Are You Ready?

At the beginning with this year, I was lamenting on the number of weddings I had to attend and I managed to skip a good portion of them. I love weddings and attending them but at this age, you get even your peers asking when is your turn and such and you subsequently just avoid such occasions, Chinese New Year + inquisitive relatives included. As a girl, you dream about your big day since you first saw your elder female cousin/aunt trying on their gown. But when reality kicks in, there are so much more to life than just putting on the gown and veil. There are more factors that revolve around being married than getting married. And as you blow the next birthday candle, you think lesser and lesser of such things or so you wish to believe.

Among my group of friends from school days, we have a divorcee, 2 single souls and the rest of the bunch are all married. It appears that apart from that one (or rather his wife) from the married bunch, the other 3 of us often end up on the same mahjong table.

And then you have the bunch of SBW... (I know some of you guys are reading this and it's meant for your eyes anyway... Celebrate! You're now mentioned on my blog, hence a celebrity. Ha! See you guys for lunch later!) Among them is DaftBitch, a tai-tai triathlete wannabe. She's been with her beau for the longest time ever and is not thinking of tying the knot due to various reasons. Not that we're pushing them for that but I think they're ready. However, DaftBitch is pretty much a character like myself. We're both loud, funloving, insane people but we think alot about life. She's alot more carefree than myself, or so I think. I tend to dwell too much into things. She mentioned she's not in a rush and I feel that mentally, she's got to be ready and no one can push her into it. Similarly for many of you out there who are thinking of getting hitched, I urge you to think if you can live a life with that special someone before rushing into it.

Ex-Sir's Sir is the divorcee I mentioned above. We've been the best of friends forever because he's always been there for me when I needed a friend. He married his sweetheart some years back because they have been together since school, went through that and NS and later on, their individual careers. Finally, they settled down. Little do they know, maybe the time is just not right and now, they are apart.

Ex-Sir's Sir asked me not too long ago if I'm hitting the panic button already. My thoughts are... Probably given some 5 years back, I would have been eager to jump onto the bandwagon with the rest of them. I'm thankful I didn't do that. And those of you who knows me, that relationship of mine that lasted slightly more than half a decade has ended and is defined nothing short of a disaster. Since then, I've never been in a rush.

Was asked if I would mind if my better half isn't ready in a couple of years when I'm turning yellow and haggard (Alright, I'm exaggerating..) I thought about it seriously. I think it's much more important for two persons to feel that they are on stable and solid foundation than to rush into a constitution that they are unsure of. Apart from giving children the legitimacy, I don't think the marriage certification would be of a big issue. In today's society and in particularly referring to myself, women are financially independent and we do not need the certification to give us the security we need. The security tends to be more emotional than tangible. As long as we know that we have a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear to mumble the daily grumbles to, we are usually more than happy.

But of course, I can't be too sure how things would be like in say 5 years time but I'm sure if I know that this is a person that I'm going to spend my life with, it's because he can provide me with the emotional security and is there for me to love and to hold and not merely tied down by the vow of till death do us part. The physical vow is nothing but bullshit. It is the willingness to live out the vows that really matters.

One of my favourite uncle who has been dating for more than a decade way before my Grandpa passed away, still hasn't got any plans to get married because he didn't see the need to and isn't bothered by my ever-nagging Grandma. I don't think why any of you out there should unless you plan to have kids or buy a HDB flat.

My favourite line still goes... "As long as you're here with me, nothing else matters."

It Takes Two

Funny how my mind like to run in circles when you least needed confusion. The more you avoid, the more you find yourself entangled in the lines. Thoughts get muddled like a foot in the swamp in an attempt to free itself from sinking any further into the water percolated sand. The world gets darker as we sink deeper until a point where we can no longer breathe freely. The heart dies. The thoughts dead.

How did we ever even allow ourselves to be tangled up when we are totally capable of not walking right into the swamp in the first place? Apart from the myriad of possible reasons, the one big factor is the decision maker, the main and only player in your game and the deciding piece on your chessboard. Very often, we are the ones who allow and condone. But we also forget, we have emotions and we're very much controlled by them. We choose to be entangled because we are too excited over the adventure of getting past the swamp in order to reach the oasis on the other side.

There is also the part in life where it takes two to tango. (Technically speaking, one can tango too but well, it's a figure of speech) Both have to be willing to peep into one another's life through the other person's binoculars yet pardon the dust specks and scratches on the lenses. My favourite line to my better half, "as long as you're here with me, nothing else matters" and I mean every bit of it. As long as you have the support and backing that you know even if you fall, the pain is secondary. All you have to do is to trust wholeheartedly. Communication then becomes the main tool that fixes and bridges. If happiness is the end destination, then pit stops should have them too. We can then rest and look at how far we've walked and be happy with our achievements.



Yes you can hold my hand if you want to... Cuz I wanna hold yours too...

* Regretted not having gone to skate at Bryant Park last Christmas.

Importance of Self

Very often, we tend to lose a part of ourselves when we move into another stage in life be it dating, marriage, having a new pet, getting a new job or welcoming a new life. The time we have is usually barely sufficient to handle the already packed and hectic life of a regular working adult, a change will only mean sacrifices to be made along the way. As much as we hope we could still do what we were doing before, time may post a real challenge. The crucial bit is not to lose so much of yourself at one go or it'd be extremely hard to pull yourself out and put yourself back to where you came from.

Maybe it's simply self-denial that one lives to think that things may take a positive step and remain nothing else but positive. Things almost never work out the way we want them to me. At least for me...

All we can do is hold our fort and hope for the best in the next steps we take. Too much speculation and plans will get us nowhere. I know I sound incoherent and that's cuz I am...

Happiness Left...

Happiness seems to be a word that escapes from me on a regular basis. The laughters were not forgettable and the thought lingers. The tears escaped from the jail of pride. Growing up being the flawed self-centred individual, friends have grown to either love or hate me. But it was understood that I meant no harm but words I say tend to get me into trouble. It was also understood that PMS is no excuse to tantrums and bad attitude but it can't be helped that half the population in the world go through that. Not in an attempt to justify PMS or the actions that followed. Guilt is a more appropriate word. Love is the basis. Happiness is the destination.

Looking back at the activities, the thoughts and love, any description less than beautiful is not doing justice. If change is what is needed to be a better person, anyone should consider stepping up to fill bigger coats. In the process, understanding from people around you will prove to be crucial. I suppose only when you survive through changes and growing up, you survive the worst and emerge stronger. If you get dropped out in the process, maybe you've just failed as a person. In this case, failing as a partner and support. Having the ability to give, drains and fills one all at the same time. But having the ability is a gift in itself, a gift coupled with the refusal to give up. All in the name of love...

Maybe by seeking and settling in a spot with true appreciation would there be sufficient happiness...

And I Love You So...

爱永远都是难题
失去分寸太容易
谁都是凡人不够小心翼翼
有时候忘了珍惜
伤害来的太无意
有时爱太急需要空间呼吸
争吵愈狠痛愈深刻
然后不断自责
我们都忘了最初的快乐
拥抱越紧痛愈深刻
谁不会舍不得
现在我给的或许并不是你要的
如果分离是唯一的解脱
最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过遗憾让我来过
就算过去的回忆太脆弱
连未来也没有我
爱着你仍是我的执着
让你哭泣对不起为了爱承受委屈
说过的承诺其实还没忘记
愈是在乎的关系愈是相处不容易
伤害了你我也失去勇气
争吵愈狠痛愈深刻
然后不断自责
我们都忘了最初的快乐
拥抱越紧痛愈深刻
谁不会舍不得
现在我给的或许并不是你要的
如果分离是唯一的解脱
最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过
遗憾让我来过
就算过去的回忆太脆弱
连未来也没有我
爱着你仍是我的执着
走到感情关键时候却握不住你的手
还能有什么藉口让爱再回头
多少的爱说不出口
就让时间帮我说话
我一个人拼命挣扎
总比两个人一起难过还好吧
如果分离是唯一的解脱
最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过

Dark In Here...

Needless to say, you must be one of those common people who have felt the slowdown in the economic downturn. Having just made a lateral move to another consultancy, I couldn't have started on a worse note. The glorious days of good money seems to be over and everything is starting to look so gloomy. Like the weather, there seem to be a constant overcast at all times. The next dollar seems to be harder to come by...

Even than, I remain positive that things will be better. To be absolutely frank, when I typed the above statement, I felt guilty if I really meant it. Things might be better some day but I'm not seeing the light and in fact, we're just at the very beginning of the cold and dark tunnel. It's sadistic but it feels good to know that there will always be people who are worse off but there are also a bunch of people who thrive that during times like that and can make the best out of the worst situation.

Who doesn't want to have this sort of ability and mentality but truth is, we're all born differently. I've always felt vulnerable to changes and it could be the way I was brought up. I may seem like an adventurous person but in actual fact, I might just be the most conservative person you'll ever know. In terms of my actions and body language, I tend to be loud and larger than life. Behind closed doors, I'm just a wimp and always reluctant to step out of my comfort zone and take some kind of risk. To me, I can't possibly find something else that could give me the flexibility and possibilities which is why I'm not keen to try. Having said that, I might have been too independent since I was young so I had to fight for every bit myself hence the reluctance to let go. However, things aren't as dark as I'm portraying it. It is still not the end. If the warrior in me starts to fight the war again, I might just make a comeback pretty soon.

So right now, it's best that I hide behind the screen and start hunting...

Regular Weekend

The last weekend was simple and regular but one that I enjoyed tremendously. Nothing amazing but just some slow moving actions and spending quality time. Both days were lazy and I was completely catching up on my sleep. First half of Saturday evening was spent watching Texas Hold'Em and the second half was my own mahjong game. Although the night could have ended better, I have no complaints.

Quantum of Solace filled the later half of Sunday afternoon with the first half spent at home, lazing around with my folks. Aimless walking and window shopping's never been more enjoyable. Day ended early but I like the simplicity and could only look forward to more.

Back to Quantum of Solace, it wasn't so much a movie I was dying to watch. To begin with, I was never a Bond fan apart from the fact that I'd love to marry Pierce Brosnan. But I knew I'd enjoy the company more than anything else, so I went. Loads of action and as expected, I wasn't disappointed. Having read reviews on the show having very simple plot, I walked in eyes wide open, not expecting any plot. It wans't half as bad as I thought expect that there were bits of it that gave me the motion sickness discomfort. I love the first scenes with the Aston Martin. Awesome car, awesome scene.

I'd take a simple weekend anytime...

Giving & Taking

This is an age old subject which I believe few of us have found a balance in this delicate mix. Some of us find ourselves giving more and others, taking. Thing is, would takers know that they're taking?

To prevent ourselves from taking things for granted, we often find ourselves questioning our souls within if we're being appreciated for the little things in life that we do and more often than not, little sacrifices made by us. Sacrifices are not often measurable by it's quality or quantity because when you truly love and care, these things doesn't matter. It does, however, matter a great deal when having this particular person around and the importance of it is being overlooked. That is when relationships fail and crack.

To be able to give is actually a great thing and when we love, we forget about the giving. Constant review will allow you to think if you've been a happy camper. When the sky turns grey, you wonder if the rain will ever stop and if the sun will re-emerge. The sun might came back up in a different way, may not be what you expect it to be but does that mean that you're staying up to look at the break of dawn or would you rather to lying in bed snoozing away.

Was told not too long ago that I have to constantly believe that I'm a diamond. In order for others to love me, I have first got to love myself. Should I even allow anything or anyone to cause chaos to my life? The answer waits to be seen because in life, there are just so many little bits that makes it colourful that might eventually bring you down or put you in a better place. We don't just sweep it away because it's messing up the place now. In a way, I'm too positive and hopeful for my own good and in a way, I wonder if I'll ever see the rainbow. Either way, we need to love ourselves again and probably not allow ourselves to get battered and torn again. Diamonds are diamonds because they are unique and with the right lighting, the attention it draws may just be extraordinary.

Life would be so much better is everyone can take everyone else a little more seriously and not be bothered with the nitty gritties. The very minimum is to appreciate the little things people around you do for you in order to see life in the bigger picture.

STAR-ring Northlight School

On Saturday, I went on a charity event with SGMerc to Northlight School. The students are made up of children in their teens who have difficulties in one way or another, passing their PSLE. Some of them have learning difficulties and in fact, I spoke to one of the boys who is autistic. Others may just have terrible family background that deters them from spending more time in their studies. More often than not, they belong to the category of students we classify as the needy students in terms of their learning or financial ability.

These students are at the age of their lives that if not given proper guidance and hope, they will easily be led astray. If we're able to help them get on with life the right way, bearing the proper values, they will one day be a good contributor to the society. The Principal explained during one of their powerpoint presentations that these children are taught to remember that they are a star. Quoted from her, "The darker the environment, the brighter you shine." And instead of giving them dreams and hopes, she makes them work hard and beating the fact in reality back to them. If they think life is unfair, that's because life really is unfair so they'd have to accept it and move on, making the better out of things. Even for the rest of us being more fortunate to be able to receive the kind of education we did, we should also not blame anyone but to work towards our goal.

This charity event is particularly meaningful because it reminds me of how fortunate I am in my given environment. And on hearing those aspirational stories by the SGMerc members who shared, I know the last I know be doing is to rest on my laurels. The only way for thigns to get better is to make it happen.

International Energy Week

Had to wake up really early yesterday to attend a breakfast seminar on International Energy Week. Which also explains why the news these couple of days revolves around energy and it's fate for the next decade or century. My initial intention when I accepted the invitation was to purely network and at the same time, learn more about the particular industry which I genuinely believe that the information would help me. The seminar really opened my eyes although I didn't stay throughout.

Apart from our common knowledge of wine, solar, hydroelectric, wave, biofuel, nuclear and fossil fuels, we can actually look into more environmentally friendly options in time to come. What actually comes to mind when we mention nuclear energy. We're always so against it but do we actually know why apart from the fact that it is radioactive. To be fair, we've seen pictures and heard stories about radiation and I'm totally against it. But truth is, nuclear plants do not emit carbon dioxide like fossil fuel plants do. They are generally better for the environment ONLY IF the decommission of the plant is done properly and that means really high cost. Radioactive waste should also be handled with care and should not be allowed unless very detailed care is taken. Yet again, it's the cost issue. We all tend to place the importance of money way above our environment. I dread to think the sort of environment my kids and our future generations would be growing up in.

Carbon capture and storage (CCS) is one new term for me from yesterday. In short, this process separates the CO2 during industrial processes, transporting it to a storage location and isolating it from the atmosphere. This will greatly reduce the amount of CO2 being released into the air. Potential storage location will include dried oil and gas fields, unminable coal beds. CO2 will then be injected into these places where the CO2 will react with the metal oxides underground to produce stable carbonates. Which in English, means it will encourage the generation of more energy. This is currently in research stage and to retrofit the equipment for the process would be a very expensive project even if it can be done. New rigs can be built with these function and it will be relatively cheaper to do it. So if this is possible in the near future, we still have hope given the limited amount of fossil fuel we have right now. Details of the above process is extremely dry and I have yet to totally undersand so I shan't embarrass myself further but I think with enough efforts to change the world, we can all make it a better place.

With the warload + Texan oil king off his throne, we all have hope...

ERP on PIE Kills ECP

Traffic was unusually heavy this morning. There weren't any accidents. I'm presuming a large group of people recee-ing to avoid PIE from tomorrow onwards. I am forseeing a disastrous morning tomorrow. Just one question i have in mind - By charging every possible entry into "high day traffic volume" areas, would traffic condition ease up? At least for me, there's nothing much I can do about it but get caught and resort to paying to get it. You might want to point your finger at me and be laughing, thinking "serve you right" but if you live where I live, you will get where I'm coming from and why I'm driving to work, of course my passion for driving aside. And the toll is ridiculously overpriced. Has anyone EVER questioned what are those numbers based on? I spend about $5 to get to work and another $1.50 when I go home considering that I'm not taking CTE that would set me back by a couple more dollars. The cost of living is getting so high, it's greatly reducing out standard of living... Singapore is just forcing me to get out.

Spartans!

After watching the show "300" for about 6 times and not being able to finish it because I'll usually fall asleep within the first 10 mins, I finally had the chance to stay awake throughout the entire show and actually enjoyed it. But of course, I had to keep my eyes open for the first 30 mins. Somehow, it was just so hypnotising.

I have to admit that this is not my favourite kind of show. Too much gory and heads flying around and it's far from being a non-fiction. Then again, which of the movies out there are actually non-fiction when they only try to be a non-fiction as much as they can try to portray it.

Somehow, the show managed to remind me that once you're decided on fighting the war, there's no looking back. As much as strategies and strength are crucial, it takes more than bravery to keep holding on. Then again, overkill of ego and pride. The only nice thing is the respect for women in the show. If my husband loved me until the very second that he fell dead on the battlefield, I'd probably be the happiest widow on earth. It was such a beautiful thought...

Capricorns Are...

Taken from http://www.astrology-online.com/capricrn.htm

If you're lazy to read, the interesting points are highlighted... Parts of them makes me laugh...

Capricorn! About Your Sign...
Capricorn is one of the most stable and (mostly) serious of the zodiacal types. These independent, rocklike characters have many sterling qualities. They are normally confident, strong willed and calm. These hardworking, unemotional, shrewd, practical, responsible, persevering, and cautious to the extreme persons, are capable of persisting for as long as is necessary to accomplish a goal they have set for themselves. They are reliable workers in almost any profession they undertake. They are the major finishers of most projects started by the 'pioneering' signs; with firm stick-to-it-ness they quickly become the backbone of any company they work for.

Capricornians make of themselves, resourceful, determined managers; setting high standards for themselves and others. They strive always for honesty in their criticism of self, they respect discipline from above and demand it from those beneath them. In their methodical, tough, stubborn, unyielding way, they persist against personal hardship, putting their families and/or their work before their own needs and welfare to reach their objectives long after others have given up and fallen by the wayside. In fact when practical ability allied with the drive of ambition are required in employees to make a project succeed, Capricornians are the people to hire. They plan carefully to fulfill their ambitions (which often include becoming wealthy), they are economical without meanness, and able to achieve great results with minimum effort and expense. Because of their organizing ability they are able to work on several projects simultaneously.

They have a great respect for authority but may not, if they reach high rank, be willing to listen to other opinions on things they are directly responsible for. As the ranking authority figure in a given situation they expect their underlings to be as self disciplined as they themselves are, and to perform every task undertaken to the highest standard.
They are, nevertheless, fair as well as demanding. Among their equals they are not always the most pleasant of work fellows for they are reserved and too conservative, valuing tradition more than innovation, however valuable the latter, and they are often humorless. There is also a tendency to pessimism, melancholy and even unhappiness which many Capricornians are unable to keep to themselves, especially if they fail personally. In the extreme this trait can make them a very depressed individual; ecstatic happiness alternating with the most wretched kind of misery which is so subconsciously buried that he or she should seek help if such emotions become frequent. For the above reason, capable Capricorn should spend many hours in meditation, gathering the strength to control such inner emotions.

The swings in mood are not the only reason some Capricornians deserve the adjective based on their name - capricious. They can be surprisingly and suddenly witty and subtle for the quiet, reserved individuals they seem to be, and they also have a tendency to ruin things by unexpected and utterly irresponsible bouts of flippancy. In certain individuals in whom the characteristic is strong, the temptation to do this has to be resisted with iron self-control. Another unexpected quality in some Capricornians is an interest in the occult which persists in spite of their naturally skeptical turn of mind.
Their intellects are sometimes very subtle. They think profoundly and deeply, throughly exploring all possibilities before deciding on a 'safe' alternative. They have good memories and an insatiable yet methodical desire for knowledge. They are rational, logical and clearheaded, have good concentration, delight in debate in which they can show off their cleverness by luring their adversaries into traps and confounding them with logic.

In their personal relationships they are often ill-at-ease, if not downright unhappy. They are somewhat self-centered but not excessively so, wary and cautious around people they do not know very well, preferring not to meddle with others and in turn not to allow interference with themselves, thus they tend to attract people who do not understand them. Casual acquaintances they will treat with diplomacy, tact and, above all, reticence. They make few good friends but are intensely loyal to those they do make, and they can become bitter, and powerful enemies. They sometimes dislike the opposite sex and test the waters of affection gingerly before judging the temperature right for marriage. Once married, however, they are faithful, though inclined to jealousy. Most Capricornians marry for life.

Their occupations can include most professions that have to do with math or money and they are strongly attracted to music. They can be economists, financiers, bankers, speculators, contractors, managers and real estate brokers. They excel as bureaucrats, especially where projects demanding long-term planning and working are concerned, and their skill in debate and love of dialectic make them good politicians. They are excellent teachers, especially as principals of educational establishments where they have the authority to manage and organize without too much intimacy with the staff members. If working with their hands, they can become practical scientists, engineers, farmers and builders. The wit and flippancy which is characteristic of certain Capricornians may make some turn to entertainment as a career.

He Who Hogs, Truly A Hog

Traffic jams are rare on ECP. Although every morning, the traffic gets a little heavy but it's usually moving unless there's some sort of traffic jam. I have resorted to crusing on KPE for my trip home because the roads just get too congested between the 6.30pm to 8.30pm period. But on my way to work, I still go on autopilot and will cruise my way through ECP although it is a slightly longer route.

However, from my observation, the slow down on ECP is usually caused by road hoggers. People who are on the overtaking lane going at 70km/h. What were they thinking?

Please, if you know you're slower, no one is asking you to go faster or break the sound barrier. Just keep left and let the other vehicles pass you. If you think you're going at 90km/h and should be on the right lane, please remember that it is an overtaking lane and not called a max speed limit lane. What's the problem with keeping left and let the other cars pass and subsequently join back into the overtaking formation when the faster cars have gone past you? The worst are the oblivious driver. I doubt that they ever look at their rear view mirror to look at other cars needing to pass them.

Next time you're on the road, spare a thought for other drivers. They might or might not have a legitimate reason to go fast but if you're not in a rush and you're blocking their way, just have the courtesy to let them pass you.

KPE - Love & Hate It

After getting the warning for speeding in the newly opened KPE, I'm extra careful and I know exactly where the cameras are but mostly importantly, I just switch to cruise control and move on when my car decides when to step up and slow down. The letter clearly stated that I could be fined some X amount and gotten like 4 demerit points. Ouch!

By the way, I was going at 85km/h which is below the speed limit for the other expressways. No excuses because I know that the limit is at 70km/h but my grumble is that it's so easy with modern cars to go beyond 70km/h without really stepping on it. The speed limit is ridiculous.

I usually take it on my back from work because it requires little brain cells because no one would be overtaking as that would potentially earn you a ticket. On the way towars CBD, I've never quite taken during morning peak hours. Let me know if you have done so and how's the condition like before I decide to be suicidal and try on a new route.

Interpretation of Dreams - Broken Mug

Do you believe in dreams and what it might be telling you?

After reading messages on Skype that Moody Penguin sent me last night, it took my a while to realise what he type and even then, I had difficulties digesting the information. Apparently, he will be going away for a while for various reasons. I had these in anticipation but it just hit me of a sudden that this is finally happening. The thought of not being able to hold him when I'm feeling down is indeed a little depressing but I'm happy things are moving for him. To avoid any form of miscommunication due to the lack of it, we had to learn to be more patient with and understanding of one another. Although I can't wait for life to start, I'm also apprehensive of what it brings me.

Tossed and turned in bed the whole time last night and couldn't fall asleep which also explains why I'm rather zombie like today. I did however manage to catch some 20 winks. I vaguely remembered this morning that I dreamt of a broken mug so I hurriedly search the internet for an interpretation and guess what I found. Taken from the book - Ultimate Dictionary of Dream Language

Mug (Broken) - Lack of communication will result in a major set back. Think ahead in order to prevent this.

Scares me how dreams indicates what is on your mind. I refuse to believe that it foretells anything but I am impressed with the book and what it is telling me.

Out-Excess

Recession has gotten to me and I think I brought it upon myself. Retail therapy this week kept me sane for a while until I thought of my credit card bills. A cheque to A&E Quack hasn't been cleared and I still owe Amazing Race Partner the monies for my last Phuket trip. On top of all these, the senseless purchase of shoes and board shorts has hit me back to reality. To top it off, I received a reminder from my mobile phone service provider that my bill hasn't been paid.

Wakeboarding with a banker, an advertising chi-chi tai tai wannabe aka Alcoholic Empress Dowager was disastrous yet hilarious. The session ended among thunder, lightning and a bunch of screaming girls. 10 mins after the screaming, we were back on dry land discussing how we should save money because it's recession and how the bankers are having their meals at hawkers. It seems like elastic things like good food are the first to go in times like these.

My teeth whitening scheduled but beginning of next month has to go on but everything else would have to go. That includes excessive shopping, excessive travelling (overseas or in Singapore although petrol prices have dipped), excessive food (which is also good for the waistline). However, that made me think twice on how much money I have been wasting for the past months or years. Watching the bank account dip is not a good feeling at all. In an attempt to make my life better, I'm determined to be more thrifty. Until my next big pay check that is...



被现实推挤
梦想会变形
执着让人
觉得好吃力
我只是看着你
了解的神情
微笑扬起
又能继续
有时候爱是一种眼神
赶走所有苦闷
是你让我记得自己不是一个人
有你在什么都有可能
因为彼此信任
真的爱情不需要保证(会恒温)
你从不劝我
别逆风飞行
牵手陪我
向梦前进

TGIF

Thank God it's Friday. It's been a long time since I can relish this ability to rest well after a hectic working week. Unfortunately, I have nothing lined up but will take Mom and Dad to a good meal. Dad's been away and is only back tonight so dinner will be at the airport. After which, my Friday night will be spent right in front of the computer and telly. My pretty frock I chose to put on this morning is just a beautiful sight for my 2 new colleagues, not that they paid much attention to it anyway. Alone and lonely.

Having said the above, I don't think I want to be out drinking and partying so a bit of a quiet time is actually good. The only thing missing is a tight cuddle in bed.

是我想太多?

Staring at my reflections as I was approaching my car this morning, I started to wonder where has the rest of me gone to. In terms of quantity, I have been seeing more of me but I couldn't see the soul that followed me through the ups and downs. I was caught in a blank moment...



你笑着说他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔
我的不安那么沉重
只有你不懂

他霸占了你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说我们不是你和我

是我想太多你总这样说
但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

他霸占了你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说我们不是你和我

是我想太多你总这样说
但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

我想我没有错怪了什么
虽然你不说都是错在我
太晚我才懂爱了你太多

是我想太多你总这样说
但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

Glenn and the FD were monkeying around this morning as usual but I wasn't quite in the mood except for my traffic updates. The last I want is to be stuck on ECP on my way to work on a Friday plagued with meetings which essentially means, no casual Fridays for me. While switching between the "CD" and "FM" function, I paused when the hilarious DJs quoted from some SMSes on how women like to be treated. One of them was about gifts from guys. Girls like it even better when they come with cards with loads written on it. Not the canned messages but one handwritten by the sender. Words, the more the merrier. I couldn't agree more. Cards/Letters are things that weathers through the years and in time when you look back reading such messages, the exodus of memory will just rush out enough to drown you in an emotional storm. I did that a couple of nights ago and realised how colourful my teenage years actually were, filled with letters between girlfriends. These days, my gifts have become very unpersonalised as well. Some soul searching is in the pipeline...

The other SMS said that whenever we come back from work (either back to home or just seeing one another), all we want is for you to look at us in our eyes, give us a hug and tell us how much you missed us. I would not classify this as what guys should do for girls but in general, what everyone should do to their other half and not let this crazy world take the love away from the both of you.

Going back to my personal insignificant world, I do not like to be ignored. I guess no one does. I think it's fair if one has to do it for work but to do it in spite, you may think it's right but definitely not to me. Sincere apologies should be taken into account whether they are eventually being accepted or not. For weeks and weeks, I cared too much that I let every single thing affect me. Had I not cared so much, it may not have such a great impact on my life. But then again, have we all left our burdens from yesterday behind and move on or do we still have a million of things going through our heads when the last significant other calls or smses? Still living in someone else's shadow, I can't find my smile.

Click Click

A&E Quack or rather, ENT Quack or soon to be Radiology Quack, whatever, we all know he's a quack... Well, dropped us a huge piece of news yesterday. Really happy for him and it's nice to be able to share the "frolicking" mood around the group. When he first told us, I was hesitant to believe what he said since it's a bit of crying wolf. He's not a habitual liar, don't get me wrong. But he's always joking about things, everything, that I tend to hold back a little whenever he breaks such news. Anyway, all of my very best wishes goes out to him.

Anyway, I've been talking about this forever. I want a camera. Not a point & shoot, I've got like 2000 of them (just a figure of speech, I'm not buried under them yet). I want a decent, complicated, confusing, cool looking SLR. From looking at the 40D since last year, I've been procrastinating the purchase ever since I got my Kokoro. Now that the 50D is out, I'm being tempted once again.

To be fair, like what Moody Penguin said, I don't need such a good camera as it would be a waste but it's such a cool gadget to have. So it has become my next goal when I close the next big thing. More like an encouragement. If I get to close a small one, I should be happy with the 450D. Having said all that, my suspension and exhaust are still in the pipeline building carbon... I mean collecting dust.

Meanwhile, I shall just stick to enjoying watching my man play with his expensive toys... That's what he's good at!

TPE... PIE... ECP

Not about to list out all the E's in Singapore. Just a general observation that irks me on a daily basis. The exit to PIE from the TPE is jammed up every morning. Genuinely, I do sympathise with people who are left with no choice but to take that particular expressway but I'm going to rant anyway. Why is it that to turn into the small bottlenexk leading to the PIE, cars have to block up the entire stretch. This only applies to inconsiderate drivers who tries to beat the jam by cutting the queue and tries to join back in at the end of the stretch. The end result - A jammed up 4 lane expressway depriving of people who needs to head to ECP their chance of enjoying that stretch of jamless road and of course, the cost of fuel and environmental issues are becoming a real world problem. What happens to people who needs to head off to the airport during peak hours? Singaporeans have no idea how their behavior seriously affects others, don't they?

Oh well, I'm at work on time so...

Waiting to be Waited On?

Clearing up after ourselves is a basic thing that should be indoctrinated to us but being Singaporeans and totally spoilt by be waited on at hand and feet for everything we do, food courts are filled with the older tier of the population cleaning up after us brats.

Graciousness is something the government has been trying to wash into our brains but some things take time and this is one of them. To try to change human behavior can not simply be done overnight. But let's just try it this once and let's start from fast-food restaurants where the food is not as messy to deal with as food courts and most of the stuffs are disposable.

For myself, I have been brought up to clear after myself but easy help breeds laziness and I have to admit, I leave it to the cleaners now more often than not. Thinking back, this is not something I would like to teach my kids so I shall endeavor to clean up after myself from today onwards.

Martians and Women

Summary to a whole new world after a week - Let's just say with Singapore officially in recession, I'm naturally worried having just starting anew. Overcast loom across the hot sunny Singaporean day. The silence is killing everyone, the financial market is taking it's last breath before it goes into hibernation. The hyperinflation started from market prices and now, my GDP can't seem to follow up. Staying conservative, I can only do what I can and was good at. Whether am I still able, I haven't been able to ascertain myself till I finally get to see some numbers.

Not being the most numbers sensitive or financially sound person around, I just need to rant and let go of the dark clouds surrounding me. If only my work has that big an impact on me. The next thing that could drive me to this stage is by cutting a couple of onions.

Do girls generally ask for too much? Why is it when we know that it is not exactly that we're not being cared for but we just want that bit more, asking for a little too much? I'm so tired and although it's too early to feel so, I can't seem to find the energy to walk anymore. I just want to find a corner, take a rest and cry. But nobody really cares if you shed a tear or not. All they want is to not know about it. As the saying goes, see no evil. What I don't see don't hurt me?

Had a short chat during an unofficial break with Hair Gelled New Yorker about the interaction between guys and girls and I'm not telling how contrasting it is, I only know it's affecting me at this very moment.

When one is the willing giver, one can't blame the non-reciprocation. But is it wrong to feel down? You be the judge.

Blackberry Storm

The iPhone has tempted me in some way but the more sensible part of me has refused to get one of those. Admittedly, it looks so darn cool, just like the iPod and whatever Mac there is. This may sound like sourgrapes but hey, it's still not a Blackberry in terms of email functions. I'm not the most technical person but I know I would like to feel my buttons when I'm typing an email. The qwerty is addictive and with the new Blackberry, many wonder how can a Blackberry ever be touchscreen. The ingenious part of this new BB device, although it's touchscreen, it gives you the "clicking" feeling so it does feel like a real BB. Gonna get one this November. I don't want one now. I need one!

接下来

All I Wanna Do　I Do it For You
心里能感觉　你们还在
如此靠近的遥远
想念的瞬间　不断浮现
接受啊 身边有点孤单
我准备　每个再见面
接下来　有好有坏
我只要　记得起点
接下来　我去迎接　不后退
接下来　可好可坏
有你们　陪在每一天
All I Wanna Do　I Do it For You

All I Wanna Do　I Do it For You
就算啊　偶尔我觉得累
是了解　推著我向前
接下来　有好有坏
我只要　记得起点
接下来　我去迎接　不后退
接下来　可好可坏
有你们　陪在每一天
All I Wanna Do　I Do it For You

Do it I Do it For You

我们一起飞
飞得更远
All I Wanna Do　I Do it For You
替我们实现
梦的极限
让我看得见
我的信念

5...4...3...2...1... BOOM!

Counting the number of days before I get back to the rat race, it is starting to get a little scary. Just imagine someone gave you 3 months to not do anything and just as you are getting comfortable, things have to revert to how it was like or even more more hectic than previously. During these 3 months, situations changed and comfort level has increased tremendously. The inertia to get back is finding it easy to easy to keep me where I am. But to achieve the lifestyle I want, the last I can or want to do is to sit back.

Just when you think life is going to be better, like a bad relationship, some things or people have to haunt you. So much for wanting to part on good terms, Sod's Law has never failed to work its magic. I've offcially sunken to my lowest point and felt that the world has come right down on me without warning. Thinking about some things makes you sick. Thinking about how you thought very well of certain people makes you even sicker. I can't blame others for being naive myself. To learn things the hard way is unavoidable. The bumps and bruises are part and parcel. To learn to love and hold again is a challenge.

I just want to put all the crap behind me and move on...

Wedding March

This is a wedding galore post inspired by my nephew who got married on the 1st of October. Yes, this post is backdated. But information is dedicated to Skeeter Mom. The smile on her face when she went to finalise her ring is PRICELESS.

Vera Wang once said that your weding gown is your most public statement on the most private feelings you have for someone.

Overbudget is common when it comes to that ONE dress of your life time. Different people have different opinions. Some chose to be avant garde and whether they regret it years down the road remains a question but like what I always say, do whatever that makes you happy, it's YOUR moment. Having said that, I can't stress enough that it's not about how grand and lavish things are but what it means to the two of you. Was chatting with Skeeter Mom and wondered if it is sensible to tailor made specially for you and in another sense, buying THAT dress instead of mere rental. It all boils back down to budget and it is definitely insensible to blow them at the early stage as the cost of a Chinese wedding can possibly escalate the nearer you are to the wedding date. Even then, I would love to have mine specially made just for me. Which girl doesn't?

Our local gem - Tan Yoong

The legendary inspiration - Vera Wang

Some creme de la creme bridal gown designers if you have the budget to blow...

Romona Keveza
Reem Acra
Now, prepare your eyes for a bridal gown galore - The biggest collection of wedding gowns but not right here in Singapore so let me tempt you... Kleinfeld Bridal

Chinese dinners can be a big headache for many of us living here in Singapore and born and bred in Chinese families. Our folks want big and grand and it is a time for them to show their children off and how well life actually is. I often think that the wedding dinner is done for our parents than ourselves. Even then, I'll be happy to make my old man proud of his little girl. Right now, he's just got to wait for a couple more years. Thinking back, our parents were so worried that they might be grandparents before time and at my age, they are starting to panic sooner than I am and nothing is stopping them from asking when they can be grandparents even if it means that they become grandparents before they become parents-in-law. I think I'm way more conversative in that aspect.

If you do need a wedding planners, we do have several in Singapore. Be it individuals who are doing it out of passion (I do know one so contact me if you need the number) or little set ups like this to help you out.

Most importantly, don't drain yourself. It's your big day. Take your time or let someone else share your burden. Don't forget, your better half is always out there looking out for you. Pre wedding preparations can prove to be abrasive so you would want to watch that.

To Love Or Be Loved

害怕?



The century old question that we repeatedly ask ourselves, is happiness the ability to love somebody or to be loved. We tend to ask ourselves and even people around us due to insecurities we can't get rid of. You will have the answer when you find that you wouldn't have to ask anymore because it doesn't matter the 0.2% more that you're giving because the contentment is way above what you think you're getting from the other person. Besides, some love can't be quantified with percentage or even how much it's being displayed.

However, we all bring scars into our relationships. Do scars make us stronger or allow the next cut to penetrate easier and deeper? Is it fair to let your current partner live in the shadow of your previous partner? The answer is clear but to live it is yet another challenge. When one is finally able to love the person for who the person is regardless of the emotional baggage carried over from past relationships, then all scars should just be superficial and merely a mark to prove that you've been there and you've done that. The process is painful but with the belief that tomorrow is to be filled up with more beautiful hopes and dreams, time will get us over this bridge.

Those of you who knows me on a personal level will know my favourite quote by George Sand. I believe in only one happiness in life and it shouldn't be in any way, be compromised.

害怕...


我突然觉得有点怕
爱跟生活的一切
你以为我知道怎么拆开
我们的想法落差

我的爱
是说停不能停
已经弄的不能说是曾经
也可说出我是错的
爱未曾变成真的
也没藏到多少你需要的爱
我不再 去执拙我是谁
我是我在夜里掉的眼泪
也可说我看不开的
为你我能做的
竟还没让你相信是爱情
左右你我

而哭泣都是因为爱
也逼自己不掉泪
让往日不只是有你
这网里我也撑着
拼了命的守着

Keeps Getting Better

My world is getting brighter and I can't wait to start my new life. Things are looking up. Life is good. I just need to work extra hard for the lifestyle that I've always wanted and whilst doing that, not forgetting my priorities. Hope I do not disappoint...

Some rough edges need to be sand down and I hold my breath.

Some conversations need to be finished and I wait.

Some trials are painful and I hang on.

It is all worth the ride because you're holding my right hand, walking down this colourful street with me, slowly but surely.

Bear with me...

Kokoro's Skin Colour

Kokoro is NOT about to undergo some plastic surgery but just some thoughts that has been running through my head. When I first got Kokoro, I thought it was going to be black. Need not be jet black kinda black but at least black enough but apparently, with the heavy silver/grey speckles in the paint, it reflects light differently during different times of the day. At times, it'll look purple or blue and other days, it'd look grey. At one point, I even suspected that VW gave me graphite blue in replacement of the black. I really want it black... ... ...

Very recently, a very mischievous idea went through my head. Maybe I should sticker the entire car matte black. But in order to do that, I could jolly well spray paint the entire car then I can have my favourite BMW's Alpine White on my not-so-atas Golf. Rationally, I would do none of these as the costs involved would be ridiculous. I even had to think about my coilovers a g'zillion times before I went to buy one and even after ordering them, I still gave up my order and chose to wait further. It's between some 2 very different choices now and before I decide, my swaybars will be sitting right in my boot.

Basic Respect

Enlightened and inspired by my niece's blog - We may not always agree but what is more important is to respect the other person's opinion.

Sorry...

Have A Break...

3 months of sitting around is coming to an end very soon. It is not going to be easy to get rid of the lazy bone that grew slowly but surely on me over the past weeks. These free time has given me some space to catch up on sleep and explore what life has to offer. Due to budget constraints, my plans for long travels are shelved yet again. That gave me the opportunity to really rest my mind. A bonus that came with these extra hours was a new relationship I've gotten myself into and I've been spending more time than I could ever imagine myself to spend with another person and in the process nurturing what I've been trying very hard, using all my might, to protect and to treasure. Like a new seedling, I just watered and sheltered it from the harsh weather.

Very soon, I will have to go back to a faster paced lifestyle and be worried about the most practical yet coldest of all things, money. The root of all evils, the medium for a better life, the reason to push me forward and upwards. To get into the right mindset and not be lost in the process is a constant reminder I have for myself in order to not get stuck in the maze and forget about the more precious things in life. Dad once said that if there are any problems that money can solve, it is not a real problem.

Setting my priorities right would be a challenge but a must. To forget about what is true happiness is not an option. To seek to put happiness to a greater level is what I have to clear the clouds to see. Staying focused would only set the vision clearer.

This WILL be a good start...

WALL.E and OUR Environment

Shows with underlying meanings never fail to attract me. My first movie date with was Shadow Hell Rider (whom from today onwards shalt be called Wall.E to catch WALL.E. I like it that they take a piss at the US Congress and sends environmental messages to kids. Kinda reminds me of Captain Planet.

When I was visiting the Museum of Natural History in New York, there was this piece of statistic that shocked me. Singapore, by per capita, has the highest level of waste. Which means, we're the most environmentally unfriendly people who dumps everything. Let's just not take everything for granted and try to reuse whatever we can. On the same note, can I urge each and everyone of you, to take ONE less plastic bag whenever possible? Just one less plastic bag every now and then, you'd be amazed by how much you are doing to help Mother Earth.

Check this out!

Although I think Wednesdays as the BYOB day is silly because it wouldn't take off in a place like Singapore, I believe individually, we can definitely make a difference. Help me help yourself to help the world.

Thank you.

I Love The Whole World

I've been hearing this song on the TV every now and then while I'm either playing mahjong or snuggling in bed. Never occurred to me it's a Discovery Channel thingy. Thought I'd share it... It's pretty nice and makes you sing along. Alot of these people are unsung heroes who brings you a different world while you get to watch it in the comfort of your own home. Don't I sound like an ambassador of Discovery? *psst I can sell the top bar to the channel if they are interested.

Nothing Else Matters

If my memory serves me right, I blogged on me being on a rollercoaster ride some time ago. A familiar feeling is rushing up and drowning me and definitely not very pleasant. Not being able to share the thoughts and emotions, the next best thing is to ensure being the best emotional and mental support anyone could hope for, which also led to the overcompensation mentioned in the last post. A willing mind and soul to do that doesn't mean a person is equipped with the strength and capability to pull it through. Prayers tide the mind for a short period of time and calms it down but just the very next moment, one would be gasping for the air and wanting to make it to the surface and not get drowned in the process. To be able to distant myself is a brand new resolution made mid way through the year that you know as per every other resolutions made during new year, it is so not going to last. However, it is afterall, a resolution.

Reluctant to put anyone through the misery and pain, with enough complaints that my blog is always so dark and upsetting, I will keep this very short. So much so, I only want to say, "As long as you know I'm here, nothing else matters."

And I mean every word of it.

Reassessing

Over-compensating is not what I'm good at doing but one would naturally go into that when they are in love. Refraining from doing it is my utmost priority now. When things are starting to feel like a one way street and a totally different direction from where it began, it seems to be the time to take a step back and assess the situation. Having too much time at home doesn't seem like the right solution but only makes things worse. I have more than enough time on my hands to solve problems and subsequently, create them. Right now, I just need to give time to everything and be doing something to take my mind off.

You Make Me Smile

If I can't be someone who makes you smile, then what am I?

I'm so tired, I just wanna scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Loose Not Your Grip

When you said you trusted me, I trusted that you trust me. I trust that you meant what you say and trust me, I'll keep my side of the bargain.

My sixth sense has never served me better though I wish in a better way. Awoken by the message ringtone from my mobile, I picked up as swift as I can imagine myself to when I'm drowsy, falling in and out of sleep. To begin with, my ability to sense things aren't quite right has never been more accurate. I couldn't quite get to sleep. The message read what I most feared.

To not blog about my relationship is my last attempt to protect it from any harm and to shelter it in order to create room for it to grow. But I could no longer find any reasonable outlet to pour my pain.

When told I'm not a rebound, I believed in every word of it because I believed in the person who said it. However, some part of me refused to admit that there's a flaw in that sentence. The person who said it was absolutely sincere and I do not for one second, doubt that. His belief and the actual fact may not agree with one another.

In fear that if I probe further, it will lead to cutting myself in the wrist yet again so I went into hiding and zipped up. I could see the pain and sorrow but yet I'm not ready to let go of the happiness that accompanied me for the last month. Why is it so difficult to put in everything yet not feel hurt?

To not dwell anymore is my way of avoiding things and I do believe things will only get better. Genuinely. To walk away is not a measure I'm prepared to take because I'm selfish.



Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday


All I want to do is to find a way back into love... Do not let go of my hand...

Mildly In Shock

I can't seem to say enough of this but I am just so glad to be home. Still a little detached. Not very keen to speak to anyone. Maybe still in a mild state of shock. Those of whom I gave a one world reply or not reply your smses or return your calls, I really don't feel like talking at this point in time. But I'm fine. I was still able to laugh and joke with SHR. Give me a while but this is good as well. Only means I have more things to blog about.

Amazing Race - Phuket

This is definitely good for reality TV and as good as the amazing race, except that we have no idea how many teams there are. Woke up this morning not knowing if our flight could take off since the Phuket airport remains closed. While arranging for possible way out of Phuket, we met people on the same boat as ourselves and frantically trying to make our ways out of Phuket. We were given several ideas and of which, the idea to make a road trip up to Bangkok stayed etched and similarly with the other travelers, we were all trying to make our way to Bangkok International Airport.

The catch: The ride is at least a good 10 hours on a route we didn’t know if it was safe and it was the road less traveled. Together with 4 other desperate travelers, we booked a van to take us to Bangkok but that would set us back by another SGD800 but money at this point in time, didn’t mattered that much. We wanted to get out real bad! Unfortunately, an American couple left their luggage at some train station and they wouldn’t get there in time to grab their luggage before they set off on their planned flight in Bangkok. For Fongster and me, it’s ridiculous to go on a more than 10 hours unknown trip when we could just wait to travel home on a 1.5hour flight. Well, that was a problem as we have no idea when exactly would the Phuket airport be opened. We were playing a waiting game, waiting for God to take pity on us.

News of the Phuket airport opening excited us and we have decided to come straight to the airport even if it means aimlessly waiting for a flight to fly out to Singapore or Bangkok. The next flight to Singapore from Bangkok was either 7pm tonight or 7am tomorrow morning. Either way, we needed to get our arses to Bangkok. So we camped here in the Silkair office as the Thai Airways authorities refused to entertain us. Even as a Star Alliance member, holding a SQ ticket got us nowhere.

News of the Thai airways landing would also mean other planes could land. By then, Silkair would send their planes here. That would be another hour later so we waited and had our lunch at Burger King. After lunch, we continued with bugging the Silkair ticketing girl. That paid off and while on an attempt to change our flight out from Bangkok to flying out of Phuket on Silkair straight back to Singapore, she managed to confirm a flight for us in a few hours time. Now, while keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that the airport remains open and flights could take off and land safely, I’m waiting patiently to get my butt on that MI flight and my arms around Shadow Hell Rider.

Stamped: 4.27pm Phuket time, Phuket International Airport

Day 3 on Saturday

Day 3 is comparatively exciting. Besides worrying for our flight and the riot for the first half of the day, we were barely affected. Signing a minutely hefty credit card bill, I was whisked into another 3 full hours of massages and a Jurlique facial. It can only be described as a aromatic experience. The rose mist that was sprayed on my face after every facial procedure helped tremendously in soothing the cramps that I was experiencing. My acnes are also getting worse which is why I chose this day to start on the Pill. Hoping to see a difference, I’m also living in fear that this puts on me the higher risk group for breast cancer, not forgetting I’m as already in the high risk group. The cramps and water retention is killing me slowly so the Pill would probably ease all the PMS.

Dinner was initially booked for a party of 3 at Baan Rim Pa, an award winning restaurant here in Phuket. Alkie ED couldn’t make it so Fongster and myself went ahead. To grab a tuk-tuk or taxi there will cost us 300baht and the vendors here refuses to budge. So we resorted to renting a scooter. Here’s the catch, neither of us could ride. Of course, Fongster with the longer legs would probably be the safer rider. He’s got the set of “brakes” I don’t have. Without “power steering”, the “brakes” were crucial when we were making the u-turns. Upon reaching the restaurant, I thought we achieved something great that day by evading the mini oligopoly here on Karon beach. By the way, the bike rental costs us a total of 200baht and another 40baht for gasoline. Trip to the restaurant and back would easily set up back by at least 600baht. For the two of us who just spent nearly 6000baht on dinner, we didn’t quite save much but it was definitely the highlight of the trip.

The last we’ve heard from Alkie ED, there were flights scheduled to come in from Singapore so we are likely to have a flight back home tomorrow. Fingers still tightly crossed.

The Unrest Continues...

I thought Thai Botak exaggerated the situation when he told me the worst case scenario is to make a break for the Thai Border and grab a flight back from Penang. I'm beginning to get worried after reading this article. Good thing being, I'm not in a rush to go home and everything at the beach seems rather peaceful so I guess I'll cross the bridge when I get to it.

Here's an article taken off AsiaOne:

Police scuffle with protesters as turmoil spreads through Thailand

BANGKOK (AFP) - Thai police on Friday fired tear gas and scuffled with protesters who are demanding the premier step down, as escalating turmoil in the kingdom heaped pressure on the seven-month-old government.

As protests spread across the country, shutting airports in the southern tourist hotspots, Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej insisted he was not going to give in to the protesters' demands.

"I will not quit. At this moment, I will not declare emergency rule, I will wait and see tomorrow," he told reporters.

Up to 25,000 protesters aligned with the People's Alliance for Democracy (PAD) have barricaded themselves in the main government complex, accusing Samak of being a figurehead for ousted premier Thaksin Shinawatra and calling for him to resign.

Skirmishes erupted throughout the day as police used shields and batons to deal with angry mobs, causing slight injuries to a few protesters.

About 2,000 demonstrators left the besieged Government House compound and marched to the nearby police headquarters on Friday evening to demand the officers involved in the clashes be handed over, prompting police to fire tear gas, witnesses at the scene said.

A government-run medical emergency centre said it had treated 35 people after the incident.

A meeting of the government's ruling coalition made up of Samak's People Power Party (PPP) and five others was quickly called on Friday evening, and an urgent parliamentary debate was scheduled for Sunday to discuss the crisis.

Asked if the debate could pacify protesters, Banharn Silpa-Archa, leader of the PPP's main coalition partner Chart Thai Party, said: "I don't know, it's up to PAD."

But retired general Chumlong Srimuang, one of PAD's leaders, has repeatedly said protest rather than parliament was the only way to solve Thailand's political problems.

Samak has vowed to end the demonstrations without violence, a promise he reiterated earlier Friday.

"Police will still adhere to my earlier order - they merely went to post a court order, not to clear protesters," Samak told reporters, referring to a court injunction put up at the site ordering protesters to leave.

Deputy national police spokesman Major General Surapol Tuanthong said the crowds had swelled and 25,000 people were now in the grounds of the compound.

As the situation spiralled Friday, the powerful army chief reassured the nation the military would not intervene unless asked.

"There will be no coup because a coup will not be able to solve the problems," General Anupong Paojinda told reporters, adding: "I am confident that police are able to oversee the situation."

Police, however, appeared to be struggling to contain the demonstrators, with Surapol telling AFP that all the officers who were stationed inside the compound had now withdrawn because of the risk of clashes.

"There are now up to 3,000 police deployed outside Government House," Surapol said.

The restraint of the police seems to have emboldened the protest movement. "I am convinced that the military will not forcibly crack down on us," PAD spokesman Suriyasai Katasila told reporters.

"PAD must go ahead and intensify the protest - we think that more unions will join us and it will lead to more airport closures."

PAD has been demonstrating against Samak for months, but events took a new turn on Tuesday when protesters stormed a TV station and barricaded themselves inside the Government House grounds.

The courts have ordered the protesters to leave the site and issued arrest warrants for nine of the ringleaders on charges including rebellion.

Outside Bangkok, thousands of protesters forced the closure of three airports in the south. Phuket International Airport was the first to shut its doors after PAD sympathisers invaded the runway.

Similar rallies soon prompted officials to close Hat Yai and Krabi airports, said Sereerat Prasutanont, president of Airports of Thailand.

The State Railways of Thailand, meanwhile, said 248 drivers and mechanics called in sick on Friday, halting a quarter of all services in the kingdom.

PAD - which despite its name is trying to bring down Samak's elected government - began its campaign at the end of May, just over three months after the coalition government was formed.

PAD protests helped lead to the 2006 coup that unseated Thaksin, and the entry into government of his ally Samak after elections in December has infuriated the country's old power elites in the military and palace.

They also object to Samak's plans to amend a constitution drafted and approved under military rule following the coup.

All I want now is to be home with my Shadow Hell Rider...

No Scrubs

Day 1 in Phuket was exactly what we expected. The sky was gloomy but thankfully, the rain stayed away except for some temporal showers. Immediately after we landed, Fongster and myself checked into some excellent spa treatment which started the whole holiday.

Day 2 was filled with massages and more massages. We even had to skip lunch as the back to back massages didn’t allow us to have a break. I tried everything from a wrap to an oily aromatherapy massage to the traditional Thai massage, with the exception to a scrub. My last experiences with scrubs were painful and I had to remind myself time and again not to fall into the trap of a spa package that includes scrubs of any sort. But all these might change and I’m very tempted to get myself a good scrub after all the epilating and waxing to achieve that super smooth effect. THAT is what I call, pampering myself. As I can almost predict, tomorrow is going to be filled with more massages.

An unexpected phone call came. It was Alcoholic Empress Dowager. Scheduled to fly in this evening to join us, she had to call to inform us of the bad news. All the flights to Phuket are now grounded. Flights on the way there had to turn back. The Phuket airport is officially close as the workers are allowed to join in the anti-government protest. That leaves Alkie ED with a 2D1N trip even if she is able to fly out of Singapore tomorrow morning. With the romantic dinner for 3 all planned for tomorrow, we might have to cancel all our activities and stick to more massages. I can only pray that Alkie ED can fly in first thing tomorrow morning at a discounted rate as it would be ridiculous for her to pay the full flight amount for a short sleepover. The thunderstorm that Fongster and I pray for is actually brewing right now and if anything sensible were to happen from now till tomorrow, the rioters should go home in amidst of this bad weather.

Fingers all crossed, the thing should end soon and we should be able to fly home on Sunday as scheduled.

A Whole New World

Written on the way to Phuket 28 August 2008

Reluctant to blog on a new relationship for fear of jinxing it, I couldn’t care less any more. I just need to scream about how happy I’ve been over the past few days/weeks. Things didn’t quite go off on a smooth note. Things weren’t what I can ever expect. Says who that lightning never strikes twice on the same spot? I beg to differ. I have 2 radically different individual telling me how eaten by guilt that are and the backseat was where I really belong. Unlike the last time, I didn’t allow fate to take me where it wanted to. I didn’t want to go with the flow and be swept by the waves. Like Manuka said after everything closed, that I give my man the freedom to choose and decide and more often, that results in the other person walking further away.

Sitting in my mini Silkair economy class seat to Phuket which by the way, was planned less than 24 hours ago and here I am, hitting the sun, the sand and the sea. Only catch, it’s still monsoon season over in Phuket. It’s a break Alcoholic Empress Dowager, Fongster and I needed before we start our new jobs. Yes, all 3 of us are starting our new jobs very soon.

What I have left behind in Singapore this time is a man whom I know I can trust to love his car more than he can ever love anyone. The Shadow Hell Rider is someone I would never imagine myself to be with. First and foremost, I have never dated anyone younger than myself. Like most sound advice that I’ve heard, patience is a virtue that I must nurture. Meanwhile, there are a lot of sanding down, fender rolling, rebound damping adjustment to do before the ride gets comfortable. A willing party, I know I’m here to stay. It’s amazing and comforting to start noticing or realizing that the number of couples there are actually out there in our shoes. But the energy to walk on didn’t root here. It’s the sincerity and the absolute genuine personality that broke my defence. Like floodgates, once you open it, it’s hard to close it back. Not like I have any intentions to.

Let’s work on it and see how tomorrow is like. I know it can only be better.

Seeking Refuge

Back with a vengence...

Over the past weeks, I've been typing so much but published none of them. My life is undergoing another rollercoaster ride. I no longer have any courage to face the pain. For the first time, I found my face soaked in tears. Thankfully, I'm no longer doubting if I'm stuck in a bunch of lies. I'm threading my next step with my current step and by ensuring this one is stable, I have the confidence to walk down the very next.


The past weeks have been anything but peaceful. Although I should be resting my soul, things have been more turbulent than ever. I'm not complaining because I've been smiling more than ever. It's not exactly the best time to talk about things as they are changing before I could put my finger on to vaguely have a good sense of things.


Believing that tomorrow will be better, I push on...




For the benefit of those who don't understand, this song reminds me of my Grandma. And whenever things don't work out, I would always run back to the refuge she used to provide me. Now that she's gone, I could only stare at her face and hope life is good for her.

Here it is:

When I was younger, I was Grandma's favourite
She'll always leave the best for me
She'll bring me around and watch others

She kept telling me to study hard
So when I grow up, I would be better than Dad
At that time, nothing gets into my ears
What was Grandma actually talking about?

When I was older, I slowly understood her words
I'll always pout this in my heart
As things change, some are still as unforgettable
As time passes, I'll still think of you all the time

Grandma, where are you now?
I'm calling you, can you hear me?
Can you see my dedication and my success?
Can you hear me holler for you?

Grandma, how are you?
Are you well taken care of?
Hoping that the younger generations could also feel your love
And be your grandchild forever

Calling you... Ah Ma...

The End Of The End

本以为这完整了爱的定义
那就乖乖的守护着你

Since law school, I have slowly understood procrastination is the thief of time but time and again, I push things to a later date. I was supposed to post this days ago but I needed to sort out my own thoughts before I can announce them. However I wasn't able to come to a mental closure until I remembered my blog, my outlet. This blog has it's miraculous healing effect on me and so the process begins...



我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍

Was told maybe lines should be clearly drawn. Instead of drawing lines, I got snapped out of my daze which I should have done so very long ago. Believing in what may seem like the integrity of a person and hope that God will have the best for me and be fair to the amount of love in the output system, I stood there in what I believe to be a rather strong stance. Strong winds blew, water flooded the area and emotions gushed, I remained unmoved. Never felt any stronger in my life, my refusal to waver eventually caused much pain.

Throughout the months, I have forbidden myself to shed a single drop of tear because I know everything will be fine or rather, I was told so and I believed in the person who told me so. I suppose it is not wrong, everything is indeed fine. Just that the level of expectations fell far below the satisfactory mark. What happened to great expectations? Great expectations has led to bruised heart, sore love and swollen eyes. I have finally allowed myself to cry. The sea carried it's therapeutic effect and I threw it all back to the sea. What is yours will be yours and the opposite holds equivalent weight.

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine

Everything is over and I've packed it all up. Not looking back is a step forward to set myself to keep walking be it for the better or for worse. Even at this point in time, I still believe the time we spent were genuine and there weren't lies. Time just wasn't right and we were not meant to be. I should find my life ahead of me and I know I will get there. The car ride to no where after Christmas lunch has become a piece of the memory that will remain beautiful and kept in bona fide. I have never once asked, "why would you want to hurt me?" but right now, the question lingers. A question I'll never have an answer to.



幾多愛歌給我唱　還是勉強
台前如何發亮　難及給最愛在耳邊
低聲溫柔地唱










人质在这一刻得到释放
相爱的纯粹落得如此下场
你满意吗我们都别说谎















其實心裡最大理想　跟他歸家為他唱

Not Quite The Time Of My Life

One day, I will be singing this song to celebrate that time of my life. Not quite here yet but I believe this day will come. I thought that day was in January this year, I couldn't be more wrong but part of me still believe that I'm not. Well, I should just stop talking about it. Otherwise, I'd be accused of whining and although this is my blog, my space, we all can't stop other people from talking can we? Worst of all, when accused of a compromise of your very own integrity, should one just walk off or confront of what the truth may be. Call me a wuss, I'm walking away. I'm walking away to see a brighter day and for those who believed in me, my character & personality, I will emerge the same person, not any better nor any worse. Some will try to stir the ink to make the water clearer but I'm sorry, this will never happen because since day 1, I wasn't the one who put the ink in, you did. If you think this is cryptic, think again. I'm as straightforward as you can get for a person and I am as direct as one can get based on my last few lines.

Don't piss me any further...



I’ve been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that
Magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn’t see it
Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn

And I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I’m rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart


and I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

And I’m out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
I’m keeping my feet on the ground
My arms open wide
My face to the sun

I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
This is the time
This is the time of my life.
This is the time of my life.

Spectator Trackie

Sitting here looking at someone else wash my car is such a luxury. I'm at a priceless carwash today watching Kokoro getting pampered down to its engine bay. Life is goooood.

As a preview, the topic today to catch up on lost time would be mainly on the small accident that I got into and the two Track Days that I was there as a spectator.

Let's start with the track days...

As Kokoro wasn't track ready, being in stock condition, I decided at the very last minute to hitch a ride up to Sepang and bring my helmet along just to grab taxi-rides. And that was exactly what I did...

The very first one was on the 28th July and it was a joint track day with the Porsche Club. The cup cars were there deafening my ears with their super duper loud exhaust. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. To see them fly from one end to another and to be able to hear the up and down shifts, was sheer pleasure I'm sure many of you petrol heads out there can relate to. It was an eye opener to see Superman Mechanic aka BVO's A&E at work on 55's red devil. Although it was running on one eye with one of the headlights out, that machine was still zooming past me at what I choose to believe to be supersonic. And he was LOUD... Totally dig his exhaust. After taking a ride in an E46 M3, I felt so sick, I couldn't bring myself to get anymore rides from the other cars. A huge disappointment but for my first experience, it was awesome.

The second one was much better knowing exactly what to expect, I held tight to the handles reducing as much involuntary roll as possible and I remembered to actually breathe. Took 2 rides - One with one of the fastest cars on track that day and the other in Shameless' little monster. He was on semi-slicks and clocked his personal best so that only went to show - I'm not THAT heavy after all. Geez... Benchmarc did exceptionally well in his twin turbos considering it was his virgin Track Day. Impressive... Got to see many GTis that day and when Kokoro grows up, Kokoro wants to be like them as well. Kokoro looks up to the CW King of GTi.

The accident at Bukit Batok is another whole new episode that I'm too lazy to paint out the picture. Shall we pencil this in for tomorrow?

A NEW Comment on a November 2007 Article

Before I embark on my next posts on my Track Day today, let me just clarify something. I received a comment today on a post dated November in 2007. Please click HERE for a good read. To give people who are going to read this article with a short forenote:

- This article was written in November 2007. I have since moved on from wanting to buy a bimmer to actually having bought a Volkswagen. They are still German but for totally different reasons.

- If I have not made it clear enough, it wasn't the blue, white and black logo that attracted me but it was the sheer handling of the car. BMWs being RWD with 50-50 weight distribution and having built award winning 4 and 6 potters, the engines are gems from years of R&D. Read the article again, I did NOT say Rex = Beng and Bimmers not. I said Rex does have a beng image/factor which is objectively objective. Ask any tom, dick, harry on the street...

- As for your newly rich, crass over class and your interpretation of HDB, you're merely looking down on people living in HDB flats and think that they are crass. Mind you, I grew up with proper upbringing and education, crass is last on the list. The fact that you actually said what you did, you do know crass to a great extent. Go ahead and dwell in your own tiny world.

- Association of BMWs owners and snobs? Read my article carefully. There are STILL people out there and I HAVE personally met and spoken to these people. It may be in the 70s and 80s but these people aren't dead yet! So poor people like you walk to Orchard. Congratulations on your wealth that you can flaunt off and call yourself poor. You obviously have not worked a single day in your life to know how hard it is to earn your own keeps and be able to afford your own ride. I may not drive a very fancy car but I have pride and I'm glad to say I earned every cent of it myself. Of course, I'm not poor enough to pay the whole sum and I'm effectively 100k in debt, paying the bank off in installments for the next 10 years.

Now I have no mood to talk about my Track Day. Have the guts to leave your name if you have the intentions to leave such sarcastic remarks. Wuss!

你好吗

This will be a super short and fast post. Yes, come call it is a quickie.

Anyway, Kokoro met with its first accident yesterday. It was a slight brush and all it needed was some cosmetic surgery. Details would be up soon but right now, I need sufficient sleep for my next track day kaypohing around.



温柔的时间抚平我们的亏欠
过几天过几年伤会好一点
多久没见面孩子气有没有变
还记得我们从前笑的那么甜
baby 我想起你你有了他
是否依然为了爱变的很傻
我想起你你有一个他
好久都没说的话你好吗
温柔的缠绵我也放下了依恋
过几天过几年伤会好一点
我收着照片安静在盒子里面
回忆是你我剩下唯一的关联
baby 我想起你你有了他
是否依然为了爱变的很傻
我想起你你有一个他
好久都没说的话你好吗
问候是我对你好想说出的话
现在你过的好吗
我想起你你有了他
是否依然为了爱变的很傻
我想起你你有一个他
好久都没说的话你好吗

A specific hug was left at lost & found...