Heart Murmuring

Been feeling miserable the entire day sniffing away and trying to fight some fire at work. Even when I've been given tomorrow off as well, I supposed I'll get my ass back into the office and start pushing myself harder. My nasal cavity is all stuffed and I sound like someone is pinching my nose.

Found out from the doctor that my Mom, despite constantly getting on my nerves, she actually is hoping to see more of me and looks forward to have dinner with me. Guess I've been so busy with my own stuffs that I forget that she's alone too. Next week on, I must make an extra effort to keep her company.

Having had an entire day at home allowed me to think about certain things in life yet again. When one is sick, you tend to think about the most uncomfortable and upsetting things and that was exactly what happened. I repeatedly asked myself why did I put myself in a situation when I know I'm just forcing on a smile everyday. All I wanted was some TLC or simply having someone ask if you're fine. "I'm not fine. I'm sick and I feel like crying."

As things crawl and inch forward, if not backwards, I'm slowly sinking into a self-reproach mode. Most people in their right mind-frame will make a conscious effort not to come into someone else's relationship and become the third party. But given the time and day we're in, some people can't help but fall into the trap. Most of us at one point in time of another, would probably have experienced being a third party somehow. It just happens no matter how hard we try to avoid it happening. However, what is potentially frightening is becoming a backup plan conveniently. Not that anyone intentionally planned for things to move in a certain way but the way things work, some things or people inevitably become backup plans. Many have said that this is the worst position to be. Others think that one just chooses to dismiss it or not see it. There's no explanation for staying in a situation like that because one may or may not know that they have unknowingly became "The Backup Plan".

Some people are just born unlucky being caught in such situations all the time or one just never get to meet anyone who genuinely cares. Either way, this stupid swine has chosen to stay for something she genuine believes to exist although it might be just another case of The Emperor's Clothes. Maybe she's stupid and maybe she's naive, she's here to stay.

Someone kill me!

I need to go back to ride some waves but Dad is constantly reminding me of my heart murmur and in the light of Darwin Peh, he's not going to let me do any rigorous sport anytime soon... Pah!