My Immortal

Have you ever seen the "Pimp My Ride UK"? The host so doesn't make the cut. He tries a little too hard to be "Yo, Yo, Yo man, Hip Hop is here to stay..." I'd rather be watching the National Day Rally, at least it gives me the false impression that the economy is improving. Be realistic, the Sing Dollar hasn't been particularly strong which subsequently makes shopping in Hong Kong and Tokyo alot more expensive. "Income Gap" - one of the main points this year. Unfortunately, no amount of sympathising is gonna help. At least for me, I know I'm going to use my hands to make the difference for myself.

Ironically, I'm sitting here blogging away because I refused to get changed and go all the way to town for dinner. You see, I was in jeans and it wasn't quite the preferred dress code for the club. Here I am, hungry and bored, entertaining you.

Somehow I kinda like how i spent my Sunday though. Had one of those addictive Pepper Lunch... Ahh Rib-eye steak.

Walked around Kinokuniya and bought an array of chiccy books. One of which was on Oprah, co-authored by one of the Sex & The City writers, Greg Behrendt, "he's just not that into you". None of these books ever made any practical sense to me but does indeed boost the feminine side of you quite a bit. Still remembered when I first told BR about "Why Men Love Bitches" & "Why Men Marry Bitches", I was only hoping that would boost her confidence a little and not keep getting herself into those sucky relationships. When the man doesn't respect you, it is absolutely pointless to cling on to him. No matter how much you actually love him and feel he's perfect, if he's not bothered to ask you out or pick up the phone to ring you, well you know he's just not that into you.

BR, I know you read my blog on a regular basis. Please know through all these years, I've always loved you as a best friend and I've only wanted the best for you. Some men are just not worth it. My Dad told me once that if a man ever lay his finger on me, I should never look back and walk away immediately. Stop deluding yourself that you're happy with your supposedly colourful life. I know you cry yourself to sleep because I used to do that. It took me so many years to realise that I should not be living in fear. If they do not learn how to appreciate us, we will have to do it ourselves. Only when you learn to love yourself, will others learn to love you. you are a strong girl and one day, you will get out of this shit. I don't really know how to put this nicely but I think the whole "non-exclusive relationship" thing is just bull-shit. You know at some level, your "Old Man Octopus" does love you and both of you do get jealous inevitably. I want you back and I want you to be happy and if you tell me now that you're truly happy with this arrangement and you're not sobbing when the lights are out, I admit defeat. All I want for you is your smile. One of those shining from within. One of those on our faces after a good wakeboarding session when you know you had a good ride.

Having said that, I know it's tough when you're really in it. I'm anything but rational...

The skies' so gray today... The raining is simply hypnotising... And the song lingers...
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Going back to watching very old episodes of Top Gear. Jeremy Clarkson cracks me up...