Bruised

Oh a Thursday, having a drink just never did sound right to me. Today, I was craving for one. Having bugged everyone on MSN and anywhere I can think of, I ended up with me and my little glass on my bed. Staring into blank space, I started to reflect. Maybe it's just me being me, I've experienced what I did from school all the way to adulthood. With every attempt to be better, I slumped back further. During times like that, I just feel so exhausted and started to wonder what life is actually all about. No matter how well things may seem initially for just about everything, it always ends up in some crazy dirt. Is that expected as a regular cycle in life? Too tired to have to please everyone, I tend to hide beneath the protection of my room's ceiling with locked doors and heart. Closing off to the world, bewilderedness overwhelms. The worst is having done so much and being deemed to have done nothing. Don't people open their eyes wide enough to see for themselves? Exhaustion is the only word I can think off.

Was trying to cut my toenails with my face all flushed, the patch of bruise beneath my big toenail hasn't quite subsided. Just yesterday, someone spotted another bruise on my calf and I didn't know when it was inflicted. The bruise beneath the toenail had been there for a while, before Eczema Road Planner flew to SF for his sister's wedding, and it hasn't even recovered. Let alone the other pains, how can a bruise take so long to recover and a toe nail that much time to grow a full cycle of nail. Cutting bit by bit, there wasn't any pain but it's fugly and it never quite want to go away. Going for a pedicure wasn't an option because the fear of the entire nail falling off has consumed me. I wonder when we say time can heal all pain, does it apply to big toe bruises?

The end of the week is coming and I have never welcomed it more. A little rest is badly needed before hallucination and paranoia starts to murder the weakened soul. A packed Friday schedule will continue to put that smile back on. I hope...