Subjectively Democratic

As some of you may be aware by now that I'm be flying off to Myanmar on Sunday. The news the last few days did worry me but I'm one of those who constantly feel lucky and that "this will never happen to me" mindset never quite left me. Urban Legend Wifey's little brother, "Superstar Candidate" has been discouraging me from going. Mao Meen's been very sweet and very concerned with my safety. I still want to stay alive so that I can claim my Max Brenner chocolate back from him... Haha! During coffee break today, I was telling Urban Legend Wifey that if I'm unable to make it back alive, what do I have to say to some people but judging from her uncontrollable laughter, I doubt she remembered anything I said which was essentially one sentence with 2000 permutations and variations. And to have a recording of my last words to be only put up to YouTube should something unfortunate happen to me would only mean that it will never be put up anywhere on the web because it will be technically impossible for this smartie girlie.

Frankly, I'm starting to get slightly worried for my own safety for obvious reasons. JFGI: Myanmar Politics or News

At the same time, some people's concern came pretty unexpected and should I say it's untimely. Should it come much earlier months ago, it might have made a difference. But having said that, since I'm in a temporarily dormant stage, such concern comes much as comfort and possibly more reasons to look further. I suppose some things in life do happen for a reason. The only thing pulling me back isn't a stubborn personality but because I believe this is the only time in my life, I'm hanging on to what is possibly the best thing that will happen to me or rather happened and is happening to me. Some people may never experience truly loving someone in their life. I'm learning and I'm not sure if this is the right emotion but I'm willing to put my life on it. On my birthday this year, though I was pissed, I clearly remembered telling a special someone, (or was it later on when I was sober) but anyways, I said that I was willing to entrust my life in his hand and for me to be able to do that, it required alot of courage out of me and most importantly, I have never ever said that in my life and such thoughts have never crossed my mind.

My blog entries' always been very cryptic but not what I have said above. I truly think that there's a certain level of danger this time round by going to a place where according to Mao Meen, it's the most dangerous place only second to Iraq at this very point in time. I know like for 70%, I'd be back alive but to have a 30% chance of getting kidnapped or killed, that is insane. In any case that I don't make it back (choy choy), you should know very well that I have so much faith and trust in you, it scares me. And believe it or not, there is only one person in this world I feel that I can entrust my life to and to start a family with. Am I repeating myself?

Maybe if I'm able to come back alive this time, I should really learn to face reality and stop dreaming. What's meant to be yours, will be. Vice-versa. I can only hold on to what's filled with hope, not emptiness. I can only pray and I will do just so...

By the way, "We Will Rock You" rocks and although I haven't heard like 50% of the songs, I knew more songs than I thought I'd know anyway and the atmosphere was just contagious. By the finale, we were all on our feet and our hands are waving all over the place. I can only wish that all these things I'm enjoying in my life, I could share the joys with you... I can only wish...