Leaving On A Jetplane

All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go

In less than 18 hours, I'm be on my way to New York, a city full of excitement and the unknown for me. Spending time walking aimlessly in museums and being a real tourist is just part of the idea. Getting a tattoo that I've always wanted but never had a chance to do so would be an added bonus. Taking time away from work and messy stuffs, I just hope that my head would be cleared out in the subzero winds. The new year would be one I would anticipate beautiful things to happen and of course, a new car. But nothing will beat finding the right encyclopedia. I'm still clueless as of now, how I actually got myself into this journey to the unknown and why I'm so determined this time round. I've always known myself as the kind of person who would regard people/things who/which come and go as part and parcel but not actively longing for things to happen. Forcing a smile is not my forte but I'm getting better at it. Letting go has never been so tough.

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

I thought I could easily walk away and pretend that things have never happened. To interrupt wasn't part of the master plan and to hang on was never a mark on the blue print. I really thought I could just leave and not be bothered at all. It's easy to be a friend and hear things out. The situation, however, prevents me from inputting. I do not want to be "the factor" but unbeknownst to me, I naturally became "the factor". In a weird way, I'm glad that I could be "the factor" but I do not wish to and how I even wish I could choose to appear at a better time. Have I not prayed hard enough?

This rainy season is probably not here to stay but we have to admit, we are living in a country whereby monsoon is unavoidable. If only the rain could clear so that I can readily embrace the sunshine. "The rain just passed. Air smells clean. A good breakfast brunch is waiting." To me, that started all the sunshine I was looking out for in this 2007 monsoon. To me, I was ready for breakfast brunch. To me, the rain will stop one day.

Then the rain started again to remind myself that I might be just deluding myself, believing in what may never happen. The sunshine may come from another source of light instead, if the sunshine ever comes. But this sunshine warms me to a point of no return. The air has started to fog up all over again and visility is reduced to before the rain began. Looking out at the clear sky and breathing in the still air now just irks me that a perfect storm is brewing and I'm going to be cold and wet yet again.

Let there be light. Let there be sunshine. Let there be a warm breeze that surrounds me. Let there be tomorrow. Let there be us.