most generic description I can think of to give you an idea of what I've been doing. For today, Specifically, I went to get the tinting on my car redone. The previous tint on my car was done by Vkool. The product itself was amazing and the ability to shield heat was great but it was reflective and attracted both the traffic police and the LTA to issue me with sufficient warnings. However, the workmanship was far from ideal. Uneven holes were cut out where the IU unit is and aesthetically, it was horrific.

Through a particular car forum, I came across a familiar name highly recommended from another forummer. The phone number provided rang a bell. With the possibility of embarrassing myself recognising the wrong person, I decided to drop him a text. true enough, it was a friend whom I haven't met for at least the past 8 years or so. He was one of those people who got me really interested in cars and even did a donut (with me in it) at the Kallang McDonald's carpark. He now owns a tinting shop and so I went to him. Initially, it was purely because he's an old friend and I really wanted to catch up. The tinting was a catalyst since I got caught yet again by traffic police earlier this week.

Sitting in his office watching his employees work on my car, removing the previous tint and the excessive amount of glue. What really impressed me was the attention to details and the meticulous work was shown by the absence of air bubbles. If anyone of you needs tinting to be done on your call, do get his number from me. THIS IS NOT AN ADVERTISEMENT. This is merely a testimonial from a satisfied customer...

Busy Bee

Since my departure from my last job, I've been idling around. Perhaps idling isn't the best word to describe since I've been kept very busy. Interviews for one particular opportunity kept me shuttling from one end of Singapore to the other end and since I'm already in the west, I ended up at Xiaohong's place almost every other day. Then again, even without those interviews, I'll still end up there for mahjong or Texas Hold'em. Other friends who already regard the "clubhouse" as THE Clubhouse also visited there regularly which gives me even more reasons to plant myself on her sofa. Being with fun people who cares, I wouldn't ask for more. Having the company of people who value add your life and allow you to add value to the community, I couldn't ask for more.

Over a session when they were making fun of me and my blog, this song was the talking point. I volunteered to translate the lyrics to English. Do not think attempt to tease me based on the lyrics. I admit, I'm a hopeless romantic but definitely not so bad that it'd send a shiver up your spine. On top of which, the lyrics were NOT written by me. I just like the song... And although it also carries the thoughts from me to the man thousands of miles away but but but... More explanation would only get me deeper into the quick sand.

Here's the literal translation:
用你的早安陪我吃晚餐
Wishing me good morning during my dinner
记得把想念存进扑满
Keeping my thoughts in the piggy bank
我望着满天星在闪
Staring at the shining stars
听牛郎对织女说要勇敢
牛郎 telling 织女 to be brave (牛郎&织女 are characters of a chinese folklore referring to a couple who are apart)

别怕我们在地球的两端
Not afraid of being on the opposite ends of the Earth
看你的问候骑着魔毯
Seeing your greetings on the magic carpet
飞用光速飞到我面前
Flying to me in lightning speed
你让我看到北极星有十字星作伴
You showed me that 北极星 will always have the company of 十字星(Southern Cross = 十字星; Northern Star = 北极星; Both Stars are known to be always together)

少了你的手背当枕头我还不习惯
Without your arm as my pillow, I'm still not used to it.
你的望远镜望不到我北半球的孤单
Your binoculars can't see my loneliness in the Northern hemisphere
太平洋的潮水跟着地球来回旋转
Tides of the Pacific Ocean are rotating with the Earth
我会耐心地等 等你有一天靠岸
I'll be waiting patiently for your return

少了你的怀抱当暖炉我还不习惯
Without your hug, I'm still not used to it
E给你照片看不到我北半球的孤单
My loneliness is not depicted in the picture I emailed you
世界再大两颗真心就能互相取暖
No matter how big the world is, our hearts can seek warmth in each other when they are real
想念不会偷懒 我的梦通通给你保管
Missing you is not something that I'd be lazy to do, my dreams are in your safekeeping

Videos of Cannonbola Run 2

Havne't got the time to blog much as I've been very kindly babysitted by friends since Penguin's departure to Kimchi land. However, much thanks to fruitcakepablohoney, the videos from Cannonbola Drive is now on YouTube. While I occupy myself with even more mahjong games, enjoy the videos for now.

The Slow Drive Up Cameron


Top Of Cameron


Almost Empty Roads on Gua Musang




R32 Wabbit Killer In Action


Super Slow Off Road


Towards Lake Kenyir


Scenic Lake Kenyir

For Today, For Tomorrow

While enjoying the brief sunset on the way to pick up your tangible belongings before you leave for the next few months, I stared at the light blue sky wondering what would you be doing the very next day at the very same time. By then, we would be looking at the same sky but thousands of miles apart. I wondered when will be the next time we can get to enjoy the same sunset again together, driving from place to place in the same car, feeling one another's hands and heartbeat. I miss your presence.

During the brief departure at the airport, I couldn't hold back the salty tears anymore. The warmth the tears carried would witness our last hug and kiss for a long time. I didn't had the courage to turn around and look back because I knew I wouldn't want to let you out of my sight. Trying with all my might, I tried to remember your eyes, your nose, your smile and your smell. Looking forward to our next meeting, I made do with the hugs and kisses from my memories. On my way to the car, I couldn't hold it any longer, I ran back to the car and wailed like a kid on the first day of school with my parents leaving me and not knowing if they are coming back for me. I miss your warmth.

Before you left, you told me to wait for you. I thought how silly because that was naturally expected. I also know both of us should not take anything for granted. So with the danger of having swollen eyes the very next day, the emo dam opened itself again. Almost anything you said would definitely trigger the waterfall. I already miss you. I miss your voice.

Lying on my bed, I miss the time we cuddled and watch Discovery Channel. The week when you were here, my bed was your home. Coming home to a skinny body occupying my side of the bed made me had to fight for my natural right to come back to my space. I would give you my spot right now just to have you here with me. I miss your smell.

You were just gone and I can't wait for you to return. That would be months ahead but you know I'll be here. I will be your emotional support just like you've been mine. Take care my dear...

Run With Me

There was never a moment in my life that tears were so readily available and I was surprised with my biological generousity. The anticipation of departure hurts but knowing that this is temporary and in his words, for a better future, I just had to suck it in and live with it. The pain is partly attributed to the uncertainty in the life of yours truly. Not knowing what will happen the next day, having a warm shoulder definitely helps. Being emotionally needy, my tears couldn't ease things but probably made it harder for him to go which wasn't any part of my intentions. I know I'll be fine and so will everything else. Maybe it's just me completing the drama side of my alter ego, the tears became part of the set. Not that I could help it...

A few months isn't exactly a long time but neither is it short when so many things are up in the air bearing no hint of concrete in them. Seeing him through the screen will probably be the sole temporary comfort both of us can look forward to. The hardest part should be the initial part and once the turbo lag ease off, the journey ahead should be smoother. I guess it helps when there's mutual understanding on what we're both in for and working towards what we want and wish to achieve. In our different arenas, we're walking in the same direction and reaching out for that common end point. The race may seem tiring but knowing that someone is running it with you, the reassurance is all it takes to calm some nerves. To be strong is not an option. To be brave is only mandatory. To love is inherent.

Here We Go Again...

In less than a year, for the second time, there's no need to wake up early for work. This time around, the situation is different and it wasn't quite voluntary but more circumstancial. The crash of the market during Q4 last year couldn't have been more untimely for me. All forms of business development have gone to waste and the relationships built up over the years need to be shelved aside. Funnily, the announcement came as a relief to me more than anything. Instead of living in constant worries, the confirmation served its purpose. A week away from saying bye to Penguin for months, this is oddly enough a piece of news to set his mind at ease before he takes off. To me, it matters to myself that I will not become the root of his worries while he's busy with work. The effect of the paradigm was a bag of totally mixed up emotions and sleepless nights. Considering to stay or to leave the industry altogether and how much of a paycut am I willing to take for stability. With prematured intentions to provide the best for my family in future, I wanted to do more in my prime. Again, my mind runs... and runs...

Drink & Drive

Periods of exasperation when things seem to be going nowhere because communication is either not present or doubts arising from fear and suspicion seemed to have masked the trust. Who would have thought the air would be clearer with some alcohol? With inherent Asian flush and very low tolerance for alcohol, it would be unlikely that I'm the one who gets drunks and still be able to spout sensible nonsense. Well, that's because it is not me!

With the imminent departure of Penguin to Kimchi-land, uncertainty fills the air with gloom bearing the effect of getting the involved parties all edgy. Guilty of casting ridiculous doubts, I would sit myself by the window just before my bedtime to reassess my thoughts and actions. Often, the stubborn side of me would brush things off and continue my adament ignorance of my better half. It didn't quite help when the other person is equally as stubborn or if not, worse. Aimless low temperature brought most improvements to a freezing stop. This was going nowhere...

Our very second movie date over the past 8 over months since we started seeing one another was Fast & Furious 4 which themes over cars, pretty much a subject very close to our hearts. As with every other above average movies, there was a plot and the show was on the overall, enjoyable. But it was the fact that we were watching a movie, out my our own without being in the presence of other common friends or getting stucked in a car workshop, that brought out the extra grin in my smile. Both of us enjoy being in the presence of friends, doing things in a huge group, going for dinners, meetups, drives, coffee but there was only as far I could go without "Snugtime". In several attempts to suggest more "Snugtime", we never got too far off from planning for the weekend and eventually finding ourselves spending time on or around the mahjong table. It was getting emotionally taxing because it was totally non-directional and unhealthy for a budding relationship. I supposed that was where all the edginess and traces of frustration rooted.

When he spoke, he didn't stop. And I love that. It was a rare occurance. It was that bit of alcohol in the blood stream that opened up the walls of his emotional dam. To know what and how he really feels and hearing it directly from him, means far more to me than the usual "you should know I care"... The usual response would be "I do but but but..." and I get lost in a flood of frustration that indirectly caused the loss for words. At times, I would wish I have the special capability Mel Gibson has in "What Women Wants" just to know what is between those cute Mickey Mouse (my very first impression of him btw) ears. It was amazing what was really deep down could be driven out by some beer. After the sub coherant yet unexpectedly fruitful conversation, I'm just glad directions are still similar and we both have nothing to worry about even when his presence is being missed for the next few months.

It will be the hug, the kiss and the sheer warmth of the body that I look forward to in a few months' time. I will miss you...

Leaving On A Jet Plane

April is coming to an end and the beginning of May is dreadful. The start of leading singlehood life knowing that an important person in life is staring into the same sky is thousands of miles away. I guess it's just part of life and the processes we have to go through. At the same time, this might just be the test we need to weather the worse. On one hand, I'm glad that this special person is someone whom I can trust to handle the toughest coming along his way and I can rest assure that he will come back the same person, if not, a better him. On the other end of the spectrum, worries rush in inevitably filling up the unknown. At this time when everything in my life is unstable, a very distant imaginary hug is all I'm left with, unassuringly reassuring.

How often have we forgotten how life is like to have the extra freedom again which essentially was never ever taken away from us. I was never stopped from doing my own things but time has morphed to become ours and as an item, often referring to us instead of you and me. It was alot of laughs and smiles with the occasional sulk and silence, all part and parcel of learning more about the other person.

For the coming months and months, the refuge and comfort I seek will more often be in the form of written words, occasional voice exchanges, a daily imaginary hug to sleep and a constant thought of the other party's well-being.

If you know I'm always here thinking of you, that's all enough for me.

Instinctive Animal Chase

Every girl dreams of a once in a lifetime fairy tale like relationship and one day, Prince Charming will give her that one kiss and bring her back to his castle living the promise of "to have and to hold". But in reality, there are too many factors playing in my minds, the society and circumstances. The mating game of chasing and to be chased has been played all too many times. The insufficient sense of security often brings some of us back to the starting point. The failure to ensure faith brings the others to the end point. Some are stuck revolving in the maze of confusion or amusement. Is it plain animal instinct or human nature that people tend to stray and find it a task to remain truthful and faithful? This takes us back to whether white lies are lies and if maintaining silence is dishonest.

Where absolute trust is involved, things beautify. Should the trust be broken, the crack may simply be irreparable. The more solidified the state of trust is, the crack will only be greater and the cost to bring it back to the original state, may have gone up exponentially. Should human beings still maintain their animal instinctive need to hunt for more food, never doubt the natural human instinct to know where good and bad food can be found. On the same note, I've heard and experienced the amazement of sixth senses and the ability of some to sniff out the fouls. Even the thickest of the lot might just dig out or even chance upon the rotten bits in the pile. Life is wonderfully painful during times like that.

Just heard this quote from a mindless soap opera but made sense to me... "The essence of love is not about the tears but the happiness." The hunt for the eternal smile continues for many....

When The Sky Is Blue And The Water Is Calm...

Was lunching with Bster and Jie Mei Videographer yesterday and we were on the topic of relationships and the handling of emotions. There are often a myriad of emotions in us and the internal struggles can be unbelieveable. Most of us know what we ought or not ought to do and I tend to do the opposite. I can't say the ability to give in to other people is in my nature but I grew to realise that the unknowing act of giving in inevitably breeds complacency in others. When being taken for granted, is one or the other to be blamed for allowing the presence of it?

Sick and tired of the mindless and aimless silence, one would often succumb to the real warmth of having a person, a listening ear. In the absence of them, the mind wanders and doubts. Where is the road heading to?

Girls are often said to have the prerogative of having the time of the month and a reasonable pinch of unreasonableness. Not to justify such an action, I don't see no fault in this. There has to be a point or an avenue where we can let it all out. Have I lost that prerogative in the pursuit of the warm body?

In a desperate attempt and need to transform such anguish to tears, the silence screams and shouts seem to fall short of the need to uphold dignity. Maintaining a smile and calm composure, life seems to go on without a hitch. The wriggling worms in the mind hasn't stopped moving even though the water surface seems serene. When will one be able to let it all out and let it go? Who even cares?

The difficulty of not being able to rest the mind and go to sleep seems to override the need to keep the water surface flat. The tossing and turning kills whatever that was holding back the dignity. When all you need is probably a tight warm hug, reassuring you that everything will be fine. You find yourself seeking this in an endless quest. The fight between holding onto your beliefs and the need for that cuddle goes on.

On a separate note, thou did an online personality test and here's my results:

Providers take it upon themselves to insure the health and welfare of those in their care, but they are also the most sociable of all the Guardians, and thus are the great nurturers of social institutions such as schools, churches, social clubs, and civic groups. Providers are very likely more than ten percent of the population, and this is fortunate for the rest of us, because friendly social service is a key to their nature. Wherever they go, Providers happily give their time and energy to make sure that the needs of others are met, and that social functions are a success.

Highly cooperative themselves, Providers are skilled in maintaining teamwork among their helpers, and are also tireless in their attention to the details of furnishing goods and services. They make excellent chairpersons in charge of dances, banquets, class reunions, charity fund-raisers, and the like. They are without peer as masters of ceremonies, able to speak publicly with ease and confidence. And they are outstanding hosts or hostesses, knowing everyone by name, and seemingly aware of what everyone's been doing. Providers love to entertain, and are always concerned about the needs of their guests, wanting to make sure that all are involved and provided for.

Friendly, outgoing, neighborly - in a word, Providers are gregarious, so much so that they can become restless when isolated from people. They love to talk with others, and will often strike up a conversation with strangers and chat pleasantly about any topic that comes to mind. Friendships matter a great deal to Providers, and their conversations with friends often touch on good times from years past. Family traditions are also sacred to them, and they carefully observe birthdays and anniversaries. In addition, Providers show a delightful fascination with news of their friends and neighbors. If we wish to know what's been going on in the local community, school, or church, they're happy to fill us in on all the details.

Providers are extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them somewhat self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. Loving and affectionate themselves, they need to be loved in return. In fact, Providers can be crushed by personal criticism, and are happiest when given ample appreciation both for themselves personally and for the tireless service they give to others.

First 3 Months

This article by Shawn Woo brought back the time when I was doing my first 3 months. I was posted to Outram Institute which technically wasn't a junior college but A'levels courses were offered over a period of 3 years instead of 2. I reckon I had wanted to go to a polytechnic after that so I jolly well go enjoy my version of "JC life" for a while.

Firstly, the uniform swopping was more than simple fun. We get to try the oddest, the most colourful, the most unbelieveable or even the most "pretty" uniforms. It's a little like fulfilling your "childhood fantasy" and donning the uniform of the school that you either always long to go to or the craziest uniform that you'd never imagine yourself wearing. The cutest uniform has got to be the uniform of Outram Institute itself. The "uniform" part between the genders were the grey bottoms but like baby clothings, the girls were dressed in pink tops and the boys in baby blue. Going to school everyday is like a new discovery to find your schoolmates in yet another different set of uniforms. Probably the only uniforms that weren't popular were those from St Margaret's (for the girls) and Catholic High (for the boys). By now, Moody Penguin would be running after me with an exhaust pipe. (Teehee...)

Orientation hopping wasn't so "in" during my time because we had so much fun just hanging around with our "temporary classmates" that we barely had time for anyone/anything else. But due to the shuffle of the second intake, I had my best orientation at Serangoon JC although I was there for merely 3 days until I was shoved to wear the turquoise apple green uniform.

It's quite sad to know these things are slowly being phased out and our next generation will never quite understand when we say, "during those days..."

My first 3 months was one of my happiest times. All I did was play, play and play. I was training for basketball day and night, for schools, clubs, youth teams etc. You would have mistaken me for a scrawny, Indian girl because my complexion was so dark, friends whom I haven't met for a while then, wouldn't have been able to pick me out from a crowd. There were no stress from school nor work. I hated my management clases but I never had to do much work. Responsibilities as the class chairman barely put on any pressure on me because all I had to do is to mark everyone's attendance and regardless whether they were present at the beginning of the day, no one was ever absent because I'd be ticking the attendance from a McDonald's in Serangoon chomping down on my breakfast. I was everyone's best friend then. (for a reason of course, isn't that obvious?) If only I could turn back time, I'd wanna do my 1st 3 months again... It's like being a baby but yet you can choose to do everything you love...

Susan Boyle

Many dreamt of "The Moment" in their lifetime. Some bear hopes and dreams that one day they will walk up the stage or down the aisle and be the centre of attraction. Kelly Clarkson, upon winning the first American Idol, went on to sing what seems like the most apt song for her - A Moment Like This.

A Moment like this.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.
Some people search forever for that one special kiss.
I cant believe its happening to me.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.


Over the past few years, I've always watched these talent search shows with a pinch of salt because the Singaporean version never quite turned out too fantastic and I was never quite encouraged me to even participate (yes, there's a trapped star in me dying to shine...) But nevertheless, moments of William Hung and Connie Talbot does provide that bit of entertainment we need to brighten up our lives. When we first looked at William Hung or Connie Talbot, we know exactly what we are expecting due to their images - A nerdy wannabe who can't sing for nuts and a beautiful little girl with an exceptional voice respectively. But Susan Boyle gives the saying "Never Judge A Book By Its Cover" a whole new meaning. Putting aside your discriminating and judging look, open up your ears, enjoy the video. She had the moment of her lifetime... Whether if she eventually got her recording contract, this was the moment that no one cared how she looks like but purely and genuinely, appreciates her voice. Susan Boyle, you go girl!

Cannonbola Run

After the last weekend of helping a friend out at the booth of Poni Band at Suntec City, I had an allergy attack that hindered my ability to think cohesively and thought blogging would be absolutely disastrous. So while waiting for the body to recover from all the flowing mucus, tattered nose and groggy mind, I rested this place as well. To mark the end of the episode, I was "car-bound" for a few days.

A couple of friends had decided to do a Cannonbola Run which is essential a long drive through highways and B-roads for a few days. Moody Penguin on ransom of 1 instant mee goreng, has sold his approval to Dentist Wuuu Wuuu that we'll head up with the rest for the trip, putting Moody on potential perils and opened a hell lot of fun for the both of us.

When the bell rang for our 8th month anniversary, we took off for a 2D 2N drive in Malaysia. It was an endurance drive with extremely interesting people. The sounds from the comms set is still ringing in my ear, "oncoming black car in 200m then clear clear clear..." Our beachfront hotel in Kuantan was breathtaking, not that we had any chance to enjoy. After more than 12 hours drive, Moody Penguin fell flat after lunch and a good shower.

The short stopover at KL gave some of them a decent break - massages for the guys (including Xiaohong) and shopping for the girls. For Moody Penguin and myself, spending some "Snugtime" walking around KL. Must say, it was a fulfilling trip...

Buffet

"Boo-fay" or "Buff-fay" or even "Buff-fat", whichever way you call it, by buffet in this particular article, the reference is to the unlimited amount of food served in a place for a fixed sum of money per person. In short, it's "all you can eat". Although it has never attracted me, I must say the range at The Line at Shangri-La and the Sunday Champagne Brunch over at Ritz Carlton. You are not only spoilt for choices but the quality of the food isn't compromised just because it's a buffet. To be fair, they do come with a more interesting price tag.

Before I go on, you might wish to read this article on this chap who's complaining about an oyster buffet running out of oysters. What cracked me up and got me thinking was a comment posted at the bottom and it went, "Why so Kiasu? Is there a need to tell the whole world this? It's perfectly normal for a restaurant to run out of Oysters when there are so many tables full of people like you. Oysters do not fall from the sky, they need to be havested. Just because it's a buffet does not mean that they have the Oyster farm in their backyard. Things do run out and they often do. Be real. In any case, each of you did 6 runs of 4 oysters and a 7th of 3, means that you had 27 oysters, which is more than what I consume in a 6 months period. All that for only $38++/person, and not including the free fingers that you were offered. I think you have gotten your money worth. Be satisfied."

To a certain extent, I do agree that the restaurant should have more than sufficient to go around if they were to offer a buffet menu and should turn down customers should they find themselves low on their resources. On the other hand, I felt that the restaurant manager has also extended their apology in an appropriate way. If that chap is unhappy with the offer, he could have told them that he'll come back another day for more oysters probably for another 3 servings or something. I'm sure the restaurant can come up with some form of satisfactory compromise or compensation. All he did in his article is to purely show the ugly side of him wanting to get the most out of the money that he paid for. I guess in a way we all do but the approach just sounds wrong and reflects really badly on him.

Now, I'm craving for some good oysters...

Closing Down

Due to high levels of stress in my personal life and at work, I no longer have any passion to blog. Hence, my decision to close this blog down. Over the past years/months, I'm really thankful for people who have visited this blog on a regular basis. This blog has always served as an outlet for me and my emotions. My tears and anger are often translated into cryptic messages. Just for an official closing... I love you guys!

P.S. To my FatShark Guru and whoever is interested, the above was my April Fools' Day joke... Sorry FS. I even brought this joke to a bigger magnitude with you on MSN. I was feeling down but not to the extend of closing this outlet. Ha!

Sorry B and everyone else, didn't meant it in an emotional blackmail way. Was feeling down and a sense of alternative corniness yesterday.

Job Seeking Trauma And Fun

In an attempt to hunt for a reasonably good job that keeps me car moving and my interest flowing, I found myself clicking on the "Careers" button on Facebook. Due to my extreme lack of technical skills, I could offer nothing but possibly Human Resource skills. They do not have a job listed but instead, there was a link that guided me to an array of problems with their difficulty levels pegged. There were even a list of people who got hired because they solved the problems. So if you need a job, start solving some problems.

By the way, is anyone in pharmaceutical sales?

Imposter Syndrome

Found something interesting today. Have you ever heard of this syndrome called "The Imposter Syndrome"? According to Wikipedia, this syndrome is more common among women and in a gist, sufferers are unable to reconcile their successes/achievements/accomplishments and more often, they will dismiss it as luck. Not wanting to sound like a Münchausen victim but there are some instances in like where I felt that I don't deserve what I'm having. Although I always thought I've always been the most unlucky person around, I also recognise that I must be storing some good luck if I am where I am today. BUT I'm not having Imposter syndrome because I too acknowledge that I did put in the hard work that brought about some of the good things in life.

If you read my blog regularly, just take this post as one of my mindless rantings. I've been moping around with stupid thoughts that maybe I don't deserve what I have and what I have really isn't what I have. This sounds crazy, even to me. I wanted to say "ignore me" but by blogging this, I'm not exactly asking to be ignored, am I? Just one of the days...

I want to be the star that I believe I am. I want to be the star I know I can be. Where can I start finding the light source to keep the star shining?

What Women Want

Life's full of jigsaw puzzle pieces with jagged and rough edges and because there are not fixed rules and manner on how we should finish the jigsaw, we try in our every might to complete the picture. Inevitably, little spaces between the edges need to be filled up. Just like in every relationship, at most times it's not about the big things that you do but also the little things which it's not unsafe for us to term them simple pleasures in life (provided that they are things that brings smiles to our faces). So what do women really want in a relationship excluding the big pieces, just focusing on the little pieces that fills up the gaps?

- A hug from nowhere. Even if all you wanted to do is to sleep or get on with other things in life, taking that extra 10 seconds to hug the love of your life will mean more than the world to her.

- Call her even when you have nothing to tell her in particular. Need not be sweet nothings but just a call to ask how she's doing will definitely bring a smile to her face. And no matter how busy a woman is, she will always make time for the man she loves. If she's genuinely busy, she will call you back. Trust me!

- Spend a day of doing nothing. It's not about the swanky parties or expensive dinners, it's all about the quality time. The together time. The "Snug" time.

- Appreciate the little things she does. If you know she's more forgiving of you than she really should be, acknowledge that.

- Let her know she's not being taken for granted.

- Ex-girlfriends for friends is cool. Ex-girlfriends for confidante is NOT COOL at all.

- Reinstating point 1, hug her from behind. The closeness is usually unsurpassable.

- Compliment on how she looks. You do not need to lie. If the radioactive green is ugly, tell her maybe ruby red is better BUT she's got either nice shoes or hair though. I'm sure there's something you can compliment on. She doesn't need to know she's the prettiest girl in the universe but she needs to know she's beautiful in YOUR eyes.

- Run your hands through her hair. Smell her.

- She wants you to know she's the best thing that ever happened to you and you need to recognise that.

- Tell her what you're thinking even though you aren't even sure what you're thinking.

Lastly, if you love her, tell her... But only if you really mean it.

Earth Hour

Since young, I've been encouraged to be more environmentally friendly and even went home from school one day, forcing my parents to buy a CFC-free fridge. In every little way I can, I try in my mini might to do what I can. Being absolutely truthful, I'm not an angel and I'm not one who would go all out to do something big to make THE sort of difference. Though genuinely touched by marketing one-liners like, "The earth belongs to all of us..." etc, I've never been able to proactively campaign for any "Save The Earth" movement.

Here comes the chance for all of us to do something. I can't guarantee that I'll do that but I'll try. I'm sure many of you would have heard of Earth Hour organised by World Wildlife Fund. Whereever you are, just turn off your lights. Details as follows:

Date: 28th March 2009 Saturday
Time: 8.30 to 9.30pm Local time



You will not be the only idiot dining in the dark for 1 hour. World class landmarks will also join in this protest to vote for earth. In 2008, buildings like Empire State Building in New York City, Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, Sydney Opera House, London City Hall and the Colosseum in Rome, amng many others turned off all their non-essential lighting during the last Saturday of March 2008 between 8.30-9.30pm. this is not too difficult and let's hope we can do out bit for the land we live on. It's like paying rental but only this, happens just once a year.

Life in Snugathology

Was trying to sound smart and at the same time, was deciphering life. While trying to recall how the song Beautiful Boy by John Jennon goes, I stumbled on the lyrics and in which, this is quotable "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." As I thought it might be useful to some people around me, I came up with my very own quote about life and what I think of it.

"Life is what life brings us when life is what we bring to life."

A little along the line of "Do unto others what you want others to do unto you..."

What is life to you?

To me, only when you give, you receive. When you're ready to receive, just keep your arms open and things will fall into place. Or so I believe...

Ignorance Is Bliss?

In response to glamourous tai tais with their cheating husbands, I maintained that probably what you don't know will not hurt you. After seeing and hearing more than enough episodes to compile to have my own local version of 真情 (The longest running Hong Kong TVB serial), I can't say the same anymore. Coupled with the unimaginable, inexplicable ability that most women and some men have - The sixth sense. Many times, it's more than merely twitching eyelid, be it left or right, the physical reaction extends to heart palpitation, intense perspiration and short breaths.

Whatever happened to "knowing your enemies (知己知彼)"? With the advantage of information, one could fight a battle fully aware of the potential danger and Achilles' Heel of your enemy, hence, the chances of winning a battle rises exponentially. In a situation where the enemy doesn't attack, would ignorance been a better strategy than true schemes? The fear of knowing some things might happen might be worse than the actual battle itself. Take my only ever bungee jump in my lifetime, I was elevated via a creaky crane. Looking down through the seemingly weak platform with holes to allow one to see their way right down, created the best fear factor for me. I was nudged off the edge of the platform because I didn't had the courage to take the leap. All I could remember of the jump after that was the continuous scream on my way down and semi-permanent wrinkles that lasted for a few hours all because my facial features were squashed up by my scream during the jump. The anticipation of the jump was insane. I couldn't imagine what went through the heads of suicide victims when they were standing on the corner of the ledge.

If you're someone who believes in ignorance being the ultimate bliss like what I used to believe, what if one fine day, you stumbled upon packs of lies built on your foundation of your years of bliss, would the pain be any lesser than the little pains put together over the years which you could at some point in time be in control of your life and choose the life you want to lead? But of course, these are things we can't quantify, neither would I attempt you. No one has the absolute answer for such things. Some people even live in denial to prevent feeling the pain. But who is to say this person never shed a tear before bedtime. Is ignorance bliss for you?

Snake & Ladder

How would we usually describe our partners whom we marry or plan to marry? - A friend? A companion? A lover? A parent to the kids? Family? Best friend?

At times when you're thankful for having someone who speaks your language, who understands the alien-glish that you speak, then you start to wonder if this is someone you can share your deeper thoughts and darker secrets. To be fair, everyone has their untouchable piece that only belongs to only themselves. That is one piece that we should not attempt to pry open nor seek entry permission. When a door is ready, the door will open so prying doesn't help. In my opinion, prying will only scar the door frame.

But I suppose what seems like a door readily available to you is actually by invitation only. What that could potentially be a practical joke is that the person retaining and holding onto the key is someone you'd love to hate. And you start to wonder, which part of the "snake and ladder" game you're actually at. When you feel that you keep sliding back to square one but yet on good dice throws, you get so much nearer to safe ground, this is a game you love but hate to love.

My turn to throw the dice again...

Trauma? Nah... F*** it.

It's been a week of trauma and I hope it's coming to an end.

Part of the nightmare was tax-related and my life was greatly inconvenienced. This episode should come to a close real soon and my fingers are all crossed. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, procrastination has turned into real action and I can finally close this chapter and move forward. And on top of this, I might also have unknowingly solved some problems I'll be anticipating in the next few months.

Although I'm usually very expressive in my own way regarding emotions and things happening around me, most people wouldn't have a clue what exactly I'm talking about on my blog but in life, I'm just very real and straightforward. Many times, I stepped on others' tails because I thought, "well, since I've got nothing to hide." Truth is, we can trust no one with our own thoughts. As much as I'm trying to stay away from "toxic" zone, I'm still troubled but who we can call our friends.

You also start to pity people who accuse others and still can't make up their mind. Let's just say Big Black Wolf wrapped up in his latest fleece coat came to Little Rabbit one day and started accusing Little Bunny and said, "Why dun you find out yourself from your own boyfriend first before accusing..." and when Little Rabbit did by calling Penguin in her sleepy stupor because it was 2.45am, our Big Black Wolf started blaming Little Rabbit for running to her boyfriend for everything. True friends are those who bothers to find out the whole truth before judging but unfortunately, from one episode, too much too little of human nature were revealed. As trusting as one may be, the door shuts.

As I always tell Xiao Hong with regards to people's reaction to very loud and straightforward people, if they can't appreciate, we can't change their point of view. If they choose to believe what is painted as a beautiful picture, you can only wish them luck.

I used to hate to be wronged. I still do. But from such situations especially as you grow older, you see people's true colours.

It's A Chicken. No! Dinosaur! No... Peacock?

Taken from one of the trips to the Bird Park. Loads of fun and laughter. This picture still makes me smile...

Cankles and Cankles

The extensive talk about cankles with The Playground cracked me up on a low Thursday. As usual, our resident A&E Quack with his odd sense of humour opened a can of gossipy worms. We know of some people's fetishes with certain body parts but cankles is a totally different ball game altogether. Before I get whipped back to hell, I shouldn't go on making fun of people because I still want my ankles. I can't imagine the day that I put on so much weight till I have trouble locating them... I dread!

Anyway, on the topic of body parts, I wonder if there is a part that particularly attracts a person more than any other body parts. Some people are attracted to eyes, neck, chest hair and to most boys, the choices are limited to 3 - legs, ass or boobs. The "I like the whole package" doesn't quite work with me and it's not convincing at all. So, share with me what do you see in a girl/guy? It is true of course that we will still look at the whole package of the person before we reach a conclusion but fact is we are trained to focus on certains parts that are either exceptionally pleasing or enough training or experience, there might just be one particular part that draws you more than the rest.

I remember vividly that on Moody Penguin's first trip to Sepang and during those times, we were still platonic friends. Over the walkie (in an attempt to stay awake), Shameless Trackie and myself were trying to get an answer from him so we drilled, "Legs, Ass or Boobs?" He couldn't give me an answer which I was exasperated so I kept pressing on. At some point in time, when he was so sick and tired of my in-built broken recorder-styled interrogation, he did blurt "legs..." Pretty obviously, I'm not a leggy person and he wouldn't have wanted that quality from me because I haven't got it but I'm sure legs still turn his eyes and still catches your attention. So I reckon these are probably not qualities you look for in your partner but what makes you look twice. But of course, if only I have long slender smooth legs...

But if you were to turn the tables and ask me that question, I genuinely have no clear answer but I always love nice and sincere eyes. They can be big or small, double-lid or slant, brown or black. The eyes is a part that can't lie. As good as a liar someone may be, he will inevitably let out some clues if he/she were to look into your eyes. I believe it is a direct window to the conscience but whether we don the capability to decipher it, is a totally different story altogether.

Legs, ass or boobs? Cankles?

New Creation's New Creation

New Creation Church raised $19 million in less than 24 hours.

Firstly, I can't wait to see the building up soon. Then we won't have to attend services in the 3rd overflow room anymore. Rejoice!

My main purpose for this entry is not actually to talk about how much the church managed to raise to fund the new premise which I do not deny in itself, it is a huge blessing.

What scared me was a comment in the article - Graduate student Huang Wei Hsuan, 26, who is not a member of the church, felt that part of the funds could be used to "help those who are really in need, instead of being fully used to construct a new building".

As a 26 year old graduate student, she can actually be oblivious to what actually causes the economy to move and pick up again. If funds are always going to the needy, economy will never pick up and more people will join the ranks of the needy. I'm not saying we shouldn't help them but projects of such, should be carried out because such injections creates employment. The very basic of economics. Do you know how many jobs such a project will create and how money will grow money? In fact if Singapore can have 20 of projects of this scale, I can almost guarantee you, recession will be over sooner than you think.

Please remember only in good times, people are more willing to give. And during bad times, it's not because we're unwillingly but because we have lost the ability to. We should be focused on regaining the ability to give than to fault people for not giving.

For myself, I had to reduce my contributions to my sponsored child and I know that it isn't fair to him at all. But when it comes to my own survival, I did what I could. I have continued to sponsor him albeit with a smaller amount as compared to the usual monthly contribution I did previously. But I too hope the economy can pick up and I can continue to give what I used to or even more.

Much of our younger generations should open their eyes and not be so narrow minded. Please do not get me wrong that I'm trying to defend my own church. Everyone has a right to judge for what they see. To me, I just gave with a willing heart. But you have to have the right knowledge to be objective. I think great leaders have their reasons to ask the people to go out and spend...

You & Me Baby We're Nothing But Mammals

The song got stuck in my head since Moody Penguin brought this Bloodhound Gang song back from many years back. Somehow, you never quite forget how to sing it and before I knew it, I was singing to it with him. This is besides the point.

How many times have you found your innate animal instinct take over you? I tend to think that it's more than we can imagine. People get into fights everyday which could be in one way or another intruding into one another's territory although more often with human beings, territory can be defined in the most modern way and not just the physical space intrusion.

If you're a guy, you might be trembling with the thought that female praying mantis' eats/chews/bites her partner before, during and after the conception leaving the male mantis trying his best to stay alive. However, in most cases, the male specie will often be the more active hunter. Funny enough, when you dangle food right in front of them, they might just be totally uninterested. But ironically, the female specie are often caught serving the food even when not asked for. Does that in anyway makes the female specie less attractive and in modern human terms, be taken for granted?

Get To Know Yourself Better

Self discovery quizzes never fails to intrigue me and I've never gotten so stumped by any analysis more than the more below.

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Do yours now.

Concert Goers vs Concert Etiquette?

Daftbitch flew back last Wednesday and got really distressed with the flight changes because she had to be back for Jason Mraz' concert in Singapore on Thursday. This is one concert I'd really love to attend but I didn't. For someone with all his albums in the car's CD changer, I really appreciated his music but not quite a die-hard fan. Having watched his clips on YouTube, this man is an absolutely awesome live performer.

Over the weekend, I managed to catch some short clips people posted taken of the concert. Before I go on, you might think I'm saying this because of sour grapes but it's not. I just wanted to share my views on my observations. Most of the clips I saw had enthusiastic concert goers singing along with Jason Mraz who was doing his live gig. It seems almost like karaoke and I felt that concert goers weren't appreciating the live act. The difference between paying to watch him live because it's live and you're not gonna hear the same thing on the CDs. Then again, I must admit had I attended the concert on Thursday, I'd sing along too if the mood was right and true enough, I wasn't there to gauge. But that wasn't my point. Is it something about Singaporeans that we need to participate and sing along and can't just appreciate a concert for what it is. As concert goers, should be observe some kind of etiquette or decorum? I'm not an angel and definitely not a Stomper. But it also acts as a review on myself when I catch myself singing along when someone else is trying to appreciate his/her music. I'm definitely guilty of disrupting someone else's music or appreciation of other form of arts but what I'm trying to bring forward is the extra bit of consciousness in sparing a thought for others during public shows like these.

If you need to flame and blast at me, go ahead. I will approve every comment with no reservations.

Have You Ever Told Your Woman...

It is often viewed that women are more emotionally expressive than men. I was listening to Bryan Adam's "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman" this morning and started to think of the songs sung/written by both sexes. It surprised me that it was easier to find men churning out really emotional songs as compared to the women. It might just be the skill of song writing or that women express their emotions in a different way. Admittedly, I'm an extremely emotional person but expressing it, is a totally different ballgame altogether. There are no standard rules to this game. At times, I never let them run out of my protection, other times, I just let it all go only to have them come back and bite me real hard.

I don't know if I can ever have someone love me so much or to express their love in such magnitude and flow. That said, I'm a happy girl because I know what I already have and I'm not asking for more. Like a young shoot, given the seasons/time and the right climate, it will only grow exponentially. With that bit more patience and care, some things might just grow out of your initial expectations. Sometimes it's tough to express but it's important to feel it in the right place.

To really love a woman, to understand her
You gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought, see every dream
And give her wings when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her, that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
'Cuz she needs somebody
To tell her that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
Really, really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman, let her hold you
Till you know how she needs to be touched
You've gotta breathe her, really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood
And when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
'Cuz she needs somebody
To tell her that you'll always be together
So tell me have you ever really
Really, really ever loved a woman?

You've got to give her some faith, hold her tight
A little tenderness, you gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, taking good care of you
You really gotta love your woman

And when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
'Cuz she needs somebody
To tell her that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
Really, really ever loved a woman?


If only more men have that songwriter in them and express it in written or spoken words, their women would be willing to just be there for them, no matter what. It's not about not knowing but the power of expression shouldn't be overlooked and undermined.

I'm A Toys' R Us Kid

Feeling nostalgic. I wonder how many of you here can relate to this song.



I think it goes like this...

I don't wanna grow up
I'm a Toys' R Us kid
There's a million toys at Toys R' Us that I can play with
From bikes and planes to video games
I just wanna be a Toys' R Us kid

I can still remember Geoffrey the giraffe mascot and every weekend, when I visited my Grandma, I'd wanna go to the gigantic Toys' R Us at Marine Parade. But because we could barely afford the toys, I never wanted much but merely taking a walk in there and get out feeling happier.

My last trip to Toys' R Us was actually in 07/08 Winter, NYC. I was fascinated by the ferris wheel in the shop and Wii was just launched. So I was contemplating if I should indulge myself. At any age, I suppose they'd have something you'd wanna bring home - Be it Transformers (I've never had any Barbie doll by the way) or the game consoles nowadays, there's always a kid in us that they can attract.

Shoots And Ladders / Korn - Huh?

Took this off Fatshark Guru aka Pui Pui-est's blog... Now that I'm back on public transport, the iPod is back in action!

Rules of the game.
1. Put your iTunes on "shuffle".
2. For each question, skip to the next song to get your answer. You must use the title of that song as your answer, no matter how silly it may sound.
3. Tag at least 10 friends who might enjoy doing this, as well as the person who tagged you. (Not tagging but I guess at least 10 of you will read this...)
4. Tag someone you think has good shit on iPod
5. Tag someone whose music you dunno about


1. What would you say if someone were to say, "Is this o.k.?"
I Don't Feel Like Dancing / Scissors Sisters

2. What do you like in a guy / girl?
Ye Zi (Leaf) / Ah Sang

3. How do you feel today?
Raining Men / Geri Halliwell (Where? Where?)

4. What is your life's purpose?
Did My Time / Korn (Don't I Sound Jaded?)

5. What is your motto?
Yi Ge Ren Shui (Sleeping Alone) / Karen Mok (Just Sleeping Will Do... Really.)

6. What do your friends think of you?
I've Got The World On A String / Michael Bublé (This is interesting!)

7. What do you think of your parents?
Stay On The Road / Corrinne May

8. What do you often think about?
Here To Stay / Korn

9. What is 2 + 2?
Never Had A Dream / S Club 7

10. What do you think of your best friend?
Cai Hong (Rainbow) / MayDay (Question is, who's the best friend?)

11. What do you think of the person you like?
Fly Away / Corrinne May

12. What is your life story?
Just Another Day / Jon Secada

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Superwoman / Cao Ge (Haha! Incredible! I think I do, just in a different way from Marvel)

14. What comes to mind when you see the person you like?
Coming Home Baby / Michael Bublé

15. What do your parents think of you?
What Child Is This / Corrinne May (I swear I didn't come up with this...)

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
I Could Fall In Love - Selena (Actually I Might...)

17. What will they play at your funeral?
What I Want / Daughtry (It's all about me, right?)

18. What is your hobby / interest?
Promiscuous Girl / Nelly Furtado (Haha! This made me laugh...)

19. What do you think of your friends?
She's The One / Robbie Williams (How many friends do I actually have?)

20. What is the worst that could happen?
Joy To The World / Corrinne May

21. How will you die?
Learn To Fly / Foo Fighters (I never knew I have ever aspired to be a pilot but well..)

22. What is the one thing you regret most?
Push Up On Me / Rihanna (Good gracious... I was thinking of wonder bras and how they push me up and I hated it!)

23. What makes you laugh?
Venus / Bananarama

24. What makes you cry?
Over You / Daughtry

25. Will you ever get married?
Torn / Natalie Imbruglia

26. What scares you the most?
Hark The Herald Angels Sing / Corrinne May

27. Does anyone like you?
What About Now / Daughtry

28. If you could go back in time, what would you change?
Wo Men De Ai (Our Love) / F.I.R

29. What hurts right now?
Say It Isn't So / Bon Jovi

30. What will you post this as?
Shoots And Ladders / Korn

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

There's a faint double rainbow somewhere. Try spotting it...

Dream Home

These couple of weeks/months have been filled with people who bought houses, buying houses and planning to buy houses. Childhood friend bought his nest a while ago before taking the plunge recently but his Mom reminded me during the dinner, "you must have a house first before you can step into a marriage or else you might end up with no where to stay". True enough, considering the fact that I don't plan to live with my parents or in-laws. I've always stood by the age old belief that it's easy to get along with others when you meet occassionally but not when you're living together and see one another every single day. To keep everything simple and nice, it's only best to be on your own. Ideally, not be too far away from the parents and in-laws as they can always pop by to have a look when you're away or when the kids need to run to someone when there's no parent at home.

Daftbitch is funnier with her version of getting her in-laws involved. It basically involves the in laws covering a huge chunk of the house that is going to guarantee her kids to good schools within that 2km radius so these couple of months, she's been hunting high and low but what really tickles me is that someone who is as crazy as myself (if not, worse) as Daftbitch, is worried over the most nitty gritty when it comes to her house. Well, I guess if you're talking about your little nest, all that may seem insignificant, actually really matters. I would imagine myself to be even more fussy and anal when it comes to my turn.

I know of a few couples who just settles for whatever/whereever HDB "blesses" them with or whatever that comes along the way. Others are happy living with their in-laws because of unique situations where more often, it involves an unplanned little one. If given a choice, my house would be cosy. (Read: Small)

Having big spaces isn't really an issue for me although a nice view would serenade me every evening. As long as the house has its bare necessity (which includes a wardrobe, a fully functional kitchen, a family room, a bedroom, etc), size really doesn't matter. Smaller spaces will also mean an easier job when it comes to cleaning up. By the way, answering some of the voices, small is not equivalent to cramp.

More importantly, home is made up of the people and not the sheer space. Although it would be nice if things are made comfortable, without it, life still goes on. A home is what you make out of the house. Having said that, the way the place is gonna be done up will need special attention. As long as it's cosy with the right occupants...

洋葱

I've been listening to this song and can't help relating to the very well written lyrics.

如果你眼神能够为我
片刻的降临
如果你能听到
心碎的声音
沉默的守护著你
沉默的等奇迹
沉默的让自己
像是空气
大家都吃著聊著笑著
今晚多开心
最角落里的我
笑得多合群
盘底的洋葱像我
永远是调味品
偷偷的看著你
偷偷的隐藏著自己
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现你会讶异
你是我最压抑
最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸你会流泪
只要你能听到我
看到我的全心全意

听你说你和你的他们
暧昧的空气
我和我的绝望
装得很风趣
我就样一颗洋葱
永远是配角戏
多希望能与你有一秒
专属的剧情

Most people love and hate onions. Without onions, some foods might not taste half as good but it stinks. Many of my recipes are laced heavily with onions, take for example my clam chowder soup. My idea then was to cook it in such a way kids will still love it and not know it's onions but nowadays, I love them a little less fully sauteed so you get the bits of onion that still retains it's sting.

Some people liken me to an onion I suppose. At times when not prepared right, I leave a bad aftertaste in your mouth but because of the smell, it's not the most presentable dish but with everything else in life, without it, life goes on but may be a little less colourful. Not about to put myself on the altar with onions but I hope to think that I have made a difference.

According to the lyrics of the song, onions are always just a side and never the main. And if someone can take the take away the layers of the onions leading to the heart, you will hear the sincerity.

I have to admit I might not be the most pleasant person you'll meet in your life and I can bet, I don't come anywhere close. But friends who have been friends for a long time, who take the effort to know me better will know who exactly am I. Whether you'd appreciate me for who I am, I can't force that to happen and neither would I. I know there are parts of me that needs refining. I mentioned in my earlier posts that there are things I've seen my Mom doing and I hated it and worst of all, I could identify with the things I do. I'm not about to justify my actions but if it means me changing for the better for my own good, I'll do it but some things just takes time.

If you would take time to peel off the onion layer by layer, getting to know me better slowly, you will find a deeper side of me which I hope you can appreciate.

Childhood Friend

I think it's about 24 years but honestly, I lost count.

Attended my childhood friend's wedding dinner last night at Rasa Sentosa but missed the solemnisation during the earlier part because it was raining cats and dogs and I was desperately trying to find a petrol kiosk to feed Kokoro. It was running really low on Coke... I mean fuel. I get sugar low when I'm Coke deprived so it felt kinda the same.

Seeing his parents brought back some memories. We attended the same kindergarten, same primary school and eventually, same JC. His Dad sent both of us to school every morning during my JC days and he would take 15 minutes to warm up the car. Even then, I was always late. It was until I moved out of that area that we didn't quite keep in contact for a while. It wasn't too long before "Childhood Friend" tried to matchmake me with his friends. Although nothing came out of it, I made some friends and it was fun. With common friends, things kinda drew closer for both of us. I've always appreciated him for making the extra effort to be a friend whereas I just let fate take me to wherever and more often, nowhere.

When I was signing in, wedding helpers asked, "friends from where?" And I went like... "way back when... try childhood friends..." and HEY, I was there as "Childhood Friend". It might seem a little over-reacting but how many people can you actually categorise into childhood friend? He's probably my only childhood friend as far as I can remember! When he acknowledged me in his speech on stage, it was his wedding day mind you, I was slightly embarrassed but was so touched. As much as he always try to be politically correct being the up and coming grassroot leader, I wouldn't even expect anything even if he omitted me out of the speech.

A little anecdote I'd like to share about us during our childhood years. We were 7 and were waiting for the school bus to pick us up. It was after a raining morning and we were accompanied by his Mom and my Grandma. We saw toadstools and he warned me, "these are poisonous so don't step on them." Being the good girl I WAS, I didn't dare go near but I was still curious. So I tried to touch them with the tip of my shoes. Then he exclaimed, "No, the poisonous mushroom will melt your shoe." Man, that scared the hell out of me so I stayed really far away from toadstools until I was like in my teens that I realised they weren't that poisonous afterall and it would take ALOT OF POISON to be melting my Bata away.

Frankly, we're not like best of friends and we don't even have major common groups of friends. But it's part of being there for one another watching the other person hit certain milestones in life, acknowledging the presence of the other person and also your very own presence. These are people who form the skeletal part of your memories, a little like the "Join The Dots" kiddo game where he's part of some of the major dots although he might not be in the actual picture itself most of the times.

To Childhood Friend and you're called so because you're the one and only - I'm truly happy you found yourself a beautiful, sweet bride whom I know will be there for you and support you along the way. We know we'll still be here marking each other's lives along the way. Do know, I hold you very dear as my friend even if we may not have paths that crosses one another's. Congratulations and Happy 28th Birthday!

Ants On Fire

The level of worries escalates as the end of the month draw nearer knowing that my fate will be sealed if nothing happens. Being entirely helpless obviously does nothing to a mind that thinks that it has to do a g'zillion things at a time. That said, ironically, the body refuses to move. It is not the lazy bone at work but the thought and hope that things might take its turn, just allows procrastination to take its place. All these will end with the panic that sat in of a sudden and the realisation of how dire the following times can get. Maybe desperation is the only word that can aptly describe the situation.

As much as I think I'm possibly a very unlucky person but somehow, I'm often very blessed with little things in life that will sort itself out when comes crunch time. However, not to test fate and take life for granted, the hunting process for survival must be doubled up. God only help those who help themselves and I'm not about to feed myself with my excuses. Any food within reasonable reach is edible!

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

Let's Start From Here

Song by Joanna Wang that moved many. The soothing voice just adds on to the myriad of emotions that came with the lyrics. The videoclip can not longer be embedded so follow this link. Joanna Wang - Let's Start From Here

Giving up, why should I
I've come to far to forget
We're beautiful, we just got lost
Somewhere along the way
So much was missing when you went away
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here

Standing here face to face
A finger on your lips
Don't say a word don't make a sound
Silence surrounds us now
Even when you were gone I felt you everywhere
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here
Let's start from here

I've never been the one to open up
But you've always been the voice within
The only warmth from my cold heart
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don't need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don't need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn't seem to keep
I don't care where we go

Let's start from here