For the first time, our National Day Parade (NDP) would be held at Marina Bay until the new sports hub is up and running. It's our 42nd birthday and I'm feeling less and less patriotic as the nation gets older. I can still remember vividly as a little kid, i was always excited about National Day, singing the national celebration songs and with my eyes all welled up, choking on my tears while reading the pledge proudly and maybe right inside me, i was thinking that one day, I'm gonna do this nation proud.
I'm still working very hard and hopefully my country would be proud of me one day. The feeling resembles that of a kid who grew up and wanted your parents to be proud of you but your parents were never there for you when you needed them and you doubt if they'd ever appreciate the hard work you've gone through.
All my life, I've tried so hard to swim above peers my level, keeping my head above the water and not get swept away with the strong tidal waves. Singapore is like one big parent who has this ocean all cleared out cleanly for you to swim, keeping you safe with it's barricades and without an open gate, encourages you to swim out. I have learn to swim over the years but I found it hard to venture outside the gates. Every time when you try to open the gate, your parent will come up to you and tell you how dangerous it is outside and that they're fucking rich but they do not have any resources to buy you a buoy or snokelling gear.
Many of us have been told by the government so many times that they have put aside money to encourage entrepreneurs. They set up Spring and other bodies run by first class honours recipients and when you apply for a loan to set up a business you have in mind, they will have to go through 23578 steps of procedures to come back to tell you that they cannot grant you the money because you need a certain amount of capital to do so. When you ask why, they'll tell you that they need to check and after going through 58749 steps, they tell you you're just not good enough and you could probably find it easier to get a bank loan from the local banks with their hands tied to who they can loan the freaking money to. You've to to prove that you're totally able to provide for yourself before they loan you. Then why would i need the loan then? Well, that's another story good for a whole new grumbling session.
If you parents had tied up your hands and feet and tell you repeatedly that they love you, you will believe it one day but that's what we call, Stockholm Syndrome - a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger (or at least risk) in which the hostage has been placed.
This is my country. This is my flag. This is my future. This is my life. This is my family. These are my friends. We are Singapore, Singaporeans. Well, all true and good. Now, give me freedom and let me grow. Think: Why was i streamed into sub-science classes when i could have gone doing freaking Godly pure science. Oh i know... My parents can't afford to put me in a good school and i was streamed at a very young age to think, i'm not that fucking smart afterall. Only the smart or rich kids get there... Don't i sound cynical? That is what Singapore mean to me. Don't have to criticise me. Just my thoughts. Let me say what i want, CAN?
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