Road Less Travelled?

I know there have been too many of the useless and meaningless tests, lyrics and youtubes recently. I haven't been able to find the right mood to write so I'd replace them with songs currently being played on my nano. The songs were meant to fill up the empty slots in my life which I have failed to fill it with more activities whenever I'm not of convenience for whoever to talk to or spend time/meet up with. I have become the miserable epitome of a "spare tyre". Extremely upsetting because I feel that I'm just right at the bottom of the priority list and my head will never ever emerge. Just so tired of swallowing it all down and pretend that I'm all fine and good. Are these just excuses that I refuse to see and insist that everything will be fine? Does my emotions and feelings even mean a thing at all? Am I just being thrown around like trash without recognising it? Like what Fatshark Guru says, I'm being twirled around in the palm and not being able to get out. Am I hanging on to the last glimmer of hope or is this all an illusion I refuse to wake up from?

Am I just a toy?

Last evening before the dinner to end all of the Chinese New Year celebrations, I brought myself for a walk on East Coast Park. Staring into the horizon with the last bits of sunshine, the full moon that was shining bright above my messed up head, walking past the spot where I last saw my Grandpa in his coffin, looking back at my little miserable life for the last couple of years, I realised I've not only aged but became somewhat jaded. Life is looking darker and darker... I think I've gone blind.

With the sand under my feet, I wondered why I was walking down that track alone, leaving the most lonely footprints you can find on the beach and even then, these prints aren't permanent. Once you've walked past, it'd be washed away and be completely forgotten.

I can tolerate the lack of company and time. I can even tolerate the presence of another person for the time being. I can also tolerate being in the dark. But what I can't figure is why I'm not being taken seriously and why am I not being treated like anyone who mean anything to you at all? I'm not asking for the world or even the part of the world that you can't give, all I wanted was to be treated like what I'm supposed to be. If I mean anything to you at all, very obviously I'm not seeing or feeling it at all, you would have done something... anything. I've been gritting my teeth that my gums are hurting. I wanna cry so hard so that you would just hush me and hold me tight and tell me everything is fine... But it is not. If only you cared, you would have noticed some things...