To Love And To Hold

The nightmare i had this morning woke me up sobbing before i slump myself back in bed for another 6 hours of sleep, trying to catch up on lost time during the work week. The last person on earth who would be in the mental mindset to commit suicide did so in my dream and i was telling myself that i should wake up. No matter how i tried, i couldn't. I can't bear the thought of losing someone i love so dearly. I've been out with several people in my life and none felt so precious that i had nearly cried my eyes out in my dream. It was a horrendous one.

As the dream progresses, i found out that the death was fake and when i saw him again, i really believed that i was having a bloody conversation with the dead. The later part of the dream revealed that the death was faked and he was trying to leave me. I could not believe that i had irritated some people so bad that they had to feign death to leave me. Besides, there was another girl whom i found out that he went to Cannes with behind my back. Then again, all these may not make much sense because it's just a God damn dream. I was crying so bad, i wouldn't be surprised if i found tear marks on my pillow. I was sobbing uncontrollably but thankful i actually woke up to find that the reality is not such.

I've always been an insecured person and was always afraid that I'm not being well-liked. I never knew why i was the commonly hated object but i did try to be a better person in the process. I reckon i was too self-centred and didn't quite care what others thought. Many people are such but I'm just a little too candid for my own good. I never thought of what i wanted to say and should be saying, i just blurt them out. Straightforwardness may be a positive aspect of a person's character but definitely not in my case. I'm just glad that people who loves me and know me, knows very well that I'm not such a person and have understood where i was coming from.

But had it not been the nightmare, i wouldn't be finding myself waking up to a pair of nice warm arms and shoulders i can lean on for life. It's only when your add some salt to your watermelon that you actually know how sweet and tasty it is. That is why we have salt added to cookies. Digressing?

I would never want to have such a frightening nightmare ever again but I'm sure, this has make me realise that life is so fragile. You may lose someone overnight and to regret means it's way too late for salvation. In reality, i wouldn't want to regret which is why i put in 101% in loving some people so i don't live on regretting my actions. Having said that, there are always people whom you can't be bothered with but i guess, to achieve being a better person, i will have to learn to love everyone and not be biased. Besides, we're all humans and living in the same world. Learning to protect and love one another is a life long continuous lesson that everyone should be learning. Cliche but it holds the truth that many of us are trying all ways to deny it.

Dreams Catcher

What is possibly the weirdest dream you've ever had?

C'mon, share your oddest dream.

I'll start the ball rolling...

The one most memorable dream i had was when i was a kid. That's probably the only dream that i've ever had that i've remembered vividly since day uno. - I was strolling down the estate i used to live right after dinner, accompanied by my family members. Then a Mummy (as in those Egyptian horror films) came along in a wheelchair and started chasing me. The rest of my family members were totally unaware that i was being chased by the Mummy no matter how loud i screamed at them, my tears just came rolling down. Well, of course, i was on my feet trying to escape and not be caught by the Mummy. Now for the boring part, i simply ran and the Mummy kept chasing for the rest of the dream until i woke up.

When i was brought back to reality, i turned back to look at my pillow. It was soaking with tears. I must have been wailing like a tap . It sounds silly but hey, it did scared the shit out of me.

Has another dream last night and (using words Juju used) Easy Peasy Lemon Squeesy compared to the Mummy dream. I was walking down the street with Chubby Teddy, now better known as Tubby. We passed by this funeral parlour which deep down me, i knew it was also a bakery although there were no obvious signs that it's a bakery. I went there to buy a box of "Hei Bang" (Cantonese wedding cake), how irony right, buying wedding pastries at a funeral parlour. It's damn odd. Then we sat by the road side, just like the "wu jiao ji", a 5 feet walkway which was a common sight in Singapore in the 50s - 60s. Then my bf's ex-gf and her friend came to sit down with us and we chatted. She was holding his hand but i thought well, ok they're just friends right. Then he told me when we started going out, he was still with her. It freaked me out. But what was worse was that my bf started rambling off in fluent Bahasa. To put things straight, Tuddy did had this Malay gf who happened to be an ex-schoolmate of mine but it wasn't her in the dream lah, it was a Chinese girl??!! Ok back to the dream, he rambled off in Bahasa and i was so freaked, i just rolled my eyes and walked off in a daze.

Look! We all had our fair share of weird dreams. Do share yours with me. Well, apart from those unprepared for exams, teeth falling off, falling down, late for work, not packed for long travels, sort of dreams. Most of us would probably had, at some point in time, at least one of the dreams above.