Still Missing You

Annual leave terms are our favourite part of our employment contract. (If the number is reasonable, that is.) Since I don't really go away much, I have a shitload of leaves accumulated. Technically, I don't have very many days to spare but coupled with weekends and public holidays, I will have a long stretch of leave at the end of the year. So it's been approved and I'll be out of this office for the much needed break from 17th December 2007 and will only return to work on 2nd January 2008. Let's just hope that I can afford to fly to New York.

24 October 2007 - Been a year since my Grandma passed away.

Same time last year, our faces were washed with tears and we were running around trying to get the funeral to run smoothly. Over the past year, so much has happened but there are still times I still feel that she's around. I miss her dearly and to even think that she has really left me, really upsets me. One year may seem like a long time to some but for me, it's not vaguely near sufficient to dilute the grief. Work's been stressful and all but none of those feelings are as tough to cope as to losing a loved one, the most important one. I would give up anything in the world to see her one more time. I want Grandma to know that I have a proper job now and am able to fend for myself. I want her to be proud of me that I can now help my family and my brother through all the rough times that they are going through. I want her to be happy that the bunch of cousins, we're still close and love each other deeply. (Meiren Biaojie, I want you to know that I thought of you this morning as per every other morning and I've been praying to whoever is hearing me out that you deserve a much better life and to have someone who will hug you when you are lonely and whenever I can't be there for you.)

Taken from two songs I know my cousins would know who sang them and how much it means to us.

那是谁忘了放风筝握紧一点
捡起了那年的秋天

那是我忘了将幸福握紧一点
感谢你最后的相约

等一个晴天
我们会再相见
你说了风吹我就听见
笑着说再见
就一定会再见
心晴朗就看得到永远

感觉到你还在身边
那是秋牵回忆的手温暖一点


夏天的午后
老老的歌安慰我
那首歌好象这样唱的

任性和冲动
无法控制的时候
我忘记
还有这样的歌

我以为这就是我所追求的世界
然而横冲直撞被误解被骗
是否成人的世界背后总有残缺

我怀念过去单纯美好的小幸福

好孤独

原来外婆的道理早就唱给我听
下起雨也要勇敢前进

I miss you...