Pain Murders

The only happiness in life is in such simple words yet so unattainable. Apart from being a Merchant's Day, Valentines' Day actually means alot more than all the flowers and chocolates. When we were younger, receiving flowers were rare (in terms of cost and affordability) hence desirable. As we get older, affordability is not longer an issue, it is also not a priority. The simplest of all is to have someone who means alot to be by your side. This is obviously not a luxury that's by any means, within my reach. How would you feel if that special someone is spending time with someone else who is probably higher up the priority list than yourself? I suppose this is why some people relate Valentines' Day as a day of pain more than happiness. To actually spend time with someone out of compassion is totally different and could actually be done on any other day than this one day. If someone would to take some time to sit around with me doing nothing on this day, this person would be of a certain level of importance to me and vice versa. Only an idiot would smile upon giving this time up to someone else.

Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe it's just the disgust that's in the air, all I wanna do now is to throw up whatever that's left in the system and cry the last bits of vapour out. Fatshark thinks that I'm too much of a softie. Ironically, others thinks I'm strong enough to handle the world collapsing down on me and I have no problem taking care of myself. I would like everyone to think of the latter but in actual fact, I have my moments of weakness just like everyone else and in fact, I'm probably more vulnerable than most of you out there. Every song that comes to mind seems to have a ridiculously effective way of encouraging the surge of tears. The heart aches till you feel the pain physically. The mind just keeps running and running. Maybe it will stop one day. The heart will follow suit. Life goes on... Without a soul.

Valentines' Day was a date I set sometime ago for some improvements. Events proved otherwise. Evidence disappoints even the coldest of all human beings. As much as this have all been predicted by the uber woman's intuition, sheer hope kept the feet going and the heart pumping. Footsteps slowed down, tears fall, people turn away seeking safety, hurt is cruelly real. I still believe and I want to keep believing but the pain is just too real. The wet keyboard is stained with shattered dreams. Love is not a game I can afford to play because I'm too weak. The pain is excruciating... I need a shoulder to cry on and for you to tell me that everything will be just fine.