Jesus Take The Wheel

Today was pretty aimless except for BR's effort to get enough people to satisfy our mahjong crave. Mahjong urge was satisfied with painful loss of instant cash. It's just part and parcel of gambling i guess and i'm all ready for it. Chinese New Year is expected to be alot worse than this. The past few years, the amount of loss and winnings on our family's in between games was enough to give anyone a small fortune. I must admit i've donated quite a bit there. All in all, it's all good fun.

The biggest loss today was to be my brother's paymaster for his Chinese New Year shopping. He's still studying part time and his miserly pay wasn't enough to pay for new clothes so i thought i'll be a nice sister to get him stuffs. I didn't quite hear the thank you i was expecting to hear but i felt happy that i could provide for my family now though not in a big way, i'll just start small.

I'm at this crossroad that i don't want to rush my life. My career is barely a career but i hope i can do it bit by bit and build my "empire". I hope i can excel in what i'm doing because i've decided to stay where i am and do something i like. I remember seeing this from somewhere, "Love your job and you won't have to work a single day in your life". I can't say i'm loving my job right now because there's just so much that i have to do and i think i can do alot more than that but it's a stepping stone and inevitably part of the learning process. I will grit my teeth and get over this and i shall emerge a winner. I want and will be a winner.

My love life is barely in existence. Valentines' Day is just round the corner and the sms from my "Jie Mei" selling roses just seem like it's laughing into my face. There was one year, my "Jie Mei" sent me flowers for V Day because i never seem to get past a V Day without being alone yet again. I told "Miss Flower" that some women do long to be in a relationship sometimes just because we desire to be in one and you may not even love the player of the game at all. Maybe it's just sour grapes because i haven't found the player to this games. We all want to find someone who will pamper us and love us, how many of us have found them and realise that we like them as well. I would give my everything but if there's only someone who would want to take this everything. Few would, those who would just doesn't encourage me to want to pass them my all. Haven't i come to an age that i should just be less choosy? Beggers can't be choosers, ain't it? I wish someone can just hold my hand, he's someone i can look at everyday as i wake up from my bed and hope i'll just stay in bed for another second just because he's there with me. Some people will never be the person whom you would want to spend your Sunday mornings sunggling with, some people just choose not to.

I'm tired of this game. I don't want to be a pawn or even the game. I don't want to be a player. I just want to be a part of you and your life. You'e someone i'm longing to meet but i guess, i haven't met you yet.

Part of a song by Carrie Underwood:

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands'
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
Give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel