Sunday, August 30, 2009

Lost In Translation

After having written pages of airline review and about my first day in this new city, I discovered that I was having difficulties connecting to the internet with my Mac. So for latest updates, please wait till I have time to bring my Mac to the nearest Starbucks or when I'm back.

Weather is getting cooler and I spent the entire Sunday rotting in the apartment because I walked a little too much yesterday and my legs are aching. Another week of walking to come and I really miss my Osim at home...

I've yet to sink myself into the point of no return of retail therapy but I strongly believe the battle is beginning. There are just so much to see and buy here, the only worry is the depth of your pocket. Things aren't exactly cheap but the hunt begins...

Friday, August 28, 2009

Me Leaving On A Jetplane. Yes ME!

Sitting in the departure lounge, waiting for yet another flight. This time round, the fun factor is escalated because most of the population around me has no idea where I'm heading to. Rest assured as I'll be updating my whereabouts very soon. Right now, I can only hope my flight is conducive enough for me to nap and thankfully, I have no kicking obasan with smelly feet behind me as I opted for the very last row. Window seat is given since I have really bad motion sickness. Yawn... Hope when I wake up, I'm at a brand new city ready for me to explore. SHOPPING!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Moving The Feet

Babooshka Mom once told me if one ever dreads stepping out of the door in the morning, things need to change and if we're able to do that, we should. I did that once not knowing if it was a good choice because if I could turn back time, I might have been alot more cautious and wouldn't be where I am today. Then again, had it not been the change, I might not have encountered some things, incidents nor people. The experience isn't quite exhilarating but definitely priceless. Meeting and working with Bring Thou The Knife is unexpectedly rewarding. Now that this chapter is closing, how the next chapter begins or continues got me thinking...

The credit crunch of 2008 affected many and I wasn't pardoned. That was the first economic depression of my working life. "Subprime" became a household term. Presumed stability was an illusion. No occupation is absolutely recession proof. Medical might be one but there are still part of the profession that was affected in one way or another. So far, if one has escaped the perils of the subprime led recession, you should be thanking God. Then again, I still believe that everything in life happens for a reason and that The Mighty One works in mysterious ways. Doubt is something I should avoid or should I say, I have tried. But by the very end of the day, I find my hands wide open, surrendering all. Absolutely frail and without defence, I often am left clueless. I talk, I speak, I scream and sometimes, I cry. All in the hope that my weak voice can be heard. Pressures emerge when you least need it and as much as I agree what Dad once taught me about life with regards to money, some problems just seem to get bigger without it.

When the market picks up, will life reset back to where it was left behind? Would it be desired? Would the newly amassed experience sufficiently compensates? Decisions are made in life everyday and to not regret is my personal key in my very own decision making audit committee between the ears. To learn to walk again is no longer a choice. To want more in life is purely a luxurious want but not too much to ask for. To put this in perspective, we all want life to be better today than tomorrow. Maybe I'm still lucky because I've always been given choices...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Bleah...

Just so mentally tired. I've been missing my alarm and rushing the daylights out of myself recently. So much things on my mind and so much piled up that I have no idea where to begin. Never ever been good with politics, it's still a topic I'd like to avoid. But somehow, it gets to you no matter what. It's when i found myself dreading getting out of the house, I knew some things had to change. For now, it's the mindset... Good night, world...

Friday, August 14, 2009

I Loved That Lazy Moment



This would be the last song in the world anyone would categorise as a love song. It stirs back some happy moments...

Care to send me the mp3 format, anyone? I'm dying to sing along to this in Kokoro...

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Almost Here



When a purpose is no longer present, the game resets and life reshuffles. Looking at goals previously forsaken due to some setbacks, the process of rethinking begins. Goals are set once again but the arena changes. Getting out of this country may give the whole picture a clearer view and changes the focus spot. Having a brand new aim might being life to greater heights. If that is what that will last, there's no reason why that position shouldn't have a spot for me. Other things in life can wait I suppose...

Keeping all options open, there's a chance I might not leave the border but every chance I have to leave this place for a while, I might grab it in a heartbeat given the right settings. The daily reminder of what things would have been can be torturous. Going out to just do it might solve all issues. The main question is the future of Kokoro, the machine that's of so much value to me but none to others. It was the topic of how future would be like with the little house and the little car and Kokoro being that little car. To let go of such memories is undesirable but necessary. To press on will only smear the nice make up that's put on to beautify the face.

The temptation of a faster moving city is extremely tempting. The pending stress is only encouraging to put all of the mind and the soul into carving a new block. The rest of life will have to wait. Staring at pictures of bliss and happiness, it feels almost like a joke that we actually built those sandcastles that we knew that was too far away from concrete. No amount of desire and perseverance seems to be helping. I wish I could change the world but my hands are too small. If they can't even change the arc of my mouth, they can't change a mind. There's very little left to what one can do...

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me



Sunday, August 09, 2009

傻瓜

傻瓜我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜

傻瓜相信这个他不一样

Saturday, August 08, 2009

最暖的胸口



After the sandstorm, the dust settles. Everything still looks grainy, as though God intended for it to be so. As much as we'd all love a clearer view, clarity remains out of reach. Did He forgot about me?

A couple of days short of the most important day in the calendar, the second departure differed from the first. Still vivid and remembered by the post on the day of the first teary goodbye, I wrote that to wait was naturally expected. Little did I know, the second goodbye was for good. I'm wishing it would rain heavily now so that I could go soak myself and wake my dumb brain up. The mind is playing back the bitter sweet moments like a fucked up broken recorder. Absolutely torturing and disruptive. Funnily, I secretly hope that the same teary scene at the very last moment before the first final departure, the words "wait for me, dear..." would reappear like a beautiful dream. Like a forgotten child...

牵手和分手来自同一双手

To try to maintain a strong front has always been a forte. To return home to emptiness never fails to hit hard with the unspeakable and excruciating pain. If there's someone I could run to, there could only be one. When the weather is bad out there, we will always look forward to having a warm shower at home. When the fall hurts, the sprint home to that warm voice always helps. Few fit the bill of a warm voice. The choices are ultimately a choice.

The rain is getting cold. The face gets warmer. The arms are empty. To long to hide in Pengaloo... The warmth in the cold... Complex yet simple happiness. It is not an imaginary place but it can no longer be found.

我怀念的 是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动

Is this wanting very little or wanting alot? I want nothing else in this world. Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Nothing... I find that I'm talking to myself...

想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐

Now that the emo side is done, the rational side of me understands. I truly do... And I'll still be around whenever my presence is needed.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Parcel Before The Toe

There are just so many things I try to talk about or not talk about. This blog is after all a public area accessible by everyone. This has always be my outlet and will continue to be. There's only so much I could hide in my car to scream, tear and swallow down and about all the crap this world delivers right to my doorstep. Not anywhere else but right smack in front of my big toe. When every step you take is in consideration of a bigger picture, the moment the artist withdraws the drawn, it will not just be a plain piece of canvas, it becomes an useless piece of dirty canvas. Time will wash this piece of canvas time and again and whether it regains it's former glory, it's an uncertainty we can hardly hold on to. Time will also play its part in aging the canvas. To some, it's vintage. To others, it's a piece of rag. To find the right jockey for the crippled horse may be a challenge, though not impossible but has anyone asked if the horse is too old or too tired to race the race?

Time is not the right chip, neither yours nor mine. Time is something none of us can stop or grab. It will slip away from you regardless of the number of steps that you're taking. Staring into space may be therapy to some but total wastage to others. Is silence and doing absolutely nothing a bad thing afterall? Would it allow repackaging, restructuring, resizing? To reshuffle is again, back to the initial drawing board. Too tired... Maybe taking a seat by the broken tree stump might salvage some integrity. Reshuffling...

Monday, August 03, 2009

愛我別走




我到了這個時候還是一樣 夜裡的寂寞容易叫人悲傷
我不敢想的太多 因為我一個人 迎面而來的月光拉長身影
漫無目的地走在冷冷的街 我沒有你的消息
因為我在想你 愛我別走 如果你說 你不愛我
不要聽見你真的說出口 再給我一點溫柔 愛我別走
如果你說 你不愛我 不要聽見你真的說出口
再給我一點溫柔 我到了這個時候還是一樣
夜裡的寂寞容易叫人悲傷 我不敢想的太多
因為我一個人 迎面而來的月光拉長身影
漫無目的地走在冷冷的街 我沒有你的消息
因為我在想你 愛我別走 如果你說 你不愛我
不要聽見你真的說出口 再給我一點溫柔
愛我別走 如果你說 你不愛我 不要聽見你真的說出口
再給我一點溫柔

愛我別走 如果你說 你不愛我
不要聽見你真的說出口 再給我一點溫柔 愛我別走
如果你說 你不愛我 不要聽見你真的說出口 再給我一點溫柔

Packing Up The Dreams

Recalling the week when I came home from work staring at the familiar backview while work continues on the Mac. It was sheer happiness even if it means not doing much. Expecting the future to be busier than ever, the concern was thrown out of the window. Changes were inevitable but we geared towards it and we was braving it together. On a one way street, thinking that love will conquer all, the battle was lost. Thinking I was needed and wanted was plain wishful. Packing up the memories, I will keep walking. Looking back, there were only smiles and I'm thankful for the memories. Sorry I couldn't be there anymore even if I wanted to. It was that little space in the heart that I failed to hold the fort. Wounded and tired, I just need to take a rest... Maybe tomorrow might be better. Afterall, the sun will always be shining.

If only the pillar can continue to support the building, the pillar will relentlessly hold on until the day it crumbles.