Walking Alone & Lovin' It

It was totally awesome just walking alone down the streets and watching the dried bougainvillea leaves drifting in the air. Since my legs couldn't take me any further, I sat myself down at McDonalds' and got myself some ice cold Coke to go with some fries. People watch I did. Countless thoughts came to mind and I filter them out slowly. Achieving peace wasn't easy. Repeating one song in my head that helped with the clearance significantly and planning my next steps in my life.

If one is unable to control what people speaks, then one has to control being able to see oneself in the mirror before you head to bed. Armed with the right pair of comfortable walking shoes, I will choose to walk on and prepare myself for the tougher roads ahead.

Alone time is good. There can actually be times that you really do not need anyone to influence your thoughts. I guess that can eventually make you a stronger person.

Raffles Place Fan

It's been a while since I've enjoyed such an easy weekend. Should I say I'm happy that the "good days" are going to be over soon? By all means, call me weird. Maybe I'm destined to lead a workaholic's life. I totally enjoy work but the pre-requisite should be at least some basic enjoyment of what I am or will be doing. I've always believed that if I enjoy what I do, there'll never be a day I have got to work. With reasonable amount of stress, non enjoyment throughout the total 365 days of the year can be pardoned. As long as I have at least 2 good weekdays in a week, I'll be contented. That shall be the new resolution for the coming year. That said, let me officially announce... I'm going back to the industry that I enjoyed albeit not in the specific niche area that I came from. I can no longer hold the excitement so drinking I went last night.

To get picked up by guys at a club can be flattering before they get on your nerves. At times, you just feel that maybe by hanging a placard that screams, "Leave me alone!" you'll have more peace while drowning in the loud music. Please do not get me wrong. I'm not saying I'm attractive and I get picked up but maybe the guys are getting too bored. Their courage deserves the applauses.

Another fortnight of idling, I will be back to CBD, having my subway lunch beside Singapore River while replying emails on my Blackberry. The one hour of solace that I used to enjoy while trying to escape the air-conditioned room and getting some sun is one thing I know I'll looking forward to. Another few days of Chinese New Year driven gambling, I need to seriously get my butt going and engine rolling. Or does "engine going and camera rolling" sound better? Whatever makes your day. I'm a happy girl now and I can't care less. No one shall take the smile away from my face for now. I genuinely believe I've gotten myself into a great team and better work awaits me. The ladder is now free for all to climb. Come come... Climb climb...

沒那麼簡單

Was talking to this person I truly treasure as a friend. Both of us are people who aren't very lucky in our love lives. We're very strong girls but emotionally, all shattered. She recommended this song. I cried upon hearing it. But like she said, once you're out of it, it's a nice song and it will no longer bring tears. I can't help but agree. She's is definitely a level above me and miles ahead. I just need to learn to 放空自己. An important lesson for me - 別人說的話 隨便聽一聽 自己作決定


沒那麼簡單 就能找到 聊得來的伴
尤其是在 看過了那麼多的背叛
總是不安 只好強悍
誰謀殺了我的浪漫

沒那麼簡單 就能去愛 別的全不看
變得實際 也許好也許壞各一半
不愛孤單 一久也習慣
不用擔心誰 也不用被誰管

感覺快樂就忙東忙西
感覺累了就放空自己
別人說的話 隨便聽一聽 自己作決定
不想擁有太多情緒
一杯紅酒配電影
在周末晚上 關上了手機 舒服窩在沙發裡

相愛沒有那麼容易 每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀 轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易 才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心 所以最開心 曾經
想念最傷心 但卻最動心 的記憶 

Big 3-0

Amidst the Chinese New Year frenzy, we celebrated B's big 3-0 at Relish and Firestation. Having the 5 private minutes with him was nothing short of comforting. The friend who is always there to listen to your ranting, the ever timely offloading sessions. Not forgetting Daftbitch's ever-ready concern that never fails to warm the heart.

I just hope that in this new coming year, things will get smoother and better for all of us. Good news seem to be popping up bit by bit and I think things will just get better without a doubt. For myself, I need to get the engine cranking up and start to create a bang again. Fingers crossed, great news should be around the corner. And no, I'm not getting hitched.

The past week has been full of ups and downs and I mean, extreme ups and extreme downs. Getting to know some people and upgrade the relationship from acquaintances to friends. With some others, the trust erodes. The pain seeps in more vividly than one can imagine. The white flag is being risen slowly. Doubt fills the mind.

Nevertheless, I just hope that in the new year, friends will see less of the edges of the mouth heading south. Happy Birthday B! We love you loads! Now you're making me worried of my pending 3-0. Horror!

Get Me Busy

It could be being jobless for too long, I am starting to feel really lethargic. I appreciate the fact that I can wake up late, spend hours on Facebook and have meals with people from all over the place. Time with friends and loved ones are extended and enjoyed at ease although everyone else still has to plough back at work the next day. Given that the holiday season that is near, many are very much in the holiday mood so activities are starting to really pile. Am I happier? I don't know. I can't say I'm a workaholic but I definitely miss working. I miss clocking up achievements making me feel that I'm a better person by doing something good or rather, contributing to some form of good to some people in general. The cooking has stopped as Mom has piled up the entire fridge with food enough to last 2000 Chinese New Years. The bank account is drying up faster and panic mode sets in. If you think the anticipated ang pows is going to help, I can reassure you, it will probably feed me enough for 3 hours, not forgetting the gambling that would erase all that "earnings".

For weeks, I've been actively looking around and by now, I am looking at choices. Unfortunately, many things are not that well-timed and not all options can be presented altogether. I'm looking at the one on top of my list. Oddly enough, the industry that this role is focused on, isn't leveraging on my forte. But what is enough to bring a smile to my face, they belong to the "mothership" industry that I once loved and I know I'll probably enjoy the processes all over again just like how I did slightly in excess of a year back.

The choice is tough weighing the options that are vastly different in terms of package, area of focus and the very team that decides how much you will enjoy your time there. Having been in the industry for a while before, I do realise that sometimes, money isn't all that matters. Your colleagues will probably form the majority of your smiles and tears. The money, if it can make up for the unhappiness, then it will be worth it. But if you have none of those, that's when you pack up and leave for greener pastures.

I have been told recently that the pressure with all these thoughts in my head, tend to put me on a very short wire. I haven't been the best tempered person and I have to admit that. I don't actually see myself being that much more impatient but it seems that there's actually one person who thinks I've sunken into a bad patch and quite obviously, it was felt by the petitioner. I hope with something keeping me busy and my bank account happy, I should be a better companion? So what will happen to quality time and the love? Who knows? No one can or should predict. One thing I'm sure, He knows what's best for me.

I think my intelligence and patience are being fried. Extreme sensitivity isn't just a problem I can "Sensodyne" it. Exhaustion, despite all the sleep, is present with the main purpose to reduce me back down to a pile of useless slime. Too much time, too little to achieve... Yet. Will want to turn that around faster than you can read your own name... Wish me luck! Will appreciate a prayer...

What Comes May...

Totally burnt from the airshow but it was a good experience. Being about to sit in the cockpit of various planes, it would probably be a once in a lifetime experience for me. I guess the lobster red is well worth the while but the pain when I tossed and turned to get to sleep was undoubtedly, painful.

Life is weird. How should one begin?

There are just some things that you experience once and over again, learnt how to deal with it and yet, it'd repeatedly happen to you no matter you like it or not. There are people and things you avoid to deal with. Somehow, problems will probably find its way to you. When you think life should be simple, it gets more complicated than ever.

It's the time of the year when you get the older folks asking you questions you would gladly avoid talking about. Because by talking about it, it brings up the issues you would want to avoid altogether. Some things just don't work both ways.

Dealing with speculation isn't healthy to the mind. Then again, it happens because of too much uncertainty and too little trust. Is dealing with things as they come enough to cope with the limited sanity? There are times when you want to just scream, "enough is enough". And yet, unhappiness finds their way to attack the weakest link and before you know it, you are reduced back to nothing. Your energy fails you. Your strength kills you. You're left with the prayer and that's one last thing you genuinely believe in.

I am praying for things I have never thought I'd pray for. I'll keep my hands open just to receive. Whatever comes may...

Epic Fail

When talking fails, communication fails.

When communication fails, trust fails.

When trust fails, love fails.

When love fails, the tear duct fails.





滿身傷痕累累 也來不及痛
那是指引我 走向你 的清楚感受
不管危不危險 都要放下一切 跟你走
只要 一起承擔
只要 你不放手

Where Are You?

Have you ever walked into a situation whereby the problems are all new and you've never experienced it before? Results will often be disastrous. You may be willing to solve the problems as they come, one at a time. Then troubles started rolling in faster than you can handle and more often, they take you by absolute surprise. You're left more lost than ever. With only the last bit of comfort you can seek, you walk on with all the courage and hoping that problems will be gone before you have to face it head on. The problems will then start eating you up bit by bit. Before you know it, you have vanished into thin air and dungeon is the place that you go to for comfort.

If only Grandma is here, she'll probably run her fingers through my hair and give me a pat on my head. That was all enough... If only...

Mambo Jambo

Last night was Mambo Jambo night since a long time. To see organised dancing kept us giggling the entire night. Alcohol kept me happy. The group reminded me of Pink Elephant and hell yeah do I wanna party there again. Before I went, I was wondering if we would be the oldest patrons but as it turned out, besides the young punks, there are quite a fair number of people around our age. Dancing ourselves silly before tucking ourselves into nice hot Bak Kut Teh at Balestier is probably the most interesting thing I've done in months.

I'm not in a mood for a lengthy entry so here you go...

Local Food Galore

Saw some pictures of friends pretending to be tourists at their very doorstep and I must say, it looked pretty darn interesting. Hell no, I did not decide to be a tourist. But by pure chance, I was up on the Singapore Flyer earlier this month. With friends visiting, a couple of us went down to East Coast Lagoon last night and decided to fatten up ourselves. Here's a list of the food excluding the beers:

- Char Kway Teow
- Hokkien Prawn Noodles
- A variety of satays
- Chilli Crab + Man Tou
- Gong gong (Some kind of shell fish)
- Sambal stingray
- Otah
- Gao Lak (Roasted chestnuts)

All these food among 6 people. I must have put on another kilo or 2 from last night.

After dinner came the fun part. I must admit that post dinner, my NYC Twin and myself decided that no decent coffee place would be open so we would love to head home. Eventually, we stayed and beer was "served" by the beach and conversations didn't end till the storm blew us away, literally. It was simple yet so much fun. All the laughter and teasing made up the night.

We didn't quite had the chance to bid each other goodbye but would that matter since we're heading to Zouk tonight. It is Wednesday and it's Mambo night. Mambo nights to many of us meant "last decade" so it's gonna be mainly people watching. Somehow, my sixth sense tells me it's gonna be an insane night.




This song by 庾澄慶 will always remind me of his ex-wife, 伊能静. I guess the most unexpected things do happen and it's not for any bystanders to say who's right or wrong. Was watching the entertainment news and saw the way he was protecting his son made me want to watch more of his videos on youtube and figure out what kind of man he actually is. His relationship with 伊能静 actually went back a long way and it's sad when breakups like that happen. But it happens...

Brunch @ Spruce

On a lazy weekend, all you want to do is to wake up to a lazy breakfast and slump back to laze the rest of the day away. Yesterday was slightly different but I must say, it's been a while since I had such a well-balanced and enjoyable Sunday. Apart from the fact that I didn't go to church, everything was almost perfect.

The day started with me jumping out of bed after hearing KWD's voice on the phone going, "you mean you're still in bed?" I was late for brunch on the weekend that followed my birthday so as much as I know it may not be a birthday celebration, I did expect a birthday song ritual to go off as some point in time. Lunch was organised by Atomic Pilot but unfortunately, he was unable to make it. Nonetheless, laughter filled the air in the private function room of Spruce.

Talks about wedding themes got everyone laughing and contributing to more stomach spasms. The HUGE slice of cake was shared amongst everyone, force fed by me with a single spoon. Looking back when Skeeter Mom tried to hold me back from an oxygen break, it brought a snigger to this quiet room that I'm in blogging on the event. I will probably never be able to forget that I told her, "Why later? Got cake huh?"

After lunch, KWD and myself braved through the heat and crowd of pre-Chinese New Year frenzy of Chinatown to look for this accupressure place I went to years back. Surprisingly, they were still there! So off we went to attempt to relieve the pain from my ankle injury and his stiff neck by putting ourselves through even worse pains.

A movie was all that was needed to end the beautiful Sunday. We couldn't get tickets to "It's Complicated" hence we picked any movie that was available. It was never a choice to watch "The Spy Next Door" but just because it's a Jackie Chan's film. As usual, it didn't disappoint us but I must say, some of the actions and tricks are getting kinda stale. It's almost like, I've seen it before! But the bloopers at the end of the movie was hilarious. If you ever go catch this film in the theaters, stay till the very end.

Sorry Sorry

Watching my words with tact has never been a forte. But for once, I knew my words stabbed right into where I knew it'd hurt most. Sadly, it's on someone I care the most for. The words didn't hold what it really meant but was said in a fit of anger. The damage was something I didn't expect. I do admit that I've taken the "everything nice" for granted. Sorry didn't sound like the hardest word for once. I had to volunteer the apology knowing that the fault was rightfully mine.



Even amongst all the tension, the gift of love was delivered to me. It wasn't the tangible material part but the love behind the surprise that was presented given all the pain I have put the giver through. My indifference did not reflect how grateful I really am. The subsequent silence stabbed me back in spiteful revenge. It was the kind of pain that I have to go through but nothing like what I caused.  The least I could do was to give you the space you need until I'm needed once again.

A lifetime is a lifetime. Only you'd understand...

Mad For Garlic

Wanted to share a latest yet understated discovery. For all the foodies (like myself) out there, you have got to try this place.

My first encounter with Mad For Garlic was when I was in Seoul sometime last year. The food impressed me hence my excitement when I found out that they are in SG. Take a walk down Suntec and right opposite Harry's (beside Top Shop), you will find this restaurant tucked in the corner and IMO, not doing it much justice. The vaguely gothic design reflects a simplified version of what they are in Seoul and I actually prefer the SG one.That said, here comes the most important part. The food...

How can you go to a restaurant with a name like "Mad For Garlic" and not have garlic bread? Now, here's their version of Garlic Bread. It's in a tower and after flattening it up, it cuts in 4 x 1.5" size. Feeds 2-4 comfortably. Absolutely yummy and it doesn't have the yucky pungent smell of garlic. At least I didn't burp garlic at the end of the meal... The bread was fresh and HOT OUT OF THE OVEN. Absolutely love it! My only gripe was that I should have asked for some olive oil to dip it in which I didn't because I wanted to have it original. Will try that on my next visit though.

Now comes the main. Unfortunately, I was too quick in gobbling down my favourite Garlic Snowing Pizza which has a generous yet just about right amount of cheese on it. It's the new Hawaiian! Then again, if you're allergic to shrimps, then please try this other pizza with 4 cheeses. Forgot the name but tasted as heavenly. The pizza selection is by far my favourite over the others including their very own menu of risottos and other dishes. I'm biased cuz their pizzas made me wanna go back for more ALL THE TIME. I guess that's what they call CRAVING!!!

And me, being a fan of good steak, I'm usually very particular. I get disappointed easily with horribly or overly cooked beef. I love mine medium rare and that was it. Even then, I plucked up enough courage to order the following dish which I totally forgot the name. (Yes, good food does that to you...) I was so prepared to get disappointes, as they say about having high expectations... And guess what, I wasn't. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised with how the beef turned out. It was succulent and soft. The rice was a little too spicy for my liking cuz haha, I can't take spicy food at all. But I guess I could have requested for them to have it less spicy. But those of you who like spicy food, they have got a great selection of really hot stuffs.

If you have got a private event to host for a small group, they even have a private room. Managed to sneak a picture for you guys...

Now here comes the most important part for some of you... The pricing. I guess for many of us, if the food is good, the price wouldn't be too much to consider but this is definitely not gonna burn a hole in your pocket. On average, I would say it ranges from $20 to $40 per pax. At about $30 per pax, it's quite a comfortable meal.

Service wise, the staffs are very young and inexperienced. They do make blunders that makes you roll your eyes. But somehow, they're rather sincere so I kinda forgave them for it. And them being a new restaurant, it'll take a bit of time for the staffs to be fully trained up. Meanwhile, good food is enough to keep me going back for more.

Makansutra Horror

Was channel surfing and came across "Makansutra Raw" on Discovery Travel & Living. Needless to say, it is one of my favourite channels. Upon hearing a familiar accent, I stopped for a good 5 minutes because the host was introducing irresistible Royce chocolates.

And you may have guessed it, the host was not other than Seetoh. I have no issues with the accent but this chap, being the foodie that he's supposed to be, showed no respect for food. He gobbled down any and every dish that was in front of him. To be fair, it might be required of him to display some form of desperation for good food. But please, given that you're a travel/food channel host, can you please eat with your mouth closed? The crude and unsightly chewing definitely put me off from anything that he introduced. They certainly do not look more appealing (or even vaguely appealing) after his introduction and on the contrary, he could have easily killed your lunch or dinner if you have tried to watch him during your meal times.

If Makansutra is of any relation to good food, this guy must be the one hit failed actor from a very bad porn movie who no one will want to remember. There is no reason how he could host the show apart from being the person who founded Makansutra. I am utterly disgusted.

Have I ever mentioned his cameo appearance in Anthony Bourdain's trip to Singapore? If not, let me put this in record that the places that he brought Tony did not properly introduce what Singaporean food actually is. Very ironically, Seetoh brought him to some of the places that locals will never go. This is not a good reflection of how Singapore is like to the g'zillion other foreign viewers that get to watch the show in the comfort of their couch wondering what a horrible food Singaporeans can dish out.

By any chance if he gets to read this post, my advice to him is to get a decent wardrobe if you decide to appear in front of a TV show (especially as a host!), potentially to the rest of the world, please wear something decent or at least, TV worthy. The money that they pay you, include having you looking good but of course I understand that it's not easy for you. Please don't let me hate my favourite channel.

Bleah...

Yes, I'm that close to 30. But not quite...

Now! That's a party!



Finally, it's the end of yet another decade and another last 365 days before I hit the BIG 3. At some point before I hit the sack last night, I slump into some kind of very superbly mild depression. More of a moment of "mid-life crisis menopausal mood change". I felt old and thought, if only life could be simpler. If not for all the complication, would my life be more peaceful and settled? Everything seems to be hanging around in the air. It doesn't stink, or rather, the air smells good but it's still the air.

Doesn't matter because I'm a happy girl today. I refused to be called a woman until I'm 30 and I have got another year to go. I'm a big big girl, in a big big world...

Weirdly enough, I'm dying to get dead drunk some time this week.

My Potato & Egg Salad

Years back, whenever there's a party over at KTM Yacht's place, there would be copious amount of food, drinks (both alcoholic and non-alcoholic) and cigars. Now that everyone is apart and I've lost total contact with almost everyone in that group, apart from all the fun and laughter that still lingers at the back of my head, KTM Yacht's Mom's wicked potato salad lived on in my memories. So days ago, I decided to make some for myself. Afterall, it can be refrigerated and be eaten for the next few days. And since I'm home most of the time, having something delicious to munch on is always a good idea. Then again, the fact that it's extremely unhealthy makes it a love and hate relationship.

While I start with the intention to make potato salad, I ended up with Potato & Egg Salad since I added a little too many eggs into the equation. Frankly, I never work with recipes and I wasn't working on any. But when I added everything together, I knew I'm going to have an egg-ified potato salad. Fresh bacon bits could have made it yummier but it was a trial. Thankfully, it turned out alright. It's just potatoes, eggs, onions and bacon. How bad can it get? Well, the onions are alot more pungent than I'd like it to be and now my fridge smells like durians galore. No one's complaining so I guess that's a good sign.

Creating Dreams

Cakes have always been the age old celebratory tool we have all enjoyed and experienced too many times in our lifetime. Be it birthdays or weddings, it is a must. From old pictures, I had my first birthday cake shaped after the number "1". Subsequently, birthday cakes for me became smaller or in recent years, non-existent. The design of cakes, however, did not stop at traditional designs which we now consider it to be cheesy.

While surfing local confectionary sites, I salivated not at my favourite passion fruit meringue which my loveliest Meiren Cousin got me for my birthday a couple of years back, I was going through pictures of their amazing combinations of croquembouche and cupcakes. Although I've always wondered why have they not ventured into croquembouche of macarons, the gallery was enough to keep me busy for a while.

As my excitement level grew, I decided to feast my eyes with more beautiful pictures of confectionary, cakes in particular. Our very own talent, Cheryl Shuen, has never failed to amaze me time and again. If Vera Wang is to wedding gowns, Cheryl Shuen is to wedding confectionary in Singapore. I have to say that her popularity has a part to play in limiting her creativity but I'm always excited to see her new masterpieces on her blog. Essentially, she's selling a dream. A very beautiful dream that most brides & grooms would want her touch on their cake if given no limiting budget.

To not sound like a frog in my own well, I have seen even crazier, prettier designs and some are out of this world. They make you gasp for air and will catch you lost for your own words. But given the stifling environment in Singapore and the high cost of setting up a business, it's amazing that she was not discouraged then and went on to make a name for herself in the industry. For that, I have to applaud her courage and genuine ability. This girl is selling not just cakes but dreams and hopes. Even being able to see her finished work on her blog forces me to have nothing but respect and of course, much smiles every now and then when I return for a visit. Looking at her cakes make me happy.

Return of the Twitter

There's a slight revamp to this blog. Irrelevant information has been removed. Twitter is back... So are my rantings!

In the new year, I'll try to upload more pictures after I finally figure out how to extract the pictures from my iPhoto! I'm a new Mac convert and still am an IT idiot. It takes a while... Not too long I hope. Bear with me for the time being.

If you're reading this off Facebook, do check out my blog when the writings become incoherent cuz it might be over a picture or a video that I grumble about. During other times, I'm just being myself by being incoherent. The auto upload doesn't allow me to sift and select which are the posts to have it on Facebook and which else not to, and if you happen to know how to, please let me know.

First Discovery For 2010

Call me a hermit but I have never liked to get myself in amidst of Orchard Road on a weekend. The crowd never fails to make me think I'm having an anaphylactic shock. The heat along the street melts me as I stroll down looking for the next ice cream seller and with KWD looking for his regular fix of Starbucks. The past couple of weekends of mine were all in town for one reason or another. Admittedly, one of the few reasons were either Kate Spade inside Takashimaya or Miu Miu over at Paragon or Ion.

Yesterday, we decided to check out new territories. So off we trotted to the brand new mall, 313. The moment we stepped in, yet another Epicentre greeted us. That kept us busy for the next 15 mins or so even though we came from Wheelock and Ion. For a moment, we wanted to skip basement altogether thinking it'd probably only lead to the subway. I couldn't have been more wrong and I'm thankful I felt a little more adventurous that day.

The moment I got off the escalator, a familiar name blinded my eyes. It read, "Lemongrass House". As I walked it, I knew it was the same place I visited in Phuket years ago. Then, I had to drive a couple of hours from where I stayed at Karon Beach in search for this Lemongrass House. The rest was history and a basketload of "victory". The owners were a couple, what is commonly known as a farang in Thai, it was a Caucasian man who married a Thai wife. There in Phuket, they started their aromathepeutic spa products. My favourite were in the flavours of lavender and lemongrass. Subsequently, I had to sift through the thousands of stalls in Chatuchak (Bangkok) for their branch but to no avail. And many years later, I finally found it on our little island.

Although the prices are steeper as compared to when I got it in Phuket, inflation and rental did play a big part. Even then, I was happy to finally be able to get my hands on them. The only piece missing right now is to make another trip back to the same ol' Phuket store and check it out again and to see if they have modernised with the rest of the world like the shops in Singapore.

Happy 2010

In 2007, same time of the year, I forced myself to dress up for a party when I was in Manhattan. I was down with viral fever and the aches were killing me. It felt miserable in winter and being all alone in the apartment surely didn't help. I needed to get out! I did and the night wasn't as fun as I anticipated it to be but my aches were gone. Partying helps I suppose.

This is 2009. I'm down with viral fever again! The aches are killing me. I couldn't sleep in peace last night. Dreams plagued the night. Stinky perspiration soaked the bedsheets. Goosebumps can be spotted everywhere on my body. My back hurts. My arse hurts. My skin hurts. My bones hurt. This feels too miserable. I'm beginning to think, viral fever loves welcoming the new year.

I hope that's the last of the suffering that's going to happen in 2009 and 2010 will just be a fantastic year. All the aches and pain will be left here in 2009 and we're not bringing any along. 2010 will be absolutely wonderful.

Go attend a party or something and get your arse out of the house!

Limping With Fear

When you feel life has finally taken a right turn, your worst suspicions come falling down on you. You become the worst of your nightmares. You slump into the further abyss of no return. Fear becomes the most cruel of all murderers. Doubts about the rest of the world falls on you all at once. Tears become the first thing to hide and being strong is inevitable. Self protection mechanism kicks in almost immediately.

Powerless is the only emotion. Prayers are like crutches enabling you to walk. How far is this journey going to be?

Merry Christmas!

This has got to be one of the best Christmas by far given the turbulent year that precedes it. Started from the Christmas service last Sunday at the Singapore Indoor Stadium. The message wasn't as powerful as what it was like last year but I firmly believe that 2010 is going to be an excellent year.

A birthday surprise began the night and spending some time just sitting around with friends was already more than what I could ask for. A "budgeted" dinner turned out to be hilarious as usual. The usual quips sent laughter filling up the room. Coupled with great food, the evening just got better. For us, the night couldn't possibly end without some singing and alcohol. The presence of KWD just completed the best picture.

My night didn't end there because I'm a very talkative drunk. The evil concoction of insufficient sleep and alcohol didn't stop the inaudible mumbling. Don't ask me what I said because I don't remember but I genuinely believe I would only tell the truth when I have too much to drink. It's the only time when you let go of all your inhibitions and nothing holds you back from what you never dared to bring it beyond your lips. Fortunately, only KWD got to hear all the rubbish that would have sounded nonsensical to any bystander.

All in all, it was a great night out and I'm already looking forward to Christmas dinner tonight.

Cooking & Chomping

May I just say the worst part of cooking is the cleaning up? Putting some system into place did made things easier. I've been unofficially appointed as the chef for the household... Well, not everyday that is. That's what chefs do right? All they do is to instruct the cooks and watch on. Jokes aside, I've always been someone who enjoys cooking on a whole. Being able to put a smile on the face of your loved ones when they chomp down on your cooking speaks volume. Admittedly, they are not of restaurant standard but the effort that is put into the preparation process, down to the size of the carrot and potato bits requires more than just attention. Geared with the thought of wanting the best for the end diner, no amount of hard work is too much. It is more than sheer fortune to be able to prepare just a simple dinner. On a normal workday, by the time the work day ends, all we can think of is some warm food in the tummy.

Take a day off and cook a simple dinner for your family or that special person. I just had a rewarding experience so I'm urging you to do something for yourself by getting you to do something for the people around you. All you need in return is a smile at the end of the dinner and it's all worth the while.

The Wedding Planner

Staying at home and leading the tai tai life isn't as fun as I thought it'd be. Fair enough, I got rid of the dark circles and eventually paid up all the sleep debt. It was just pure boredom after the eyes reopen, more often than not, to the mid afternoon sun. Overly subscribed to Facebook, the meaning to life is running on reserves. The weekly basketball game is barely keeping the spirit alive. You know you have arrived at the peak of boredom when you go into planning for a wedding that hasn't got a date. Which got me thinking... How would my wedding be like?

To satisfy the folks, the dinner cannot be shelved. The money needs to be spent! Have I not mention that there's a vulgar amount of money involved in weddings? I wouldn't dare start looking at the numbers. So the dinner will be the way to end the day and what will start it then? The usual traditional stuffs with the gatecrashing and tea ceremony. To avoid a logistical nightmare, minimal traveling is required and one location is hence, preferred. The solemnisation must be squeezed in no matter what. So a small affair by the pool is in the plans and only immediate family will be involved. Friends will still be invited for the dinner. As though the day doesn't sound packed enough, there will be a full 9 or 10 course dinner minus off the sharks' fins.

Now, there's so much talks and plans, there's no date but that shouldn't stop you from saving up if you think you're gonna get invited eventually.

See! I'm truly overcome by boredom.

X It All

Shock took over and being left stranded wasn't fun. Recovery actions were taken and survival came into play. The fight to keep the head above water began. The frustration of helplessness continued. The desperation was beyond words.

As though miserable was a word insufficient to describe the innermost, digging deeper into the other unseen, unsaid, unannounced wound doesn't seem to numb any pain.

The clicks that were normally avoided were explored out of boredom. The sheer information screamed into the face. The status was spelled with OUCH in CAPS. Hiding became an option. Insanity and thinking excessively was separated by only one thin line. The next click was on the big X on the top left hand corner.

Maybe sleep can bring everything away... Maybe... Just maybe...

Gone, Not Lost.

请容许我 小小的骄傲
因为有你这样的依靠

Nightmares of losing a loved one always comes when you least expects it. The fear of losing somebody really dear to our hearts will inevitably send tears running down the cheeks. The struggle to wake up from the dream with the choked sobbing is one of my worst experience but my inability to describe how desperate one actually feels is preventing this post from continuing. During the days when I wake up trying to find that familiar backview and that snoring that I grew so used to, I find my pillows actually covered in tears. It was almost like the person was there 5 seconds ago before you realise it's all gone. The pain starts to prick you. Beautiful memories then start to heal the wound and you have a scar to show it all off with. The pain will soon be long gone before another bout of familiarity hits you.The fragility of the scar that has just recovered will be back to haunt you every now and then. It's only there's a special phone whereby you can pick up without speaking and your thoughts would all be conveyed through the comfortable yet stinging silence.



等下一个天亮 把偷拍我看海的照片送我好吗
我喜欢我飞舞的头发
和飘着雨还是眺望的眼光

用简单的言语 解开超载的心
有些情绪 是该说给 懂的人听
你的热泪 比我激动怜惜
我发誓要更努力 更有勇气

Live Like You Were Dying

One of my all time favourites by the husband of Faith Hill who sang my "White Knight" song, "This Kiss". Tim McGraw and Faith hill has always given me the impression that they were simple country people making great music and this song can't be more meaningful. The full song can be accessed by this link. They refused the embedding request hence the above "LIVE" clip. The 2007 show, "The Bucket List" is one that I haven't got a chance to catch so if you happen to have the DVD, please send it this way, I promise to return it! This is a great song and if you pay some attention to the lyrics, you'll know what I mean.

He said I was in my early forties, with a lot of life before me
And one moment came that stopped me on a dime
I spent most of the next days, looking at the x-rays
Talking bout' the options and talking bout' sweet times.
I asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end
How's it hit 'cha when you get that kind of news?
Man what did ya do?
He said

I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'

He said I was finally the husband, that most the time I wasn't
And I became a friend, a friend would like to have
And all of a sudden goin' fishin, wasn't such an imposition
And I went three times that year I lost my dad
Well I finally read the good book, and I took a good long hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all again

Like tomorrow was the end
And ya got eternity to think about what to do with it
What should you do with it
What can I do with it
What would I do with it

Skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And man I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'


There's just so much to life that we need to grasp. We don't have that much time to be upset or indecisive. Do we really take it for granted that we're all going to live a ripe old age and hopefully by then, things fall into place nicely. There are just things in life you'll lose it if you don't grab it. Once you have let it go, you won't pick it up again and your life will eventually be laden with regrets. But as human beings, we never quite learn and we do it again. If only we are kids once again and learn how it is like to fall and not kick the same brick again.

If we have the courage to put down everything and do what we've always wanted to do so we'll die with no regrets, will we lead a more fulfilled life? Or does it take a death sentence to bring us to realisation that life is that fragile afterall?

Do you have a bucket list? Please don't pass me "The 1000 places to visit before you die" because unless you have that bank account to support your craziness, crap doesn't quite qualify to be in your bucket list. Maybe some things on the wish list aren't as simple to fulfil. Maybe some can't be bought with money. But as the song goes, you can try to love deeper and speak sweeter. The happiness that you bring on to others may just be unmeasurable.

Bliss

Mothers do go through more than 12 hours of labour. Surely, that shocked me. Mom told me I took about 5 hours so I must have been a really impatient baby. Earlgrey Junior "launched" this morning so congratulations to Mr & Mrs Earlgrey and to B cuz he can save his huge red packet up until the next 1212 baby.

Family values has always been important to me and relationships with my cousins have always been an integral part of my life. An unexpected turnout over dinner last night brought me back to the family bliss that tends to occur only once a year during Chinese New Year. Corny jokes and excessive food was part of the package, as usual. The introduction of a potentially permanent member brought about moments of forks pointing in my direction and being held down by my uncle and cousins despite my injured ankle. As much as it sounds like a torture session, I couldn't have been happier. Things seem complete apart from the "when's your turn?" questions. Discussions on other people's wedding dinners were gently avoided. If only Grandma's here to see all the smiles and laughters...

Bliss is exactly what surrounds me now and I can't possibly ask for more.

This Kiss

A great workout every week is something I really look forward to so that I can sweat it out and burn some fats. My weekly basketball session became very much therapeutic. Having rested for years, I finally got myself to shoot some hoops in hope that the knee has healed itself over the years. So far, they have been behaving themselves and not been giving me much problems. Last night, I had to land on someone's foot after scoring a beautiful one (to me at least). When I heard the ankle crackling as I landed, I knew I'll be having some difficulties walking for the next few days. True enough, I couldn't walk at all and had to rest. Being the stubborn me, I went back into the game as soon as I could walk. It has proved to be a bad idea. Now I have an ankle that looks like an elephant's. But it's all because of the ankle, I had a white knight who rushed to my rescue the moment he knew I was in pain. How can one be more thankful?

I don't want another heartbreak
I don't need another turn to cry
I don't want to learn the hard way
Baby, hello, oh, no, goodbye
But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky

It's the way you love me
It's a feeling like this
It's centrifugal motion
It's perpetual bliss

Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse

Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I'm forever yours

阿嬤的白頭髮

Spring cleaning can't be completed in a day. Tested and proven. Just the wardrobe alone, left piles of unpacked clothings on the bed, leaving myself only a tiny corner of this seemingly comfy bed. Too many things in our lives might take a while to get spring cleaned but there's also the likelihood that we'll just give up and stop packing altogether. Is not packing and living with the dust an option? Actually, all that needs to be done is a little dusting and wiping, ain't it? It is not in anyone else's prerogative to judge on whether others should clean up their room I suppose.

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just dont see the signs
I know that its out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

It's amazing how a single question can throw one off balance. The fortress seem to have opened itself up to be attacked openly and no one is to blame because the reason for such vulnerable exposure is purely because of your very own acceptance and willingness. Let's just say...

Every morning on the way to work, I'd expect PIE to be jammed up. When it isn't, it's a bonus. But why does it have to be jammed? Am I not longing to have just one last trip that it's clear? But maybe I shouldn't expect too much and live with the traffic jam. Whoever will understand the pain of getting stuck? Everyone is in their very own jam.

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

Just when I feel I need the refuge, this video made me behave like a child again. I went back to my bed and countless pillows, alone... Like what Meiren said, we're both 阿嬤的心肝. Every word touched the most sensitive part of me. Tears became uncontrollable.

Urgh!

How can one explain frustration beyond a normal person's limits? The line broke. Or maybe it just almost because I've yet to blow it. Reshuffling the thoughts with some deep breaths, the warmth of another was so much needed. And this was having only taken 10 steps into a full day of anticipated excitement. Right...

I'm really trying to piece my thoughts together... This is not going to be coherent.

Way Back Into Love

One of my all-time favourites...




I've been living with a shadow over head
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just dont see the signs
I know that its out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody to get me through the night
I could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And If I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I dont know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And If I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

In Search For Perfection

Triggered a brainstorm within myself after reading this article on Diva and the comments on it, were priceless.

More often, women find themselves searching for "The One". I tend to disagree that we are in search for the perfect man. That said, there are a few criteria to be fulfilled. Wrong? No and let me explain why.

As most of us have heard at least once in our lifetime, Mom knows better. Geared with the natural instinct to only want the best for their children, Moms tend to be a little too conservative and over the top when it comes to protecting their "herd". However, the truth is usually not far. Only when certain factors are stable, love can continue to grow into life and commitment. Instability will brew undesirable arguements.

On the contrary, looking for a man more superior should not be one of the criteria but instead, looking for an equal should be the basic benchmark. At least to me, the guidelines are as such and Mom did play a part in building them up.

1. A stable job/career - Without this, life would be tough. Inevitably, women tend to seek some form of stability because the foresight of trouble usually brews from inconsistency. A man who plans ahead with some responsibilities would be in a better position to be able to provide the companionship to plan a lifetime with you.

2. Filial - Only when a person who looks after his kins will he be able to provide the necessary support for his family. 'Nuff said.

3. Sanely Communicative - Without communication, relationships are headed for doom be it at work or in your personal life. It takes 2 to tango and that is a fact of life that will never change. And by communication, honesty is imperative.

The rest are minor and highly subjective. It's essentially the reason why some people end up with some and not the others.

Life can be weird sometimes...

Life's Monopoly

It's been a long day and I should be hitting the sack. But before I do so, just felt the need to "scribble" something.

Some days can be just so simple and happy. To not be bothered by hardship beyond one's control, the next best thing is to have a open mind and just live life as it comes. Carpe diem!

It's already a year since Baby Aidan reported to earth. The celebration was pretty much categorised into:

1. Men - The photographers
2. Kids - Monkeying around
3. Women - Fussing around the topic of handbags

The scratch on Babe's pink Birkin sent a strange bout of pain into the hearts of the all the girls present. Pictures were demanded to be taken without the ugly socks. Food were excessive because the kids were too busy playing. Conversations were uber enjoyable because the crowd was right. Initiation of the new member was prematured yet aptly timed. Smiles never left the corners of the mouth.

The second birthday celebration was filled with excessive women talking about wedding and the preparations. The hassle and the constant discussion put Attituder and myself wondering if a better time to discuss would be nearer a wedding that is closer to our hearts. Over the years of hearing people getting married within lightning speed of knowing one another always drew skeptical opinions. Myplyn was unfazed and tied the knot earlier this year. Until now, it was almost like the smile on her beautiful face never faded since her wedding day and she was all out to prove the rest of the world wrong. According to her, it's all about finding the right person. Again, do we really know who's the right person?

Life has played its fair share of games with me. Let's hope it's not yet another game of monopoly where there's only one winner and the misery goes round and round with the pining hope that we never ever get the "Go Straight To Jail".

Careless Tears are Unnecessary

As I was watching this clip, a comment rang out. "Careless tears are unnecessary"

How many times when people are in love and they swear never to hurt the other person? Admittedly, some hurts are not deliberate. But have we ever considered the carelessness in causing tears and pain in the other person?

Beginning of the End; End of the Beginning

If there's a climax to the song from my previous post, it's got to be...

到现在还是一个人 吞噬着自己的能耐
到最後我可以不爱了 你却说舍不得

你可以不爱了 别说舍不得

Starting from Friday evening, the weekend began with an anticipated yet unexpected dinner. The smiles that vanished for a while, came back for a visit. The retarded exploration melted some ice. The comfortably paced night brought about 2 consecutive drinking sessions. The drinking only made me realise how predictable I am and how hopeless I am with drinking games. Bystanders could even guess whether my next call was 5 or 10. It was THAT easy to read me.

Saturday was your typical day of rotting away except that in the life of a person who has petrol running in her bloodstream, it will mean spending hours at the workshop but not doing anything to the car. Little Tristan started the day with exceptional fun and a little too much gummies. Running into familiar faces at BVO wasn't that much of a thing from the past. And being carless for the rest of the day wasn't that bad of a thing afterall. Dinner was getting better with curry that wasn't as spicy and tummy wasn't as affected. Maybe it's about getting used to the new flavours.

Some smell just lingers beyond words.

可以不爱了

There isn't a more apt song out there. On a rainy night, the song accentuated the chills. The determination to not pick up my 3 minutes of "oxygen" was perpetuated with yet another can of iced cold Coke. The excess sugars kept the energy going.



Unlike B in terms of the same war we had to fight, the whistle to end the game of the tug of war just fails to go off. As much as autumn is coming to an end and the last season of the year is looming, Spring still appears to be too far away for comfort. Some warmth is very much longed for. A hot chocolate overdosed with marshmallows by the fireplace... Enviable.

让窗户通通都打开 让阳光通通都照进来
让风放肆的吹伞我身上的尘埃
把你的过去变腐坏 把你的溺爱藏起来
把你的所有都搬到我房间以外

现在是三点钟 你应该还没醒呢
这有点刺眼的光线 会不会打扰你呢
梦不会实现了 我应该要醒了
我不该只懂得配合 你习惯短暂的温热

我努力要自己避开 和你曾走过的地带
但是又和不舍拉扯 处在我快乐的界外
我何尝不是一个人 来决定爱的延长赛
奈何总是勉强对自己 有一个善良的交代

我努力要自己躲开 你给我的伤心地带
但是又和失去拉扯 得到的全都是意外
到现在还是一个人 吞噬着自己的能耐
到最後我可以不爱了 你却说舍不得

离开你欲走还留的眼睛
我要我忍住在一次抱你
躲开你转身以後的消息
这一次我可以

After an eventful afternoon getting stuck behind standstill traffic only to realise I'm in the middle of a newsflash worthy flood. Late for my appointment, I managed to do more than I initially intended and could ever bargained for. 2 coffee sessions before I finally went for the prearranged appointment which was supposedly due a couple of hours before. Catching up with people I rarely have a chance to meet up with nowadays given the crazy schedules I've been running, the day off was well worth it despite the unexpected adventure. Speaking of unexpected, the hug received today felt so reassuring, it was kinda weird. I can't explain it but... comforting. It's almost like the giver was telling me "I know, I know. Everything will be fine."

我努力要自己避开 和你曾走过的地带
但是又和不舍拉扯 处在我快乐的界外
我努力要自己躲开 你给我的伤心地带
但是又和失去拉扯 得到的全都是意外
到现在还是一个人 吞噬着自己的能耐
到最後我可以不爱了 你却说舍不得
你可以不爱了 别说舍不得

To do the one thing that we knew till this point of time, time and current doesn't allow, we shall believe it'll happen someday. Will that day come?

2012

2012 marks the third movie and the situation couldn't have been more complicated. It was almost like bringing humanity to an end but you have a leader of the show who wasn't at all the leader of the ship, putting everything to a halt just for the preservation of humanity. But has anyone given much thought what is humanity. At a time like that, what's the likelihood of selflessness? Every man for himself. No?

The weekend started officially on Thursday night since Friday was day off. The beer got the conversations going. The warmth of the body softens the frozen heart. Any form of defence became entirely useless. The tsunami in the brain roars with fury. The unrest continues.

The dollar sign has finally sat in with a resounding "ka-ching" and biting the big toe real hard. Some compromises can only be temporal and before the rain becomes the millenium flood, the dam needs to close and conserve. This dam is closed for serious renovation.

Did I forget to mention, John Cusack is HOT!

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Movies/11/16/2012.box.office/index.html

Love, Sex & Lies

Men have sex before they are willing to love.

Women need love before they are willing to have sex.

Is it true?

Does guilt ever eat a man up at some point in time? Or maybe they are just indifferent to whether they love or they don't.

Are tears the prerogative of women?

Men usually underestimate.

Women tend to overestimate.

Again, is this true?

We're all bothered, eaten up and frustrated by the above statements at some point in time and no matter how indifferent you may be.

Human beings live in lies. Some chose it as a lifestyle, others live in denial. Refusal to lies may be a form of denial because the truth might never come to light as long as the intent to keep lying remains. Some of us are just naive and choose to walk the park that doesn't route back to the beginning, neither does it lead to a destination. The blind walks on...

Hotel Re!Connect

By sleeping the entire Friday off, I thought the weekend was over. I know some of you out there are cursing and swearing but trust me, it's a well deserved break I gave myself and in layman's term, we call that "ANNUAL LEAVE". Having to run back to the office to grab my Mac (Yes, stupid me brought the work lappy home and left the personal one at work), the rest of the day was just lazy. The thunderstorm made it perfect for an afternoon nap, though it was longer than a regular nap.

Upon waking up, I realised part of the "Playground" were heading for dinner. In desperate need for food, I arrived at a table of prawn shells! Nevertheless, I had another serving of prawns which BMer was trying to deprive me of and dinner was complete. We proceeded to Hotel Re! @ Pearl's Hill where the rest joined us. The turnup was pleasantly unexpected and the place wasn't really made to accommodate that huge a crowd. On top of that, when Snugloft doesn't go to KPO, KPO came to Snugloft at Hotel Re. Tonight was surprisingly, without much alcohol. The fruit juices made it seem like we were on some detox program. Then again, 10 buckets of beer was enough to keep the toxic ones happy. The lineup of E92, E90, E46, GT3, S2000 made Kokoro look puny. King of Mount Mahjong's comment, "when you're used to driving the 335 and you get behind the wheel of the GTi, the car felt like it wasn't moving" made me wonder if I should laugh or cry. Having said that, I'm still happy with Kokoro. I totally understood where he came from because when I switched from Kokoro to Moody and back to Kokoro, the turbo lag almost made me cry. Thus, the new Z4 35i, preferably juiced, is part of the dream to be fulfilled in the near future. However, I must qualify that Kokoro is still a good boy despite the fact that he drinks engine oil like tap water.

Rare guests like TripleM and Lampung Prince graced our event tonight. Lampung Prince just got back to town today and it was so good to see him again. Hearing his words of concern directly from him warms the heart. When you know someone out there still cares about your well being, you will start to realise the importance of friends. Sending him home was naturally my pleasure. (Lampung Prince, I know you'll be reading this and I just wanna say thanks.)

The initial suggestion to speak Mandarin the entire night obviously didn't work, otherwise A&E Quack would have died from the penalties. Speaking of which, the leftover beers were apt punishments for the card game between Poker King & BMer. All in all, I had an almost alcohol free (unimaginable with BMer around) night but fun wasn't excluded from the equation.

Running into BloodRed at the "birds won't lay eggs" kinda place was a bonus.

Dinner & Dance & Copious Amount of Alcohol

In my entire 28 years, I've never had much luck in lucky draws or lottery. Last night was no exception. Out of approximately 200 people, there was in excess of 100 prizes and non of them came to me. Point proven.

Just when I thought the night has come to an end with an early morning in the extreme west of Singapore at the back of my mind, all car keys were summoned to be pooled together and the drinking began. Before today, I thought my department is full of drinkers and after today, I now know that the entire company drinks. To be fair, there were just a bunch of us who were crazy enough to stay back and drown all our happiness or sorrow with copious amount of alcohol. Thankfully, when the time to return home came, all were sober enough to drive with the help of some hot caffeine in the system. All in all, the laughter is something that would make it hard to forget.

But I must say, the best dressed department must come from the most innovative group of people. The Jacksons 5+2 was the highlight for everyone present. Thumbs up!

My only worry now is to get to the port at the other extreme end of Singapore by 8.30am which is just a few hours away and I'm nothing close to sleeping within the next few minutes. The wakeboarding documentary on National Geographic will keep me awake at least for the next hour or so. The residual alcohol in my system will probably make it hard for me to wake up on time in a few hours' time. The lack of sleep is of course a vicious cycle (coupled with more alcohol) of leaving dark rings round the windows of the soul.

Having said all that, I had a great night. Great company, great fun. I wonder when the next bout of fun will come...

Navigation Defaulted

Better late than never. The water seems choppier on the surface but the boat's navigation system has started to function after a hard knock. The shore shouldn't be too far out of reach. The original destination needs to be aborted. The risk of running on low fuel is albeit present, it should be the least of the worries. The thought of time running out should only be subjected to the affected minds. This mind is learning to be less affected.



Did I hear you right
'cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you
And when I hold you your almost here
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted
And now I'm with you I'm close to tears
'cause I know I'm almost here
Only almost here

Hello

Imagine a clothes line and you start hanging one paper clip... two paper clips... three paper clips.... They don't seem to affect the the line at all. Until your 687th clip, the line starts to feel it's being weighted down. At 1298 clips, the line is on the brink of breaking. Before the line breaks, is anyone bothered?



Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello i'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello

If i smile and don't believe
Soon i know i'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me i'm not broken
Hello i'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry

Suddenly i know i'm not sleeping
Hello i'm still here
All that's left of yesterday

Crossroads

If my blog's been visited often like how it used to be, it would be clear that the realisation is not sudden. Truth be told, happy as one can be to be with a friend who knows you best, had it not been that the person is causing you constant pain and not realise it or purely not acknowledging it, the feeling of taken for granted can't be avoided. It may not be deliberate but acknowledgement plays a large part. Then again, who are we to blame when we're not in the position to. Blame can only be imposed on oneself that wisdom wasn't fully utilised.

The marks from the sun after a day of enjoyment will fade off after a while. The pain from the burn is anything but permanent. Once the colour fades, the actual skin colour would be back, looking better than ever.

If one can't decide whether to take a left or right turn at the cross junction, there will be choices to detour and take the correct turn somewhere else. However, the road will reach a certain point whereby the destination would be beyond reach. One might be lucky to know a right turn ahead will eventually lead to the end point but if a left turn is taken earlier, the destination will only be further.

Weekends are bad. We tend to think too much. Then again, it it allows the reshuffling of pawns on the chessboard and the game restarts itself. One won't need all the pawns on the chessboard to win a game of chess but without all the right pawns, the game might not even start. Even if it's painful, some roads will be re-tarred for better roads to be built on the same space. Better utilisation of the space will prove to be more important for one car to take that road the driver missed to take.

Bad Day

To maintain a strong front has its pros and cons. It allows one to believe, be it falsely or not, that one can reach the finishing line safely. Then again, when one falls, the fall is usually harder than imaginable. Most people are unable to understand that people with a bright surface can actually have their tumultuous moments when they are alone. Be it in the car or at home, when the smile is taken off the face, the emotions tumble in like a vacuum glass ball with a leak. Unhealthy thoughts fill the atmosphere. The heart starts to feel pain that is usually numb by noises and activities. The need for some warmth fell short when the courage to dial a number left one fruitless.



After a hard day, and I truly mean hard so much so you want to wave the white flag and call things quits, there was only one thing on the mind. Unfortunately, the mirror image is not in existence. The pure thought of... Whatever that's on my mind now... IRKS ME!

This scream is silent.

你怎么舍得我难过

Up! Up & Away!

An entire week of husky voice left me delusional with the definition of one being sexy, I went around amusing people around me by asking them if I sounded sexy. The laughters tend to brighten up the day but the night remains quiet. Going back to the familiar smell on my bed, watching the LCD TV that was mounted a little too high for comfort with Discovery turned on but volume muted. Thoughts raced through the head even with that extra 10ml of Fedac in the body system. Incessant cough kept the body and mind awake. Abs muscles were aching but the 6 packs were nowhere to be seen. Instead of waiting endlessly for some form of concern from relevant people, pampering myself wasn't a choice. I had to do something to make myself better I thought.

So drinking I went. I have to say, drinking doesn't work very well with medication and I never seem to learn my lesson. After months of facing criticism on my skin's conditions, commitments to go for regular facials yet again got its debut. The desire to look good didn't stop after I left the shop. Determined to have supple skin again, regular home regime were strictly adhered to.

The accidental loss of weight due to some personal issues dated back a few months back seems to work well. Not longer do I stuff myself with excessive foods, the portions that go into the tummy were greatly reduced. With a smaller waistline, clothes don't seem to fit well anymore. This is not an excuse for a brand new wardrobe and in fact, I contemplated with the thought to put back on some weight so at least the difference isn't so great. Step at a time I guess. Remaining smaller in size has its benefits. Visually, most think it's better 'cept for the fact that I always look rather pale. With the improving skin condition, I should be getting some positive attention I hope. And of course, birds' nest made with love from Mom & Dad did help the entire equation. I feel so loved.

Voiceless

In Hokkien/Teochew (since I was brought up by a mixture of both dialects, I can't differentiate which is which anymore), they call it "teng kgam" which essentially means, contracting a flu on top of an existing one. Thinking that I was on the path of recovery, I was quickly back at work. I couldn't have been more wrong. Getting caught under the drizzle of the sunny Friday afternoon skies caused the second round of attack by the virus. Very slowly on Friday, I lost my voice.

Lack of sleep on Friday night didn't help so I reckon, sufficiently time with the Z monster should bring the voice back. So on Saturday night, after a game of mahjong with my folks when I was unable to audibly present my "requests" with the "pongs" and the "kongs", I took a wicked cocktail of medication and hit Z wonderland. After more than 12 hours of sleep, I was woken up by this horrible cough and it was so bad, I thought my lungs were dying of being overworked. Without having a need to speak to anyone, I forgot about my voice or in this lack, the lack of it. It was until my whining dog demanded a "yes, dear" from me that made me realised, I was the whimpering one.

Having no one at home for me to whine too, a very sick and miserable me started to "confide" in Tiger (my dog). Looking back, it was rather silly of me attempting to have a conversation with him. It was almost like a monologue and especially on days like that, the dramatic side of me prevails. So I went... "jie jie is sick...", "jie jie got no one to sayang", "jie jie no voice le" I wasn't super crazy, just ask any dog owner and they would be able to identify with me. But the very moment he started to whine back and when I put my face near, he started to lick my chin, I thought he might have understood how miserable I was feeling. There was a funny sense of relief.

Everybody Knows

The time has come for me to remove the battery from the remote controller. The flat battery needs to recharge and power up something else than just the remote control that automatically switches to Discovery Channel. The regular draft while drafting the regular kept the energy going. The power to click "Send" isn't as hard. It's about getting it out and across. Finally. So much for walking away and walking away so much, Newton's first law will always bring you back to the same spot. As long as the spot doesn't sting you, it has got to be a new spot with fresher air. "Friends", the word in itself will not have a brand new meaning to carry along with it. It's being able to reach that stage eventually that drags the feet. Move it, as I told myself reluctantly but surely. Things will never be the same and we're all too sure of it. Evasion is just one of the methods. That should work...

John Legend - Everybody Knows

In search of an energy source to prove that this battery is actually rechargeable. Let it begin...

Heineken, anyone?

Bodyache

Two full days of falling in and out of consciousness, being this sick isn't the least bit fun. Right after the BBQ over at Papadan's place, with the failed mission of getting a ride in the new monster, I went home with a slight ache. The ache quickly developed into a disabling one. Throughout the entire Sunday night, I was tossing and turning trying to get myself to Z Land but the tossing became increasingly painful. Very gradually, the sore throat and the fever developed.

By Monday morning, I was running a high of 38.7˚C and perspiration soaked the bed-sheets. Miserable is the only word I could think to describe how I really felt. In order to get to a meeting I was supposed to head that morning, I went on to take a shower and changed into work clothes but I could hardly move. Tears formed at the corner of my eyes while I screamed to myself softly. I knew there was no way I could get myself to work. I sent some text messages to push my meetings back and sat on my bed till I fell asleep. The medication I took before I took my nap didn't quite help and gastric pains developed due to lack of foods as base for the medication to not eat into my stomach walls. All was a little too late. Before noon, I got out of bed smelling like a rotten lemon since the perspiration didn't quite dry itself up in the air-conditioned room. I took the courage, fought the pain and drove myself to the doctor's.

Being unusually whiny, I was whining to myself in the car. The pain made me cry out loud with real tears and screams. Breathing became a chore, a painful one. Every turn of the steering wheel was eating up my threshold for pain bit by bit. By the time I got to the bottom of the multistorey carpark, all I wanted to do was to leave the car there and call for an ambulance. It was that bad since I've never ever thought of calling an ambulance for myself at any point in time regardless of how badly injured I got myself into. Anyway, the article finally got published. How cool is that!

Since I got back from the doctor's I've been immersing myself in episodes after episodes of Capeta before I fall asleep yet again. For Dad's health since his immunity is particularly low, I've quarantined myself in my very own room and only step out when it's necessary. And when I have to leave my room, I'll ensure the mask is on, just to be on the safe side.

Despite all these torturing moments, I'm actually rather ecstatic now. A couple of months back before Penguin left and to me, that is not a place but it's called point of no return which I won't talk about now and neither do I want to talk about it anytime soon, we went for a 3000km drive up to Trengganu and back on B-roads. Subsequently, I was asked to help with writing an article. Admittedly, Dentist Woo Woo would have done a much better job but he was busy but I still saw bits of his contribution in the final publication. Somethings in the article brought back beautiful memories but maybe memories should belong where they should.