Resistance was futile. The warmth revolving above the cheeks persisted. Pain proved to live longer than anger. Images flashed like they would during the last moments of oxygen intake. Personal failure was one of the discussion topics, discussion with the internal soul that is. The song on eternal repeat acts as the satire, sniggering at the plight. The heavy lids were in battle with a heavy mind. Flipping the Mac open for countless times on a sleepless night, singing the song to myself, feeling the warmth which was present only on that small spot. The rest were in shivers.
Wish one can be like a spoilt brat at the supermarket insisting on that lolly that caught the eye. By kicking legs, waving the arms and screaming at top volume just to achieve the likely conclusion. And by remaining the reactive one, with inertia greater than a normal passive mind, inactivity is clearly expected. The rack that I strolled to was empty, stripped of the last pack of snacks that could possibly bring the smile back. If the rain could wash away everything...
Some reaction would be good. But didn't they say be careful of what you wish for? Rather, some genuine concern would be comforting...
Rain rain go away... Little children want to play...
Monday, June 28, 2010
未來我得到的還會有很多， 但失去的，只有你一個
又來到這個港口 沒有原因的拘留
我的心乘著斑駁的輕舟
尋找失落的沙洲
隨 時間的海浪漂流
我用力張開雙手
擁抱那麼多起起落落
想念的還是你望著我的眼波
我不是一定要你回來
只是當又一個人看海
回頭才發現你不在
留下我迂迴的徘徊
我不是一定要你回來
只是當又把回憶翻開
除了你之外的空白
還有誰能來教我愛
又回到這個盡頭 我也想再往前走
只是愈看見海闊天空
愈遺憾沒有你分享我的感動
我不是一定要你回來
只是當又一個人看海
疲憊的身影不是我
不是你想看見的我
我不是一定要你回來
只是當獨自走入人海
除了你之外的依賴
還有誰能叫我勇敢
除了你之外的空白
還有誰能來教我愛
Sunday, June 27, 2010
The Most Important Value
When Grandma was alive, she used to sing the "天黑黑" song to me. Dad and Mom never gave up even when there were regular false alarms. We would spend annual leaves and weekends just to be with Grandma fearing each visit would be the last. In our might, we did and gave all we could. I have never regretted a single moment. I'm proud to have such parents because they taught me the most valuable values I could only wish I can impart to our future generations.
If you are at any point proud of being an Asian, embrace your traditional values. These are priceless lessons you may not be able to afford no matter how deep your pockets are. Get your chest out, feel proud.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Fat Coke Only Please
Following a series of unfortunate events, I'm home and Kokoro as dirty as before. The room needs to be cleaned too, that is after I can get my ass off this seat. The bump on the tyre is putting the pressure on the pocket. Togetherness is the time spent with my Mac. Busy weekends are a good way to pass time but there are bound to be moments when you are absolutely alone. Honestly, I did enjoy pockets of time like these but there are the others when you feel, even when you're just bummer, it's nice to have someone just there. Having said that, is that someone just filling space and the need or generally as human beings, we desire a sense of belonging?
Knowing very well that the full fat Coke is detrimental to the body, I could not resist indulging into the temptation of a chilled glass full of it. Then there are the harmful bits and pieces that come and go and yet continue to haunt you, very much like the after effects of Coke overdose. Such is life but how jaded that actually sounded doesn't really quite matter to anyone out there.
Yet another night out with the Fabulous Looking people and without any surprise, it was a night of fun. Things may not be the same as before but just by having a good friend or two, makes life worth its while afterall. Friends who can trigger smiles out of you easily are worth everything in this world to keep. Friendship never quite comes too easily. Seeing A&E Quack going around high fiving non-stop laughing at his own jokes made my day, no matter how exhausted I was after an entire day at work. The unsaid understanding of a true friend is priceless.
Another week of seeing my own name published on the local newspaper instantly made me feel like a star. Not exactly for the wrong reasons but I wish the intended readers would pick the information up. If next week develops into an incredibly busy week, I'd be a willing candidate.
Knowing very well that the full fat Coke is detrimental to the body, I could not resist indulging into the temptation of a chilled glass full of it. Then there are the harmful bits and pieces that come and go and yet continue to haunt you, very much like the after effects of Coke overdose. Such is life but how jaded that actually sounded doesn't really quite matter to anyone out there.
Yet another night out with the Fabulous Looking people and without any surprise, it was a night of fun. Things may not be the same as before but just by having a good friend or two, makes life worth its while afterall. Friends who can trigger smiles out of you easily are worth everything in this world to keep. Friendship never quite comes too easily. Seeing A&E Quack going around high fiving non-stop laughing at his own jokes made my day, no matter how exhausted I was after an entire day at work. The unsaid understanding of a true friend is priceless.
Another week of seeing my own name published on the local newspaper instantly made me feel like a star. Not exactly for the wrong reasons but I wish the intended readers would pick the information up. If next week develops into an incredibly busy week, I'd be a willing candidate.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Blue Clouds, White Sky
The first thing I got when I stepped into the office today after an unwarranted long weekend, a vicious paper cut awaited me. It cut so deep, I could see my flesh, albeit a 0.15267mm of it. Sensing bad news a looming, I couldn't be more eager waiting for my desktop to start up. The calendar screamed at my face, I needed to do a presentation. Being still groggy from an overdose of medication didn't quite help with the speed nor the clarity. Incoherent was an understatement. Going through the slides, which by any means should be a piece of cake to me since I was last being trained to at least be able to present some topics plucked from the air, proved to be difficult. Firstly, the last of my voice didn't help. The pain in the throat was worsening every passing second that I had to speak. Lastly, I was all that the team had. Thankfully, just when I was running out of saliva to lubricate my throat, PapaTran came to the rescue.
The overpriced soup was possibly the most comforting dinner I can think of. Just 20 mins before that, I had to fight gastric pain and an useless bladder. It was pure relief to be home and to be on my bed. Just when I popped my last does of antibiotics for today, together with a cocktail of multi-coloured pills, an unusual box blinked. Reckon that it wouldn't be too important, I entertained my swollen eyes with ice packs. Intuition called me back. An uneasy feeling crept up my spine and so I checked.
What I read sent an array of emotions all around and not knowing how I should be feeling. The stuffed up nose still wouldn't pity me and let me go. The mind must be hallucinating, as I told myself. It was scary. I meant real scary because I thought I dreamt of exactly the same scene last night. It's NOT deja vu. I did dream of the same scene last night. I don't even know if I'm typing in my dreams now. Maybe the brains are too tired but I'm typing all these just to prove that at the point when I'm typing, I wasn't dreaming. Or am I?
The overpriced soup was possibly the most comforting dinner I can think of. Just 20 mins before that, I had to fight gastric pain and an useless bladder. It was pure relief to be home and to be on my bed. Just when I popped my last does of antibiotics for today, together with a cocktail of multi-coloured pills, an unusual box blinked. Reckon that it wouldn't be too important, I entertained my swollen eyes with ice packs. Intuition called me back. An uneasy feeling crept up my spine and so I checked.
What I read sent an array of emotions all around and not knowing how I should be feeling. The stuffed up nose still wouldn't pity me and let me go. The mind must be hallucinating, as I told myself. It was scary. I meant real scary because I thought I dreamt of exactly the same scene last night. It's NOT deja vu. I did dream of the same scene last night. I don't even know if I'm typing in my dreams now. Maybe the brains are too tired but I'm typing all these just to prove that at the point when I'm typing, I wasn't dreaming. Or am I?
Monday, June 21, 2010
Hold My Hand
After a night of coughing, the decision to skip work was right. Concentration was no longer possible and my voice was almost inaudible. With 2 doses of antibiotics in me, the sudden surge of energy made me feel vulnerable. The need for a warm body to shower some concern became painfully clear. The disappearance of my Singapore Flyer months back woke me up from being reliant on anyone. It was be the swollen eyes that blurred my vision once again. Independence is not given and to internally fight for it should not be seen as tough. It could just be the bacteria-ridden brain that is making me think so negatively. Maybe getting back at work and to keep the mind totally occupied is not that bad an idea afterall. Getting the desk up and running is building the tenacity unknowingly and being a better person is not the natural result. The fight is unavoidable.
Spending time on the BBM with Black Tulip kept me smiling while waiting at the doctor's and while waiting for the right warm body to appear. It is a promise to myself that friends like such are rare to come by, hence not to be given up even if Prince Charming were to make his appearance one day.
Spending time on the BBM with Black Tulip kept me smiling while waiting at the doctor's and while waiting for the right warm body to appear. It is a promise to myself that friends like such are rare to come by, hence not to be given up even if Prince Charming were to make his appearance one day.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Girls' Weekend
Simple snacks with the right company made late Friday night easy to pass. Lonely weekends are far from over but comforting chats made time shorter. The cherry on the icing was an entire Saturday full of laughter. Massive amounts of food and loads of harmless gambling led to a group of World Cup widows screaming "what are the chances?" The unbelievable odds reflects very much on life. When you think it's close to impossibility, the unexpected falls upon. The only flaw preventing the perfect day out was the bad throat and sniffly nose. Sunday became a day of miserable self nursing and pure hope of recovery. There's so much I'd want to say, writing it the way I would normally do. But my cloudy mind is not allowing it. Proofreading becomes a chore. Tomorrow should be better. Good night.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Black Tulips
Half of June has past me by and this is my first post for this month. Much has happened and too much work was done. Last nights in the office became common. Views were polished and sharpened but have also left the views even more hazed than before. At times, it's not necessary a blessing to see things this clearly. Criticism has to be taken lightly and improvements need to be actioned upon seriously. It's more than easy to say, life goes on.
People who have taken their leave are found to be closer in the weirdest sense possible. To be indirectly rejected will make way for newer searches, better fits. Blockheads are better left untouched before the beautiful turns ugly. While watching the TVB serial, I was reminded that the person who was able to keep the most to himself might almost always end up as the ultimate survivor. Happiness was another objective altogether.
Grumbles are reserved for people who can accept you for who you are and that to me would mean the very person whom my bloodstream is rooted to.
Too much to say but no way I can put it such that it will remain my style, cryptic that is. Thankfully, there's one listening ear for me. That was the ear with no agenda and happy flowers. To say this person is a big brotherly figure is so cheesy yet so accurate. The only thing missing is the pat on the head and the big bear hug before my tears will readily roll down my cheeks. To be more liberating in emotions is close to impossibility. Not that anyone would care and on the contrary, it's more likely to be read the wrong way. The worst way imaginable. Emotions are probably best to be kept to oneself. Meanwhile, I'm happy to share it with Black Tulips.
People who have taken their leave are found to be closer in the weirdest sense possible. To be indirectly rejected will make way for newer searches, better fits. Blockheads are better left untouched before the beautiful turns ugly. While watching the TVB serial, I was reminded that the person who was able to keep the most to himself might almost always end up as the ultimate survivor. Happiness was another objective altogether.
Grumbles are reserved for people who can accept you for who you are and that to me would mean the very person whom my bloodstream is rooted to.
Too much to say but no way I can put it such that it will remain my style, cryptic that is. Thankfully, there's one listening ear for me. That was the ear with no agenda and happy flowers. To say this person is a big brotherly figure is so cheesy yet so accurate. The only thing missing is the pat on the head and the big bear hug before my tears will readily roll down my cheeks. To be more liberating in emotions is close to impossibility. Not that anyone would care and on the contrary, it's more likely to be read the wrong way. The worst way imaginable. Emotions are probably best to be kept to oneself. Meanwhile, I'm happy to share it with Black Tulips.
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