Hang In There

Life is like a book, one we decide what to write on it and not taken off the shelf of Kinokuniya. As much as we'd love our book to end like a fairy tale, more often than not, that doesn't happen. Among the few cousins, we can only hope life gets slightly better in the next chapter and not hoping for the best in the world. Guess life is either kidding us or wants us to learn it the hard way. I remembered some time ago after a mahjong session at "Diamond Biaojie's" place, we were singing along to 张惠妹's 我要快乐. I'm almost sure we were both crying inside and hoping things will get better. That next chapter seemed like an improvement to me but now that it's my turn to continue with my own story, I'm lost. I'm in search of my 快乐 once again.

There're just so much going on and it's driving me insane. Deep down, I know this is a bad move and possibly a tragic chapter but in order to keep writing with a sound mind, I've got to do what I've got to do. Even after saying that, doubts on my own decisions just comes back to haunt me almost immediately. Maybe this is an illegal move on the chessboard and being the stubborn person that I've always been, I've vehemently ignored all signs and went against all advices to satisfy my own weird thoughts. It does not feel good to have tears cleaning off the makeup on my face but if that's how I want my book to be written, sacrifices have to be made along the way I presume. Can someone please tell me that this is not a bad decision, just that it may not be the best one?

又被爱伤了一遍
无所谓当作成长
刚刚走开的人
烟还点着味道却淡了
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有
我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍
我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
只有眼泪是真的
把从前想了一遍
谢谢了伤我的人
想做乐观的人
每种雨声听了都不冷
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有
我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍
我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
我的决定是对的

Still remember more than 7 months ago, I was asked why girls love 张惠妹's songs and apart from the fact it's a great singalong and "heal me please" kinda songs, it says alot. Most girls are victims of fairy tales but reality made us realise that life is way tougher than we would like and we often end up getting hurt. Guys get away without feeling the slightest pain to a strand of their hair. This is not something we can help, we're just born such. Which also explains why we have more books on the differences between men and women than how we should learn to make more money or build our empire.

We're suckers for sweet nothings, hot chocolate and deep down, we only hope to find someone whom we can genuinely trust and reassure us with a big bear hug that tomorrow would be a better day. End of the day, we always get hurt, either by our own naïveté or our refusal to face the harsh reality. Is it too much to ask for when we say we want some sincerity and totally non deceptive response?

人变了心,言而无信.
人断了情,无谓伤心.
我一直聆听,
我闭上眼睛,
不敢看你的表情.
满天流星,无穷无尽,
我的眼泪擦不乾净,
所以绝口不提.
所以暗自反省.
终於,
我挣脱了爱情.
把爱,剪碎了随风吹向大海.
有许多事,
让泪水洗过更明白.
天真如我,
张开双手以为撑得住未来,
而谁担保爱永远不会染上尘埃.
把爱,剪碎了随风吹向大海.
越伤得深,
越明白爱要放得开.
是我不该,
怎么我会眷著你眷成依赖,
让浓情在转眼间变成了伤害.

我剪不碎旧日的动人情怀,
你看不出来我的无奈.

Maybe like in Evan Almighty (which btw was a great movie), we just need pure faith and believe that there are greater powers which works in mysterious ways that we're not aware of that will help up through the difficult periods in life. Faith may not be everything but with faith, we will get there (or so we hope). Easier said than done... Building an ark is not the easiest thing on earth and to decide to go against all odds is just not like flipping a coin. With the right mindset, we could let it all hang out and not merely hanging in there.