Why Does Every Moment Have To Be So Hard?

I'm disillusioned. What is happening to my life and why am I allowing myself to feel upset at all? I thought all I need was my horlicks ice cream with gummi bears and short bread but I didn't actually enjoyed it. It tasted bland and all I wanted to do is to go home and hide under my blanket, the refuge I go to cocooning myself further into self protection auto mechanism. My limbs are sticky from the perspiration and still cold from the anger. My snuffles sends me into fits of breathlessness but I am not crying. I'm not allowing myself to do so. All I want is to see my Grandma and be her little girl again. I just want to kick my legs and demand to have things done my way only to realise, I am not going to get things my way and life is such. I should have learnt this myself. I feel like I'm the silliest person in the world, doing all the craziest things that people don't see and don't care. Everyone just walks in and out of my life and I'm so totally dispensable. Although my advice to most people is that no one is indispensable in this world but this just feels wrong. My presence seems to be in excess of what this world needs and wants. Who would even realise if I disappear one day? I just want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


但愿天空
不再挂满湿的泪
但愿天空
不再涂上灰的脸