A Letter To A Faraway Place

My tears can't be stopped.

I can still feel your presence, so near yet so far.

It's been almost 3 months and i still can't help feeling the loss. I couldn't cry when you first left. I was needed. I needed to be strong for everyone. I needed to be strong for my Dad. I needed to be strong for my uncles and aunties. My tears were stopped. All the running around stopped me from thinking. All the emotions were hidden. After the funeral, i thought all was over. I got to know the nephews and nieces i never knew existed. They became my new best friends and i love their company.

When night falls and when i'm all alone on my bed, staring at the empty space you used to sleep, when i was trying to ignore your snores and trying to get to sleep, my tears just came running down. I wish you can be here, i want you to snore so i know you're right beside me, keeping me company, loving me, caring for me...

In front of everyone, i seemed the emotionless girl without tears and laughing just after you passed on. In fact i'm quite happy that you're not in pain anymore I can't help missing you. I can still see your face when you were smiling, when i visited you, when you were weak and bedridden, when you lie in your final resting place.

Will you visit me in my dreams tonight?

I can't stop crying. Please come back... I know i'm silly. I should know better that this will never happen but i miss you too much. I wanna be the kid you held in your arms again and tug your blouse, "please don't go", "please come back", "please don't leave me here alone". I miss you.