To Love And To Hold

The nightmare i had this morning woke me up sobbing before i slump myself back in bed for another 6 hours of sleep, trying to catch up on lost time during the work week. The last person on earth who would be in the mental mindset to commit suicide did so in my dream and i was telling myself that i should wake up. No matter how i tried, i couldn't. I can't bear the thought of losing someone i love so dearly. I've been out with several people in my life and none felt so precious that i had nearly cried my eyes out in my dream. It was a horrendous one.

As the dream progresses, i found out that the death was fake and when i saw him again, i really believed that i was having a bloody conversation with the dead. The later part of the dream revealed that the death was faked and he was trying to leave me. I could not believe that i had irritated some people so bad that they had to feign death to leave me. Besides, there was another girl whom i found out that he went to Cannes with behind my back. Then again, all these may not make much sense because it's just a God damn dream. I was crying so bad, i wouldn't be surprised if i found tear marks on my pillow. I was sobbing uncontrollably but thankful i actually woke up to find that the reality is not such.

I've always been an insecured person and was always afraid that I'm not being well-liked. I never knew why i was the commonly hated object but i did try to be a better person in the process. I reckon i was too self-centred and didn't quite care what others thought. Many people are such but I'm just a little too candid for my own good. I never thought of what i wanted to say and should be saying, i just blurt them out. Straightforwardness may be a positive aspect of a person's character but definitely not in my case. I'm just glad that people who loves me and know me, knows very well that I'm not such a person and have understood where i was coming from.

But had it not been the nightmare, i wouldn't be finding myself waking up to a pair of nice warm arms and shoulders i can lean on for life. It's only when your add some salt to your watermelon that you actually know how sweet and tasty it is. That is why we have salt added to cookies. Digressing?

I would never want to have such a frightening nightmare ever again but I'm sure, this has make me realise that life is so fragile. You may lose someone overnight and to regret means it's way too late for salvation. In reality, i wouldn't want to regret which is why i put in 101% in loving some people so i don't live on regretting my actions. Having said that, there are always people whom you can't be bothered with but i guess, to achieve being a better person, i will have to learn to love everyone and not be biased. Besides, we're all humans and living in the same world. Learning to protect and love one another is a life long continuous lesson that everyone should be learning. Cliche but it holds the truth that many of us are trying all ways to deny it.