When The Sky Is Blue And The Water Is Calm...

Was lunching with Bster and Jie Mei Videographer yesterday and we were on the topic of relationships and the handling of emotions. There are often a myriad of emotions in us and the internal struggles can be unbelieveable. Most of us know what we ought or not ought to do and I tend to do the opposite. I can't say the ability to give in to other people is in my nature but I grew to realise that the unknowing act of giving in inevitably breeds complacency in others. When being taken for granted, is one or the other to be blamed for allowing the presence of it?

Sick and tired of the mindless and aimless silence, one would often succumb to the real warmth of having a person, a listening ear. In the absence of them, the mind wanders and doubts. Where is the road heading to?

Girls are often said to have the prerogative of having the time of the month and a reasonable pinch of unreasonableness. Not to justify such an action, I don't see no fault in this. There has to be a point or an avenue where we can let it all out. Have I lost that prerogative in the pursuit of the warm body?

In a desperate attempt and need to transform such anguish to tears, the silence screams and shouts seem to fall short of the need to uphold dignity. Maintaining a smile and calm composure, life seems to go on without a hitch. The wriggling worms in the mind hasn't stopped moving even though the water surface seems serene. When will one be able to let it all out and let it go? Who even cares?

The difficulty of not being able to rest the mind and go to sleep seems to override the need to keep the water surface flat. The tossing and turning kills whatever that was holding back the dignity. When all you need is probably a tight warm hug, reassuring you that everything will be fine. You find yourself seeking this in an endless quest. The fight between holding onto your beliefs and the need for that cuddle goes on.

On a separate note, thou did an online personality test and here's my results:

Providers take it upon themselves to insure the health and welfare of those in their care, but they are also the most sociable of all the Guardians, and thus are the great nurturers of social institutions such as schools, churches, social clubs, and civic groups. Providers are very likely more than ten percent of the population, and this is fortunate for the rest of us, because friendly social service is a key to their nature. Wherever they go, Providers happily give their time and energy to make sure that the needs of others are met, and that social functions are a success.

Highly cooperative themselves, Providers are skilled in maintaining teamwork among their helpers, and are also tireless in their attention to the details of furnishing goods and services. They make excellent chairpersons in charge of dances, banquets, class reunions, charity fund-raisers, and the like. They are without peer as masters of ceremonies, able to speak publicly with ease and confidence. And they are outstanding hosts or hostesses, knowing everyone by name, and seemingly aware of what everyone's been doing. Providers love to entertain, and are always concerned about the needs of their guests, wanting to make sure that all are involved and provided for.

Friendly, outgoing, neighborly - in a word, Providers are gregarious, so much so that they can become restless when isolated from people. They love to talk with others, and will often strike up a conversation with strangers and chat pleasantly about any topic that comes to mind. Friendships matter a great deal to Providers, and their conversations with friends often touch on good times from years past. Family traditions are also sacred to them, and they carefully observe birthdays and anniversaries. In addition, Providers show a delightful fascination with news of their friends and neighbors. If we wish to know what's been going on in the local community, school, or church, they're happy to fill us in on all the details.

Providers are extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them somewhat self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. Loving and affectionate themselves, they need to be loved in return. In fact, Providers can be crushed by personal criticism, and are happiest when given ample appreciation both for themselves personally and for the tireless service they give to others.