Ignorance Is Bliss?

In response to glamourous tai tais with their cheating husbands, I maintained that probably what you don't know will not hurt you. After seeing and hearing more than enough episodes to compile to have my own local version of 真情 (The longest running Hong Kong TVB serial), I can't say the same anymore. Coupled with the unimaginable, inexplicable ability that most women and some men have - The sixth sense. Many times, it's more than merely twitching eyelid, be it left or right, the physical reaction extends to heart palpitation, intense perspiration and short breaths.

Whatever happened to "knowing your enemies (知己知彼)"? With the advantage of information, one could fight a battle fully aware of the potential danger and Achilles' Heel of your enemy, hence, the chances of winning a battle rises exponentially. In a situation where the enemy doesn't attack, would ignorance been a better strategy than true schemes? The fear of knowing some things might happen might be worse than the actual battle itself. Take my only ever bungee jump in my lifetime, I was elevated via a creaky crane. Looking down through the seemingly weak platform with holes to allow one to see their way right down, created the best fear factor for me. I was nudged off the edge of the platform because I didn't had the courage to take the leap. All I could remember of the jump after that was the continuous scream on my way down and semi-permanent wrinkles that lasted for a few hours all because my facial features were squashed up by my scream during the jump. The anticipation of the jump was insane. I couldn't imagine what went through the heads of suicide victims when they were standing on the corner of the ledge.

If you're someone who believes in ignorance being the ultimate bliss like what I used to believe, what if one fine day, you stumbled upon packs of lies built on your foundation of your years of bliss, would the pain be any lesser than the little pains put together over the years which you could at some point in time be in control of your life and choose the life you want to lead? But of course, these are things we can't quantify, neither would I attempt you. No one has the absolute answer for such things. Some people even live in denial to prevent feeling the pain. But who is to say this person never shed a tear before bedtime. Is ignorance bliss for you?

Snake & Ladder

How would we usually describe our partners whom we marry or plan to marry? - A friend? A companion? A lover? A parent to the kids? Family? Best friend?

At times when you're thankful for having someone who speaks your language, who understands the alien-glish that you speak, then you start to wonder if this is someone you can share your deeper thoughts and darker secrets. To be fair, everyone has their untouchable piece that only belongs to only themselves. That is one piece that we should not attempt to pry open nor seek entry permission. When a door is ready, the door will open so prying doesn't help. In my opinion, prying will only scar the door frame.

But I suppose what seems like a door readily available to you is actually by invitation only. What that could potentially be a practical joke is that the person retaining and holding onto the key is someone you'd love to hate. And you start to wonder, which part of the "snake and ladder" game you're actually at. When you feel that you keep sliding back to square one but yet on good dice throws, you get so much nearer to safe ground, this is a game you love but hate to love.

My turn to throw the dice again...

Trauma? Nah... F*** it.

It's been a week of trauma and I hope it's coming to an end.

Part of the nightmare was tax-related and my life was greatly inconvenienced. This episode should come to a close real soon and my fingers are all crossed. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, procrastination has turned into real action and I can finally close this chapter and move forward. And on top of this, I might also have unknowingly solved some problems I'll be anticipating in the next few months.

Although I'm usually very expressive in my own way regarding emotions and things happening around me, most people wouldn't have a clue what exactly I'm talking about on my blog but in life, I'm just very real and straightforward. Many times, I stepped on others' tails because I thought, "well, since I've got nothing to hide." Truth is, we can trust no one with our own thoughts. As much as I'm trying to stay away from "toxic" zone, I'm still troubled but who we can call our friends.

You also start to pity people who accuse others and still can't make up their mind. Let's just say Big Black Wolf wrapped up in his latest fleece coat came to Little Rabbit one day and started accusing Little Bunny and said, "Why dun you find out yourself from your own boyfriend first before accusing..." and when Little Rabbit did by calling Penguin in her sleepy stupor because it was 2.45am, our Big Black Wolf started blaming Little Rabbit for running to her boyfriend for everything. True friends are those who bothers to find out the whole truth before judging but unfortunately, from one episode, too much too little of human nature were revealed. As trusting as one may be, the door shuts.

As I always tell Xiao Hong with regards to people's reaction to very loud and straightforward people, if they can't appreciate, we can't change their point of view. If they choose to believe what is painted as a beautiful picture, you can only wish them luck.

I used to hate to be wronged. I still do. But from such situations especially as you grow older, you see people's true colours.

It's A Chicken. No! Dinosaur! No... Peacock?

Taken from one of the trips to the Bird Park. Loads of fun and laughter. This picture still makes me smile...

Cankles and Cankles

The extensive talk about cankles with The Playground cracked me up on a low Thursday. As usual, our resident A&E Quack with his odd sense of humour opened a can of gossipy worms. We know of some people's fetishes with certain body parts but cankles is a totally different ball game altogether. Before I get whipped back to hell, I shouldn't go on making fun of people because I still want my ankles. I can't imagine the day that I put on so much weight till I have trouble locating them... I dread!

Anyway, on the topic of body parts, I wonder if there is a part that particularly attracts a person more than any other body parts. Some people are attracted to eyes, neck, chest hair and to most boys, the choices are limited to 3 - legs, ass or boobs. The "I like the whole package" doesn't quite work with me and it's not convincing at all. So, share with me what do you see in a girl/guy? It is true of course that we will still look at the whole package of the person before we reach a conclusion but fact is we are trained to focus on certains parts that are either exceptionally pleasing or enough training or experience, there might just be one particular part that draws you more than the rest.

I remember vividly that on Moody Penguin's first trip to Sepang and during those times, we were still platonic friends. Over the walkie (in an attempt to stay awake), Shameless Trackie and myself were trying to get an answer from him so we drilled, "Legs, Ass or Boobs?" He couldn't give me an answer which I was exasperated so I kept pressing on. At some point in time, when he was so sick and tired of my in-built broken recorder-styled interrogation, he did blurt "legs..." Pretty obviously, I'm not a leggy person and he wouldn't have wanted that quality from me because I haven't got it but I'm sure legs still turn his eyes and still catches your attention. So I reckon these are probably not qualities you look for in your partner but what makes you look twice. But of course, if only I have long slender smooth legs...

But if you were to turn the tables and ask me that question, I genuinely have no clear answer but I always love nice and sincere eyes. They can be big or small, double-lid or slant, brown or black. The eyes is a part that can't lie. As good as a liar someone may be, he will inevitably let out some clues if he/she were to look into your eyes. I believe it is a direct window to the conscience but whether we don the capability to decipher it, is a totally different story altogether.

Legs, ass or boobs? Cankles?

New Creation's New Creation

New Creation Church raised $19 million in less than 24 hours.

Firstly, I can't wait to see the building up soon. Then we won't have to attend services in the 3rd overflow room anymore. Rejoice!

My main purpose for this entry is not actually to talk about how much the church managed to raise to fund the new premise which I do not deny in itself, it is a huge blessing.

What scared me was a comment in the article - Graduate student Huang Wei Hsuan, 26, who is not a member of the church, felt that part of the funds could be used to "help those who are really in need, instead of being fully used to construct a new building".

As a 26 year old graduate student, she can actually be oblivious to what actually causes the economy to move and pick up again. If funds are always going to the needy, economy will never pick up and more people will join the ranks of the needy. I'm not saying we shouldn't help them but projects of such, should be carried out because such injections creates employment. The very basic of economics. Do you know how many jobs such a project will create and how money will grow money? In fact if Singapore can have 20 of projects of this scale, I can almost guarantee you, recession will be over sooner than you think.

Please remember only in good times, people are more willing to give. And during bad times, it's not because we're unwillingly but because we have lost the ability to. We should be focused on regaining the ability to give than to fault people for not giving.

For myself, I had to reduce my contributions to my sponsored child and I know that it isn't fair to him at all. But when it comes to my own survival, I did what I could. I have continued to sponsor him albeit with a smaller amount as compared to the usual monthly contribution I did previously. But I too hope the economy can pick up and I can continue to give what I used to or even more.

Much of our younger generations should open their eyes and not be so narrow minded. Please do not get me wrong that I'm trying to defend my own church. Everyone has a right to judge for what they see. To me, I just gave with a willing heart. But you have to have the right knowledge to be objective. I think great leaders have their reasons to ask the people to go out and spend...

You & Me Baby We're Nothing But Mammals

The song got stuck in my head since Moody Penguin brought this Bloodhound Gang song back from many years back. Somehow, you never quite forget how to sing it and before I knew it, I was singing to it with him. This is besides the point.

How many times have you found your innate animal instinct take over you? I tend to think that it's more than we can imagine. People get into fights everyday which could be in one way or another intruding into one another's territory although more often with human beings, territory can be defined in the most modern way and not just the physical space intrusion.

If you're a guy, you might be trembling with the thought that female praying mantis' eats/chews/bites her partner before, during and after the conception leaving the male mantis trying his best to stay alive. However, in most cases, the male specie will often be the more active hunter. Funny enough, when you dangle food right in front of them, they might just be totally uninterested. But ironically, the female specie are often caught serving the food even when not asked for. Does that in anyway makes the female specie less attractive and in modern human terms, be taken for granted?

Get To Know Yourself Better

Self discovery quizzes never fails to intrigue me and I've never gotten so stumped by any analysis more than the more below.

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Do yours now.

Concert Goers vs Concert Etiquette?

Daftbitch flew back last Wednesday and got really distressed with the flight changes because she had to be back for Jason Mraz' concert in Singapore on Thursday. This is one concert I'd really love to attend but I didn't. For someone with all his albums in the car's CD changer, I really appreciated his music but not quite a die-hard fan. Having watched his clips on YouTube, this man is an absolutely awesome live performer.

Over the weekend, I managed to catch some short clips people posted taken of the concert. Before I go on, you might think I'm saying this because of sour grapes but it's not. I just wanted to share my views on my observations. Most of the clips I saw had enthusiastic concert goers singing along with Jason Mraz who was doing his live gig. It seems almost like karaoke and I felt that concert goers weren't appreciating the live act. The difference between paying to watch him live because it's live and you're not gonna hear the same thing on the CDs. Then again, I must admit had I attended the concert on Thursday, I'd sing along too if the mood was right and true enough, I wasn't there to gauge. But that wasn't my point. Is it something about Singaporeans that we need to participate and sing along and can't just appreciate a concert for what it is. As concert goers, should be observe some kind of etiquette or decorum? I'm not an angel and definitely not a Stomper. But it also acts as a review on myself when I catch myself singing along when someone else is trying to appreciate his/her music. I'm definitely guilty of disrupting someone else's music or appreciation of other form of arts but what I'm trying to bring forward is the extra bit of consciousness in sparing a thought for others during public shows like these.

If you need to flame and blast at me, go ahead. I will approve every comment with no reservations.

Have You Ever Told Your Woman...

It is often viewed that women are more emotionally expressive than men. I was listening to Bryan Adam's "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman" this morning and started to think of the songs sung/written by both sexes. It surprised me that it was easier to find men churning out really emotional songs as compared to the women. It might just be the skill of song writing or that women express their emotions in a different way. Admittedly, I'm an extremely emotional person but expressing it, is a totally different ballgame altogether. There are no standard rules to this game. At times, I never let them run out of my protection, other times, I just let it all go only to have them come back and bite me real hard.

I don't know if I can ever have someone love me so much or to express their love in such magnitude and flow. That said, I'm a happy girl because I know what I already have and I'm not asking for more. Like a young shoot, given the seasons/time and the right climate, it will only grow exponentially. With that bit more patience and care, some things might just grow out of your initial expectations. Sometimes it's tough to express but it's important to feel it in the right place.

To really love a woman, to understand her
You gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought, see every dream
And give her wings when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her, that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
'Cuz she needs somebody
To tell her that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
Really, really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman, let her hold you
Till you know how she needs to be touched
You've gotta breathe her, really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood
And when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
'Cuz she needs somebody
To tell her that you'll always be together
So tell me have you ever really
Really, really ever loved a woman?

You've got to give her some faith, hold her tight
A little tenderness, you gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, taking good care of you
You really gotta love your woman

And when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
'Cuz she needs somebody
To tell her that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
Really, really ever loved a woman?


If only more men have that songwriter in them and express it in written or spoken words, their women would be willing to just be there for them, no matter what. It's not about not knowing but the power of expression shouldn't be overlooked and undermined.

I'm A Toys' R Us Kid

Feeling nostalgic. I wonder how many of you here can relate to this song.



I think it goes like this...

I don't wanna grow up
I'm a Toys' R Us kid
There's a million toys at Toys R' Us that I can play with
From bikes and planes to video games
I just wanna be a Toys' R Us kid

I can still remember Geoffrey the giraffe mascot and every weekend, when I visited my Grandma, I'd wanna go to the gigantic Toys' R Us at Marine Parade. But because we could barely afford the toys, I never wanted much but merely taking a walk in there and get out feeling happier.

My last trip to Toys' R Us was actually in 07/08 Winter, NYC. I was fascinated by the ferris wheel in the shop and Wii was just launched. So I was contemplating if I should indulge myself. At any age, I suppose they'd have something you'd wanna bring home - Be it Transformers (I've never had any Barbie doll by the way) or the game consoles nowadays, there's always a kid in us that they can attract.

Shoots And Ladders / Korn - Huh?

Took this off Fatshark Guru aka Pui Pui-est's blog... Now that I'm back on public transport, the iPod is back in action!

Rules of the game.
1. Put your iTunes on "shuffle".
2. For each question, skip to the next song to get your answer. You must use the title of that song as your answer, no matter how silly it may sound.
3. Tag at least 10 friends who might enjoy doing this, as well as the person who tagged you. (Not tagging but I guess at least 10 of you will read this...)
4. Tag someone you think has good shit on iPod
5. Tag someone whose music you dunno about


1. What would you say if someone were to say, "Is this o.k.?"
I Don't Feel Like Dancing / Scissors Sisters

2. What do you like in a guy / girl?
Ye Zi (Leaf) / Ah Sang

3. How do you feel today?
Raining Men / Geri Halliwell (Where? Where?)

4. What is your life's purpose?
Did My Time / Korn (Don't I Sound Jaded?)

5. What is your motto?
Yi Ge Ren Shui (Sleeping Alone) / Karen Mok (Just Sleeping Will Do... Really.)

6. What do your friends think of you?
I've Got The World On A String / Michael Bublé (This is interesting!)

7. What do you think of your parents?
Stay On The Road / Corrinne May

8. What do you often think about?
Here To Stay / Korn

9. What is 2 + 2?
Never Had A Dream / S Club 7

10. What do you think of your best friend?
Cai Hong (Rainbow) / MayDay (Question is, who's the best friend?)

11. What do you think of the person you like?
Fly Away / Corrinne May

12. What is your life story?
Just Another Day / Jon Secada

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Superwoman / Cao Ge (Haha! Incredible! I think I do, just in a different way from Marvel)

14. What comes to mind when you see the person you like?
Coming Home Baby / Michael Bublé

15. What do your parents think of you?
What Child Is This / Corrinne May (I swear I didn't come up with this...)

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
I Could Fall In Love - Selena (Actually I Might...)

17. What will they play at your funeral?
What I Want / Daughtry (It's all about me, right?)

18. What is your hobby / interest?
Promiscuous Girl / Nelly Furtado (Haha! This made me laugh...)

19. What do you think of your friends?
She's The One / Robbie Williams (How many friends do I actually have?)

20. What is the worst that could happen?
Joy To The World / Corrinne May

21. How will you die?
Learn To Fly / Foo Fighters (I never knew I have ever aspired to be a pilot but well..)

22. What is the one thing you regret most?
Push Up On Me / Rihanna (Good gracious... I was thinking of wonder bras and how they push me up and I hated it!)

23. What makes you laugh?
Venus / Bananarama

24. What makes you cry?
Over You / Daughtry

25. Will you ever get married?
Torn / Natalie Imbruglia

26. What scares you the most?
Hark The Herald Angels Sing / Corrinne May

27. Does anyone like you?
What About Now / Daughtry

28. If you could go back in time, what would you change?
Wo Men De Ai (Our Love) / F.I.R

29. What hurts right now?
Say It Isn't So / Bon Jovi

30. What will you post this as?
Shoots And Ladders / Korn

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

There's a faint double rainbow somewhere. Try spotting it...

Dream Home

These couple of weeks/months have been filled with people who bought houses, buying houses and planning to buy houses. Childhood friend bought his nest a while ago before taking the plunge recently but his Mom reminded me during the dinner, "you must have a house first before you can step into a marriage or else you might end up with no where to stay". True enough, considering the fact that I don't plan to live with my parents or in-laws. I've always stood by the age old belief that it's easy to get along with others when you meet occassionally but not when you're living together and see one another every single day. To keep everything simple and nice, it's only best to be on your own. Ideally, not be too far away from the parents and in-laws as they can always pop by to have a look when you're away or when the kids need to run to someone when there's no parent at home.

Daftbitch is funnier with her version of getting her in-laws involved. It basically involves the in laws covering a huge chunk of the house that is going to guarantee her kids to good schools within that 2km radius so these couple of months, she's been hunting high and low but what really tickles me is that someone who is as crazy as myself (if not, worse) as Daftbitch, is worried over the most nitty gritty when it comes to her house. Well, I guess if you're talking about your little nest, all that may seem insignificant, actually really matters. I would imagine myself to be even more fussy and anal when it comes to my turn.

I know of a few couples who just settles for whatever/whereever HDB "blesses" them with or whatever that comes along the way. Others are happy living with their in-laws because of unique situations where more often, it involves an unplanned little one. If given a choice, my house would be cosy. (Read: Small)

Having big spaces isn't really an issue for me although a nice view would serenade me every evening. As long as the house has its bare necessity (which includes a wardrobe, a fully functional kitchen, a family room, a bedroom, etc), size really doesn't matter. Smaller spaces will also mean an easier job when it comes to cleaning up. By the way, answering some of the voices, small is not equivalent to cramp.

More importantly, home is made up of the people and not the sheer space. Although it would be nice if things are made comfortable, without it, life still goes on. A home is what you make out of the house. Having said that, the way the place is gonna be done up will need special attention. As long as it's cosy with the right occupants...

洋葱

I've been listening to this song and can't help relating to the very well written lyrics.

如果你眼神能够为我
片刻的降临
如果你能听到
心碎的声音
沉默的守护著你
沉默的等奇迹
沉默的让自己
像是空气
大家都吃著聊著笑著
今晚多开心
最角落里的我
笑得多合群
盘底的洋葱像我
永远是调味品
偷偷的看著你
偷偷的隐藏著自己
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现你会讶异
你是我最压抑
最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸你会流泪
只要你能听到我
看到我的全心全意

听你说你和你的他们
暧昧的空气
我和我的绝望
装得很风趣
我就样一颗洋葱
永远是配角戏
多希望能与你有一秒
专属的剧情

Most people love and hate onions. Without onions, some foods might not taste half as good but it stinks. Many of my recipes are laced heavily with onions, take for example my clam chowder soup. My idea then was to cook it in such a way kids will still love it and not know it's onions but nowadays, I love them a little less fully sauteed so you get the bits of onion that still retains it's sting.

Some people liken me to an onion I suppose. At times when not prepared right, I leave a bad aftertaste in your mouth but because of the smell, it's not the most presentable dish but with everything else in life, without it, life goes on but may be a little less colourful. Not about to put myself on the altar with onions but I hope to think that I have made a difference.

According to the lyrics of the song, onions are always just a side and never the main. And if someone can take the take away the layers of the onions leading to the heart, you will hear the sincerity.

I have to admit I might not be the most pleasant person you'll meet in your life and I can bet, I don't come anywhere close. But friends who have been friends for a long time, who take the effort to know me better will know who exactly am I. Whether you'd appreciate me for who I am, I can't force that to happen and neither would I. I know there are parts of me that needs refining. I mentioned in my earlier posts that there are things I've seen my Mom doing and I hated it and worst of all, I could identify with the things I do. I'm not about to justify my actions but if it means me changing for the better for my own good, I'll do it but some things just takes time.

If you would take time to peel off the onion layer by layer, getting to know me better slowly, you will find a deeper side of me which I hope you can appreciate.

Childhood Friend

I think it's about 24 years but honestly, I lost count.

Attended my childhood friend's wedding dinner last night at Rasa Sentosa but missed the solemnisation during the earlier part because it was raining cats and dogs and I was desperately trying to find a petrol kiosk to feed Kokoro. It was running really low on Coke... I mean fuel. I get sugar low when I'm Coke deprived so it felt kinda the same.

Seeing his parents brought back some memories. We attended the same kindergarten, same primary school and eventually, same JC. His Dad sent both of us to school every morning during my JC days and he would take 15 minutes to warm up the car. Even then, I was always late. It was until I moved out of that area that we didn't quite keep in contact for a while. It wasn't too long before "Childhood Friend" tried to matchmake me with his friends. Although nothing came out of it, I made some friends and it was fun. With common friends, things kinda drew closer for both of us. I've always appreciated him for making the extra effort to be a friend whereas I just let fate take me to wherever and more often, nowhere.

When I was signing in, wedding helpers asked, "friends from where?" And I went like... "way back when... try childhood friends..." and HEY, I was there as "Childhood Friend". It might seem a little over-reacting but how many people can you actually categorise into childhood friend? He's probably my only childhood friend as far as I can remember! When he acknowledged me in his speech on stage, it was his wedding day mind you, I was slightly embarrassed but was so touched. As much as he always try to be politically correct being the up and coming grassroot leader, I wouldn't even expect anything even if he omitted me out of the speech.

A little anecdote I'd like to share about us during our childhood years. We were 7 and were waiting for the school bus to pick us up. It was after a raining morning and we were accompanied by his Mom and my Grandma. We saw toadstools and he warned me, "these are poisonous so don't step on them." Being the good girl I WAS, I didn't dare go near but I was still curious. So I tried to touch them with the tip of my shoes. Then he exclaimed, "No, the poisonous mushroom will melt your shoe." Man, that scared the hell out of me so I stayed really far away from toadstools until I was like in my teens that I realised they weren't that poisonous afterall and it would take ALOT OF POISON to be melting my Bata away.

Frankly, we're not like best of friends and we don't even have major common groups of friends. But it's part of being there for one another watching the other person hit certain milestones in life, acknowledging the presence of the other person and also your very own presence. These are people who form the skeletal part of your memories, a little like the "Join The Dots" kiddo game where he's part of some of the major dots although he might not be in the actual picture itself most of the times.

To Childhood Friend and you're called so because you're the one and only - I'm truly happy you found yourself a beautiful, sweet bride whom I know will be there for you and support you along the way. We know we'll still be here marking each other's lives along the way. Do know, I hold you very dear as my friend even if we may not have paths that crosses one another's. Congratulations and Happy 28th Birthday!

Ants On Fire

The level of worries escalates as the end of the month draw nearer knowing that my fate will be sealed if nothing happens. Being entirely helpless obviously does nothing to a mind that thinks that it has to do a g'zillion things at a time. That said, ironically, the body refuses to move. It is not the lazy bone at work but the thought and hope that things might take its turn, just allows procrastination to take its place. All these will end with the panic that sat in of a sudden and the realisation of how dire the following times can get. Maybe desperation is the only word that can aptly describe the situation.

As much as I think I'm possibly a very unlucky person but somehow, I'm often very blessed with little things in life that will sort itself out when comes crunch time. However, not to test fate and take life for granted, the hunting process for survival must be doubled up. God only help those who help themselves and I'm not about to feed myself with my excuses. Any food within reasonable reach is edible!

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

Let's Start From Here

Song by Joanna Wang that moved many. The soothing voice just adds on to the myriad of emotions that came with the lyrics. The videoclip can not longer be embedded so follow this link. Joanna Wang - Let's Start From Here

Giving up, why should I
I've come to far to forget
We're beautiful, we just got lost
Somewhere along the way
So much was missing when you went away
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here

Standing here face to face
A finger on your lips
Don't say a word don't make a sound
Silence surrounds us now
Even when you were gone I felt you everywhere
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here
Let's start from here

I've never been the one to open up
But you've always been the voice within
The only warmth from my cold heart
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don't need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don't need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn't seem to keep
I don't care where we go

Let's start from here

Pet Peeves

Everyone will have their pet peeves and bottom lines, almost like a self-defence mechanism. It may be a common peeve and one found on Wikipedia even mention what I know is a common pet peeve among many drivers here in Singapore, "Gap Snachers" - drivers who speed up to keep others from changing lanes. It is difficult to come up with a list of pet peeves that bother us because we are often unaware of what annoys us especially when it comes down to the nitty gritties. If you ask me, I think there's an inherent fear in everyone and depending on what it is, some things might just annoy the hell out of you. Most of us learn about pet peeves of friends and family over time and as you interact, others just tolerate nonsense as they come your way. In the worst case scenario, things turn ugly. Mostly, this greatly depends on the tolerance level for others within ourselves and at least for me, this tolerance level exist in exponential levels relative to the importance of the person.

As far as my memory serves me right, I remembered my Grandma wronged me on several occasions (because of an irritating younger brother which I am sure most of you can relate to...) when I was little and all I did in retaliation was to hide in my little corner and sob. There were also times when I flew into a rage but those times got far lesser as I grew older. My defence mechanism got stronger and all I did was to hide in my little corner. I was extremely upset and annoyed especially if these things are caused by those you love most.

Some little things in life may signify the bigger picture what life can bring. Pet peeves could be due to fear for things that could possibly happen in the future. For every little thing done, there could possibly be another similar act this is of a much bigger magnitude/scale. So how much would the little pet peeve set you off and how much can one tolerate? As amazing as our tolerance levels can surprise us, if pet peeves get in the way, would we still walk the walk and talk the talk?

Simple Pleasures in Life

It might just be a fresh & warm chwee kueh to some and most times, an ice cold Coke blows me away. Lying down in the comfort of your very own room watching TV can just be as comforting or if not, more peaceful. In that aspect, hugs are miraculous when it comes to soul healing. Even that little touch of the finger when silence slowly engulf the atmosphere, can possibly send some spark down your nervous system heading straight for the blood pumping organ. When the breaths becomes deeper and longer, the heartrate responds accordingly. The mind gives in and thinks while it takes a break from thinking as well. The complexity yet the simplest in life...

The weekend wasn't the most thrilling neither was it the happiest but it was one that I could just take things slowly and absorb the best of what people around me fills me with. It was just so peaceful to be able to pour the toxins out and the body once rid of the bitter bits, will start absorbing the beautiful and serene ones. It's the little things in life that completes it.

The smile that you put across my face with the words you splash across my screen, gives me the nutrition I need to walk down the desert and may there be drought ahead, I know I'm well prepared for the journey. For I know, you will be waiting at the finishing line...

"I love you. You... you complete me. And I just..."
"Shut up, just shut up. You had me at 'hello'. "

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might

Penguin has swam across the ocean in search of bigger fishes while Rabbit stays behind to hold the fort and plant some carrots in this drought-strickened fields although she constantly peers over to the land across the next mountain and hoping to see some healthy plants growing there. Life seems to go on and Rabbit is happily missing her partner. Penguin might be away but he's never been closer to Rabbit. It's unexplainable...

Many things in life in amidst of the cruel Rat Race, the chase for endless results tires many down. Some lose their smiles, others might even lose their lives. It is unthinkable that without emotional support, where does survival gets its nutrition? Friends of the forest ease highly strung situations and bodies. Laughs take our minds off the ongoing war. Smiles remind us of the moments. The feet becomes lighter because of hope.

During times when it feels like the chase is imminent and without the fight, the soul slips. It is only when one has straighten all the fingers, losing the grips and grabs then the gain is immense. It is when the seek becomes the sought and only to discover, it was never too far away to begin with.

Love the star that the star is and only when you forget that it actually shines, it will sparkle right up your face.

When Rabbit Goes To Hell

It's been a few days and I wonder how I can actually blog this. I'm barely an explicit blogger neither do I wanna share certain bits with the world. But how much that has happened is enough to bury my soul. Right now, I'm beyond words. Let me try to reiterate in my way.

When Bunny first decide to move for greener pastures, she already had a patch of greens, albeit it was a small patch. Maybe this little Bunny, or "Rabbit" as Stitch9966 likes to call her, just wasn't happy with that 2 x 2 sq feet space so when the 10 x 10 sq feet came along, she jumped into it not knowing that this patch of grass is situation on the downhill. Then it started to rain, soil was waterlogged, the flood slowly sat in. In an attempt to remove the flood, all the grass and soil must first be removed to see if there's anything blocking the flow of water but while they do so, the rabbit can't survive on a grassless patch. There will be no food and the food Rabbit borrowed last winter has still not been paid up, no matter how hard Rabbit has been working. If the neighbours wants the interest for the food left, Rabbit will need to jump into the puddle of water and kill herself first. So Rabbit will need to seek another pasture to feed upon but this time, she is carrying her little knapsack and she'll be walking miles to a brand new area. (At least this is what Rabbit hopes.)

During the time when Rabbit was moving from 2 x 2 to 10 x 10, she met her friend, Penguin. Both of them trottered in her little bunny mobile and went places. That was one of her happiest times although both of them were nursing wounds from previous falls. Penguin mobile was undergoing plastic surgery and they spent some time just visiting the hospitals.

To lose her Rabbit mobile was imminent but has proven highly unlikely. So right now, Rabbit will have to find her way to the new piece of greens so she can start harvesting anew and be the star that she once was, all over again. Whereever this piece of land may be, waits to be seen.

Penguin finally broke out of his little quiet moody self and became the man she always saw him to be. He was patient with her antics and stood by her, trying his best to understand her frustrations and what caused her tears. The pressure that was cooking in Rabbit was far more than she would think she could ever handle. Although she's surviving well, she was mentally exhausted and torn apart. Had it not been the support Penguin gave and stood by her all this while, Rabbit's decisions may just be unthinkable.

By now, all the friends from the jungle came out and offered their concern and hugs and Rabbit is very thankful for the friends she has and the hugs they gave. All she wants now is to find the new patch of grass knowing that Penguin is there to hold her hand and her friends from the jungle will be there for her whenever she needs them.

The End.

Take 5

Never realised the importance of time with myself, even if it's just for a mere 5 minutes. It was my time with God and myself. I can't remember a time that I was more antsy than this morning. I fret like a little baby in the wrong environment but not knowing what was up. Short breaths, cold fingers and a running mind weren't considered fun. The time with myself was definitely needed.

Whenever we say, "whenever you need me, I'll be there". This morning was a time I felt I needed someone, badly. But not knowing what or who I needed, I knew it had to be just myself. I had to be there for myself if no one else would or could. Fretting is not going to get one past a day near a small percentage of efficiency. Clearing my mind was the only way out. I tried breathing and I spoke to myself in the tiny but silent room.

In life, people say all kinds of things. Some are pleasant to our ears, others just fire us up. Eventually, it does boils down to perspective as I've always pointed it out. We can choose to listen to them or turn a deaf ear. Some words are comforting even after a few months since it was first written. If the words still takes on the same meaning, life would be great. But things changes. Things people used to say might mean nothing now as much as we treasure it like our last heirloom and find comfort reading it over and again. I suppose that's why many keep little notes and letters by old friends, only to remind ourselves how great things used to be.

Human beings tend to look back and think of the beautiful things and forget how painful and crazy those times can be. Take for example, my last employment drove me to nuts with painful little episodes but now that I'm out of it, I look back and only recall the good portions. Only fond memories are left UNTIL Babhooska Mom reminded me of some things. But memories are just memories and I'm glad to leave them there.

Someone once told me before that human beings only remember the good things and dump the bad which is why memories are generally fond and wonderful. Pain is too temporary that we forget once we're out of it. Some of us carry this pain further but eventually, we will let them go. The story of the monk carrying the lady across the river, one that I believe many of you have heard or read it before, has left the lady at the river bank but his counterpart was the one harbouring thoughts on how proper it was for a monk to carry the lady across the river. If only we can leave some things behind like the monk... During the last service, Pastor Prince said something along this line - "Leaving it behind you". It immediately reminds me of this monk story as much as it may seem like two conflicting religions and I was in church!

Some of us still carry baggages be it knowingly or otherwise. We might have thought we left it behind but truth is, we might not. My Grandma left me some years ago and on days, I still wake up thinking she's alive. Whenever I feel low, I still try to seek comfort speaking to her before I sleep. I know she's someone I can never let go. I know no matter what, she will live in me. Before I slept last night, I tried to speak to her but didn't get to because I broke into bags of tears. I miss her dearly but I know she's no longer here for me. To me, it was sufficiently to know she has once loved me like no one else in this world ever did. That was enough for me. Whether one still consider her as a baggage, that is perspective. She left fond memories and whatever she taught me, will only make me a better and stronger person.

Before she left, she told me that one day someone would truly love me. At that point in time, I just brushed her off because no one can love me like she did. Since then, I have very little confidence of being loved by anyone. There are several occasions I thought some people did come close but I was left disappointed and stranded. Confidence is not exactly something I have that is building within me unless reassurances are enforced. Then I learnt to slowly let myself go to learn to love again and be loved.

I was once told via a text, that if I have more faith in myself one day, someone would truly love me and then I'll know, I have all the time in the world to share it with... I still hold that thought very very close to me.

Take 5 minutes with yourself when you're antsy and the world should appear brighter.

Honesty Is The Best Policy, Or Not?

Is it delusion or plain stupidity that drives people to a point of no return? The hand is all open and things fall effortlessly.

Imagine a provision shop where payment is based on trust and honesty in people, there is no shopkeeper nor security cameras. Patrons are expected to pay for what they consume. Are human beings naturally honest or circumstantial? Well, if I dangle a carrot in front of a hungry bunny, I expect certain results. So would Socrates be correct that people are basically honest? And when trust is betrayed, what would it take to regain that? This is not plain Freakonomics, it's humans and their predictability vs unpredictability.

When the provision shop owner places the products in the shop to be consumed freely by its patrons, he/she would be totally vulnerable to invasions and hurt to know that people aren't as what he/she thought they would be. But without opening a window to subject yourself to pain, how would one know how wonderful some people or life in general can be? But more often than not, when given too much freedon, men in general do breach that zone. Taking the honesty rule for granted, takers think very little of the harm they are causing until they see the blood and tears for themselves. Or maybe until a day, the shop will no longer be there. Would the desire of convenience then prevail and guilt sits in?

Honesty is the best policy - An age old idiom that still holds water.

Packing up the shop and leaving might just be the best way for the shopkeeper albeit with much realisation and pain. The best way is also subjective. In this case, the shopkeeper is keeping the window of vulnerability open in search of hope.

爱于诚 - Love & Truth

This is one song I've been hearing over and again but never quite found out what it meant until I googled it earlier and was repeating it on my music player. If you can read Mandarin, you would probably find some wisdom in the lyrics although the song is in Cantonese.



其实自己一个更开心 只等你讲
其实大家早已嫌大家却扮忙
恨有多一点碰撞 仍然无聊事干不敢打搅对方
要是你愿意 诚实讲一趟
彼此都起码觉得释放
不要哭 我也忍得了这些年来的委曲
没法真心爱下去 只好真心真意的结束

别再做情人 做只猫做只狗 不做情人
做只宠物至少可爱迷人
和你不瞅不睬 最终只会成为敌人
沦为旧朋友 是否又称心
没有心 只像间人
若有空 难道有空可接吻
注定似过路人陌生 你怎么手震

长期被迫恋爱也真比 失恋更惨
长期扮演若无其事般 更困难
是我专登反应慢 明明为时甚晚 牌一早该要摊
再像我伴侣 仍望多一眼 一生都将会记得今晚
对不起 自动分手错愕的你怕会伤感
盲目的我 现在也可转台来贺你新生

别再做情人 做只猫做只狗 不做情人
做只宠物至少可爱迷人
和你相交不浅无谓明日会被你憎
沦为旧朋友 是否又称心
没有心 只像间人
若有空 难道有空可接吻
注定似过路人陌生 你怎么手震

Not A Superwoman

As I always quote George Sands, "There's only one happiness in life..."

Life is unpredictable and intuition has proven to be more than just a pre-menstrual syndrome. Silence is painful but necessary. Life is complex and unfathomable. Drive is the going and the inertia. Rollercoaster ride is not a selected game in the amusement park. Pause is to rest and recollect.

Many a times, we question ourselves "what do we really want"? And more often, we find that we may not have an answer that is the answer. Trials forms the process, the process forms the ride and the ride takes you there, or not.

Is happiness how we perceive or do we have a formula? Can we gauge happiness by the smiles or the trials? How many times have we say, "if only I did or did not do certain things" and regret becomes part of the baggage. Baggage aren't meant to be permanent, or will they grow onto you? Can we all pick up and walk? We're still human.

The desire to be a super person keeps the lazy bone moving. And the love for another keeps the mind going. Not everyone is Clark Kent and even Clark Kent can be paralysed.

I wish but I'm not... A Superwoman...

Early in the morning I put breakfast at your table
一夜都没睡但我 不曾如此清醒
我早餐准备了你 爱吃的东西
这次换我等你被咖啡 的香味叫醒
想要找回每天早晨 对我微笑着的你
还能够 做些什么代替我的歉意
总是望着我 小心翼翼 顺着我呼吸
而我竟然理所当然 让你精疲力尽

You were my superwoman
安静的在身边 无条件给我 梦寐以求的温柔
But I am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞 残忍的犯了错
不能失去你

You fought your way through the rush hour
Try to make it home just for me
月光下静静靠着彼此 只求夜长一点
有多久没有好好看你 只是认定了我
无论在什么时候回头 都有你的笑容
是我忽略了你也会有 想要哭的感觉
没有一种付出应该永远心甘情愿
再给被宠坏的男人最后一次机会
换我忍耐换我等待 不要真的弃权

You were my superwoman
安静的在身边 无条件给我 梦寐以求的温柔
But I am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞 残忍的犯了错
不能失去你 Ooh—Babe---

是我把爱想得太简单
以为只要我存在就能让你取暖
心里唯一的superwoman没有人能代替
不能想像更不能原谅这样让爱化成 灰烬

You were my superwoman
安静的在身边 无条件给我 梦寐以求的温柔
But I am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞 残忍的犯了错
不能失去你

One can only make a difference if it's perceived that a difference is being made or was made. Making a difference is not a forte one can master. All you can is to surrender yourself, do your best and leave the rest to life to arrange into place. There's only so much one can do...

And Karyn White sang in the same tune...

Early in the morning
I put breakfast at your table
And make sure that your coffee
Has its sugar and cream

Your eggs are over easy
Your toast done lightly
All that's missing is your morning kiss
That used to greet me

Now you say the juice is sour
It used to be so sweet
And I can't help but to wonder
If you're talking 'bout me

We don't talk the way we used to talk
It's hurtin' so deep
I've got my pride, I will not cry
But it's makin' me weak

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional
Hugs as a token of love from you to me

I fought my way through the rush hour
Trying to make it home just for you
I want to make sure that your dinner
Will be waiting for you

But when you get there you just tell me
You're not hungry at all
You said you'd rather read the paper
And you don't want to talk

You like to think that I'm just crazy
When I say that you changed
I'm convinced I know the problem
You don't love me the same

You're just going through the motions
And you're not being fair
I've got my pride, I will not cry
Still I can't help but care

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human (I'm only human)
This girl needs more than occasional
Hugs as a token of love from you to me

Oh, baby, look into the corners of your mind
I'll always be there for you through good and bad times
But I can't be that superwoman that you want me to be
I'll give my everlasting love if you'll return love to me

I'm not your superwoman.

Belated Birthday Gift

After an entire day of excruciating pain from some strained muscles along my shoulder blade, I knew I had to see a doctor when a sneeze felt like it could take my life away and breathing became a chore. Painkillers were prescribed to ease the pain (duh) rooting from an injured deep tissue muscle that was near to my ribcage. Friends have been making fun of Moody Penguin and myself for injuring ourselves at the same time but truth is, we weren't injured while attempting some kinky stuffs. I pulled my muscle when I was trying to lose those flabs at the gym! Then again, the more you explain, the worse it becomes. People love to hear what they love to hear.

Anyway, Moody Penguin had wanted to get me my birthday pressie since... well, my birthday. Knowing him, he ranks last in the hopeless romantic list and practicality reigns in terms of the things he bet his last dollar on. And those of you who are thinking of "useful girlfriend", wipe that thought off! He briefly mentioned late last week that we're gonna hit town and get my pressie sometime this week and he needed for me to be present. But that thought didn't quite occur when we went to Marina Square yesterday. His prelude of hanging around aimlessly and stories of finding an old point & shoot camera at home being less than decent to loan it to a business counterpart convinced me that he was going to get a point & shoot for himself when we walked into Cathay.

As he was browsing, I took very little interest in the camera stuffs because that was my g'zillionth time in that shop ever since I dated him. As he picked up some cameras to see, I casually picked another camera to play with since that was the sucessor of the camera I almost bought a few years ago but eventually settled for a Sony T10 which by the way, he thinks it's a crappy camera (I do not disagree at all). After seeing my cousin carrying a similar camera during Chinese New Year, I took special interest in the Canon Ixus 870 IS with the HUGE viewfinder and I mean the 3" screen nearly filled the entire back of the little camera. I was pretty impressed by the wide angle function (although I didn't think it was very wide-angled) but I was sold on the macro function. Not to compare with people with the "tua leng kong" ie DSLR, I could take relatively sharp images of objects that was less than 2cm away from the lens.

At this time, Moody Penguin "showed interest" in the camera I was holding and started playing with it. And within a minute, told the guy that he's getting it. He liked the silver one but I thought the gold one looked better. Without even batting an eyelid, he told the guy to bring out a new piece of the gold one. So I questioned him as to why the gold one. He was so quick, he said "more unique". I bought that (the story). Even until this point, I was totally oblivious to his intentions because we could pay in instalments on my credit card and I thought that was the only reason why he brought me along.

As we were walking, he shooed me to buy an ice cream cone for him which I was more than willing to do since he never fails to chomp down on that mint chip thingy everytime we pass by Andersen's. It's extremely pleasing to see that smile on his face whenever he's chowing the ice cream down to nothing. Simple pleasures in life. Me watching him and him munching his favourite thing. And within 10 steps, he just casually passed me the bag and mumbled "nah your birthday present". I was pleasantly surprised but I didn't want him to spend so much money on a gift like that on me. Besides, I'm not a serial point & shoot blogger. (Think: Ms PillowLim)

Moody Penguin, being the guy he is, has this MAN thing. No sweet talk nor nonsense. His concern is beyond words and as much as I can get extremely exasperated at times when I just need a little sayang, I know he cares. Similarly, he said nothing sweet nor romantic but just gave me the "nah your birthday present" nonchalantly. It's not the cost of the gift nor the practicality and for once, we mean every word of "it's the thought that counts". Not that it's not a good gift and in fact, I totally dig it. I think it's a major improvement from my "lok kok" T10 and I can now go snap happy and be a second PillowLim, aka PillowSim. But what mattered most was his intentions. Not every gift is perfect or even great as much as we appreciate most of them. But the amount of effort one puts in to get someone an apt gift, is irreplaceable.

A quote we can hardly forget if you belong to this generation of mine. In Jerry Maguire, Dorothy (Our Bridget Jones whose name escapes me this very moment... Right... Renée Zellweger) said, "I love him! I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is."

Meanwhile I'm going to play with the camera... Provided that I have a charged up battery. See! This morning I came into the office thinking that I'll charge it in here since I need a minimum of 9 hours to charge and after I do that, I can use it tonight. Our smart friend here (it's ME by the way...) brought the camera, the memory card, the charger but forgot about the battery entirely! Marvellous! For a review of the camera, you have got to wait for me to have a chance to charge my camera's battery.

Thanks Dear...

Twenty Six Cents

This post comes a little late but better than never. I told myself, I had to blog this because thinking about it gives me the giggles.

Was having coffee with Dentist Woo Woo end of last week and just before we met, he rang me and asked if I have got postage stamps with me. Who the hell carries stamps around with them unless you're got one stuck on each eye? Not wanting to sounds any lamer, let me continue...

So we met and I offered to walk with him to the Sam machine to purchase those stamps all for a cuppa hot milo. On the way to the machine, he blatantly revealed that he doesn't know where else he can buy a stamp without stepping into the post office. Right. This was totally forgiveble since the admin does most of the posting work and none was left for him to dirty his hands with.

When we got there, he was amused that local postage cost 26cents. To be utterly honest, I knew we had to pay GST for the stamps but I didn't know they cost 26cents either (the last price I heard was 22cents), which of course, he didn't know cuz I didn't try to exclaim how equally dumb I was and as you can see, I don't post my own mails either.

When the stamps were dispensed, they took the form of a sticker rather than the traditional square jagged edged you-gotta-lick-it-to-stick-it-stamp (this I knew very clearly that it was a stamp and not a Panini collectable sticker). I swore the look on DWW's face turned from amused to bemused. He was seriously worried if the machine cheated him out of his $2.60 since he bought 10 stamps. Which I wonder... What would he do with the other 9 stamps?

And you think my fun ended there and then? Not quite. When we were at the post box posting out this mail, he was hunting for some sign. The sign that said local postage costs 26cents! He was still in disbelief that he had to pay GST (and probably inflation) for stamps. His time stood still when local postages were a mere 20cents. I was in disbelief how a man of such intelligence and success had trouble understanding postage stamps are subject to GST as well and post office wasn't the only place you can purchase postage stamps.

All these only because he had to get a small cheque out to a car club to "chope" his membership.

I had an amused Friday and I dare say, I worked hard for that Milo.

Happy Birthday to All

Today's Dad's birthday and also all of ours. Known as "RenRi" (Man's Day), this day falls on the 7th day of the Chinese New Year. Birthdays of Chinese were traditionally celebrated on this day. So you get older during this day instead of a particular day in the calendar that marks our individual birthdays that we are more commonly used to. For Dad, it was easier. According to the way we're more used to calculating age, he's 57 this year. I'm still not used to the repeated "sudden" realisation that they are fast growing older by the day although it did hit me when it was my birthday earlier this year when I inched closer to the big 3.

Dinner at my place was never a huge affair given the space constaints but also made gatherings alot cosier. Without too much room to roam, people were forced to interact and not that it's a bad thing. To have my favourite cousin whom I'm closest to and her two princesses over was the highlight of my day although XiaoMeiren cousin never fails to be a better "daughter" to Dad. She bought him a nice cake and I on the other hand, totally forgot about it. She's like the big sister who always covers my arse. Somehow, I feel happily inadequate...

Dinner Diplomacy

Until recently, I never knew there are so much details to look out for over a simple Chinese dinner. When Dentist Woo Woo told me about the subtle political moves, I didn't think much of it. Thankfully, I was brought up relatively proper, I knew my basic table manners for a Chinese dinner. Nerves still had a good hold of me but it was a mere fraction of what I went through when I first met with Moody Penguin's parents.

Upon reaching the venue, I immediately knew I was badly dressed even though there were no specific dress code. It was still Chinese New Year and the restaurant was looking like someone just spilled the same red paint all over their patrons. I came from work and had a meeting earlier that day. So a safe colour from my wardrobe would be all black. Without much colours in my closet, there was very little I could do to add more colours to myself even if I had wanted to. To be frank, I did put thought into it. I just couldn't find anything reasonable smart for work and they're not in black or white.

What are the right things to say became whole new knowledge. The general guidelines doesn't work here and the high level of superhuman powers to watch our language has just elevated itself. Nothing was safe to talk about and given the super ability to shoot off my mouth, I almost died trying to hold my tongue. Was told to be natural. It was 90% natural but the 10% was creeping forward as the dinner progressed and ironically, the more comfortable one gets, the more you find yourself watching over to avoid accidentally tripping over.

All in all, better be safe than sorry. A happy camper I am for now.

Kong Hei Fatt Choi

If you're wondering why I haven't posted for the past few days, it was public holiday over here in Singapore and a major festivity for Chinese all over the world. It's the Lunar New Year or the Chinese New Year. Celebrations in other parts of the worls can span over 2 weeks since technically, there are 15 days of Chinese New Year, 3 more than Christmas! All Chinese would rush home during this season to spend time with their family. The most eventful getogether would have to be the Reunion Dinner. As the name goes, it is a time when all family members return home to have dinner on New Year's Eve. In Singapore, most families would prepare hotpot (commonly known as steamboat in Singapore which would leave alot scratching their head thinking how does these Chinese serve a marine vessel on their dinner table..?) It has also become comfort food for many Singaporeans especially those living abroad. I can still fondly recall my last Christmas in New York in the middle of freezing winter, we were all seated around a little apartment stuffing our faces around the steamboat.

On the first day of Chinese New Year, we would visit and greet our elders and in return we receive a little token wrapped in red paper or envelopes called "Hong Bao" in Mandarin, "Ang Pow" in Singaporean terms due to our mostly Hokkien/Teo Chew heritage or "Lai See" in Cantonese. That was also part of the reason why most kids love Chinese New Year. On top of that, hosts would usually prepare a huge array of snacks and candies. A winner with the little ones. If you're unmarried, you still qualify to receive ang pows but you would probably have given the biggest one to your parents so that are substantially less attractive in terms of relative monetary gains. However, it is believed that the auspicious words/phrases you receive from your elders when you greet them would bring you good luck and whatever that they wish you, would have their likelihood to fulfil in the coming year. So the progression from greetings like "Kuai Gao Zhang Da" (grow up/taller fast) in the younger years, to "Xue Ye Jin Bu" (great improvements to one's studies), till "Shi Shi Shun Li" (sail through things with ease). To our elders, we would usually wish them great health like "Shen Ti Jian Kang".

The night before Chinese New Year which is the time after reunion dinner, the younger generations in the family would try to sleep as late as they can as this custom known as shou sui. I don't intentionally try to stay up late but it's a time of "serial gambling" with family or friends so that makes Dad happy.

This year wasn't that exceptional. Visitations were still done during the first 2 days albeit alot less gambling took place. Or shall I say, not yet! Coming weekend would be a continuation over the unwelcomed 3 days break from the festivities. It's been good so far. How was your Chinese New Year?

Yacht For Sale

Some people's idea of a high life is probably like a jetsetter and there are many in this world who owns their very own jets. Take for example, John Travolta is a big fan of planes and he lives in a "fly-in" home with his own runway right at his doorstep called The Jumbolair. Others love to spend their free time cruising on the ocean. Saw this piece of news today and thought it would be nice to share. I had a bit of a giggle when I first saw this piece of news...


The Iraqi government's attempts to sell a luxury yacht that once belonged to Saddam Hussein have foundered.

Despite features including a missile launcher and operating theatre, no-one was willing to pay $30m for the 82m (270ft) Basrah Breeze.

The vessel, which will be towed back to Iraq from Europe, also has an escape tunnel leading to a mini-submarine.

Baghdad officials have blamed the global economic slump for their failure to find a buyer.

"The Iraqi government decision to bring the yacht home will spare Baghdad the possibility of facing other claims and saves it docking and crew costs," a government statement said.

"The Iraqi government will not be able to sell the yacht in the current circumstances with the world dealing with the financial crisis."

The yacht will now be towed from the Greek port of Piraeus back to Basra province, the government said.

Iraq decided to sell the yacht late last year after it won a legal battle with a Jordanian company over its ownership.

The vessel had been expected to sell for about $30m, but brokers warned that the "Arabesque" decor would not suit all tastes.

It had been decked out with mahogany carvings, gold tap fittings and brightly-coloured deep-pile carpets.

The yacht, originally called Qadissiyet Saddam after a historic Iraqi military victory, was built in a Danish shipyard in 1981 by workers who were sworn to secrecy.

But, despite its luxurious facilities, Saddam Hussein is never thought to have stayed on board himself, fearing political instability if he left Iraq.

So for most of its life the Basrah Breeze, which was also known as the Ocean Breeze, was moored in Saudi Arabia.

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/middle_east/7842954.stm

Who the hell has got a missile launcher and operating theatre on their yacht? It's for sale though. So if you're keen... Just thinking aloud - What would the Singapore government think if this yacht is docked at Punggol Marina?

Old Chang Kee - The Love & Hate Relationship

For the benefit of those of you who doesn't know Old Chang Kee, it is a chain of outlets in Singapore selling deep-fried snacks. The one thing that made them really famous must be their curry puff enveloping the most juicy mixture of potatoes and chicken (with a tiny slice of egg) ever. Needless to say, it is a guilty indulgence after it's been through the evil deep frying ritual having the puff soak in some super hot unhealthy oil. Still, many follow the smell religiously and before they know it, all the weight losing program will have no whatsoever effect on them anymore.

Curry puff is probably one of the favourite snacks of Singaporeans. The preference for different "types" of curry puffs vary from person to person. Some love the thick crust, some love it thin. Some love the super spicy ones, others love the tuna filled ones. For myself, the Old Chang Kee one is good enough for me. Although I must say, A1 curry puffs come a close second but because they do not have as many outlets and aren't as accessible, they are unable to share the trophy position with Old Chang Kee. On top of that, Old Chang Kee also has got a huge array of other "poisonous" choices. My personal favourite got to be the Deep Fried Squid Head. Absolutely heavenly. Sometimes I wish they are less oily but heck!

On bad days when I lose my appetite for lunch, my tea break will consist simply of 1 Old Chang Kee curry puff and 1 squid head. Nothing more nothing less. Anything more would be giving my heart the one big reason why it should die on me. Anything less is just unsatisfying. But one thing I really hate about them... Well, the fault lies in me actually. I'm totally useless when it comes to resisting temptation and even if I'm feeling bad, I'll succumb to it as if my knees are jelly. Nuff' said...

*Started to walk to Old Chang Kee

家后

I have never been emotionally close to my Mom since I was a kid. My grandma was my pillar of support and I'm quite obviously, a Daddy's girl. Recently, I begin to see so much of my Mom's flaws in myself and that isn't making my life any better. Realisation is only the beginning of a long journey ahead of me.

Throughout the years, especially during the bad times when Dad could barely support us (my hamper delivery experience would say alot but that's for another day), Mom never left the family. Having gone home one day to see them scream and shout at one another, makes me dread going home but that scene never quite appeared again. After that episode, they made the extra effort to not turn things ugly before the children's eyes. Only long after I grew up, I found out that the things that they argued about was even uglier. These belong to the past which I do not wanna dig out and launder.

My Dad is a traditional Chinese man and would want to do his best for his children which he rarely fail us. Even if it means he has to give us all he's got and left with nothing for himself, he would do just that. I have very great respect for this man who means the world to me and made me what I am today. Although I was forced to be independent, I'm still thankful every single day of my life that I was brought up that way.

Mom on the other hand was milder and more of the "educator" than "disciplinarian". By reasonable standards, considering that I was caned by Dad on a regular basis, I should be really close to my Mom and love her to bits, I still can't help but feel detached from her. In a way, I think I'm too defensive of my Dad. But in recent years, I can slowly see why she did certain things. That didn't made me love her more but made me see how much she loves my Dad. Even till today, my Mom is so emotionally attached to my Dad, you start to see the little sacrifices she made in her little life. We always say "Behind every successful man, there's a woman." In my parents' case, that sentence is a testimony.

Of all the bad things I picked up from my Mom, I also found myself to be really tolerant with things and issues around me over the past few years, with patience you can never imagine me to have. Hot temperament is one that I inherited from Dad and that never quite gone hand in hand with patience and tolerance. But circumstances does change someone and after observing my Mom, I doubt it came from the circumstances. I could see those traits in her that I see in myself. She can be a little short in her temperament and lacks tact in her words... Or am I describing myself? For almost 30 years, I know it hasn't been easy for them to walk together and I know had she wanted, she might already have abandoned us all too long ago. She hung on and insisted on holding onto the family because the last thing she wanted was to watch us grow up in a broken family.

I know she loves me just because she's Mom but I know, to my Dad, without her, life will never be the same again and he'll never find someone who will love him as much as my Mom did, does and will continue to do so until God calls for them.



有一日咱若老　找无人甲咱友孝　我会陪你
(有一天我们若是老了 找不到人来孝顺 我会陪着你)

坐惦椅寮　听你讲少年的时阵　你有外摮
(坐在长板凳 听你讲着年轻的时候 你有多厉害)

吃好吃丑无计较　怨天怨地嘛袂晓　你的手
(吃好吃歹无计较 怨天怨地嘛不会 你的手)

我会甲你牵条条　因为我是你的家后
(我会紧紧牵着不放 因为我是你的妻子)

阮将青春嫁置恁兜　阮对少年跟你跟甲老
(我将青春嫁给你家 我从年少跟你跟到老)

人情世事已经看透透　有啥人比你卡重要
(人情世事也已经看透了 还有谁比你还重要?)

阮的一生献乎恁兜　才知幸福是吵吵闹闹
(我的一生奉献给你家 才知道幸福是吵吵闹闹)

等待返去的时阵若到　我会让你先走
(等你回去的时候若到了 我会让你先走)

因为我会呒甘　放你为我目屎流
(因为我不忍心 看着你为我流眼泪)

有一日咱若老　有媳妇子儿友孝　你若无聊
(有一天我们若是老了 有媳妇儿子来孝顺 你若是无聊)

拿咱的相片　看卡早结婚的时阵　你外缘投
(拿我们的照片 看以前结婚的时候 你有多英俊)

穿好穿丑无计较　怪东怪西嘛袂晓
(穿好穿歹无计较 怪东怪西嘛不会)

你的心我会永远记条条　因为我是你的家后
(你的心我会永远的记住 因为我是你的妻子)

阮将青春嫁置恁兜　阮对少年就跟你跟甲老
(我将青春嫁给你家 我从年少就跟你跟到老)

人情世事嘛已经看透透　有啥人比你卡重要
(人情世事嘛已经看透了 还有谁会比你还重要?)

阮的一生献乎恁兜　才知幸福是吵吵闹闹
(我的一生奉献给你家 才知道幸福是吵吵闹闹)

等待返去的时阵若到　你着让我先走
(等你回去的时候若到了 我会让你先走)

因为我会呒甘　看你为我目屎流
(因为我舍不得 看着你为我流眼泪)

Happiness and Smiles - So Nice

I might have wrote on this song before but given my current frame of mind, I might have different things to blog about. Titled "So Nice", this bossa nova number definitely has more than one available rendition but my personal favourite is that of Stacey Kent's. To me, you know when you have found the one when you can relate to what the song has to say. Very simple things in life yet tough to seek. Here's how the song goes...



Someone to hold me tight
That would be very nice
Someone to love me right
That would be very nice
Someone to understand
Each little dream in me
Someone to take my hand
And be a team with me

So nice, life would be so nice
If one day I'd find
Someone who would take my hand
And samba through life with me

Someone to cling to me
Stay with me right or wrong
Someone to sing to me
Some little samba song
Someone to take my heart
And give his heart to me
Someone who's ready to
Give love a start with me

Oh yes, that would be so nice
Shouldn't we, you and me?
I can see it will be nice...

As human beings, we're not perfect as much as we aim to be better than the person we are today to be the person we will be tomorrow. It's through difficulties and tough times when people cling to one another for support and just by having the other person hold your hand and walk down the trees of fall with leaves falling in shades of sepia. We could choose to see it as dying leaves or picture perfect. It was definitely a moment that could determine a lifetime. It's the willingness to be there for one another whether if times are good or bad which brings us to the marriage vow - "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part." Very simple words, in the most layman terms, holds the most complex and hardest to grasp and fathom, the meanings of life.

The constant doubts rooting from the many evils of life cast onto whatever that may seem like a strong bond may just destroy what essentially is, but a happy concrete block of human connection. Solution is something I do not have because doubt is one I cannot rid of. When in doubt, we seek perfection. In absence of perfection, we crumble. Often, we fail to see, there's no such thing as perfection in human nor in their connections. We may err but may we forgive or forget. That is actually a choice, one we often deprive ourselves from.

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. Henry David Thoreau

Many ran the rat race hoping to achieve smiles but little do they know, they have lost more along the way. It is quintessential for us to know that smiles not only brightens your day but they are your eventual goal. Do not run away from it for you will live a life less fulfilled.

Too much thoughts... Too much.



我这幸运儿合着眼睛只得你沉重的身影
如果这记忆非爱情连天都不会太高兴

莫非可终身美丽才值得勾勾手指发誓
对你不止感激敬礼当你知己才是虚伪

我这幸运儿幸运到一转身找到你来为我打气
如果可抱起这爱情连天都会替我高兴

因有自信所以美丽使我自卑都放低
在半空之中亲你不管身世

Bits of the song I've been listening to these couple of days...

With my inadequate language translation, I will not attempt to translate but if you get it, then you do. If not, you're not missing out. Go search for your smiles.

Love Of Her Life

There's this email that I rarely access due to the massive amount of junk I have in them but I did this morning. One of the email was titled Sad News and I was reluctant to open it since I saw the name of the sender because I know I might not be able to take the news.

Just a little foreground - I met this elderly Australian couple on Star Cruise some years back and got along very well with them. There's also a very touching love story behind this. Lorraine and Peter started out as friends in a club of elderly friends. Peter had a sickly wife who later on passed away. Lorraine had a hard life. Her husband left her with her kids. She had to sell flowers on the streets to earn a living. She had a hard life and her knees were constantly giving her problems. She could hardly walk because during her younger days, she spent too much time standing while selling flowers. But after Peter's wife passed away, he took on the responsibility to look after Lorraine. He loved her like no one else did or would. He would cook for her and as much as she hated veggie, he would mash brocolli with mashed potatoes so that she would take some veggie. He brought her on cruises after cruises because she couldn't walk much and all they really enjoyed, was going out on a cruise and let the world pass them by. Needless to say, he spent loads of money to bring her to such trips and still continue to work backstage at a university. Life was good.

Whenever they come to Singapore, I would try to bring them out or have a meal with them. They call me their little princess, the daughter that they'd never have and to me, they were like my godparents.

They got married about a year or 2 back...

When I saw the title of the email, my first thought was "something must have happened to Lorraine..." until I read the entire mail...

Dear XXX,
I am a friend of Lorraine’s and assisting her with accessing Peter’s emails. Sadly Peter passed away on November 22 after suffering a massive heart attack. Peter was in the garden when he suffered the attack and although he never regained consciousness Lorraine was able to say her goodbyes during the 48 hours after the attack.

Lorraine has asked me to send this email as she knows you would want to know and would have wanted to know sooner unfortunately email was her only way of contacting you. She has tried your phone several times to no avail.

Lorraine’s phone number is Australia XXX.

On behalf of Lorraine Burrows,
Yours sincerely,
XXX

Peter has left Lorraine and frankly, I would rather truth be the other way around. Now, there's no one to look after Lorraine and to love her like Peter did. Thankfully, she did experience this beautiful love story which actually happened to herself. I can only pray hard that she will be strong and laugh like the way she did when Peter was around. Life without Peter would be very hard for her I would imagine.

Right now, I can only blame myself for procrastinating endlessly to visit them in their Esperance home and not being able to see Peter for the very last time. I know he's in God's good hands and I can only pray...

Peter, I love you for the man you were and the man you were for Lorraine. Thanks for all the love you showered on me even though I wasn't your very own and made all those trips to visit me whenever you could. I'll miss all the smiles and emails telling me that you're going to be here for yet another vacation, just another excuse to pay me a visit. I miss you dearly.

PS. After speaking to Lorraine, I'm ashamed that all I could was to sob with her and did nothing much to console her. She's been losing sleep and is on sleeping pills but she knows Peter is watching her from above.

Simple Birthday Trip & Treat

Just when I thought birthday was going to be a quiet one since my parents are going to be away, I was asked to go on the Royal Caribbean with my parents. Although the Legend of the Seas wasn't one of the biggest ship in their fleet, it was quite a decemt luxuriuous cruise. To be able to go on the cruise with my favourite cousin, XiaoMeiren and her 2 girls on board, I couldn't have asked for more. Doing silly stuffs like taking endless pictures and putting out of whatever rules you can think of on the mini golf turf, I got to momentarily leave the stressful thoughts at home. In fact, our schedules were so packed, I didn't had time for the pool despite packing in 2 sets of swim wear nor the mahjong game my nieces were looking forward to play.

Our first port of call was Penang. Believe it or not, this was my first time in Penang. When we were planning to sign up for tours, we had a rather long discussion on where we wanted to go which essentially was between a "makan (eating)" tour and a heritage trail to check out on the Peranakan culture as well. Thinking democracy is the best way out, we had to vote. Eventually, it wasn't the voting that mattered. Long story short, we went for the "makan" tour because the other tour was cancelled. It couldn't have been more boring than to visit tourist shopping shops for local delights and a batik factory where the batiks are hand-made. Over priced batiks drove us out of the shop pretty darn quick. By the end of the tour, we were too eagar to go back to the ship for a repeat of our scrumptious dinner the night before. Needless to say, food was endless and amazingly, it was good. Friends would know me as someone who's very picky about my beef and I'll have it no other way than medium rare. It was done very nicely and the quality of beef was better than expectations. The array of starters also provided the right waist widening tools. I think "overdosing on escargots" is an understatement altogether.

The next stop was Kuala Lumpur where our free & easy tour brought us to shopping haven, Bukit Bintang and the next few hours were crazy shopping. It was a relieve to be buying things in ringgit after a few days on board where everything is priced in USD. To be fair, we didn't need to spend those money because everything was taken care of but we just got to fork out the gratuities and whatever extras we wanted. As for me, Coke deprivation was serious business.

On the last night, my cousin organised a cake for me and to my surprise (horror at times due to the embarrassment), the entire crew of waiters came over to my table to sing the birthday song for me. I'm really thankful to have a cousin like her. It's not about the gifts or money but the effort. She was the one who remembered the day. I would imagine my parents to forget that it was my birthday although over the past years, we did try to arrange dinners within my immediate family whenever there's a birthday to celebrate. Over the years, I just paid lesser and lesser attention and didn't even felt like it was a special day. Maybe because I'm getting old...

Lunch today was with 2 of the SBW, namely Daftbitch and Road Planner. Bster was with us in spirit because the poor boy's stuck in reservist. It was just our usual lunch until Daftbitch said it was time for dessert. At that point, I was contemplating between chin chow or cheng tng. Then Road Planner took out 3 slices of cake. My face was red and not because of the chemical peel I did yesterday, it was utterly embarrassingly. It was a very simple act and we didn't had like mega celebration but it was fun and definitely memorable. Thanks guys...

Birthday Cruise

Went on a few days cruise on the Legend of the Seas, Royal Caribbean and it was absolutely fun. Will post more details and pictures soon. Be patient. Be very patient...

For those of you who sms-ed, emailed, PM-ed me the well wishes, thank you so much.

Tribute to Shandy Sim

Some time ago, I was going through the obituary and remembered pointing out to someone that the girl in the picture looked so young and so pretty and she was only 30. In my mind, I was thinking, this is another sad story and I wonder what would it be. Not long after, I chanced upon the blog of Shandy Sim from newspaper articles and other blogs. After reading the way she stayed so positive and could joke about the pains and the way life was torturing her, I was terribly moved and motivated to do something about my life which should have always been the case but we tend to all take things too easy and life for granted. As much as I'm all teary and encouraged at the point of typing this article, I know I'll revert to a slop of nothing sooner than I would like. However, my point being, all of us should look back and be thankful for what we have got. I don't even think I can ever live through the kind of pain. It also scares me that the occassional pain and aches I feel on my hip/butt joint, could be something I'd rather not want to to related to.

Her views on motherhood and kids were similar to mine. It's part and parcel of being a woman that you experience childbirth once in your lifetime. I understand not everyone agrees with me but that is solely my view. I do know of people who are happy without kids and I wouldn't see them with one either. Yes, RS4Cab Xiaohong, I'm talking about you. At some point in time, I would want to fulfil my duties as a wife and a mother.

She wrote in one of her articles named 4 Days of Crying -

"When I was diagnosed, I cried everyday. 4 days to be exact.

On the first day, I cried because there was a huge mass on my pelvic.
I hoped that it would not be cancerous.

On the second day, I cried because it was cancerous.
I hoped that it has nothing to do with my womb.

On the third day, I cried because it was cervical cancer.
I hoped that I could still have children.

On the fourth day, I cried because I was told to forget about fertility.
I stopped hoping. "
If I were her, I'd be devastated.

Taken from her first post on her blog -

"On 4 June 2008, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Cervical Cancer.

I was 29 years, 10 months and 9 days old."

Her battle lasted for about half a year till Boxing Day when the Lord decided to bring her closer to him so he could take all the pain away from this cheery girl. I know she's in good hands now and what she left us is greater strength to press forward in life and not give up.

"Just do it..."

Auld Lang Syne

New Year's resolution has never been part of my life. I never believed in them because I can never remember them. Recently received a Christmas resolution mitten from Zouk with some fill in the blanks stuffs. Here's mine and feel free to replace your own in the "blanks" I've highlighted.

1. I will not worry myself unnecessarily again, ever.

2. I will make enough money to mod my car.

3. I will love and hate less.

4. I will finally get my "to do" list active again.

5. I will quit spending to much money, start to save some, and eat cheaper food.

6. I will go to have my teeth fixed and smile brighter.

7. No more extravagent lunches and huge dinners.

8. I want to meet more clients and bring in more businesses to my company.

9. I will try to make time for family gatherings.

The above are not my new year's resolution but an activity I thought would be fun to share with those of you out there. I know I will continue to procrastinate doing things like washing my car but I want to be making more money so i can send it for professional grooming more often. Just love more and hate less.

2009

Ushered in the new year with the usual Texas Hold'Em people, nothing glamourous. 2009 isn't quite the year we would look forward to given the gloomy outlook. Only our perspective remains positive. With a good 4 months ahead that I'm going to be spending alone and probably worse when the year end draws near, it's still a little too premature for me to worry at this point in time. Taking things step at a time, I'm actually quite enjoying my life excluding the part whereby I worry myself sick about not having much achievements at work so far. The bear market is an excuse but if one can make some light out of this darkness, one can make light anywhere.

New Year's Day was quiet. It happened to also be my Chinese birthday. No celebrations. In fact, I didn't even know until Mom told me. Was sleeping on and off, recuperating from the late eve's night and the morning "chauffeur service" for Moody Penguin. The day before, he had gone to have someone peel open his eyes and "burn" them before "brushing" the eye back into place. Not being able to see properly, he wasn't a good candidate to be found behind the wheel. But to be able to spend the day together is all that's enough to make me happy.

Another work dayand the weekend comes again. After this weekend, it'd be time to fight some war... Very quiet war.