Indifference

If the indifference in a person’s look can kill, many of us would have died too many times. The hype from a person may not be from the last can of carbonated drink but it may root from fear or discomfort and more often, an unsetting combination of both. The inability to tell a close one from a stranger is disconcerting. For one moment, your confidante becomes foreign… Almost as foreign as a new language in the piece of land thousands of miles away. The daily weather is almost as uncertain as the changing seasons. To light up on a day of overcast has proved tough. Smiles are contagious but rare. Like the stock market in this financial climate, the sunlight just keeps dimming day after day. The initial hype of anticipation died faster than one can count from 1 to 10. Even cold blooded animals know it’s time to bask in the sun when it’s out. The sun will not always shine, the heat will not always be available. Must we wait for the sun to go down before we wait in insufficient patience for it to reappear hours later?

Are we all too used to “maybe” answer then look back in regret full of “what ifs”. Going full on 100% in all things in life doesn’t always herald good news. Caring too much in the process and results will only lead to the usual equation of expectations versus disappointments. To ignore all emotions either puts you on the altar of “thou shalt have no feelings” or puts you on the path of painless journeys. This statement is flawed and I know it but devoid of finding a better explanation, maybe and yes, maybe deluding oneself is a way of doing things to ease it all off. Easier said than done, I know and I cannot disagree.

Buying time is neither the deal nor the option that one would prefer. However, if that’s the less of all evils, then the deal is on. What amounts to evil then? Does lesser pain means lesser of the evils but what if… The same ol’ exclamation of what ifs… Maybe… Whoever can guarantee or measure the amount of pain inflicted and whoever else would be able to understand?

If one can toast the pain off with a night of endless blabbering, life would be much easier. The drips and drapes that are left of the memorable cold is the unforgettable voice and the sheer warms of the hands. If loud music and more intoxication can help, it would be more welcomed. Maybe… Well maybe…

If the presence makes a difference, one can only pray that all will be sweet much like how we would love our stay on this world to be and be remembered just the way we want it to be and in some cases, the quieter the departure the better. Besides, not all funerals are fired up by drums and cymbals. Should the last moments be able to determine much, the look from the eyes of the senders would lay down what needs to be done after flames turn all warmth and blood to dust.

After having done all the necessaries within all possible humanly powers in pursuit of happyness, can “rest in peace” be appropriate? Maybe… Maybe not…

If this post is too cryptic, that was intended. With fears of being put out in the open to be a target for new wounds, the choice between an outlet and excess exposure is being compromised a little away from each direction. Without losing the piece of self, the journey continues.