Grumble Grumble

You did not miss a post neither did blogspot screw up. I did not blog yesterday.

At work, I was overwhelmed by a messy offer, another one on standstill and a placement. One to start the quarter and yes, it's a little too late considering I'll be away the whole of December. I'm not performing up to mark and people around me are feeling the pressure to transfer these stresses onto me. I'm really trying my very best but it's not enough. When you have little clients, there's only so much you can do. This week alone, I've drown myself in alcohol in 3 of the nights and I'm not even counting in tonight and possibly, tomorrow.

On a Halloween evening, I shouldn't be sitting here feeling snappy about everything but I can't help it. Everyone seemed to be going somewhere and I'm just home watching bad weekend TV. (I prefer weekday programmes.) I could go out and have a drink waiting to be picked up or something but that's not how I want to lead my life but sitting here feeling all down and lonely is not helping either. Do I hate the loneliness in singlehood or do I just love being loved while in love?

I have never been really picked up by guys. Throughout our lives, undeniably, we'd have been picked up by guys at one point in time or another but they are usually unbelievably irritating and unattractive. By unattractive, I don't mean having a super oily or distorted face but rather, someone who is unable to hold a decent and intelligent conversation with you. More often than not, they can't even speak one language well, be it English or Mandarin. Very disappointing. Last night I was picked up by this English boy. I don't think I'd ever go out with him but I have to say, I felt flattered. I enjoyed the conversation, at least before I got irritated because I wanted to go back to my friends. Como reminded me that I still have some market value. I started to think, is my value that depreciated at this age. Some part of me unwillingly admitted that age is indeed catching up and my shelf life is running out. Even then, I will not let that hinder or rush me into any big decisions in life. I will walk down my journey the pace I enjoy most. Only then, I will have no major regrets.

The hangover this morning coupled with the lack of sleep, just makes it disastrous for wakeboarding. This is the first time I'm trying out at Raffles Marina in Tuas. We were bordering the Malaysian waters. The wind around that place makes it really choppy and really tough for wakeboarding. But if one can wakeboarding in choppy waters, still water is going to come as a piece of cake. However, the pressure the knees have to take to absorb the bumps from the waves worries me. Tonight could be a sleepless night with inflamed knees.

If I type anymore, I would sound disgruntled and potentially be annoying and so to prevent that, I shall go play Texas Hold'Em on Facebook.