Sore

I have to say it was a great deal of fun today to be out with these boys.

Right inside me at this point in time, i'm not particulary interested to talk about what we did but to give you a brief idea, the rain came intermittently but didn't quite interrrupted the softball, touch rugby, dodgeball, etc. The sun was weak but nonetheless, present and its effects was seen on my arms and legs. I have to admit there was a huge deal of fun, laughter, sand, hugs, sweat, pain, oil... It was great.

On a separate note...

There was some sort of anticipation and dismay deep inside me. Maybe it's just PMS, maybe it's just a fact that i can't digest. The dismay didn't quite follow the anticipation, it is the unexpected that caused the dismay. Rather i should say it is the thing that i didn't quite want it to happen but some part of me knew it was happening but denial got the better of me and when it is right in front of your eyes, you can't help but feel stupid for believing things some people said. I have told myself so many times not to believe in stuffs people say but see it for myself, i got taught the best lesson recently.

I thought you had me at hello and i was told that i was being liked and missed by you. I thought this vehicle was going at first gear then it picked up to second but in actual fact, the vehicle didn't move at all. It's the cars beside me moving that gave me the illusion that i was moving.

The hug never came. The hug will never come. I rather never to have anticipated the hug. I wish you've never looked at me in my eyes so i wouldn't miss the smile glimmering in your eyes.

I was stupid to have told you how i felt and thought what you said were genuine about how you felt. But when i saw you, you just were not the person i've been texting with. I felt like an idiot near you. To think of it, i've never quite heard you over the line, maybe i was in a dream i just refuse to wake up from and indulged myself to sleep through it longer. I never thought i'd say things like, you never had time for me because i knew better, that you had more meaningful things in your life which is true. But you never ever had that one minute to call to say hello. The truth is i'm just hallucinating. Whenever i stole a glimpse, it was never something i would want to see. Sometimes you feel so near, at other times, you're just faraway. I guess now you're just getting further and further away. I've lost the grip which i've never possessed. Now i've even lost grip in myself. I'm just a loser.