Thursday, January 31, 2008

Please Tell Me Everything Is Going To Be Just Fine...

Who had the boys turning hand springs?
Crazy to love her claimed she
Who could so misunderstand things?
You're looking at me

Who was so sure of her conquest?
Sure as a human could be
Who wound up losing the contest?
You're looking at me
You're looking at me

Where is that girl?
Who was certain her charms couldn't fail
Where is that girl?
Believed every word of this ridiculous tale

Who was so childishly flattered?
Thought she'd swept him off his feet
Who woke to find her dreams shattered?
Might I repeat
Might I repeat for you
Needn't strain your eyes
To see what I want you to see
That's right
You're looking at me


Someone to hold me tight
That would be very nice
Someone to love me right
That would be very nice
Someone to understand
Each little dream in me
Someone to take my hand
And be a team with me

So nice, life would be so nice
If one day I'd find
Someone who would take my hand
And samba through life with me

Someone to cling to me
Stay with me right or wrong
Someone to sing to me
Some little samba song
Someone to take my heart
And give his heart to me
Someone who's ready to
Give love a start with me

Oh yeah, that would be so nice
I could see you and me, that would be nice

I Don't Wanna Be

When men could have come clean and everything would be fine, they have to shoot themselves in the foot by doing all the wrong things. Don't try this at home. Especially if your spouse is smarter than you. Just over a span of 2-3 days, I've heard at least 4-5 complains of potentially itchy movements from men, both smart and stupid ones or both smart and stupid at the same time. Despite everything else, if you respect the very basic rule of basically respecting one another, you will not need to hide. Once you attempt to hide or lie, miraculously, such things will come back to bite you real hard. And I mean REAL HARD. Be frank and truthful, might just save your arse without you knowing it.

Coincidentally, I had an evil dream last night. I woke up finding myself soaked in perspiration and half dried tears. Have you ever wanted to cry in your dream but physically unable to do so and feeling upset and frustrated at the same time? But in actual fact, when you wake up, you find patches of tears on your pillow case.

Why can't life be simpler? Is this a joke played on me? Everything starting from my family to my job to the other aspects of my personal life, there's just so much complications. Why can't I get a 9-5 job, fixed income job, a reasonably loving husband, 2 average kids? Why is my life like a big roller coaster ride that doesn't seem to end? At least give me a damn break for me to take a breather. I don't even wanna think of anything now. I wanna clear my head so I have nothing to think about. Too painful to even try to think of nothing. I hate everything around me. I hate being me. I hate me.

Or do I?

Aren't we the exact cause/result of what we do or have done? Aren't we reaping the effects directly or indirectly from our own actions?

I need a shoulder. I don't wanna be strong anymore.


I don't need to be anything other
Than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other
Than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anyone other
Than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from

I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one who noticed?
I can't be the only one who's learned!

Can I have everyone's attention please?
If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain
The crust of creation
My whole situation-made from clay to stone
And now I'm telling everybody

I don't want to be

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Wild Wild World

Got this Vday suggestion in the mailbox today. Totally hilarious and started this bright day on a good note... I hope. The bunch of emails that followed were even funnier but basically, it's taking a piss at our director in Hong Kong who first sent this circular around.



More emails on how crazy some markets can be and how people react to temptations and directly affect us as recruiters. This world is INSANE! Lawyers are...

Taken from Sydney Morning Herald.

LOS ANGELES - A former Hollywood studio lawyer and his wife have been sentenced for abusive treatment of their Filipino maid in a case US prosecutors said "amounts to modern-day slavery".

James Jackson, the former vice-president of legal affairs at Sony Pictures, was ordered to perform 200 hours of community service and pay a $US5,000 ($A5,600) fine.

His wife Elizabeth was sentenced to three years in prison after her lawyers unsuccessfully pleaded for her to receive home detention.

"It seems she treated her dog much better than she treated her victim," US District Judge Dale Fisher said.

The couple's former maid, Nena Ruiz, watched the sentencing on closed-circuit television but did not address the court.

"These defendants subjected their victim to what amounts to modern-day slavery," Assistant US Attorney Wan Kim said.

Ruiz was awarded $US825,000 ($A930,000) in damages by a jury in 2004 after she sued the Jacksons.

She alleged the couple forced her to work 18-hour days at their Culver City condominium for several months from 2001 to 2002.

Ruiz claimed in her civil lawsuit that Elizabeth Jackson regularly slapped her and pulled her hair. She also said she was forced to sleep on a dog bed and was given three-day-old food to eat even as she was expected to clean and provide fresh fruit to the Jacksons' pets.

The Jacksons only paid her $US300 ($A340) for her work, and threatened to turn her over to immigration authorities if she left them, Ruiz claimed. She said she finally fled after she was hit in the mouth with a water bottle.

Elizabeth Jackson, who pleaded guilty last August to a charge of forced labour, told the judge she took full responsibility for her actions.

"In my life I have always tried and strived to do the right thing," she said. "I failed in this case."

James Jackson did not speak in court. He had pleaded guilty last year to a count of alien harbouring and acknowledged he kept Ruiz at the condominium even though he knew her work visa had expired.


Entirely outrageous.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Life's Calculations

The very reason why I took law was because numbers were my nemesis. My C Maths tutor gave up on me, F Math are for crazy people. The very best part of it, I'm doing a vaguely legally related job which is totally commission based and yes although we have a base salary, we basically pay it with our own earnings.

My latest discovery, I'm not a good accountant neither am I a good commercial lawyer. Failing to read in between lines enough, I ended up with more disappointment. Just like other things in my life, everything is but an illusion. When you think it's infallible, it proves you wrong. When you think it's the mid afternoon warm sunshine, it turns out to be just the mirror's reflection. Just when you think or convince yourself that all is not lost, life hits you hard from every possible angle.

With the numbers all cleared out of the way, the very next step is to clear up this grossly clogged up puny brains of mine. As long as the numbers are all explained clearly, even if I know I'm getting alot lesser than expected, everything is so much clearer and I can actually put on a smile for the world to see. Unfortunately, some things in life aren't just this easy to deal with. It's time to pluck up enough courage get life sorted and move accordingly.

Just for laughs... If you need one as much as I do.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Silent Departure

When asked, do you have plans? Frankly, there are no plans to speak of. I'm like a little rat in a new cage, figuring my way around the nooks and crannies but no matter how I run and hunt, I'm just sunken in the frenzy and totally fail to see how sad the rat is from the outside. As much as I'd want to believe that I'm happy in this cage, all by myself for now, this is not true. Substitution is not a good solution.

When the voice screams in silence...

Deadlines are things we create for ourselves so that we don't delve in an eternal circle. Just because it is not conveyed in time doesn't mean it doesn't exist. If only the guidelines of deadlines were laid out earlier or when there's sufficient courage to bring it out to light..

When one begin to lose orientation to detect lies...

漆黑的夜一个人
有谁能为我解开心中的闷
如果一切只靠缘分
你的沉默就像无情的敌人
爱疯了你玉石俱焚
却又无法禁止思念闯寂寞的门
只能假装不听不闻
眼看爱的伤兵在心中得逞

关上最后一盏灯
让回忆侵蚀是与非的纷争
得不到你真心的疼
我只是你心中神似的灵魂
爱疯了你狂乱沉沦
放逐自己任凭回忆背负著伤痕
空气总是悬著疑问
是真是假如何区分

思念在我心里狂奔
泪水陷入爱不爱的迷阵
闪躲的眼神不再等你承认
切割我的灵魂怎么可能

其实我是他的替身
怎能爱我爱的如此蛮横
风乾的泪痕延续著你的吻
只怕陷得越深却越冷谁为我心疼

Knowing when to leave is a blessing and I know I will be blessed.

At the very moments when polarised emotions can be felt by different people, that is when one knows if one is blessed to stay or go.

As Screwed As Can Be

Came in this morning and got pleasantly shocked by the announcement of "Adelady's" engagement. Like every other known engagement, she had to retell the story a g'zillion times every time someone walks into the room. For the entire morning, we've been chatting on how an engagement/marriage is liken to a joint venture and the whole ring buying process a whole big plan to avoid paying tax in the city with tax that will leave you worse off. I bet there's some tax lawyer out there helping these people plan where and when is the best place and time to buy their engagement ring. Appears ridiculous to me but it is indeed happening.

The meetup yesterday did not quite help my decision on which car I should be getting but upon getting my pathetic pay slip regardless of what I was expecting to get and how conservative I was, anything that could screw up, went up in flames. For once, I felt like just walking out and never turn back.

My hands are freezing from confused anger hence I reckon I should not type any further because it will all come back and bite me... I rest my case!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Dream A Little Dream

Chemistry of serendipity often leaves us wondering with a lingering smile. The absolute trust is priceless and it's not just the receiving but also the ability to give. When you can give without expecting a corresponding value in this two way street, it's just simply reassuring for the exhausted soul. Contentment is a gift I deeply treasure with every scented breath in life. Every next day we can enjoy is a blessing we mustn't deny. Through those eyes, what can you see?

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you
Birds singin' in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me.

Say "nighty night" and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me.
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me.

Stars fading
But I linger on, Dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger til dawn, Dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams til sun beams find you
Sweet dreams that leave our worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me.

Stars fading
But I linger on, Dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger til dawn, Dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams til sun beams find you
Sweet dreams that leave our worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Friday, January 25, 2008

Whistling Steam

It is entirely possible for nothing to happen to feel totally happy.

It's just a pity when the kettle is whistling soon and totally unable to enjoy the pure joy of just watching what you love.

Sincerity is hazy...

Confrontation is feared and avoided.

Lies will not be tolerated, at all. Not black nor white or red.

Tired...

Deadline is near but not dead, could be, hopefully not.

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
cause its not my fault
I know Ive been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Once youve found that lover
Youre homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But love is all around

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin all I can
To be a better man

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Bundchen Fools

You can now get Gisele Bundchen's new line of flip flops from Tangs. Check out G2B Ipanema Gisele Bundchen or JFGI (*wink Fatshark Guru). They are pretty neat and I do intend to get a pair for myself, besides, it's not too expensive. The shoes have for a cause and apparently, it is to protect the water of Xingu River. But check this out, the sandals are made of plastic and PVC. When I was in NYC with Dodo, he asked me if fur was bad. Well, being the animal lover, I said yes because I have seen absolutely cruel videos on how the animals are killed for their fur and being the owner of some chinchillas, I think it's just "zek ark" to kill these little cuties. But Dodo in NYC's theory is that PVC stays on longer to pollute the world which is essentially very very true. So is PVC or fur worse?

Things at work hasn't been the most fantastic although I must say, I can't complain. Had an excellent fourth quarter in 2007 but am finding it so hard to put myself back on track running at the same speed I did then. Nevertheless, I will fight on for visions and dreams that I will not let go. I have never liked micro-management and I know as much as he can, Comedy Boss takes a relatively laissez-faire attitude when it comes to managing us which is perfect for me because I love to do things on my own time and as long as I'm doing my job, I don't expect complaints. However, that is not the reaction I get from other colleagues and really, people do bite the hand that feeds them. Right now, I'm just lackadaisical when it comes to office politics and yes, it's pure politics. *roar "yeah say whatever you want..."

I'm broke... Can Monday get here faster?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Oddly Spaced Out

The only thing I've been hearing the entire morning is Heath Ledger's death. He's about my age and left a 2 year old daughter. Cause of death likely to be drug overdose and it was claimed to be sleeping pills. According to Elitist, he used to date Heath Ledger's third cousin. Weirdly, I think I do believe him.

Met my Chinese teacher from secondary school yesterday evening on the train as I was heading home. I would usually ignore people who are vaguely familiar but she was different. I remembered after my first O'level Chinese paper, I did an average B3 so she encouraged me to take it again at the end of the year because she believed I could easily get an A. I felt that for once, someone saw some potential in me. I was really grateful although I didn't do any better the second time round because I was too focused on the other papers. I filled her in on whoever is married and practically all of them and "Balloon Sculptor" would be getting married soon as well. Then I cold see her hesitate so I told her if she's wondering if I'm married, I'm not. She laughed and said I'm still as candid as before and subsequently invited me to her place during Chinese New Year. The invitation is open to all my ex-schoolmates in secondary school so please guys, help me a little here with the organisation. It's on the 3rd day of CNY and it's at Simei. Anytime between 11.30am to 5pm would be good. Let's have some fun like we used to.

This week's been pretty pack. I guess subconsciously I'm trying to pack it up to occupying some time but I never used to have to do that. I was always happy to just go home and space out. Life is just so odd.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

When You Say Nothing At All

It's funny how some people can say a word or not even say anything at all but we know right away what's coming on next or what exactly to expect. I must admit that it's an excellent feeling when you receive a text message at exactly the same moment you sent out one and before the replies come through, you could guess what the next message was gonna be. And an even more amazing feeling is when someone knows what you're saying and provides the perfect mental challenge that you were awaiting. The fun escalates when the replies come back even wittier than you would ever have imagined. It's the sort of joy that's beyond words. At times, the details of the conversation takes second seat but on another, the exact conversation would be brought up to another level whereby it's being carefully dissected with care.



It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I can never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near
You drown out the crowd
Try as they may, they can never defy
What's been said between your heart and mine

Monday, January 21, 2008

I Wish...

Utterly disastrous morning following a roller coaster weekend. Life is still good or rather, I've seen more rainbows in such a short span of time than I ever did in my life.

Still a little unsettling, my emotions went on a ride. I was slowly walking away and a strong pair of arms held me back. Although reassuring, questions sprouts. Trust is not in jeopardy, confidence is. I wish I have the time to turn the pages and read what I need and want to, then start to pen it down. Bewildered, I chose to keep silent. I wish, I can only wish, that you will never loosen this big fat bear hug and tell me, everything is going to be just fine.

I may not be absolutely what I portrayed to be, as independent and indifferent to some things but I chose to let go knowing that some day, the way home will be clear. In no position to ask for more, I can only wish. From the looks of things, no expectation is definitely better than great expectations.

Just when I thought that I don't want to be bothered anymore and take things as it comes, your smell stirs up the palette yet again. Reassuring yet unsettling. Right now, I just hope the truckload of trust and faith is all I'll ever need to bring me over to the other side of the bridge.

The disrupted SMRT service this morning between Pasir Ris and Tanah Merah was disastrous. I couldn't get any cab so ended up in the free shuttle which took me half way round an eastside tour before getting to Tanah Merah. A pleasant surprise followed to start my week on the right footing. If only we get sunshine everyday...

Sunday, January 20, 2008

紧紧的依靠爱情的美好

A few big jumps today but a couple of things to remind myself and to practice in my mind before I ride next week.

- Abandon all fear
- Forget about choppy waters
- Handle should be kept low
- Hips to handle
- Handle still after jumps
- Edge out slowly
- Let the hips to guide the direction of the board and not the other way around
- Don't jerk whenever I cross the wake or when I edge out
- Stand tall and release built up tension vertically
- Dig in heels when building rope tension

Stagnation reflects comfort zone and to improve, I have got to move out of this comfort zone and not feel the fear. More air!

"Power Ranger Daddy" thought I was weird cuz I wasn't smiling and maybe I should just enjoy riding the waves and not think so much about the nitty gritties of the ride.

I've never seen 康康 as a singer more than the comedian he is. But this song with 林宥嘉 is just so impressive. Pasted the lyrics for easy access and it says alot. So do enjoy your Sunday!



你眼睛会笑弯成一道桥
终点却是我永远 到不了
感觉你来到是风的呼啸
思念像苦药竟如此难熬
每分每秒
我找不到我到不了
你所谓的将来的美好
我什么都不要
知不知道若你懂我这一秒
我想看到我在寻找
那所谓的爱情的美好
我紧紧的依靠
紧谨守牢不敢漏掉
一丝一毫愿你看到
愿你看到

Announcement to the relevant parties:
Barrister-in-making is back in Singapore and we should organise a dinner to get together soon. Our Oscar In-house Counsel, please report in.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Zoning Potato

All dressed up to go back to the office. To me, weekends are sacred and I will avoid donating my weekends to work as much as I can. Considering that I'm comm based, this is a costly belief but I stood by it because I still want to retain my life/lifestyle. Subconsciously, I consciously turned on the telly and according to the guide, Hustle will be on BBC Entertainment at 4.20pm. I thought, well, I'd love to watch this if I haven't seen this episode yet but maybe I shouldn't rot at home but continue my plans to head to the office. Then I saw Juge John Deed up at 7pm followed by Lead Balloon, The Office, Extras, The Graham Norton Show and Hotel Babylon. I knew very well that I'm gonna stay put and be a couch potato. The only thing lacking is chips... *7-Eleven hollers

Back with a bagful of chompers... Watching an episode of Hustle I've seen. Bugger! Mickey is such an amazing grifter and he's so cute...

Staring at the rainbow in Taiwan via the news channel reminds me that life still goes on and it's a blessing if we can see the rainbow even if it is short lived. If we can wake up everyday and see the rainbow, life would be so amazing.

Let's walk to Ikea...

Yeah Como finished his reservist!!!

Honey Gives You Toothache.

Manuka is home.
Manuka is fine.
Manuka thinks everything will be fine.
Manuka turns on the telly.
Manuka stares at Graham Norton.
Manuka is not laughing.
Manuka pouts.
Manuka is down.
Manuka is out.
Manuka hides.
Manuka walks into the cave.
Manuka screams.
Manuka shouts.
Manuka is despaired.
Manuka breathes.
Manuka sighs.
Manuka has cold fingers.
Manuka has warm eyes.
Manuka has dry lips.
Manuka has wet cheeks.
Manuka walked.
Manuka ran.
Manuka escaped.
Manuka fell.
Manuka stares.
Manuka wonders.
Manuka seeks.
Manuka is disappointed.
Manuka wants stars.
Manuka wants sparkles.
Manuka wants nothing.
Manuka can't smile.
Manuka opens her palm.
Manuka closes her palm.
Manuka feels the sweaty palms.
Manuka feels air.
Manuka feels the slip.
Manuka knows it's away.
Manuka fights.
Manuka is silent.
Manuka is hopeful.
Manuka is dreadful.
Manuka is tired.
Manuka wants alcohol.
Manuka wants crowd.
Manuka wants company.
Manuka is lonely.
Manuka waves a flag.
Manuka knows it's white.
Manuka can't wait.
Manuka retreats.
Manuka walks away.
Manuka looks back.
Manuka questions.
Manuka roars.
Manuka flares.
Manuka settles.
Manuka sniffs.
Manuka cries.
Manuka has clammed up.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Inflation

It's only 10am and I feel that I have done so much and have felt experienced all stupid emotions since I woke up at 7.30am.

Went to sleep last night with an text message I regretted sending, feeling full but empty. Woke up to a sweet invite for dinner tonight but still in a dilemma whether I should go. After much contemplation, I went ahead with plans because at least they were plans and not like clothes left hung to dry. Meeting someone you haven't met in excess of 10 years and the last time you met, you were a kid running around in Sunday School, is kinda weird. Come to think of it - He wasn't even in SSS then cuz he was much older and was in Youth Ministry!! How time has passed...

When friends were discussing some nights ago on the increase in cost of living in Singapore. I guess I knew and expected that but it wouldn't affect me that much since that few dollars is not going to take the flesh off me. I was only away for 3 weeks and now, everything is different. Taxi meters skip by 20 cents block instead of 10 and they flip as your heart beats. I topped up my Ezylink card just last night and as far as I'm aware, I think by tomorrow, I would need to top it up again. Bought a sandwich this morning and it was almost 40% more than the last time I bought it. It is true that the few dollars is not going to kill me but seriously, how many people out there can take the inflation especially when the salary level stays the same? Time to plan for old age...

I'm so used to guys being gentlemanly in my office building that when I stepped into the elevator with some guy trying to rush into it before me, I knew he was just a visitor. Totally peeved, I showed the unhappiness all over my face. Imagine - Eyes open big big, stares, deep breath, blinked hard, look away and let out a big sigh.

I'm NOT complaining... I'm just mentally exhausted and I'm rambling on...

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Too Little Too Much

Some things are said too much. They lose their meaning. In order to give some things their meaning, we avoid saying them at all. There are somethings you see friends put on their personal messages on MSN that makes you shiver as though you're suffering from some spasm but you can also almost feel the happiness surrounding that person. As much as I'm very explosive and expressive as a person, I still don't feel comfortable staging such announcements.

Ok brains are fried today so shan't write anymore. When I have the mood, I might continue, otherwise, I'll leave it to your imagination. How convenient.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Fireplace

Life is a huge irony by itself. We know that we'll die one day yet we wanna live each and every one of it. There are times when we hope the end will come sooner and during the others, we'd just pray that it'll never come. No matter where the finishing line is, the process is undeniably the most important. Whether you're the slow warm fire giving warmth and light behind the fireplace or you're the quick, bright but short-lived fireworks during New Year's Day, we all only live life once. To many, I'm like fireworks bursting loads of life in short span of times and then die off but I see myself as more of the long warm fire searching for the right fireplace to house myself. There are occasional sparks when a new part of the wood starts to burn but this fire will stay warm for a long time.

The fireplace feels right but whether it can take the heat from the fire waits to be seen. Some adjustments need to be made regarding the amount of logs to create a nice fire and the amount of oxygen needed but as long as the fireplace can accommodate the fire, these things will smoothen itself out.

This may not seem like I'm waxing lyrical or to be as enthusiastic as I am about my job. It's one of those things that just before you fall asleep, you take that long deep breathe and smile to yourself, knowing life is simply wonderful. There's no need to go on and on because it would get tiring after 2 mins. It's savouring the bits of it that makes it interesting. Must say - Very intriguing. Gives the extra significance to "where have you been all my life?" than pure humour. The implication is so complicated yet straightforward. It's plain austere warmth incapable of further elaboration. You don't need a reason to keep the fire burning. It's natural.

Sounds like a good time for a tight snuggle and neck rub.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Lean On Me

Things are finally normal again. This is the first time in months that we have full attendance in the office and the first time in month since I had a heart to heart chat with Meiren Biaojie.

Stress is just part and parcel of life. The signs on the skin can be fixed and we shall go skincare shopping next month. I will also get my Mom to fix up an appointment with the dermatologist so that we can get the peels done. But the other things in life are not that easy to solve. The birds will grow up and fly. They are already flying and you can see and feel it. They will eventually take longer migratory flights and you will need to find a hand to hold and someone who will watch the sunset with you while the birds create their nest and complete their annual migratory pattern. As much as I can, I will be a shoulder you can lean on but I am not the hand you will hold on to as well. My hands will one day be full because I will have hands to hold me and hands I need to hold. Like we said, if I followed your footsteps, I would be holding the hands of a 5 year old and a 1 year old now. Loneliness is just part of the package even if you have that someone to walk down towards the horizon with. It's God's way of giving you your "Me" time. I know it's easier said...

Before I left for New York, I had shows I wanted to watch and things I needed to get. The rain yesterday stopped me from doing all that yesterday but maybe I was plain grouchy and the loneliness was very much self-inflicted. Although I want Meiren Biaojie to have great expectations, I can feel myself clamming up to the starting point of no expectations then there will be no disappointment. But simply because we are human beings with emotions, it will never be possible if we have no expectations because that in itself, is an expectation. Is disappointment inevitable or can it all boil down to the root of perception? Can I, will I and shall I change the angle of light?

Weekends are evil times... Makes people think too much.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Wakeboard Rookie Session



Wakeboard 13 Jan 08

Weekends are really weird for me. I'm unbelievably cranky and lonely. The rain is pretty obviously not helping at all. I can't go to Sim Lim as planned and can't catch the movies I planned to before I left for NYC. Saturday was fine as I took the entire day to nurse a minor hangover and went to Kulai for dinner. Needless to say, it was fun but the day couldn't have ended in a better way. Addiction is not always bad and when I'm the drug, it inevitably send smiles across the face.

Totally sleep deficient, Sunday morning was donated to my passion and love for wakeboarding. It would have been better been it a snuggly morning and then a hae mee brunch. But I'm not complaining. The jumps were slightly bigger, though not huge. Riding with Jett & TTL Scholar forced me to learn alot more. They have been riding way longer than myself so to achieve where they are, I will have to put in more water time and soon, I'll be on my way to two wake jumps. Soon. If you have seen the video, my legs weren't straightened up when I approach the wake and wasn't riding up the wake as my instructor was desperately trying to get me to in the background.

Got home but decided to force myself to stay away from the bed demon or I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. Was supposed to dine with Mom and Dad. The downpour isn't helping me make any decisions as to where and what time to makan. I don't even wanna leave the house. I don't wanna be so grouchy but I can't freaking help it. It's not PMS... Or maybe it is. The lightnings and thunders are scaring me. The whistling of the wing through the tiny space between the window panels freaking the goosebumps out of me. I don't think I'm good to go out for dinner.

Facebook is weirdly, a good vehicle to keep up with friends. Not just for you to kill zombies, Rodders! I actually saw that my childhood buddy, Bird's profile before I left the office so accurately introduced his "girlfriend" as his fiancee. In my drunken stupor while trying my best to throw up all the last bits of dinner, I vaguely remember telling his fiancee who was kindly helping me with my throwing up that how wonderful Bird is and that he may not be cute or good looking but he's so down to earth and he's absolutely sweet. I meant every single word I say although I was so trashed. Congratulations Buddy. She seems right and most importantly, she's a law student! Haha...

On a more serious note, I'm more worried for Balloon Sculptor. I kept drilling him if he's sure but he knows better and I'm not any less happier for him. You deserve nothing less.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

I Do And I Will

Don't ask me who was at the party because I could although vaguely remember but definitely not clearly recall the exact numbers. I can only be eternally grateful that I'm not hungover this morning. Now I'm wondering how people actually toast to every table on their wedding night because after the 4th person, I was headed for heaven.



Thank you for all of those who came and Milk for settling the location.

One of the best days of my life. All the love and friends and the herald of great news. I may not seem like I understand or care about some things but if I feel I could and would entirely change my life in the next 48 hours, I have already put it all on the table for further scrutiny.

My life couldn't have been better and I can't tell you how blessed I am.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Everything IS Fine. Happy Birthday to Me.

I can't explain how blessed I feel right now. For a large part of my life, I felt that God has forsaken me. Whenever I needed that one more step get there, I never fail but trip and fall. Learning to take on a different point of view, life seem to go smoother. Over the years, I have learnt to let go of what I wasn't happy in, letting go of a life that could have been materially satisfying, letting go of people who would make sure I not only survive and by doing do, I have let go of unhappiness. Things started to fall into place. Friends who appreciated my straight-forwardness and took me for who I am started to appear in my life. Maybe I haven't been looking hard enough previously.

Over the past year, my job took a miraculous turn and gave me an opportunity to see the world from a different light. I stopped having expectations from my loved ones and in turn, I could feel and almost hear the overflowing splashes in the love they have been showering on me. Everything in life happens for a purpose. All the tumbling and falling have made me a different but definitely much stronger person. Now I could take on the world. It's just a matter of perspective. Everything else, is a bonus.

There weren't changes... Or so I thought. Even if they were, I knew they were for the better so I put my hands out for someone to hold them and tell me, "everything is gonna be just fine."

Everything IS fine.

I can't begin to say how lucky I am but life is good, it really is. It's how you look at it... It's perspective. It helps when hugs are tight and when the time is right.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

9pm @ Thumper

After changing the venue for nth time, I have finally decided on Thumper for the intoxication session tomorrow night. Balaclava was out because they need me to camp out over there which I was reluctant to do so. Velvet could only give me the confirmation tomorrow and that's way too late. Since Milk has a table over at Thumper, I shall crash his party and make it mine. Well, he offered me the table!

If you are a friend or an admirer (geez), do come down to Thumper and say hi. Buy me a drink or let me buy you one. Get yourself intoxicated. Sounds like a good way to get 2008 started. Grab your glasses, or credit cards and come party with me. If you think you hate me and do not wanna see me, please do not feel obliged to turn up. It's a happy day and I dread seeing disgusting fools.

See you guys tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Winter in Singapore

The weather in Singapore is one I knew I should be thankful and grateful and I am. Despite the heavy rain and humidity that frizzes up my hair all the time, I still love the warmth and comfort in the air. What is unbearable is the "winter climate" indoors. Let's just not go into how much electricity we're wasting every single second that ticks away, I actually feel alot colder than when was in NYC. Not that the average temperature is lower and obviously it's not, NYC is just insane but I was prepared for the cold when I was there and I was well bundled and layered up. I had my jacket, scarf, gloves, hand warmers, boots, thermal underwear and socks. But here, I'm in my usual cotton work shirt/blouse and polyester skirt, I'm just freezing up. Don't have to remind me, I know I should have gotten my jacket back in the office after it's being laundered and being absent minded is just not a good excuse. I actually felt alot colder. My limbs are cold and my goosebumps are making their regular guest appearances. And unfortunately, I actually eat hell lot more back here.

Everyone tells me that we tend to eat more when the weather is cold and I think this holds much truth for most people and most places you visit. But NYC is just too expensive, so much to see that you forget to have a proper meal and for the majority of the time, you could just deal with the hotdog from the stand at the end of the block. Trust me, you will "walk" the hotdog off after rushing past 10 blocks down Broadway. And I actually lost weight and everyone tells me that. Although the scale refuses to register that FACT.

Business lunches and readily available Toblerones aren't helping. I need to wean off those evil Toblerone! Alright, just another one...

A little Toblerone trivia - A single piece of Toblerone is known as an "Alp" after its shape and the country of origin, Switzerland, which is home to part of the Alps.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Is 2007 still sitting on your desk?

It's the time of the year where we open up envelopes and there you'll find Christmas cards and diaries/calendars. I wasn't around for Christmas so I'm only receiving them now. I'm very particular with my diaries because they need to fit a week in a glance and the paper quality must be pleasant so I always end up getting my own and this year, I bought mine from Prints. I was frantically trying to find refill for my bright pink Filofax but the refills came up to be more expensive than buying a new planner so why should I?

This year, the planners all look the SAME except for the logo. The paper are all of an icking yellow tone, it's a pain just to look at them. the admin staffs managed to get me the same planner with the same layout as last year so I'm happy as far as the office planners are concerned. Desktop calendars also became part of the table's accessory unknowingly. I could do without that but without it, it's just not right. For the past 2 years, I've got mine from hotels but this year (or last), I stayed in a "musical hall" with Dodo in NYC so I wasn't given a hotel calendar and somehow, everyone was adamant on giving the planners that they forgot about the calenders. Just scanning across the room, I'm not the only one with the 2007 one still on the desk. It's about time to do some lunch time shopping to bring my time zone back to reality into 2008.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Sicko Healthcare

No healthcare system is perfect. First day back at work, we were more interested in chatting about healthcare systems than call the candidates. It was hilarious talking about the vast difference between the US and UK healthcare systems but when I looked back, we have NO system. Well, pretty much. Essentially, we're all saving up to pay for our own healthcare needs in future so if you were to get really sick now, your pocket is going to bleed to death slowly but surely. There's some truth in the things some of the coffeeshop uncles say, "You can die but you can't afford to get sick".

It's about time that I drop by HMV to pick up Sicko by Michael Moore. A film that takes a piss at the American healthcare system. I was sick there and I know it's not cheap to be ill there. Although a trip to Duane Reade can be so fun for me. It's like walking into Victoria's Secret for prescribed drugs. Looking at how worried Dodo in NYC was when he couldn't find his insurance card, it really got me thinking on how well they are being covered. Apparently in Sicko, they showed how "filthy" rich the Republicans actually are as they cash in on the insurance company lobbyists. Doctors should never be put in a situation whereby there's such strong conflict of interest. In the UK, these are barely issues because they don't pay for anything and doctors are purely only concerned with giving you the best treatment.

It's sad that here in Singapore, our laws don't quite protect us from the mean insurance companies. Let me pick up Sicko and I'll fill you in with more grossly details.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Thankful

Home... Sweet.

My first few hours back home totally satisfied all the longing for the past 3 weeks while I was away. It was sweet and warm. I needed local food so bad, the nasi lemak was more than merely filling. Thankfully, no more kimchis.

As much as I miss Manhattan, I'm more than thankful to be back home. The weather is just one of the many things that I never saw it as a blessing. And being in Singapore, we pretty much control the climate we're in most of the time. The food we have, both the amount and the variety, are just some of the little things in life we take for granted. My lunch of simple porridge and "lor bak" was absolutely heavenly. My last dose of antibiotics seem to mark the end of the misery of being sick on foreign land.

The hugs were comforting and to be able to see the familiar but yet so unfamiliar face was surprisingly calming. The silence was more than comfortable. I could live with this...

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Afterthoughts - Reporting LIVE from HKIA

My last two days in New York was fulfilling and covered grounds I failed to during the rest of my stay. To think that the next time I visit would be when I'm prepared to take such a long flight, I thought twice about missing some locations. Finally caught a Broadway musical. Most of you may not be aware but they have "Legally Blonde" on Broadway and I enjoyed that tremendously. The plot was funny and romantic, your typical chick flick but it was overall good. It is not fair to compare it with big productions like Phantom of The Opera or Les Miserables but since I've seen the other two, this was a fresh choice as well. Even at a discounted rate from the TKTS booth, we were still paying quite a bit but every cent was well worth it.

If I don't sound coherent, that's because I'm transitting in Hong Kong International Airport and barely slept on my 16 hour flight from NYC to HKG. Can't wait to be flown home in my next flight due to take off in another hour's time.

My last day in NYC was purely and solely spent sitting on the Top of the Rock, the observation deck on top of the Rockefeller Center. The view was magnificent and I stay from when there's daylight, till sunset where half the sky was orangey and the other half was violet and subsequently, the lights from the building started to filled the skyline as darkness drew near. Although it was freezing cold, there were room on the deck sheltered from the wind where you can just watch the sun go down. Absolutely beautiful and I would say, this is a must go, must do if you ever visit New York. Of course, this is part of the luxury of taking such a long and well-paced trip.

Finally, checked out the Lower West Side and the Meatpacking District with my Twin in NYC before I went back to pack and got ready to get my arse home.

Met many interesting people during this trip whom some of them, I might never meet ever again. Most importantly, I've got to thank those travel companions who showed me some parts of NYC which I might not have explored had I been wondering around alone and not forgetting Dodo in NYC for letting me mess up his apartment. Well of course, I get free "musical" every night. Thanks for being a great friend and going places with me and even when you were sick, you still made the effort to check out the tattoo place with me and eventually, accompanied me through what I would call the "sweet torture". As you guys could see from my earlier post, the result was beautiful.

The city has showed and taught me lessons in life we'll never pick up from books or Wikipedia. Meeting perople and dissecting their mindsets were interesting and intriguing. I know I can never be a New Yorker. I do not have the right mindset and purpose and for many of you who are considering to move there, you'd better not have any intentions to set up a family in the near future because this place is definitely not for you. To find the man or woman of your life is almost a mission impossible. Crudely put, the guys just wants to get into your pants and well, if you ask me for a nicer way to put it, these people are there to have fun and purely for that purpose.

Boarding soon... See you guys home...

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Coming Home Baby

NEST last night was disappointing. The music was bad, we didn't get the LIVE telecast of the ball coming down in Times' Square. I got picked up every 5 minutes but please don't be mistaken, I'm not like the hottest girl in the club but the boys here are just so aggressive. To them, any girl goes. I have to learn to say NO. What was even more unbelieveable was how small New York City actually is. The cutie who danced with me during Christmas Eve over at Pink Elephant was there last night as well. This time he didn't try to "abduct" me at all because it'll be such a waste of time for him. Haha...

Adjourned to Kunjip @ K Town for supper. That's like my after party place. For both the Christmas and New Year's party, I'll always end up there for some grubs. When we got there, a fight was brewing and some 2 small chaps got whacked by 6 or 7 others. The blood pool they left outside the shop was frightening. I took a last look before I left the place and immediately took back what I told some people earlier that I've bever been in a real fight. I'd never want to be in a real fight.

Was bedridden the whole of today, New Year's Day. Was sleeping and sweating it out. Took an array of medication, I even forgot what I actually took. I was so drowsy earlier, I couldn't quite compose myself and think straight as to what I should be eating and not. I knew I've got this this this symptoms and it's hurting like crazy so I'm gonna take this and this. After the first dose of antibiotics, things seem to have taken a better turn so I shall be good and complete the course of the antibiotics.

I can't wait to go back home.(Come on home)
I'm coming home, baby, now
(You know I'm praying every night)
Can't hold me back now
(Please come home)
I'm pressing on baby now
(I want to feel you hold me tight)
I want to feel you hold me tight
(When I'm in your arms)
When I'm in your arms I'll be fine
(Come one home)
I'm coming home
(You Know I'm counting every day)
I'm coming home now
(You're so far)
The road is warm now
(Baby let me hear you say)
Let me hear you say
(That you're coming home)
That I never will go away
I'm here to stay

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy New Year

The year is coming to an end. For my friends back home, they are already in 2008. Am I missing out the fun?

I'll be heading to Nest for the countdown in a couple of hours' time and would just watch the ball drop down Times' Square via Live telecast. According to the invitation on Facebook, it reads "4 Floors of Amazing New Year fun" so I think it's gonna be huge.

Frankly, I don't have to mood to dress up and go right now. I've be coughing and down to sore throat and your usual other crappy flu stuffs, I'm having it all. Despite the flu jab I took before I came, my body still succumbed to the virus. Went "shopping" at Duane Reade, the local pharmacy, self medicated and hopefully by tonight, I'm ready to party. Don't think alcohol is going to do me any good at this point in time.

As for New Year resolutions, I've been asked so many times. I guess I should go to the gym more often and preferably on a regular basis and train up what I'll need for wakeboarding. Spending more quality time at work. Take lesser cabs to work definitely. Well, if I get my car soon, that shouldn't be an issue. Rent a decent spot and move out. Allocating more time for loved ones.

Sitting in front of the computer with watery eyes, a pile of mucus filled tissues, a half pack of lozenges, countless medications and a thick thick sweater to keep the body warm, I have no intentions to go anywhere to celebrate the coming 2008 with a few thousands other people. But since I'm already in NYC, I should just go right?

New Year's Eve Last Year...


Times' Square preparing for countdown and unfortunately, I have chosen not to witness the ball drop. Thinking of the people standing in the cold right now does help me feel better... Teehee