The Unrest Continues...

I thought Thai Botak exaggerated the situation when he told me the worst case scenario is to make a break for the Thai Border and grab a flight back from Penang. I'm beginning to get worried after reading this article. Good thing being, I'm not in a rush to go home and everything at the beach seems rather peaceful so I guess I'll cross the bridge when I get to it.

Here's an article taken off AsiaOne:

Police scuffle with protesters as turmoil spreads through Thailand

BANGKOK (AFP) - Thai police on Friday fired tear gas and scuffled with protesters who are demanding the premier step down, as escalating turmoil in the kingdom heaped pressure on the seven-month-old government.

As protests spread across the country, shutting airports in the southern tourist hotspots, Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej insisted he was not going to give in to the protesters' demands.

"I will not quit. At this moment, I will not declare emergency rule, I will wait and see tomorrow," he told reporters.

Up to 25,000 protesters aligned with the People's Alliance for Democracy (PAD) have barricaded themselves in the main government complex, accusing Samak of being a figurehead for ousted premier Thaksin Shinawatra and calling for him to resign.

Skirmishes erupted throughout the day as police used shields and batons to deal with angry mobs, causing slight injuries to a few protesters.

About 2,000 demonstrators left the besieged Government House compound and marched to the nearby police headquarters on Friday evening to demand the officers involved in the clashes be handed over, prompting police to fire tear gas, witnesses at the scene said.

A government-run medical emergency centre said it had treated 35 people after the incident.

A meeting of the government's ruling coalition made up of Samak's People Power Party (PPP) and five others was quickly called on Friday evening, and an urgent parliamentary debate was scheduled for Sunday to discuss the crisis.

Asked if the debate could pacify protesters, Banharn Silpa-Archa, leader of the PPP's main coalition partner Chart Thai Party, said: "I don't know, it's up to PAD."

But retired general Chumlong Srimuang, one of PAD's leaders, has repeatedly said protest rather than parliament was the only way to solve Thailand's political problems.

Samak has vowed to end the demonstrations without violence, a promise he reiterated earlier Friday.

"Police will still adhere to my earlier order - they merely went to post a court order, not to clear protesters," Samak told reporters, referring to a court injunction put up at the site ordering protesters to leave.

Deputy national police spokesman Major General Surapol Tuanthong said the crowds had swelled and 25,000 people were now in the grounds of the compound.

As the situation spiralled Friday, the powerful army chief reassured the nation the military would not intervene unless asked.

"There will be no coup because a coup will not be able to solve the problems," General Anupong Paojinda told reporters, adding: "I am confident that police are able to oversee the situation."

Police, however, appeared to be struggling to contain the demonstrators, with Surapol telling AFP that all the officers who were stationed inside the compound had now withdrawn because of the risk of clashes.

"There are now up to 3,000 police deployed outside Government House," Surapol said.

The restraint of the police seems to have emboldened the protest movement. "I am convinced that the military will not forcibly crack down on us," PAD spokesman Suriyasai Katasila told reporters.

"PAD must go ahead and intensify the protest - we think that more unions will join us and it will lead to more airport closures."

PAD has been demonstrating against Samak for months, but events took a new turn on Tuesday when protesters stormed a TV station and barricaded themselves inside the Government House grounds.

The courts have ordered the protesters to leave the site and issued arrest warrants for nine of the ringleaders on charges including rebellion.

Outside Bangkok, thousands of protesters forced the closure of three airports in the south. Phuket International Airport was the first to shut its doors after PAD sympathisers invaded the runway.

Similar rallies soon prompted officials to close Hat Yai and Krabi airports, said Sereerat Prasutanont, president of Airports of Thailand.

The State Railways of Thailand, meanwhile, said 248 drivers and mechanics called in sick on Friday, halting a quarter of all services in the kingdom.

PAD - which despite its name is trying to bring down Samak's elected government - began its campaign at the end of May, just over three months after the coalition government was formed.

PAD protests helped lead to the 2006 coup that unseated Thaksin, and the entry into government of his ally Samak after elections in December has infuriated the country's old power elites in the military and palace.

They also object to Samak's plans to amend a constitution drafted and approved under military rule following the coup.

All I want now is to be home with my Shadow Hell Rider...

No Scrubs

Day 1 in Phuket was exactly what we expected. The sky was gloomy but thankfully, the rain stayed away except for some temporal showers. Immediately after we landed, Fongster and myself checked into some excellent spa treatment which started the whole holiday.

Day 2 was filled with massages and more massages. We even had to skip lunch as the back to back massages didn’t allow us to have a break. I tried everything from a wrap to an oily aromatherapy massage to the traditional Thai massage, with the exception to a scrub. My last experiences with scrubs were painful and I had to remind myself time and again not to fall into the trap of a spa package that includes scrubs of any sort. But all these might change and I’m very tempted to get myself a good scrub after all the epilating and waxing to achieve that super smooth effect. THAT is what I call, pampering myself. As I can almost predict, tomorrow is going to be filled with more massages.

An unexpected phone call came. It was Alcoholic Empress Dowager. Scheduled to fly in this evening to join us, she had to call to inform us of the bad news. All the flights to Phuket are now grounded. Flights on the way there had to turn back. The Phuket airport is officially close as the workers are allowed to join in the anti-government protest. That leaves Alkie ED with a 2D1N trip even if she is able to fly out of Singapore tomorrow morning. With the romantic dinner for 3 all planned for tomorrow, we might have to cancel all our activities and stick to more massages. I can only pray that Alkie ED can fly in first thing tomorrow morning at a discounted rate as it would be ridiculous for her to pay the full flight amount for a short sleepover. The thunderstorm that Fongster and I pray for is actually brewing right now and if anything sensible were to happen from now till tomorrow, the rioters should go home in amidst of this bad weather.

Fingers all crossed, the thing should end soon and we should be able to fly home on Sunday as scheduled.

A Whole New World

Written on the way to Phuket 28 August 2008

Reluctant to blog on a new relationship for fear of jinxing it, I couldn’t care less any more. I just need to scream about how happy I’ve been over the past few days/weeks. Things didn’t quite go off on a smooth note. Things weren’t what I can ever expect. Says who that lightning never strikes twice on the same spot? I beg to differ. I have 2 radically different individual telling me how eaten by guilt that are and the backseat was where I really belong. Unlike the last time, I didn’t allow fate to take me where it wanted to. I didn’t want to go with the flow and be swept by the waves. Like Manuka said after everything closed, that I give my man the freedom to choose and decide and more often, that results in the other person walking further away.

Sitting in my mini Silkair economy class seat to Phuket which by the way, was planned less than 24 hours ago and here I am, hitting the sun, the sand and the sea. Only catch, it’s still monsoon season over in Phuket. It’s a break Alcoholic Empress Dowager, Fongster and I needed before we start our new jobs. Yes, all 3 of us are starting our new jobs very soon.

What I have left behind in Singapore this time is a man whom I know I can trust to love his car more than he can ever love anyone. The Shadow Hell Rider is someone I would never imagine myself to be with. First and foremost, I have never dated anyone younger than myself. Like most sound advice that I’ve heard, patience is a virtue that I must nurture. Meanwhile, there are a lot of sanding down, fender rolling, rebound damping adjustment to do before the ride gets comfortable. A willing party, I know I’m here to stay. It’s amazing and comforting to start noticing or realizing that the number of couples there are actually out there in our shoes. But the energy to walk on didn’t root here. It’s the sincerity and the absolute genuine personality that broke my defence. Like floodgates, once you open it, it’s hard to close it back. Not like I have any intentions to.

Let’s work on it and see how tomorrow is like. I know it can only be better.

Seeking Refuge

Back with a vengence...

Over the past weeks, I've been typing so much but published none of them. My life is undergoing another rollercoaster ride. I no longer have any courage to face the pain. For the first time, I found my face soaked in tears. Thankfully, I'm no longer doubting if I'm stuck in a bunch of lies. I'm threading my next step with my current step and by ensuring this one is stable, I have the confidence to walk down the very next.


The past weeks have been anything but peaceful. Although I should be resting my soul, things have been more turbulent than ever. I'm not complaining because I've been smiling more than ever. It's not exactly the best time to talk about things as they are changing before I could put my finger on to vaguely have a good sense of things.


Believing that tomorrow will be better, I push on...




For the benefit of those who don't understand, this song reminds me of my Grandma. And whenever things don't work out, I would always run back to the refuge she used to provide me. Now that she's gone, I could only stare at her face and hope life is good for her.

Here it is:

When I was younger, I was Grandma's favourite
She'll always leave the best for me
She'll bring me around and watch others

She kept telling me to study hard
So when I grow up, I would be better than Dad
At that time, nothing gets into my ears
What was Grandma actually talking about?

When I was older, I slowly understood her words
I'll always pout this in my heart
As things change, some are still as unforgettable
As time passes, I'll still think of you all the time

Grandma, where are you now?
I'm calling you, can you hear me?
Can you see my dedication and my success?
Can you hear me holler for you?

Grandma, how are you?
Are you well taken care of?
Hoping that the younger generations could also feel your love
And be your grandchild forever

Calling you... Ah Ma...

The End Of The End

本以为这完整了爱的定义
那就乖乖的守护着你

Since law school, I have slowly understood procrastination is the thief of time but time and again, I push things to a later date. I was supposed to post this days ago but I needed to sort out my own thoughts before I can announce them. However I wasn't able to come to a mental closure until I remembered my blog, my outlet. This blog has it's miraculous healing effect on me and so the process begins...



我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍

Was told maybe lines should be clearly drawn. Instead of drawing lines, I got snapped out of my daze which I should have done so very long ago. Believing in what may seem like the integrity of a person and hope that God will have the best for me and be fair to the amount of love in the output system, I stood there in what I believe to be a rather strong stance. Strong winds blew, water flooded the area and emotions gushed, I remained unmoved. Never felt any stronger in my life, my refusal to waver eventually caused much pain.

Throughout the months, I have forbidden myself to shed a single drop of tear because I know everything will be fine or rather, I was told so and I believed in the person who told me so. I suppose it is not wrong, everything is indeed fine. Just that the level of expectations fell far below the satisfactory mark. What happened to great expectations? Great expectations has led to bruised heart, sore love and swollen eyes. I have finally allowed myself to cry. The sea carried it's therapeutic effect and I threw it all back to the sea. What is yours will be yours and the opposite holds equivalent weight.

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine

Everything is over and I've packed it all up. Not looking back is a step forward to set myself to keep walking be it for the better or for worse. Even at this point in time, I still believe the time we spent were genuine and there weren't lies. Time just wasn't right and we were not meant to be. I should find my life ahead of me and I know I will get there. The car ride to no where after Christmas lunch has become a piece of the memory that will remain beautiful and kept in bona fide. I have never once asked, "why would you want to hurt me?" but right now, the question lingers. A question I'll never have an answer to.



幾多愛歌給我唱　還是勉強
台前如何發亮　難及給最愛在耳邊
低聲溫柔地唱










人质在这一刻得到释放
相爱的纯粹落得如此下场
你满意吗我们都别说谎















其實心裡最大理想　跟他歸家為他唱

Not Quite The Time Of My Life

One day, I will be singing this song to celebrate that time of my life. Not quite here yet but I believe this day will come. I thought that day was in January this year, I couldn't be more wrong but part of me still believe that I'm not. Well, I should just stop talking about it. Otherwise, I'd be accused of whining and although this is my blog, my space, we all can't stop other people from talking can we? Worst of all, when accused of a compromise of your very own integrity, should one just walk off or confront of what the truth may be. Call me a wuss, I'm walking away. I'm walking away to see a brighter day and for those who believed in me, my character & personality, I will emerge the same person, not any better nor any worse. Some will try to stir the ink to make the water clearer but I'm sorry, this will never happen because since day 1, I wasn't the one who put the ink in, you did. If you think this is cryptic, think again. I'm as straightforward as you can get for a person and I am as direct as one can get based on my last few lines.

Don't piss me any further...



I’ve been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that
Magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn’t see it
Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn

And I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I’m rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart


and I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

And I’m out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
I’m keeping my feet on the ground
My arms open wide
My face to the sun

I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
This is the time
This is the time of my life.
This is the time of my life.

Spectator Trackie

Sitting here looking at someone else wash my car is such a luxury. I'm at a priceless carwash today watching Kokoro getting pampered down to its engine bay. Life is goooood.

As a preview, the topic today to catch up on lost time would be mainly on the small accident that I got into and the two Track Days that I was there as a spectator.

Let's start with the track days...

As Kokoro wasn't track ready, being in stock condition, I decided at the very last minute to hitch a ride up to Sepang and bring my helmet along just to grab taxi-rides. And that was exactly what I did...

The very first one was on the 28th July and it was a joint track day with the Porsche Club. The cup cars were there deafening my ears with their super duper loud exhaust. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. To see them fly from one end to another and to be able to hear the up and down shifts, was sheer pleasure I'm sure many of you petrol heads out there can relate to. It was an eye opener to see Superman Mechanic aka BVO's A&E at work on 55's red devil. Although it was running on one eye with one of the headlights out, that machine was still zooming past me at what I choose to believe to be supersonic. And he was LOUD... Totally dig his exhaust. After taking a ride in an E46 M3, I felt so sick, I couldn't bring myself to get anymore rides from the other cars. A huge disappointment but for my first experience, it was awesome.

The second one was much better knowing exactly what to expect, I held tight to the handles reducing as much involuntary roll as possible and I remembered to actually breathe. Took 2 rides - One with one of the fastest cars on track that day and the other in Shameless' little monster. He was on semi-slicks and clocked his personal best so that only went to show - I'm not THAT heavy after all. Geez... Benchmarc did exceptionally well in his twin turbos considering it was his virgin Track Day. Impressive... Got to see many GTis that day and when Kokoro grows up, Kokoro wants to be like them as well. Kokoro looks up to the CW King of GTi.

The accident at Bukit Batok is another whole new episode that I'm too lazy to paint out the picture. Shall we pencil this in for tomorrow?

A NEW Comment on a November 2007 Article

Before I embark on my next posts on my Track Day today, let me just clarify something. I received a comment today on a post dated November in 2007. Please click HERE for a good read. To give people who are going to read this article with a short forenote:

- This article was written in November 2007. I have since moved on from wanting to buy a bimmer to actually having bought a Volkswagen. They are still German but for totally different reasons.

- If I have not made it clear enough, it wasn't the blue, white and black logo that attracted me but it was the sheer handling of the car. BMWs being RWD with 50-50 weight distribution and having built award winning 4 and 6 potters, the engines are gems from years of R&D. Read the article again, I did NOT say Rex = Beng and Bimmers not. I said Rex does have a beng image/factor which is objectively objective. Ask any tom, dick, harry on the street...

- As for your newly rich, crass over class and your interpretation of HDB, you're merely looking down on people living in HDB flats and think that they are crass. Mind you, I grew up with proper upbringing and education, crass is last on the list. The fact that you actually said what you did, you do know crass to a great extent. Go ahead and dwell in your own tiny world.

- Association of BMWs owners and snobs? Read my article carefully. There are STILL people out there and I HAVE personally met and spoken to these people. It may be in the 70s and 80s but these people aren't dead yet! So poor people like you walk to Orchard. Congratulations on your wealth that you can flaunt off and call yourself poor. You obviously have not worked a single day in your life to know how hard it is to earn your own keeps and be able to afford your own ride. I may not drive a very fancy car but I have pride and I'm glad to say I earned every cent of it myself. Of course, I'm not poor enough to pay the whole sum and I'm effectively 100k in debt, paying the bank off in installments for the next 10 years.

Now I have no mood to talk about my Track Day. Have the guts to leave your name if you have the intentions to leave such sarcastic remarks. Wuss!

你好吗

This will be a super short and fast post. Yes, come call it is a quickie.

Anyway, Kokoro met with its first accident yesterday. It was a slight brush and all it needed was some cosmetic surgery. Details would be up soon but right now, I need sufficient sleep for my next track day kaypohing around.



温柔的时间抚平我们的亏欠
过几天过几年伤会好一点
多久没见面孩子气有没有变
还记得我们从前笑的那么甜
baby 我想起你你有了他
是否依然为了爱变的很傻
我想起你你有一个他
好久都没说的话你好吗
温柔的缠绵我也放下了依恋
过几天过几年伤会好一点
我收着照片安静在盒子里面
回忆是你我剩下唯一的关联
baby 我想起你你有了他
是否依然为了爱变的很傻
我想起你你有一个他
好久都没说的话你好吗
问候是我对你好想说出的话
现在你过的好吗
我想起你你有了他
是否依然为了爱变的很傻
我想起你你有一个他
好久都没说的话你好吗

A specific hug was left at lost & found...

My First Track Day

I wasn't crazy enough to track Kokoro as yet but it was truly an experience. Now I want more for my Kokoro...

Back to Track Day, I taxied my way up just to have a taste on how the convoy would be like up and down so that I have enough courage to bring Kokoro up on Thursday. Highly likely...

Upon reaching there, people started to unpack and unload. It was just so much fun even to watch. Very soon, we heard the Porky Cup Car's exhaust blasting away, almost deafening but definitely sweet. You could hear exactly when the car downshifts from the pit itself! No pictures but there will be another one on Thursday. Stay tuned.

Clean White Sheet Of Fabric

Have been refraining myself from posting too emotional stuffs and living in an illusion that my life is not that messed up. Unfortunately, I can't deny myself any further. I'm allowing myself to be entertained and mesmerised for that 20-30mins every now and then when the honey drips and life have to revert to it's normal form after that. I call it reality. I could of course force myself to stay away but doing so would practically kill me. Let me live in my dream and hopefully one day, dreams do come true.

Would you draw the details on our fabric with me? The clear, white sheet of fabric that never came...



Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads and
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything, everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you’re shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

What's That Smell? Something's Burning... My Pocket!

If you're a road idiot like myself, you will need a navigation system. I know once upon a time, we used to have road directories in the car and some of you may still have them. There's absolutely nothing wrong with them, different strokes for different folks. This is just very positive feedback from me, one unique user. Had it not been the GPS, I might have wasted alot more petrol even though it doesn't always give me the best route. Take for example, when there's a choice for me to head home either via the AYE, ECP route which is my preferred choice, it'd always chow the CTE, PIE. And everytime I pass by Ang Mo Kio, my ERP just beeps non stop. Yes, it led me to a heavily congested road and I even have to pay the government for it. However, it will always bring me to where I need to be eventually. I thank God everyday for technology.

Over the last few days, I'm been contemplating making a trip. A backpacking trip. I can imagine some jaws dropping just about NOW. You can imagine me bringing my credit card along and swiping my way into a swanky hotel after 2 days. Well, even 48 hours seem a tad too long for me roughing it out. Truth it, I'd be happy to do it. To shock the skeptics even further, I had in mind to do seasonal jokes like plucking apples, shearing sheeps, providing my 3 lbs of brute strength to vineyards. And yes, paying my way just to do the jobs of $10 an hour. I see it as a pure life learning process, a once in a lifetime priceless experience. I really hope I can find something...

Being a boy trapped in a girl's body, I have quite an array of interests and most of them are really expensive to upkeep. Apart from a usual girl's fetish for bags and shoes, I love cars and anything that makes it go faster and look better. That alone is very damaging for teh bank account. As of today, I have so much in my pipeline I want to do to Kokoro (my car's not so masculine name), I think I'll have to work alot harder come October.

Right now, I hope I'll have excess to play with cameras. I really love the Canon 40D and I'll get it when my bank account eventually grows. Right now, the suspension, anti-roll bars, the exhaust, the chip... is at the top of my priority list. Let me speak to Santa Claus and see what he can do. He's got now till December to save up...

Brief Movie Reviews

Part of the grand plan to fill up my 3 months of not doing anything is to lunch with different people everyday. The laughs and jokes shared during lunches is something I should be thankful for as long as I don't choke. To keep my readers entertained since I've ran out of daily ramblings and grumbles, I'll have a wider range of what-not to talk about. Come to think of it, haven't I been doing this all along... Getting senile for spending too much time home.

Caught Dark Knight at Gold Class over the weekend. It was kinda cool as we had enough people to book an entire cinema. Come to think of it, 24 seats wasn't hard to fill. No doubt, it was fun to have everyone in the cinema people you know rather well. Doing silly things which you wouldn't usually do in the other theatres were inevitable. As for the movie, I was glad that they managed to portray Batman for who Batman really is and not a superhero. Although not my favourite genre of movie, I enjoyed it tremendously. A good 2.5hours spent in the cinema.

Today, managed to catch "10 promises to my Dog". Not a usual nor popular vote among my friends. All in all, the graphics were rather fake BUT the plot was worth all the while. As a dog lover, I was able to empathise with the lead character. After I got home, I gave my dog a big fat hug and played with him. It has always been easy for me to advocate the fact that our dogs only have us when we have our lives. Doing it myself is a totally different story. With busy work schedules and frantically trying to squeeze the remaining of life into my life, I have barely any time with Tiger. Day after day, he's always there waiting for my return and even when I'm out of the country, he'll still hide in my room whenever there's a thunderstorm. If you love dogs like I do, grab the DVD since I reckon it should be off the charts pretty darn soon.

No Commercial Break

So much for having nothing to do, I should have time to blog more often but truth is, I'm spending much lesser time in front of the computer and more burning some petrol.

Zhoos is now back in Singapore. His Dad passed away last week from a heart attack. I knew his Dad as a very nice man and good father. Over the years, I've always told Zhoos how wonderful his Dad was but he doesn't seem to see it. Like everything else in life, when we're in it, we just don't see how lucky we all are. I started to look at everything in another light and began to view my folks differently. As much as Mom drives me nuts at times, I'm happy she's still around and still grumbles, only cuz she cares.

Finally collected my belongings from the office yesterday. I didn't even had the chance to step into the office for one last look but that was expected and I reckon good for a non-emotional separation. Having been here for a little more than 2 years, I left feeling totally unappreciated for the work I've put in for 2 years. It is selfish to blurt out something like this as I think Comedy Boss has put in alot of effort to keep my unscathed. But from the company, in my perspective, just seems to be doing things in absolutely mala fides. I can't express how disappointed I am.

Spending these few days running from garage to garage just irritates the hell out of me. In a good way though... I got reminded of how much I need to do to Kokoro and voluntarily and knowingly got myself poisoned. The irony is that it takes about 3 more months to get my engine cranking again and start firing up for a brand new career. I know I will get there...

"La teh" session with The Fat Club was enjoyable as usual. And nothing out of the norm, the focus of night was on me. I just made it sound glamourous when in actual fact, it was pain, bitter sweet sort of pain (if that is how I can describe it). Let's just say I was the target of jokes and the spotlight never quite left me with occasional commercial break on "Psyduck's Chick". The jokes last night got a bit more to the counseling session type of awkward situation. I was caught defending myself for the silly decisions I make and possibly bad judgement of character. I knew they could jolly well be right. At one point, I wanted to break down and wail but the stubborn me wanted them to know that I know what I doing and hopefully my choice isn't wrong. Knowing exactly why they are convincing me otherwise, I was fending off all the protection and love they were trying to surround me with. I almost got angry with them for not seeing what I'm seeing. It is not possible to prove a point but to hang on to what I genuinely believe in and knowing that if I have to fall real bad one day, I will have several chubby shoulders to lay my head on. All in all, I know they care a shitload for me. At the same time, I also hope that they can give me the necessary blessings I need to tide over this crazy faith and belief.

To Rest Is To Take A Further Journey

After countless pairs of shoes, bags and bags of clothes, guilty amount of food, I'm finally broke with a frightening credit card bill waiting for me at home. I am a now happy camper. Almost towards the end of my retreat, just as I thought I'm ready to go back and fight a war, my energy wouldn't have a home till early October. Meanwhile, I shall stare at my wall and hope to get some form of response. More holidays await so ammunitions would have to be sensibly allocated to tide me over the next few months. Clever amortisation will guarantee a tight but reasonably comfortable quarter of doing absolutely nothing at all. After this few months, you will see very little of me or my writings. My soul would be loaned to what people deem as career and where I have my undivided passion for what I think I do best and will continue to do better.

Krispy Kreme anyone?

I miss my Kokoro!!!

Random Useless Thoughts

Been walking, eating, shopping, buying, looking non-stop. Was so tired last night, I was totally concussed. Haven't had that happening to me in ages. Did some thinking as I sat here a moment ago focusing on surfing Facebook within the 1 hour internet usage I paid for. As we grow older by the day, from our younger days of living on love and believing love works wonder and constantly feeling the need to feel in love, we start to age and as the aging process takes place, we begin to feel rather jaded and slowly losing the understanding of what love really is.

When I met Urban Legend months ago, I thought I found the one. In fact, I still do. The feel is still the same but circumstances aren't. I started to not believe in life and what it can give anymore. I thought I could be irresponsible to myself and not care about things anymore. No matter what I did, I couldn't walk too far away nor ignore what others deem as harmful to me. I kept walking nearer and nearer to danger. Reluctant to get really hurt, I hide. Beneath the lively exterior, lies bags of tears waiting to be released.

Underlying every of my action is the urge to tell you how much you mean to me and what is it that I can actually do to make things right? I should just learn to walk away...

Right now, I should just be happy that Krispy Kreme is about 50 steps away from me.

Blank Thoughts, Blank Life

Current announcements via the PA system is still not asking me to board my flight. In dire need of sleep, I'm staring blankly into thin air in hope of catching some sleep during the 4 hour flight. In our life, we often do things that doesn't quite flush with our intentions and sometimes, we just play with fire till we burn our fingers. Good thing being, well, burning the tip of the fingernails. Things could have been worse but I'm not giving myself an easier time. I only have myself to blame all in the name of fun.

Got a shocking letter yesterday and finally faced up to reality that this world is just too mercenary. When you have lost your value to people, be prepared to be treated like trash and without the least bit of respect that you would expect to command. To be fair, I began with hoping for the best and since this is not the worst, I should be counting my blessings.I suppose there's a reason for everything but this means, I'll just be poor for the next 6 months or so. Gives me all the more reasons to keep pushing myself to scale greater limits. Allowing myself to take my own sweet time is no longer an option, it is deemed obsolete. And with the impending excessive rest, I will only emerge tougher.

Time to board...

Lucky... Am I? *shrug

The soft spot I have for you doesn't seem to go away. I don't quite know if I ever want it or for myself to go away. By now, I should be furiously avoiding and retaliating, I am not. All I find myself doing is to accept what come may. Never have I felt so vulnerable, waiting for pain to invade. The refusal to believe that you may never be mine hasn't quite hit home. Being all alone believing in myself and of course, the belief to believe in you doesn't quite go down very well with everyone else. Most thinks I'm stupid and I should be shaken out of the daze. I think have faith. God told me just have faith and he'll take care of everything. I trust that I will breeze through the blades without getting cut. I can only refuse to wake up and convince myself that I'm invincible. The tears aren't helping... All I want is for you to step into the picture you drew for me and complete it. Maybe I should just wake up from this dream or was it a nightmare?



Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
More so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Fossil At Work. Not.

It's been a couple of days of rotting at home. Well, I won't say rot since I've been shuttling between the garage to mahjong games to watching the boys play futsal. It's been a good few days of not doing anything but I can't take this any longer. Leaving me floating in the air not knowing if I should not give a damn on something that is greyishly invalid or be really worried that I'll get into some form of tug of war. Haven't seen Silver for ages and it's been just a few weeks, this man is totally changed. I've never seen him so prudent and I must say it is a pleasant change. Being totally inspired to plan for my retirement life and when I plan for it to start. He also gave me to encouragement to work hard enough so that I can build some form of passive income. Let's plan... How about my first million by 30? GO!!!

Will be leaving for Hong Kong around this time tomorrow. It's the rainy season but this is not gonna deter me. I needed a break badly and Ex-Sir's Sir wanted to just get away. Perfect and off we go, planned just less than a fortnight ago. I just can't wait for Tokyo...



你还记得吗记忆的炎夏
散落在风中的已蒸发
喧哗的都已沙哑

没结果的花未完成的牵挂
我们学会许多说法
来掩饰不碰的伤疤

因为我会想起你
我害怕面对自己
我的意志总被寂寞吞食

因为你总会提醒
过去总不会过去
有种真爱不是我的

假如我不曾爱你
我不会失去自己
想念的刺钉住我的位置

因为你总会提醒
尽管我得到世界
有些幸福不是我的

你还记得吗记忆的炎夏
我终于没选择的分岔
最后又有谁到达

Life's Jigsaws

Had a real bad fall from wakeboarding yesterday. It wasn’t so bad that my contacts fell out but when I hit the water, it felt as if someone slapped my face real hard and instantly, I knew I was going to get whip lashed. True enough, I can barely move my head today. Although the pain is bordering on my threshold, I am a real happy girl. I had bigger air yesterday. With my heels dug in, great efforts put in not to jerk my body and keeping my handles low, I had higher jumps though not far enough for my 2 wake but I believe if I get the whole “riding up” smoothly, I don’t have to be bothered how “far” I was jumping. Besides, with the right basics, I know I’ll get there so for now, it’s just a matter of time. Just like everything else in life, once you can get your principles and directions in line, the others will fit themselves in nicely like jigsaws.

My cousin’s little celebration for his second ROM was totally following family tradition – Bordering disastrous. As usual, the young people had the good fun – Food, beer, kids running around, amusing you.

Side anecdote – Little Javier, my nephew, said something that really amused me.

Snugloft: When’s your birthday?
Javier: 10th November
Snugloft: Which year?
Javier: Every year!

We have heard this every year joke too many times but coming from an 8 year old and the fact that it was instantaneous, cracked everyone present up.

Another conversation I heard between Javier and Shermen (my other nephew) when someone asked where Javier’s Mom was.

Shermen: Javier’s mommy working at the airport.
Javier: Not airport, she works on the plane.
Shermen: She went to the airport yesterday to work.
Javier: My Mommy went to the airport but she works ON THE PLANE.
Shermen: No! Airport!
Javier: (Sigh!) Children just don’t understand.

Haha… Too funny!

Back to the little party, apparently Golden Mushroom Auntie just didn’t get it that you have to let the kids do whatever they want. My cousin is in his 30s and this is second marriage. She was throwing tantrums in front of the guests and said that she was not being respected since my cousin didn’t invite more relatives from “our” side. I feel that we should just give him all our blessings and hope he lives happily ever after and not creating more problems for him. After watching the entire drama, I was glad my parents are rather open and let me do whatever I wanted. They have never quite interfered in my decision making processes. Though they’ve been bugging me on certain things and how certain legends went silent. While believing in what I believe in which at this point no one apart from myself knows that for a fact, I didn’t want them to question my actions nor decisions in anyway (not that they would but I just don’t like the hassle). So I avoided potential questionings. I don’t like the “see I told you” talks but I’d rather shut them up with real actions. When things are there, they are there.

Having a live-in maid can be inconvenient but let me tell you, my unique situation has been God sent. During this period when I’m all busy and ready to fire off the rocket, my part-time helper needed a place to stay. Her current employer doesn’t have a place for them to stay. Together with her friend, I now have 2 live-in helpers. Apart from the weekly thorough cleaning up they do for us, they still pack bit by bit around the house. Half my wardrobe looks like it’s been through war since the other half looks incredibly neat. The contrast is just like heaven and hell. My room is still a bit of a hell hole right now but I’m sure it’ll be better very soon. Taking a day off to pack my own room will help them keep it organized in future.

With the “deed” done on Friday, I will very soon have some time to pack up my room before I embark on my new journey. This is going to be a tough journey as I’ll be all on myself but with enough determination and hunger to spur me on, I know I will be able to do it. I don’t believe in spoonfeeding where you create a creature who leeches on to wherever that gives food. I’m starting to feel like a leech so I think it’s time I gain some independence and feel how rough outside world can be and grow up accordingly. My plans are to grow out of proportions, out of my shell and surprise everyone else. I will do it and I know I can. Now, I have to bring myself to start doing it.

Flusters - One At A Time

One thing at a time. I must learn to manage my fidgety moments more efficiently. Heart attacks a looming. Palms are sweaty, feet are cold, head is spinning. Constantly reminding myself, money is secondary. Building of an empire is awaiting. Help!

How can someone tell you that they like you but they have a totally separate life that they are leading? Isn't being together for 2 individuals the coming together of 2 wholesome beings and forming a much better entity complementing one another? Apart from being 2 great wholesome independent individuals, nothing else actually comes close of creating togetherness. How would anyone think it is ok? I for one, will not allow myself to get used to it and will not even think that this is an acceptable situation. Nothing anyone say is ever going to change my mind. I wavered once and once is all I am allowing. I am a highly favoured individual and I should know that fact very well. Sinking into a point of no return is totally unacceptable.


We don't talk the way we used to talk
It's hurtin' so deep
I've got my pride, I will not cry
But it's makin' me weak

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional
Hugs as a token of love from you to me, baby

I'm Yours

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Scooch closer dear
and i will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed

I guess what i be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
this is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't hesitate
no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is your's!

Plans Plans Plans... Just Go!

It's been a while since I walked down Orchard Road and do nothing but shop around. Took a day off since BFG Uncle is here from Toronto. Was supposed to bring him out shopping but I ended up getting myself this nice LBD. Hot! For once, we were rambling on about our passion for cars face to face. Awesome! We even checked out Honda's showroom before heading for Vivocity for dinner. He's totally in love with the Civic Type R. It's about time for a trip to Toronto... And Whistler!

It actually feels amazing to be comfortable with oneself. But one big prickling issue persists...

Well, we can't please everyone. Everyone will have their piece of mind for the moment and what they think, as much as we would want to think it's not important, how the image runs in their mind is utterly important in terms of upholding a proper image. An attempt to right the wrongs is in the pipeline but trust me, pipelines never quite go according to plans. Thou shalt be who thou is. The faith that aids the process will definitely make things better. Like I always say, "my conscience is clear..."

A brand new start awaits. A holiday to Hong Kong is in place really soon and I mean REALLY SOON... Like nest week! Despite the storms and all, Ex-Sir's Sir and myself decided that we should get away for a good breather and embark on bigger things when we return. That's another part of my suspension gone to a holiday I desperately need. It should be worth the while. I simply can't wait...

Theme Song For The Month Of July

Very unique voice. I like it...

我会给你怀抱
我想我很快乐



这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着人们心肠的曲折
我想我很快乐
当有你的温热
脚边的空气转了
唱着我们心头的白鸽
我想我很适合
当一个歌颂者
青春在风中飘着
你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
受不了看见你背影来到
写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚
就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
逃不了最后谁也都苍老
写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡
最后谁也都苍老

Kokoro is a Golf GTi and it's a HE...

Seems like I'm making up for lost time. I just don't want to pack everything together.

There are great news to be announced soon. Actually ONE piece of good news. No, not getting married. Stay tuned.

No pictures of Kokoro as yet. Trying to get it to look like a real hunky dudey before I take some REAL pictures and post them up.

Have I not announced that Kokoro is a 200bhp black 3 door monster more commonly known as the Volkswagen Golf GTi MKV?

Sweeeeet... I know. More to come...

Kokoro VS The Bank Account - Round 1 FIGHT!

Said to take it slow and I'm dying from the wait. Before I do anything rash, let me put this in words that I'm going to make far more money than what my Kokoro needs to be dressed up before I do dress it up. So the fashion statements got to just patiently wait for that glorious days. Right now, the coilovers will come first. It's looking like it's on stilts and this will not be tolerated, let alone the body rolls... Wooot!

After speaking tot the rep from APR, I felt confident enough to go the dark side but that will take place in a couple more months to go. The exhaust will have to go with the rear valence and at the same time, without moving up to Stage 2, it's pointless. Meanwhile, it might be good to go up to Stage 1 first and try it out. And if you're having a headache and these things don't quite make sense to you, it's normal. You won't wanna know unless you're got a large enough bank account to play with. I don't... So... Thou shalt be good and give my still "campus" UOB account a rest. As the Chinese saying go, to rest is to prepare one for the longer journey that lies ahead.

Solitary Is A Luxury

It's been almost a week of disappearing act from me yet again. I wanted to say I've done alot of thinking but truth is, I haven't. Good news being, I have concluded the general direction I wanna head so I'm slowly working towards it. I woke up this morning, feeling absolutely fantastic. I was driving from work and felt life is so wonderful, with or without anyone. Of course, having someone who can be there for you is a bonus but without them, life is still as good and it will go on. It boils down to our perspective and what we think of life in general. Once that is sorted, life is ready to embark on a fresh journey.

One variable and one time. Life is great and my new variant is going to take me to greater heights. This will be a tough journey but I believe it's going to be absolutely fulfilling. What is needed from me is a hell load of dedication and commitment and I'll telling you, I'm ready to go!!!

People come and go. People who appreciate me for who I am will stay for what they want out of me. There is no point for me to long and hang for what is not mine and will not be mine. Not wanting to sound narcissistic, I am not unwanted nor unattractive. I may have wrong people around me all the time but if I work to move North, I will get there some day. Meanwhile, all I want to do is to concentrate on my new journey.

If you see the value in me and what a wonderful person I am, we will get there one day. Meanwhile, I'm just happy being me and I will just be me. Single and happy.

Messy Missy

All messed up.

I know what I should do and I want to do it. Maybe through baby steps I will. But right now, I'm afraid of giving anything to anyone, anymore. Guess it's mild hypercondria I need to get out of.

As much as I know what shouldn't be doing some things, I'm sitting here, sobbing and not wanting to care anymore. But knowing the rational side of me will sit in real soon to end this hiatus, I'm aware of the repercussions this temporary insanity is going to bring and I'm not prepared to live my life with it and accordingly.



If I want to be the good girl that I think I am but am I sending out wrong messages, then I shall endeavor to do the little things to keep myself in track. A constant conscious reminder to self...

Taken off my cousin's blog and her hopes for me... That left me in tears on how much I long to just have you in my arms and nothing else...

Love once left me cold and gray
I had almost reached heaven
Just to feel it slip away
But life's too short to waste away
Being scared to take chances
Or so I've heard wise men say

I wanna be loved
Faithful and true
I wanna be loved
Ten million lifetimes with you
I wanna be loved
And after all I've been through
I'll let my heart take it's chances, just to be loved by you

I wanna feel there's a reason for living again
I want us to fly far away
And I want my heart to sing the words only you can understand
So put your hand in mine, say a prayer tonight
So that we may find love

Maybe If I Hope A Little, Try A Little More

Someone sent me this... She seem to know exactly how I'm feeling although the last time I spoke to her was months ago and she probably don't know what's going on with me or what's wrong with my life at this point. It's a tear-jerker...



Have you wondered how it feels when it's all over
Wondered how it feels when you just have to start anew
Never knowing where you're going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now I just close my eyes and say

I just want to breathe again
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little , cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I'll breathe again

Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go but life still moves on
With a bit of luck It's a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don't want to live on life replay

Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

Seems like things have come to a close last night. Or so it appears...

Hitting on the stop button but while staring at the blank screen, it messes up your brains. Maybe it's just the pause button. Doesn't move too right? It hits home real hard when someone shakes you up and points to the big red dot that reads STOP. The surreal image stares in your face.

The brain freezes. The hands turned numb. The head spins. The throat dries. The breathing speeds up. The tears run...

Uncontrollably...

I thought I prayed. I thought I did all in my might. I thought you cared enough. I thought... Or so I thought.

Never had I have this feeling before. Not knowing how to handle it, I prayed. Everytime I open, I cry. Maybe that's God's way of healing me. The tears were filled up to the brim and maybe that's why I couldn't breathe. Regaining the ability to breathe doesn't quite work hand in hand with having a clear mind. Had I not placed all my chips in this one bet, I might not lost this big. It was my choice. It is my choice.

Insanity probably comes closest in any form of explanation and definition. I have finally let it all go.

I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking somethings gonna change

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

And there's no way home
When it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.

Thanks for everything. It was a great long drive.

Carpe Diem

So many variables in my life. Too much for comfort. Too much for my puny brains. Decisions, decisions, decisions...

Push? Pull? Push? Pull? But what the hell?

Get lost right now... Or so I told myself. What am I getting myself into?

The right mindset. But what is right? What mindset? But what the freaking hell?

Can't you tell I'm lost?

Thou shalt not play with fire but after speaking to Alkie Empress Dowager, I've decided to live my life for now. I don't think I have the energy to insist on having the life I want anymore. The people who are meant to complete the picture have all died into the surroundings. I have blended into a patch of grey water colour, neither here nor there. Carpe diem...

Some people makes you ache and yet you long for them. Some people makes your heart beat fast and laugh but you push them further. Some people are just not right, you condone. Is that all wrong? God works in mysterious ways.

Before you know it, I'm long gone...



I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'll give my dreams just one more chance
To let this be our last goodbye

You & I Both

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me


It's been a while. Besides Kokoro taking some of my time trying to get some new shoes on for him and organising to get him to look better, I've been pretty messed up.

Everything at home seems fine. It was a day to pamper Daddy yesterday and was at Vivocity. Think he was chuffed when he was ushered into the private room at Crystal Jade.

After some time of not hearing the voice, I thought I'd not be bothered. Load of codswallop. I can't seem to get past myself so I filled my life with more colours and voices. Talking to Alkie Empress Dowager and Babe Jie Jie made me feel that I'm not all alone in the world. Friends are great consolations that life has so much more to offer. Taking this bit of time to nip out made me see that if this is not meant to me, there should be no reason why I should be around to create more problems for everyone.

And it's okay if you have go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang

To think of the dreams we built, the songs we sang and the love (or maybe not) we shared, it's painful to let it off the system. Having said that, if it is an impossibility, why am I insisting on being the stupid one?

Shall we talk?

明月光　為何又照地堂
寧願在公園躲藏　不想喝湯
任由目光　留在漫畫一角
為何望母親一眼就如罰留堂

孩童只盼望歡樂　大人只知道寄望
為何都不大懂得努力體恤對方
大門外有蟋蟀　迴響卻如同幻覺
SHALL WE TALK, SHALL WE TALK
就當重新手拖手去上學堂

陪我講　陪我講出我們最後何以生疏
誰怕講　誰會可悲得過孤獨探戈
難得　可以同座　何以　要忌諱赤裸
如果心聲真有療效　誰怕暴露更多
(你別怕我)

螢幕發光　無論什麼都看
情人在分手邊緣只敢喝湯
若沉默似金　還談什麼戀愛
寧願在發聲機器面前笑著忙

成人只寄望收穫　情人只聽見承諾
為何都不大懂得努力珍惜對方
螳螂面對蟋蟀　迴響也如同幻覺
SHALL WE TALK, SHALL WE TALK
就算牙關開始打震　別說謊

陪我講　陪我親身正視眼淚誰跌得多
無法講　除非彼此已失去了能力觸摸
鈴聲　可以寧靜　難過　卻避不過
如果沉默太沉重　別要輕輕帶過

明月光　為何未照地堂
孩兒在公司很忙　不需喝湯
SHALL WE TALK　斜陽白趕一趟
沉默令我聽得見葉兒聲聲降



well I'm almost finally, finally, finally out of words.

有些坚持却永远磨不掉

用起伏的背影 挡住哭泣的心
有些故事 不必说给 每个人听
许多眼睛 看的太浅太近
错过我没被看见 那个自己
用简单的言语 解开超载的心
有些情绪 是该说给 懂的人听
你的热泪 比我激动怜惜
我发誓要更努力 更有勇气
等下一个天亮 去上次牵手赏花那里散步好吗
有些积雪会自己融化
你的肩膀是我豁达的天堂
等下一个天亮 把偷拍我看海的照片送我好吗
我喜欢我飞舞的头发
和飘着雨还是眺望的眼光
时间可以磨去我的棱角
有些坚持却永远磨不掉
请容许我 小小的骄傲
因为有你这样的依靠

You And I Both

Running in is the most painful process especially when I've given myself till Tuesday to do so and the last I checked, I've only clocked 300+km. Taking nice long drives are within the plans but combined with serious efforts of keeping myself busy with alot of voices around me. Driving around alone reminds me of the possibility of having a familiar face singing along to Jason Mraz with me in the car taking the long running in drive to nowhere.

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me

I may not have the cutest face nor the best personality around but that doesn't warrant a disappearing act. I may be an insignificant nobody who comes and goes in your vibrant life but the difference you have made can't be wiped away overnight. If things don't work, you know it better than everyone else from being the counsellor and first party that closures are necessary. This is such a mess I can't wait to get out of.

Darling you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I'll be here 'til the end of time
So you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

It's always tease, tease, tease
You're happy when I'm on my knees
One day is fine the next is black
So if you want me off your back
Well come on and let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
An' if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know...

This indecision's bugging me
If you don't want me, set me free
Exactly who I'm supposed to be
Don't you know which clothes even fit me?
Come on and let me know
Should I cool it or should I blow?


Back to Kokoro, I've been spending sleepless nights (sleepless not due to Kokoro) thinking about engine oil change, transmission issues... My waist and hair volume are apparently going at opposite ends in terms of volume, non-favourable unfortunately. I wish I have someone to bug to about Kokoro... Excluding people like Fatshark, Kenntona, Como, Silver...

Do I need to reiterate that I am NOT a boy?

What happened to "everything will just be fine?"

What Just Happened?

Picked up Kokoro and I've been spending all my time running around and trying to get my life sorted. More often than not, I sink into a daze I couldn't get out of. Tell me it was a dream. I have no idea what's going on. When people ask how am I doing, I don't have an answer readily. If I go with an "ok", I am lying through my teeth and everyone could see it. If I go with a "no", I don't quite have an explanation for why I'm not ok but I'm just not ok. My hands are constantly cold and sweaty. Driving alone just encourages tears.

For those of you who are awaiting for more news of Kokoro, watch this space.

到最后, 心痛了, 放弃了, 哭泣了

I need a shoulder for these tears... I'm so tired.



我和你啊存在一种危险关系
彼此挟持这另一部份的自己
本以为这完整了爱的定义
那就乖乖的守护着你
相爱变成猜忌怀疑的烂游戏
规则是要憋着呼吸越靠越近
但你的温柔是我唯一沉溺
你是爱我的就不怕有缝隙
在我心上用力的开一枪
让一切归零在这声巨响
如果爱是说什么都不能放
我不挣扎反正我也没差

人质在这一刻得到释放
相爱的纯粹落得如此下场
你满意吗我们都别说谎

I Want My Kokoro Now!

There's been so much delay and I thought I'd finally be able to see my Kokoro. It's like seeing your long lost sibling. You feel that you know them so well but in actual fact, you don't really know them until you interact with them. The timeline gets delayed further and further and my poor Kokoro is not even registered which makes it still illegal for local roads. Having a soft heart doesn't quite help in me trying to brace myself to scream at the SE. On top of which, I didn't have the strength to bring myself to.

Hourly countdown to 5.30pm tomorrow...

Also, it's not helping that I'm constantly on the verge of braking into tears.

Crypt-onite

All I want to do is find a way back into love.

Being cryptic is probably the last thing on my mind while deciding to type out my frustrations today. Saying it's frustration is purely under describing it. I'm exasperated and all ready to take a break in life and disappear for a good while, away from people I know, from work, from life, from every single freaking disturbing thing. Often caught disgruntled with trust issues and people I love, I'm not usually this easily affected. I do hold my breath and patience exceptionally well in my whole honest opinion.

All hell broke loose emotionally and if there's a better way to describe it, I can't think of any right now.

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard

The guessing game is anything but fun. I've always believed to hold one's silence is the best way to go in terms of not filthily involved. But when the truth gets further and further away, beyond reasonable reach (beginner to sound like a criminal law essay), one retreats in fear and rebound with anger.

I need to breathe...

kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor

Heck it, I don't want to be bothered anymore!

Roar!

蓝天

忽醒忽睡 我又挣扎了一夜 窗外透进 几丝光线
空荡的房间 留着你的照片 幸福的感觉 索然无味

无心唱歌 却又拨断琴弦 所有的事 留给明天
感情的善变 挖空心思遮掩 谁能用真心 说抱歉

我陷在爱里面 渐渐疲惫的脸
仿佛是退不出 又走不进你的世界
我陷在爱里面 是谁停住时间
越过了重重的心墙 有一整片蓝天

就陷在爱里面 一张无辜的脸
仿佛是退不出 又走不进你的世界
我陷在爱里面 谁停住了时间
越过了重重的心墙 有一整片蓝天

Kokoro Comes, Kokoro Goes

The snuggle seems to be evolving into a struggle. The ache reminds one of staring at the situation for far too long and feeling the pain of an onlooker. Disappointment is but one of the hundreds of mixed emotions. Constantly reminding myself I have the walk the walk, talk the walk, all by myself.

This feels very much like a two way radio, except that I kept talking into one, kept "roger-ing" into the walkie-talkie, thinking that one day my messages will be heard. Little do I know, the other walkie with the same frequency might have forgotten to recharge or went back to its last frequency. The frequency may not be the clearest for all we know, though on this side of the walkie we too do not know if the other walkie has been turned off. Not knowing doesn't mean stopping to give, tears and aches lead to disappointment and emptiness that catalyse the impending departure. Courage can only do so much and too much courage spells brainlessness.

True love waits for no one when it's blinking right in front of you. Before you know it, it's all gone. To fight and struggle is part of an attempt to save a belief. The belief erodes, trust fades, love hangs on with the very last bit of pain. We all know it's gone... Why didn't anyone tell me? I think everyone did, I chose to shut my ears and refused to face up to reality. I think it's time I take my leave...

The once upon a time long drive, the afternoon anticipation to hear the voice, the conversations filled with excessive but enjoyable laughters, the nights without any form of response. It's not just honey, it's Manuka. And you'd think it's special...

The best birthday could well be the worst. But what do I know... 我很好



沙发上睡着
孤单冷醒的破晓
冷的面条热的泪痕
啤酒在苦笑
当时的煎熬
当时的心痛如绞
天终于亮了
遗憾终于退潮
终于能够恨不再疯
泪不再掉心不跑
一定会有一个人
一段新的美好

谁让我拥抱
谁让我再一次心跳
就算爱情让我再次的跌倒
伤痕也要是一种骄傲
谁让我拥抱
谁让我疯狂的心跳
就算明天整个城市要倾倒
也让我爱到最后一秒
丢掉电影票
删掉信件跟合照
洗了床单剪了头发
清空了烦恼
恨可以很小
小到眼泪能冲掉
我现在很好
可以重新起跑
终于能够恨不再疯
泪不再掉心不跑
一定会有一个人
一段新的美好

谁让我拥抱
谁让我再一次心跳
就算爱情让我再次的跌倒
伤痕也要是一种骄傲
谁让我拥抱
谁让我疯狂的心跳
就算明天整个城市要倾倒
也让我爱到最后一秒

地铁涌出了人潮
幸福涌出了预兆
我会找回当初对爱天真的霸道

谁让我拥抱
谁让我再一次心跳
就算爱情让我再次的跌倒
伤痕也要是一种骄傲
谁让我拥抱
谁让我疯狂的心跳
就算明天整个城市要倾倒
也让我爱到最后一秒
谁让我拥抱
谁让我疯狂的心跳
就算明天整个城市要倾倒
也让我爱到最后一秒

On a separate note, Kokoro will report for first day at work on Tuesday. *Roar

我为什么那么爱你

往大海里沉没
一动不动
到烟头烫了你的手
不要说什么都别刺破
就算结束
努力温暖到最后
我想静静离开
你却从背后
拉住我的手
你并没有用力
怎么我那么痛
我多想说没有关系
我还爱你
却挤不出一丝力气
是我错过什么记忆
才从幸福跳到这里
最怕自己从今以后
什么都不相信
当初多勇敢爱了你
多勇敢才能原谅你
我为什么那么爱你
爱到什么都说可以
发誓绝不做的事情
现在做的不想放弃
爱情到底让人脆弱
还是让人坚定
我用尽最后的力气
从头到尾都没有哭泣
爱曾是我盲目的理由
你犯的错
除了我别人都看透
暮色中
心特别的寂寞
眼眶的泪
该为你还是为我流

Trust My Kokoro

Since young, my parents gave me alot of freedom. As I was growing up, I understood why. Dad being a very strict parent, would never allow me to stay out, afraid that I would be led astray. Given my personality, I would have fallen to the dark side pretty easily. But as I grew older, Mom and Dad never bugged me for staying out late, drinking, partying because I would always inform them volunteerily of my whereabouts and they never had to worry. I came home at the time which I said I would and I did. Before I knew it, they couldn't be bothered anymore. When much younger, I used to think I had little freedom. Subsequently, I realised that was necessary at that given stage of my growing up. In fact, I'm grateful for all that because that meant that I'm enjoying endless freedom since I gained independence from allowing them to trust me.

Trust determines whether we allow ourselves to be friends of others or to fall in love. But getting betrayed of this trust is something I'm too used to experiencing. So much so, I'm actually numb and forgot how trusting someone feels like. Just a feel months back, I thought I could trust someone with my life. Without much thought, I willingly gave my life to him. Relative to people who say yes to proposals not knowing what they are getting themselves into, I knew that was what I wanted and I was a willing sheep. Nope it wasn't a proposal so don't start calling me and I'm still single, just not available that's all. I knew I was in imminent danger because I have never trusted someone so much and never felt that I could give away my lifetime. Until now, I still feel the same. But somewhere along the way, second thoughts hit and before I knew it, you were gone. When I was finally told, "I'll talk to you when I'm back", I knew you were just too far away. The trust I had was shattered. The only time in my life, I stupidly stayed put and allow myself to be hurt once and again. All because I trusted one person. Maybe I shouldn't but I did and still do. How incorrigible and stubborn can one get. I'm a monkey, damn it, not a cow.

It's the same thing for friends. People you think you trust them with every last deepest darkest secret you carry, may for not reason, turn their back and say hurting things about you. I don't usually give a damn. Yes, I'm actually a boy stuck in a girl's body. I can have a proper conversation with you regarding cars. That aside, only when I genuinely consider some people as friends, I trust them with my life. Not the same as the instance in the second paragraph. That's unique and never before. It's a one off incident and will probably occur to only one person. But when it's friends, on a general level, I expect to be treated genuinely. Not too much to ask for but it seldom materialises itself and bloom into what you thought that you have been seeing. Even giving all that you can, people mistaken your actions and act against them. Tragedy for an insignificant life.

All I wanna do is to hide in your arms and seek refuge...

Following some question marks, I have decided to give "Goma" a more permanent name. As I mentioned earlier, it was just temporary until I go fetch it. Now that the date is drawing near, I have one suggestion putting out and hoping to get some feedback. I actually like this...

Kokoro (心:こころ) is a concept that crosses through many martial arts, but has no single discrete meaning. In context, it means something like "heart," "character," or "attitude." Character is a central concept in karate, and in keeping with the do nature of modern karate, there is a great emphasis on improving oneself. It is often said that the art of karate is for self-defense; not injuring one's opponent is the highest expression of the art.

If you read it in Chinese, it's the "heart". All I wanna do now is to take good care of my heart...

I… can’t get out of bed today
Or get you off my mind
I just can’t seem to find a way
To leave the love behind

I ain’t tripping
I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying
You know what I mean

You’ve kept me hanging from a string
While you make me cry
I’ve tried to give you everything
But you just give me lies

I ain’t tripping
I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying
You know what I mean

Every now and then when I’m all alone
I’d be wishing that you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool
There’s nothing I can do
I’m such a fool for you

I can’t take it
What am I waiting for?
I’m still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
It’s true, I’m stuck on you

Now loves a broken record that’s been
Skipping in my head
I keep singing yesterday
Why we have to play these games we play

I ain’t tripping
I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying
You know what I mean
Every now and then when I’m all alone
I’d be wishing that you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool

I can’t take it
What am I waiting for?
I’m still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
It’s true, I’m stuck on you

Every now and then when I’m all alone
I’d be wishing that you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool
There’s nothing I can do
I’m such a fool for you

I can’t take it
What am I waiting for?
I’m still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
Don’t know what to do
I’m stuck on you

Granite Grey Graphite Grey Overcast Grey

This is almost a done deal. I've decided to go for these Prodrive GC014i in 18". The 19" will kill me in terms of rubber changing as Michelin's PS2 aren't quite known to have a long lifespan. When I visited Leong Seng last week, I was adamant on getting the Volk but when I saw the Prodrive's, considering it weighs almost like the Volk, I was tempted. In the end, it was just a tossup within the Prodrives, namely GC07C, GC10E and the GC014i. The GC014i just have the right well crafted spokes, I was immediately sold although the only BBK that would fit in time to come, would only be the Alcons. I shall give Leong Seng another call to make sure that they still have it.

Taking of delivery will tentatively take place coming Sunday or Monday and anyhoo, I'd most likely have to take Monday off.

Skeeter Mom will be flying off to Germany to visit Fatshark Guru and they will be doing major "killings" in France and Switzerland. My shopping list and Euros are in the good hands of Skeeter Mom and fingers crossed, she will be back with either my Miu Miu Coffer or some LVs. Surprisingly, the Miu Mius would be the more pricey buys but I have no qualms. Totally sold to the idea of a casual classic and besides, suits me to a T.

Shoes and bags totally kill us women in very polarised ways. Men will never understand, rarely... Probably Fatshark Guru does. Then again... During lunch with Skeeter Mom today led to another little purchase of a pair of stiletto pumps and in anticipation of waiting for Pilotsnoopy to end his meeting, shopping in town is inevitable. I might just be able to ward off the temptations but if I'm allowed to run into some well-detailed heeled sandals, I'd melt in a heartbeat and before long, the credit card will leave my wallet for 30 seconds though it's daily regular ritual of stripping the bank account dry.

In the all of nothing game that I'm playing in almost every aspect of my life, I've been hit really bad yesterday. Like what Babooshka Mom said, aren't we all too familiar. It just so happened that it was big numbers we were talking about and it's the entire's quarter's pipeline all turned to ashes after a few phonecalls. And I have zero control over anything. Weekend and late night firefighting have all gone back to naught and I'm back on the finishing line, except that it reads, "Start" all over again. What a bugger! My Milltek exhaust is waiting for me... Pah! Good thing about being in our line, it's never all over.

Big girls don't cry. Breathe...

Prayers give me faith, faith gives me hope and hope gives me pictures of brighter tomorrow. We have once painted these but it seems blurrer and blurrer as the day passes. It could be my eyes failing. I can only hope that my bridge of faith doesn't fail because I've been keeping you in my prayers. With all the strength that I have remaining, there is only so much one can do. I've exhausted my means (if they even existed to begin with) and I am exhausted. I'm turning into a complete nutter! Maybe I've always been one but just totally unaware of.

Am I rambling again? Don't you all love it?

Malaysian Immigration

This story is taken from Asia One.

Travellers See Red Over White Cards

For myself, I experienced the messed up first hand but in a much smaller scale and thankfully, I wasn't stuck behind some massive jam. The Malaysian government had decided at their whim that they want to collect the white cards at immigration after abolishing the rule in January. I had to fill up the white form at Pengerang jetty and gave away my favourite cheapo pen to a group of unfortunate souls who didn't even have a pen to fill up the forms.

Thou shalt not go into too sensitive discussion and given my personality, I'm more than tempted to spill it all out. Then again, I'm not like a start blogger and I don't desire an insane amount of visits. I haven't even gotten a single cheque from Nuffnang and that shows you peeps out there aren't giving my advertisers sufficient support. Haha!

For once, I could fly to everywhere I want and shop till I drop, well almost. But with my little black monster getting delivered soon, I will have to manage my finances more sensibly and travels will have to wait.

Today's just a crap day... My worst day in my job ever... Can it get any worse?

Let's Start From Here

Just came back from an extremely short trip back from where Dad calls home...

Managed to rest my mind from all the crazy firefighting, crazy calls and one majorly messed up me. Wanted to pen down some thoughts but I think this song sums everything I wanted to say...



Giving up, why should I
I've come too far to forget
We're beautiful, we just got lost

Somewhere along the way
So much was missing when you went away
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here

Standing here face to face
A finger on your lips
Don't say a word don't make a sound
Silence surrounds us now
Even when you were gone I felt you everywhere
Let' start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don′t need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn′t seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here
Let's start from here

I've never been the one to open up
But you've always been the voice within
The only warmth from my cold heart
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don't need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises
Let's start from here, lose the past
Change our minds, we don't need a finish line
Let's take this chance don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn't seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here
Let's start from here

Work & Play Don't & Shouldn't Mix

Blogs by airline crews that tell all are the talk of the town. Singapore Airlines has already banned their crews from doing so. This boils down to privacy. Most people refer to their friends or family by their names directly revealing their relation and information that might not be personal at the point of publishing but might become sensitive in time to come. Company logos and emblems including the "kebaya" will directly or indirectly reveal the sleazy lifestyles of the cabin crews and this in turn might tarnish the airline's reputation. The act of blogging might be seemingly harmless but in actual fact, if it is an open blog, anyone will be able to access let alone the fact that individual words written in the blogs will be picked up by search engines. Since Day One, I have insisted on using nicknames and some of which I wouldn't even remember in a couple of weeks time and had to reinvent another nickname. It all began because I wanted to avoid some personal implications. It turned out to be a wise decision as many doesn't want their identity and stories to be revealed.

I mentioned way too many times that my blog is my personal outlet. Rightfully pointed out by Urban Legend, it might jolly well end up as someone else's inlet. I kept my entries to very simple and readable layman terms hoping that some of my stories, thoughts or decisions will indirectly affect my readers in a positive way. Admittedly, I've been negative and low but even then, I have received relatively good feedback on how some people can relate to my emotions and was reassured that things will definitely take a better turn. Even so, names are never mentioned to protect the "innocent". The only exception I make are new babies. They are just so pure and new to this world. I don't think I should hide them behind any veils. So far, there's only Laura Widya and Chloe Sim. I wonder how is Baby Laura doing now...

Back to blogging on work-related matters, I have always avoided them unless it's seriously affecting my emotions. Recently, I must say I've been affected more than ever but i know I will be back in shape very soon and be whipping up big numbers in no time. Keeping work and personal life separated is tough, blogging and Facebook just makes it harder. If only we can keep everything absolutely anonymous, that would be great but that too, takes away the fun. All I can hope is for you to enjoy the crazy nicknames I come up with every now and then.

Getting In Shape

Waking up early has always been a challenge to me. But the enthusiasm and adrenalin running through you might just make the difference. When I first started my current job, I was the happy girl, totally in love with every moment of my little life while working for the most wonderful boss in the world. I raced myself to work everyday just to get in before Babooshka Mom. Setting an excellent example, she was always around and has got what it takes to run an office efficiently. She understood the importance of being a good role model. It does make a big difference. The key between being an employer and employee, she had it all figured. Hats off!

These days, I've been getting out of bed later and later and only when being whipped back into shape, I actually got in alot earlier. But I wasn't that happy to get in. I wasn't smiling to myself and hoping that I'll get in earlier than anyone else in the office. All I really do is to pray hard that Shrek don't send me another of those emails telling me how f***ed up I am. The regular humdrum goes...

All I want these days is a good night's sleep and being able to wake up half an hour early so Comedy Boss doesn't have to save my arse by covering it all up for me. I feel so bad having dragged him down while he's also being whipped together by Shrek. When asked about my loyalty to the company, I started to think maybe it's just being loyalty to certain personality. Comedy Boss earned my trust, others will have to do the same. Remorse doesn't affect me anymore. All that is whipping me together is the thought of dressing up "Goma" and oh, the next Miu Miu bag.

Who's The Fairest Of Them All?

Life is so fragile. One day we're celebrating life, the other we get news of unexpected departures. Departures that makes your heart whine in sorrow and your eyes follow suit without much control. Life is too short for us to feel sorry for ourselves and worry about yesterday. I want to smile for today and now. Fact is we do have to worry about the "what if".

The precise reason why my darn bloody ridiculous excess for my motor insurance is out of regular proportion is all because of a big "what if". We can't be absolutely covered for what come may but why do us as humans try to do as much as we can for a tomorrow that we're unsure of even though we don't know if we'll be killed on the road tomorrow.

To say that I asked for it is not entirely wrong since I could have registered the car under someone else's name but it's about time I take on such responsibilities and be a big girl. For once in my life, I'm taking good care of myself and people around me. That feeling is beyond what words can translate.

I can rattle on but today's been just a crazy day. To go on about things I'm not happy with is not the way I do things. All I ever wanted was to be treated fairly. We'll see...

Birthday Announcements

My nose is killing me and it's causing the headache that's affecting my ability to function. Losing sleep should not be a peripheral result of an allergy attack. The dry and sore throat eventually prevents me from falling asleep.

Bunch of announcements!

1. Happy Birthday you Dodo in NY. All the best! Things are already beginning to look up and it will only get better for you. Love you, buddy. I think I should get you a TV so that I can watch it when I go over... Hurhur, I'll just go live with my twin... Oh she's coming back... Oh well, I'll go watch TV over at Yawho!'s place. Can both of you move closer to one another?

2. Happy Advanced Birthday to Grandma. My only living Grandparent... I've been going to church so don't you worry!

3. Welcome to this world, little Chloe Sim. Although a little premature, I'm sure you'll grow up to be a fine young lady. Does that mean that your full month celebration is coming up soon? Dang...

My head is spinning out of proportion... I should get some non irritating light into my eyeballs... No more computers! Bye...

你是我的答案不变的答案

Been more than a week of living by anti-histamines, nasal spray, decongestants, etc. Having the nose perpetually blocked and waking up with a super sore throat doesn't quite help when there are too much work to be completed. Taking time off work isn't an option unless I run out of all possibilities. Believe or not, I've been putting far more effort at work than earlier this year and all I wanted to do was to not sacrifice my lifestyle of traveling and gallivanting around while spending half my assets on a huge liability commonly known as the car. And in my case, dressing up the liability adding on to it's depreciating value.

Ideas and thoughts of various rims started to roam and focus shift and again. The only thing I can be sure is the rim size for now. Mind you, this is an achievement as I was still shuttling between 18" and 19" yesterday. I've decided on the 18" solely because the rubbers are going to be expensive replacements and having decided to dump my money on the really expensive PS2, it's only wise to take the 18". Plus it goes very well with the car 8 x 18. Perfect! Now, we need something that could clear the BBKs in future. If the rims can only clear certain BBKs, then I'll have to make extra effort to afford those "glorified" ones.

My big blueprint is more or less clear. Driving the car stock is not an option, it's a must. At least for the first few months, I will have to know and feel my car so much so I can hear what's exactly wrong. Then I would predict the suspension to be the first to go. KW V2 or V3 or PSS9, still on the drawing board. All I know is to do the anti-roll bar with the suspension. The handling would be the first I have to give some attention to. Power wise, I have more than enough of those at this point in time.

You will start to see my progressively mod diary over here in amidst of my mindless rantings. As of today, the antihistamine is taking effect, the z monster is calling me. I've been listening to the song I posted yesterday on youtube because I can't find the mp3 and they do not have the CD at Gramophone. Repeating the lyrics to myself reminds me of how much I long for your presence. Like you said, it's not easy and I have to live with it. I chose this passage and I will have to bite my own tongue and live through it. Unless I'm told one day that I'm not welcomed in the little house without gates anymore. That is when I'll take my leave...

Am I still part of the thinking process by any chance?