Drink & Drive

Periods of exasperation when things seem to be going nowhere because communication is either not present or doubts arising from fear and suspicion seemed to have masked the trust. Who would have thought the air would be clearer with some alcohol? With inherent Asian flush and very low tolerance for alcohol, it would be unlikely that I'm the one who gets drunks and still be able to spout sensible nonsense. Well, that's because it is not me!

With the imminent departure of Penguin to Kimchi-land, uncertainty fills the air with gloom bearing the effect of getting the involved parties all edgy. Guilty of casting ridiculous doubts, I would sit myself by the window just before my bedtime to reassess my thoughts and actions. Often, the stubborn side of me would brush things off and continue my adament ignorance of my better half. It didn't quite help when the other person is equally as stubborn or if not, worse. Aimless low temperature brought most improvements to a freezing stop. This was going nowhere...

Our very second movie date over the past 8 over months since we started seeing one another was Fast & Furious 4 which themes over cars, pretty much a subject very close to our hearts. As with every other above average movies, there was a plot and the show was on the overall, enjoyable. But it was the fact that we were watching a movie, out my our own without being in the presence of other common friends or getting stucked in a car workshop, that brought out the extra grin in my smile. Both of us enjoy being in the presence of friends, doing things in a huge group, going for dinners, meetups, drives, coffee but there was only as far I could go without "Snugtime". In several attempts to suggest more "Snugtime", we never got too far off from planning for the weekend and eventually finding ourselves spending time on or around the mahjong table. It was getting emotionally taxing because it was totally non-directional and unhealthy for a budding relationship. I supposed that was where all the edginess and traces of frustration rooted.

When he spoke, he didn't stop. And I love that. It was a rare occurance. It was that bit of alcohol in the blood stream that opened up the walls of his emotional dam. To know what and how he really feels and hearing it directly from him, means far more to me than the usual "you should know I care"... The usual response would be "I do but but but..." and I get lost in a flood of frustration that indirectly caused the loss for words. At times, I would wish I have the special capability Mel Gibson has in "What Women Wants" just to know what is between those cute Mickey Mouse (my very first impression of him btw) ears. It was amazing what was really deep down could be driven out by some beer. After the sub coherant yet unexpectedly fruitful conversation, I'm just glad directions are still similar and we both have nothing to worry about even when his presence is being missed for the next few months.

It will be the hug, the kiss and the sheer warmth of the body that I look forward to in a few months' time. I will miss you...