Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Walking Alone & Lovin' It

It was totally awesome just walking alone down the streets and watching the dried bougainvillea leaves drifting in the air. Since my legs couldn't take me any further, I sat myself down at McDonalds' and got myself some ice cold Coke to go with some fries. People watch I did. Countless thoughts came to mind and I filter them out slowly. Achieving peace wasn't easy. Repeating one song in my head that helped with the clearance significantly and planning my next steps in my life.

If one is unable to control what people speaks, then one has to control being able to see oneself in the mirror before you head to bed. Armed with the right pair of comfortable walking shoes, I will choose to walk on and prepare myself for the tougher roads ahead.

Alone time is good. There can actually be times that you really do not need anyone to influence your thoughts. I guess that can eventually make you a stronger person.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Raffles Place Fan

It's been a while since I've enjoyed such an easy weekend. Should I say I'm happy that the "good days" are going to be over soon? By all means, call me weird. Maybe I'm destined to lead a workaholic's life. I totally enjoy work but the pre-requisite should be at least some basic enjoyment of what I am or will be doing. I've always believed that if I enjoy what I do, there'll never be a day I have got to work. With reasonable amount of stress, non enjoyment throughout the total 365 days of the year can be pardoned. As long as I have at least 2 good weekdays in a week, I'll be contented. That shall be the new resolution for the coming year. That said, let me officially announce... I'm going back to the industry that I enjoyed albeit not in the specific niche area that I came from. I can no longer hold the excitement so drinking I went last night.

To get picked up by guys at a club can be flattering before they get on your nerves. At times, you just feel that maybe by hanging a placard that screams, "Leave me alone!" you'll have more peace while drowning in the loud music. Please do not get me wrong. I'm not saying I'm attractive and I get picked up but maybe the guys are getting too bored. Their courage deserves the applauses.

Another fortnight of idling, I will be back to CBD, having my subway lunch beside Singapore River while replying emails on my Blackberry. The one hour of solace that I used to enjoy while trying to escape the air-conditioned room and getting some sun is one thing I know I'll looking forward to. Another few days of Chinese New Year driven gambling, I need to seriously get my butt going and engine rolling. Or does "engine going and camera rolling" sound better? Whatever makes your day. I'm a happy girl now and I can't care less. No one shall take the smile away from my face for now. I genuinely believe I've gotten myself into a great team and better work awaits me. The ladder is now free for all to climb. Come come... Climb climb...

Friday, February 19, 2010

沒那麼簡單

Was talking to this person I truly treasure as a friend. Both of us are people who aren't very lucky in our love lives. We're very strong girls but emotionally, all shattered. She recommended this song. I cried upon hearing it. But like she said, once you're out of it, it's a nice song and it will no longer bring tears. I can't help but agree. She's is definitely a level above me and miles ahead. I just need to learn to 放空自己. An important lesson for me - 別人說的話 隨便聽一聽 自己作決定


沒那麼簡單 就能找到 聊得來的伴
尤其是在 看過了那麼多的背叛
總是不安 只好強悍
誰謀殺了我的浪漫

沒那麼簡單 就能去愛 別的全不看
變得實際 也許好也許壞各一半
不愛孤單 一久也習慣
不用擔心誰 也不用被誰管

感覺快樂就忙東忙西
感覺累了就放空自己
別人說的話 隨便聽一聽 自己作決定
不想擁有太多情緒
一杯紅酒配電影
在周末晚上 關上了手機 舒服窩在沙發裡

相愛沒有那麼容易 每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀 轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易 才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心 所以最開心 曾經
想念最傷心 但卻最動心 的記憶 

Big 3-0

Amidst the Chinese New Year frenzy, we celebrated B's big 3-0 at Relish and Firestation. Having the 5 private minutes with him was nothing short of comforting. The friend who is always there to listen to your ranting, the ever timely offloading sessions. Not forgetting Daftbitch's ever-ready concern that never fails to warm the heart.

I just hope that in this new coming year, things will get smoother and better for all of us. Good news seem to be popping up bit by bit and I think things will just get better without a doubt. For myself, I need to get the engine cranking up and start to create a bang again. Fingers crossed, great news should be around the corner. And no, I'm not getting hitched.

The past week has been full of ups and downs and I mean, extreme ups and extreme downs. Getting to know some people and upgrade the relationship from acquaintances to friends. With some others, the trust erodes. The pain seeps in more vividly than one can imagine. The white flag is being risen slowly. Doubt fills the mind.

Nevertheless, I just hope that in the new year, friends will see less of the edges of the mouth heading south. Happy Birthday B! We love you loads! Now you're making me worried of my pending 3-0. Horror!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Get Me Busy

It could be being jobless for too long, I am starting to feel really lethargic. I appreciate the fact that I can wake up late, spend hours on Facebook and have meals with people from all over the place. Time with friends and loved ones are extended and enjoyed at ease although everyone else still has to plough back at work the next day. Given that the holiday season that is near, many are very much in the holiday mood so activities are starting to really pile. Am I happier? I don't know. I can't say I'm a workaholic but I definitely miss working. I miss clocking up achievements making me feel that I'm a better person by doing something good or rather, contributing to some form of good to some people in general. The cooking has stopped as Mom has piled up the entire fridge with food enough to last 2000 Chinese New Years. The bank account is drying up faster and panic mode sets in. If you think the anticipated ang pows is going to help, I can reassure you, it will probably feed me enough for 3 hours, not forgetting the gambling that would erase all that "earnings".

For weeks, I've been actively looking around and by now, I am looking at choices. Unfortunately, many things are not that well-timed and not all options can be presented altogether. I'm looking at the one on top of my list. Oddly enough, the industry that this role is focused on, isn't leveraging on my forte. But what is enough to bring a smile to my face, they belong to the "mothership" industry that I once loved and I know I'll probably enjoy the processes all over again just like how I did slightly in excess of a year back.

The choice is tough weighing the options that are vastly different in terms of package, area of focus and the very team that decides how much you will enjoy your time there. Having been in the industry for a while before, I do realise that sometimes, money isn't all that matters. Your colleagues will probably form the majority of your smiles and tears. The money, if it can make up for the unhappiness, then it will be worth it. But if you have none of those, that's when you pack up and leave for greener pastures.

I have been told recently that the pressure with all these thoughts in my head, tend to put me on a very short wire. I haven't been the best tempered person and I have to admit that. I don't actually see myself being that much more impatient but it seems that there's actually one person who thinks I've sunken into a bad patch and quite obviously, it was felt by the petitioner. I hope with something keeping me busy and my bank account happy, I should be a better companion? So what will happen to quality time and the love? Who knows? No one can or should predict. One thing I'm sure, He knows what's best for me.

I think my intelligence and patience are being fried. Extreme sensitivity isn't just a problem I can "Sensodyne" it. Exhaustion, despite all the sleep, is present with the main purpose to reduce me back down to a pile of useless slime. Too much time, too little to achieve... Yet. Will want to turn that around faster than you can read your own name... Wish me luck! Will appreciate a prayer...

Saturday, February 06, 2010

What Comes May...

Totally burnt from the airshow but it was a good experience. Being about to sit in the cockpit of various planes, it would probably be a once in a lifetime experience for me. I guess the lobster red is well worth the while but the pain when I tossed and turned to get to sleep was undoubtedly, painful.

Life is weird. How should one begin?

There are just some things that you experience once and over again, learnt how to deal with it and yet, it'd repeatedly happen to you no matter you like it or not. There are people and things you avoid to deal with. Somehow, problems will probably find its way to you. When you think life should be simple, it gets more complicated than ever.

It's the time of the year when you get the older folks asking you questions you would gladly avoid talking about. Because by talking about it, it brings up the issues you would want to avoid altogether. Some things just don't work both ways.

Dealing with speculation isn't healthy to the mind. Then again, it happens because of too much uncertainty and too little trust. Is dealing with things as they come enough to cope with the limited sanity? There are times when you want to just scream, "enough is enough". And yet, unhappiness finds their way to attack the weakest link and before you know it, you are reduced back to nothing. Your energy fails you. Your strength kills you. You're left with the prayer and that's one last thing you genuinely believe in.

I am praying for things I have never thought I'd pray for. I'll keep my hands open just to receive. Whatever comes may...

Monday, February 01, 2010

Epic Fail

When talking fails, communication fails.

When communication fails, trust fails.

When trust fails, love fails.

When love fails, the tear duct fails.





滿身傷痕累累 也來不及痛
那是指引我 走向你 的清楚感受
不管危不危險 都要放下一切 跟你走
只要 一起承擔
只要 你不放手