Imagine a clothes line and you start hanging one paper clip... two paper clips... three paper clips.... They don't seem to affect the the line at all. Until your 687th clip, the line starts to feel it's being weighted down. At 1298 clips, the line is on the brink of breaking. Before the line breaks, is anyone bothered?
Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello i'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello
If i smile and don't believe
Soon i know i'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me i'm not broken
Hello i'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry
Suddenly i know i'm not sleeping
Hello i'm still here
All that's left of yesterday
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Crossroads
If my blog's been visited often like how it used to be, it would be clear that the realisation is not sudden. Truth be told, happy as one can be to be with a friend who knows you best, had it not been that the person is causing you constant pain and not realise it or purely not acknowledging it, the feeling of taken for granted can't be avoided. It may not be deliberate but acknowledgement plays a large part. Then again, who are we to blame when we're not in the position to. Blame can only be imposed on oneself that wisdom wasn't fully utilised.
The marks from the sun after a day of enjoyment will fade off after a while. The pain from the burn is anything but permanent. Once the colour fades, the actual skin colour would be back, looking better than ever.
If one can't decide whether to take a left or right turn at the cross junction, there will be choices to detour and take the correct turn somewhere else. However, the road will reach a certain point whereby the destination would be beyond reach. One might be lucky to know a right turn ahead will eventually lead to the end point but if a left turn is taken earlier, the destination will only be further.
Weekends are bad. We tend to think too much. Then again, it it allows the reshuffling of pawns on the chessboard and the game restarts itself. One won't need all the pawns on the chessboard to win a game of chess but without all the right pawns, the game might not even start. Even if it's painful, some roads will be re-tarred for better roads to be built on the same space. Better utilisation of the space will prove to be more important for one car to take that road the driver missed to take.
The marks from the sun after a day of enjoyment will fade off after a while. The pain from the burn is anything but permanent. Once the colour fades, the actual skin colour would be back, looking better than ever.
If one can't decide whether to take a left or right turn at the cross junction, there will be choices to detour and take the correct turn somewhere else. However, the road will reach a certain point whereby the destination would be beyond reach. One might be lucky to know a right turn ahead will eventually lead to the end point but if a left turn is taken earlier, the destination will only be further.
Weekends are bad. We tend to think too much. Then again, it it allows the reshuffling of pawns on the chessboard and the game restarts itself. One won't need all the pawns on the chessboard to win a game of chess but without all the right pawns, the game might not even start. Even if it's painful, some roads will be re-tarred for better roads to be built on the same space. Better utilisation of the space will prove to be more important for one car to take that road the driver missed to take.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Bad Day
To maintain a strong front has its pros and cons. It allows one to believe, be it falsely or not, that one can reach the finishing line safely. Then again, when one falls, the fall is usually harder than imaginable. Most people are unable to understand that people with a bright surface can actually have their tumultuous moments when they are alone. Be it in the car or at home, when the smile is taken off the face, the emotions tumble in like a vacuum glass ball with a leak. Unhealthy thoughts fill the atmosphere. The heart starts to feel pain that is usually numb by noises and activities. The need for some warmth fell short when the courage to dial a number left one fruitless.
After a hard day, and I truly mean hard so much so you want to wave the white flag and call things quits, there was only one thing on the mind. Unfortunately, the mirror image is not in existence. The pure thought of... Whatever that's on my mind now... IRKS ME!
This scream is silent.
After a hard day, and I truly mean hard so much so you want to wave the white flag and call things quits, there was only one thing on the mind. Unfortunately, the mirror image is not in existence. The pure thought of... Whatever that's on my mind now... IRKS ME!
This scream is silent.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Up! Up & Away!
An entire week of husky voice left me delusional with the definition of one being sexy, I went around amusing people around me by asking them if I sounded sexy. The laughters tend to brighten up the day but the night remains quiet. Going back to the familiar smell on my bed, watching the LCD TV that was mounted a little too high for comfort with Discovery turned on but volume muted. Thoughts raced through the head even with that extra 10ml of Fedac in the body system. Incessant cough kept the body and mind awake. Abs muscles were aching but the 6 packs were nowhere to be seen. Instead of waiting endlessly for some form of concern from relevant people, pampering myself wasn't a choice. I had to do something to make myself better I thought.
So drinking I went. I have to say, drinking doesn't work very well with medication and I never seem to learn my lesson. After months of facing criticism on my skin's conditions, commitments to go for regular facials yet again got its debut. The desire to look good didn't stop after I left the shop. Determined to have supple skin again, regular home regime were strictly adhered to.
The accidental loss of weight due to some personal issues dated back a few months back seems to work well. Not longer do I stuff myself with excessive foods, the portions that go into the tummy were greatly reduced. With a smaller waistline, clothes don't seem to fit well anymore. This is not an excuse for a brand new wardrobe and in fact, I contemplated with the thought to put back on some weight so at least the difference isn't so great. Step at a time I guess. Remaining smaller in size has its benefits. Visually, most think it's better 'cept for the fact that I always look rather pale. With the improving skin condition, I should be getting some positive attention I hope. And of course, birds' nest made with love from Mom & Dad did help the entire equation. I feel so loved.
So drinking I went. I have to say, drinking doesn't work very well with medication and I never seem to learn my lesson. After months of facing criticism on my skin's conditions, commitments to go for regular facials yet again got its debut. The desire to look good didn't stop after I left the shop. Determined to have supple skin again, regular home regime were strictly adhered to.
The accidental loss of weight due to some personal issues dated back a few months back seems to work well. Not longer do I stuff myself with excessive foods, the portions that go into the tummy were greatly reduced. With a smaller waistline, clothes don't seem to fit well anymore. This is not an excuse for a brand new wardrobe and in fact, I contemplated with the thought to put back on some weight so at least the difference isn't so great. Step at a time I guess. Remaining smaller in size has its benefits. Visually, most think it's better 'cept for the fact that I always look rather pale. With the improving skin condition, I should be getting some positive attention I hope. And of course, birds' nest made with love from Mom & Dad did help the entire equation. I feel so loved.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Voiceless
In Hokkien/Teochew (since I was brought up by a mixture of both dialects, I can't differentiate which is which anymore), they call it "teng kgam" which essentially means, contracting a flu on top of an existing one. Thinking that I was on the path of recovery, I was quickly back at work. I couldn't have been more wrong. Getting caught under the drizzle of the sunny Friday afternoon skies caused the second round of attack by the virus. Very slowly on Friday, I lost my voice.
Lack of sleep on Friday night didn't help so I reckon, sufficiently time with the Z monster should bring the voice back. So on Saturday night, after a game of mahjong with my folks when I was unable to audibly present my "requests" with the "pongs" and the "kongs", I took a wicked cocktail of medication and hit Z wonderland. After more than 12 hours of sleep, I was woken up by this horrible cough and it was so bad, I thought my lungs were dying of being overworked. Without having a need to speak to anyone, I forgot about my voice or in this lack, the lack of it. It was until my whining dog demanded a "yes, dear" from me that made me realised, I was the whimpering one.
Having no one at home for me to whine too, a very sick and miserable me started to "confide" in Tiger (my dog). Looking back, it was rather silly of me attempting to have a conversation with him. It was almost like a monologue and especially on days like that, the dramatic side of me prevails. So I went... "jie jie is sick...", "jie jie got no one to sayang", "jie jie no voice le" I wasn't super crazy, just ask any dog owner and they would be able to identify with me. But the very moment he started to whine back and when I put my face near, he started to lick my chin, I thought he might have understood how miserable I was feeling. There was a funny sense of relief.
Lack of sleep on Friday night didn't help so I reckon, sufficiently time with the Z monster should bring the voice back. So on Saturday night, after a game of mahjong with my folks when I was unable to audibly present my "requests" with the "pongs" and the "kongs", I took a wicked cocktail of medication and hit Z wonderland. After more than 12 hours of sleep, I was woken up by this horrible cough and it was so bad, I thought my lungs were dying of being overworked. Without having a need to speak to anyone, I forgot about my voice or in this lack, the lack of it. It was until my whining dog demanded a "yes, dear" from me that made me realised, I was the whimpering one.
Having no one at home for me to whine too, a very sick and miserable me started to "confide" in Tiger (my dog). Looking back, it was rather silly of me attempting to have a conversation with him. It was almost like a monologue and especially on days like that, the dramatic side of me prevails. So I went... "jie jie is sick...", "jie jie got no one to sayang", "jie jie no voice le" I wasn't super crazy, just ask any dog owner and they would be able to identify with me. But the very moment he started to whine back and when I put my face near, he started to lick my chin, I thought he might have understood how miserable I was feeling. There was a funny sense of relief.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Everybody Knows
The time has come for me to remove the battery from the remote controller. The flat battery needs to recharge and power up something else than just the remote control that automatically switches to Discovery Channel. The regular draft while drafting the regular kept the energy going. The power to click "Send" isn't as hard. It's about getting it out and across. Finally. So much for walking away and walking away so much, Newton's first law will always bring you back to the same spot. As long as the spot doesn't sting you, it has got to be a new spot with fresher air. "Friends", the word in itself will not have a brand new meaning to carry along with it. It's being able to reach that stage eventually that drags the feet. Move it, as I told myself reluctantly but surely. Things will never be the same and we're all too sure of it. Evasion is just one of the methods. That should work...
John Legend - Everybody Knows
In search of an energy source to prove that this battery is actually rechargeable. Let it begin...
Heineken, anyone?
John Legend - Everybody Knows
In search of an energy source to prove that this battery is actually rechargeable. Let it begin...
Heineken, anyone?
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Bodyache
Two full days of falling in and out of consciousness, being this sick isn't the least bit fun. Right after the BBQ over at Papadan's place, with the failed mission of getting a ride in the new monster, I went home with a slight ache. The ache quickly developed into a disabling one. Throughout the entire Sunday night, I was tossing and turning trying to get myself to Z Land but the tossing became increasingly painful. Very gradually, the sore throat and the fever developed.
By Monday morning, I was running a high of 38.7˚C and perspiration soaked the bed-sheets. Miserable is the only word I could think to describe how I really felt. In order to get to a meeting I was supposed to head that morning, I went on to take a shower and changed into work clothes but I could hardly move. Tears formed at the corner of my eyes while I screamed to myself softly. I knew there was no way I could get myself to work. I sent some text messages to push my meetings back and sat on my bed till I fell asleep. The medication I took before I took my nap didn't quite help and gastric pains developed due to lack of foods as base for the medication to not eat into my stomach walls. All was a little too late. Before noon, I got out of bed smelling like a rotten lemon since the perspiration didn't quite dry itself up in the air-conditioned room. I took the courage, fought the pain and drove myself to the doctor's.
Being unusually whiny, I was whining to myself in the car. The pain made me cry out loud with real tears and screams. Breathing became a chore, a painful one. Every turn of the steering wheel was eating up my threshold for pain bit by bit. By the time I got to the bottom of the multistorey carpark, all I wanted to do was to leave the car there and call for an ambulance. It was that bad since I've never ever thought of calling an ambulance for myself at any point in time regardless of how badly injured I got myself into. Anyway, the article finally got published. How cool is that!
Since I got back from the doctor's I've been immersing myself in episodes after episodes of Capeta before I fall asleep yet again. For Dad's health since his immunity is particularly low, I've quarantined myself in my very own room and only step out when it's necessary. And when I have to leave my room, I'll ensure the mask is on, just to be on the safe side.
Despite all these torturing moments, I'm actually rather ecstatic now. A couple of months back before Penguin left and to me, that is not a place but it's called point of no return which I won't talk about now and neither do I want to talk about it anytime soon, we went for a 3000km drive up to Trengganu and back on B-roads. Subsequently, I was asked to help with writing an article. Admittedly, Dentist Woo Woo would have done a much better job but he was busy but I still saw bits of his contribution in the final publication. Somethings in the article brought back beautiful memories but maybe memories should belong where they should.
By Monday morning, I was running a high of 38.7˚C and perspiration soaked the bed-sheets. Miserable is the only word I could think to describe how I really felt. In order to get to a meeting I was supposed to head that morning, I went on to take a shower and changed into work clothes but I could hardly move. Tears formed at the corner of my eyes while I screamed to myself softly. I knew there was no way I could get myself to work. I sent some text messages to push my meetings back and sat on my bed till I fell asleep. The medication I took before I took my nap didn't quite help and gastric pains developed due to lack of foods as base for the medication to not eat into my stomach walls. All was a little too late. Before noon, I got out of bed smelling like a rotten lemon since the perspiration didn't quite dry itself up in the air-conditioned room. I took the courage, fought the pain and drove myself to the doctor's.
Being unusually whiny, I was whining to myself in the car. The pain made me cry out loud with real tears and screams. Breathing became a chore, a painful one. Every turn of the steering wheel was eating up my threshold for pain bit by bit. By the time I got to the bottom of the multistorey carpark, all I wanted to do was to leave the car there and call for an ambulance. It was that bad since I've never ever thought of calling an ambulance for myself at any point in time regardless of how badly injured I got myself into. Anyway, the article finally got published. How cool is that!
Since I got back from the doctor's I've been immersing myself in episodes after episodes of Capeta before I fall asleep yet again. For Dad's health since his immunity is particularly low, I've quarantined myself in my very own room and only step out when it's necessary. And when I have to leave my room, I'll ensure the mask is on, just to be on the safe side.
Despite all these torturing moments, I'm actually rather ecstatic now. A couple of months back before Penguin left and to me, that is not a place but it's called point of no return which I won't talk about now and neither do I want to talk about it anytime soon, we went for a 3000km drive up to Trengganu and back on B-roads. Subsequently, I was asked to help with writing an article. Admittedly, Dentist Woo Woo would have done a much better job but he was busy but I still saw bits of his contribution in the final publication. Somethings in the article brought back beautiful memories but maybe memories should belong where they should.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Having One's Cake And Eating It
Before I begin, I have a disclaimer. I'm clenching my fist (not while I'm typing of course) and gritting my teeth, hence, the likelihood of me sounding coherent is out of the window. Let me be a bitch today.
I had enough! Way more than enough to be a nice person and get bitten right back on my arse. I had more than enough while trying to be accommodating. Being genuine is not what others want. They all want sweet, pretty and everything nice. I'm so not that and I'm so farking far from that. Enough! Cringe...
To have one's cake and eat it. How does that sound? How about opening a can of whoopass? The world is devouring me alive. So drowned in this mess, I can hardly breathe. Nothing is right. Farking nothing seems even close to right. Maybe it's just me. Get outta here!
It's absolutely bizarre how delusional can one get when stupidity gets to the top of their crown. To be appreciated is just one of the littlest of all things enough to turn that pole around. It never will happen, does it? And getting traumatized is just part of the unsolvable equation. To blow fire out with an intimidating roar is not fictional, neither do you have to be the dragon guarding the weak screaming princess in the castle. Just be a door mat long enough... [Taken from : He's Just Not That Into You]
Just when I'm typing away all the negative things, my Mama Angel texted me to not be destroyed by the unworthy. How in tuned and in time. Without her, I might have been in a different stage in life, maybe better or worse. But it's true that for every step that we take in life, we gain something. She's a victorious trophy from one of my life's moves. She showed me that there are so much more in life and there are things I can still look forward to. Never will she be hit real hard it seems... Then again, I remembered holding her back on one of the occasions to stop her from blowing her top. But if only I can look at life like she does. Am I still taking the baby steps?
Somehow, one of my weakness which I genuinely mean it, not in an attempt to show that I'm a nice person, is that I can't hold grudges very well. I forget them fast but that also causes alot of pain because I keep stupidly opening doors for people to punch me hard in my face over and again. I hope I won't invite anymore punches because there's only so much I can take. This Energiser Bunny is on an all time battery low. Almost flat...
I had enough! Way more than enough to be a nice person and get bitten right back on my arse. I had more than enough while trying to be accommodating. Being genuine is not what others want. They all want sweet, pretty and everything nice. I'm so not that and I'm so farking far from that. Enough! Cringe...
To have one's cake and eat it. How does that sound? How about opening a can of whoopass? The world is devouring me alive. So drowned in this mess, I can hardly breathe. Nothing is right. Farking nothing seems even close to right. Maybe it's just me. Get outta here!
It's absolutely bizarre how delusional can one get when stupidity gets to the top of their crown. To be appreciated is just one of the littlest of all things enough to turn that pole around. It never will happen, does it? And getting traumatized is just part of the unsolvable equation. To blow fire out with an intimidating roar is not fictional, neither do you have to be the dragon guarding the weak screaming princess in the castle. Just be a door mat long enough... [Taken from : He's Just Not That Into You]
Just when I'm typing away all the negative things, my Mama Angel texted me to not be destroyed by the unworthy. How in tuned and in time. Without her, I might have been in a different stage in life, maybe better or worse. But it's true that for every step that we take in life, we gain something. She's a victorious trophy from one of my life's moves. She showed me that there are so much more in life and there are things I can still look forward to. Never will she be hit real hard it seems... Then again, I remembered holding her back on one of the occasions to stop her from blowing her top. But if only I can look at life like she does. Am I still taking the baby steps?
Somehow, one of my weakness which I genuinely mean it, not in an attempt to show that I'm a nice person, is that I can't hold grudges very well. I forget them fast but that also causes alot of pain because I keep stupidly opening doors for people to punch me hard in my face over and again. I hope I won't invite anymore punches because there's only so much I can take. This Energiser Bunny is on an all time battery low. Almost flat...
Monday, October 05, 2009
What Do You Do...
Was reading Chang E blog after a long while and came across this song that seems to tug me uncomfortably. It's actually a nice song. Chang E has always come across as the happy go lucky girl in my team and my most memorable moment of her was when I wasn't even around. She was drunk and applied for MC with me via a piece of napkin. Cute is almost an understatement to describe her. Underneath all the laughter and smiles, I always felt there's something about her I could relate to but yet we've never spoken much about our personal lives.
During our regular oxygen breaks with just the both of us, we would have very little to talk about but yet the silence and watching the other person's expression, we both know we have so much on our minds but we never really want to talk about it much. The unknown unsaid understanding never gave me a reason to ask or dwell. In a way, it would be tough for be to be a real friend because I needed to maintain the professional side of myself and there will be times I need to scream at them. But all I want to say is that if my shoulders are ever needed, it will be available. Right now, the closest we can get is to have a drink together and to laugh and cry together if we finally crash.
Now I'm just thinking when can I afford to not drive and drink myself silly, at the same time, not worry about having to wake up for work the next day. It would be so inappropriate for me to go out drinking with the rest of them and have everyone come in half dead the next day knowing that they are my responsibilities.
What do you do when you know something's bad for you
And you still can't let go?
I was naive
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping
Got caught in your web
And I learned how to plead
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely
And it hurts my soul
Cos I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away
I should have known
I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smog
It was all an illusion
Now I've been licking my wounds
Woke up in love and seems so great
We both can't subdue
Darling you hold me prisoner
I'm about to break
I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your lure
and I'm feeling for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...
I can make it
It's some state I'm in
Getting nothing everytime
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this moment
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away
Everytime I try to grasp for air
I get smothered and this sky, it's never over, over
Seems I never wake from this nightmare
I let out a solid breath, let it be over, over
Inside I'm screaming
Breaking, pleading the world
My heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true
Each peep reminds me of you
Only thing I need to do is walk away
During our regular oxygen breaks with just the both of us, we would have very little to talk about but yet the silence and watching the other person's expression, we both know we have so much on our minds but we never really want to talk about it much. The unknown unsaid understanding never gave me a reason to ask or dwell. In a way, it would be tough for be to be a real friend because I needed to maintain the professional side of myself and there will be times I need to scream at them. But all I want to say is that if my shoulders are ever needed, it will be available. Right now, the closest we can get is to have a drink together and to laugh and cry together if we finally crash.
Now I'm just thinking when can I afford to not drive and drink myself silly, at the same time, not worry about having to wake up for work the next day. It would be so inappropriate for me to go out drinking with the rest of them and have everyone come in half dead the next day knowing that they are my responsibilities.
What do you do when you know something's bad for you
And you still can't let go?
I was naive
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping
Got caught in your web
And I learned how to plead
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely
And it hurts my soul
Cos I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away
I should have known
I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smog
It was all an illusion
Now I've been licking my wounds
Woke up in love and seems so great
We both can't subdue
Darling you hold me prisoner
I'm about to break
I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your lure
and I'm feeling for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...
I can make it
It's some state I'm in
Getting nothing everytime
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this moment
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away
Everytime I try to grasp for air
I get smothered and this sky, it's never over, over
Seems I never wake from this nightmare
I let out a solid breath, let it be over, over
Inside I'm screaming
Breaking, pleading the world
My heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true
Each peep reminds me of you
Only thing I need to do is walk away
Sunday, October 04, 2009
那就這樣吧
Sixth sense has always been a "self-proclaimed" ability by women. Past experiences have convinced me not to take it lightly. A new way of looking at it was shown to me today. And a couple of examples proved myself right. It can be self-intimidating although it was like telling yourself "I told you so!" Some news numbs you and some are just funny. Looking back, you just do not want to be bothered anymore with things that you have no control over. Maybe life just has more important things to worry and guide you along. If it means looking past life, then so be it.
It's been a while since exams and homework has bothered me but after posting this, I need to sink myself into piles of notes for my assessments tomorrow. To fail is not an option at all because few people ever did and it's funded. Wish me luck.
Check out 孫自佑, the chap in the yellow vest. His voice is rather unique and I really enjoyed watching Youtube after Youtube of his performances. The song starts at about the 3 minute marker.
The original. Which is better?
It's been a while since exams and homework has bothered me but after posting this, I need to sink myself into piles of notes for my assessments tomorrow. To fail is not an option at all because few people ever did and it's funded. Wish me luck.
Check out 孫自佑, the chap in the yellow vest. His voice is rather unique and I really enjoyed watching Youtube after Youtube of his performances. The song starts at about the 3 minute marker.
The original. Which is better?
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Forgiveness
One of the toughest choice in life is to forgive. The strength it requires is formidable. At times we may think that we have forgiven, some nagging discomfort will gripe on. The willingness to forgive usually gets lost in the abyss of thoughts and time. How can forgiveness be extended when the ability to trust has been taken away? To forgive, would one need to learn to trust all over again or is forgiveness an isolated superpower? One can only deduce that the strength to be able to forgive is beyond this world but would change lives.
"Forgiveness does not change the past; It enlarges the future."
Back from the commercial break...
Friday night cannot be more eventful. Trying to pack as much activities on a Friday evening as much as possible, dinner was relatively relaxing given the preoccupied mind could never quite take a rest. Moving on to my virgin prawning experience, the initial part was a torture. While chatting with Jaded Manhattan Lensbaby on Gtalk, I was sipping down some beer and feeding mosquitoes. Just when I thought I was going to die of boredom, much fun began as the troop fell in. Chats and laughter accompanied us throughout the night. With A&E Quack entertaining us with "think like a prawn...", in hope that he could catch some for himself. This is one rare occasion whereby I was highly satisfied with devouring just one prawn. We didn't prawn enough to feed the army but Bmer did his best. Together with the other foods that the rest smuggled in, we were feasting. The elation on Mahjong Nurse's face was unforgettable when she finally got her first catch of today.
For me, I got chided for playing games on my Blackberry. So I got off my butt to roast some marshmallows. Boy, were they heavenly. So for the rest of the night, I was found near the pit while trying to avoid getting my contact lenses melted but still firing away some lightly browned, absolutely piquant marshmallows. The thought of the crispy outer layer and molten sweets flowing onto the tongue is making me salivate. Unfortunately, the overdose of it left me slightly high on sugars now and the z monster isn't quite keen to pay me a visit just yet. Before we know it, fatigue started to sit it and it was clearly shown on all the faces. Even then, we ended the night like how a great night out with friends should be and for once, we were all sober. Now that I'm home, I'm actually looking forward to my nightcap.
"Forgiveness does not change the past; It enlarges the future."
Back from the commercial break...
Friday night cannot be more eventful. Trying to pack as much activities on a Friday evening as much as possible, dinner was relatively relaxing given the preoccupied mind could never quite take a rest. Moving on to my virgin prawning experience, the initial part was a torture. While chatting with Jaded Manhattan Lensbaby on Gtalk, I was sipping down some beer and feeding mosquitoes. Just when I thought I was going to die of boredom, much fun began as the troop fell in. Chats and laughter accompanied us throughout the night. With A&E Quack entertaining us with "think like a prawn...", in hope that he could catch some for himself. This is one rare occasion whereby I was highly satisfied with devouring just one prawn. We didn't prawn enough to feed the army but Bmer did his best. Together with the other foods that the rest smuggled in, we were feasting. The elation on Mahjong Nurse's face was unforgettable when she finally got her first catch of today.
For me, I got chided for playing games on my Blackberry. So I got off my butt to roast some marshmallows. Boy, were they heavenly. So for the rest of the night, I was found near the pit while trying to avoid getting my contact lenses melted but still firing away some lightly browned, absolutely piquant marshmallows. The thought of the crispy outer layer and molten sweets flowing onto the tongue is making me salivate. Unfortunately, the overdose of it left me slightly high on sugars now and the z monster isn't quite keen to pay me a visit just yet. Before we know it, fatigue started to sit it and it was clearly shown on all the faces. Even then, we ended the night like how a great night out with friends should be and for once, we were all sober. Now that I'm home, I'm actually looking forward to my nightcap.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Bruised
Oh a Thursday, having a drink just never did sound right to me. Today, I was craving for one. Having bugged everyone on MSN and anywhere I can think of, I ended up with me and my little glass on my bed. Staring into blank space, I started to reflect. Maybe it's just me being me, I've experienced what I did from school all the way to adulthood. With every attempt to be better, I slumped back further. During times like that, I just feel so exhausted and started to wonder what life is actually all about. No matter how well things may seem initially for just about everything, it always ends up in some crazy dirt. Is that expected as a regular cycle in life? Too tired to have to please everyone, I tend to hide beneath the protection of my room's ceiling with locked doors and heart. Closing off to the world, bewilderedness overwhelms. The worst is having done so much and being deemed to have done nothing. Don't people open their eyes wide enough to see for themselves? Exhaustion is the only word I can think off.
Was trying to cut my toenails with my face all flushed, the patch of bruise beneath my big toenail hasn't quite subsided. Just yesterday, someone spotted another bruise on my calf and I didn't know when it was inflicted. The bruise beneath the toenail had been there for a while, before Eczema Road Planner flew to SF for his sister's wedding, and it hasn't even recovered. Let alone the other pains, how can a bruise take so long to recover and a toe nail that much time to grow a full cycle of nail. Cutting bit by bit, there wasn't any pain but it's fugly and it never quite want to go away. Going for a pedicure wasn't an option because the fear of the entire nail falling off has consumed me. I wonder when we say time can heal all pain, does it apply to big toe bruises?
The end of the week is coming and I have never welcomed it more. A little rest is badly needed before hallucination and paranoia starts to murder the weakened soul. A packed Friday schedule will continue to put that smile back on. I hope...
Was trying to cut my toenails with my face all flushed, the patch of bruise beneath my big toenail hasn't quite subsided. Just yesterday, someone spotted another bruise on my calf and I didn't know when it was inflicted. The bruise beneath the toenail had been there for a while, before Eczema Road Planner flew to SF for his sister's wedding, and it hasn't even recovered. Let alone the other pains, how can a bruise take so long to recover and a toe nail that much time to grow a full cycle of nail. Cutting bit by bit, there wasn't any pain but it's fugly and it never quite want to go away. Going for a pedicure wasn't an option because the fear of the entire nail falling off has consumed me. I wonder when we say time can heal all pain, does it apply to big toe bruises?
The end of the week is coming and I have never welcomed it more. A little rest is badly needed before hallucination and paranoia starts to murder the weakened soul. A packed Friday schedule will continue to put that smile back on. I hope...
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Dear Dear Dear Jaded Manhattan Lensbaby
Wanted to type an open letter to Jaded Manhattan Lensbaby but whatever that needs to be said, would have been said on Gtalk. This would more like be a petition for him to return to Asia. Asia is such a vibrant place awaiting the next wave of glory to shine upon us. For one, I'm waiting for the sparkle to be bestowed unto me. Memories are meant to be kept and didn't Johnnie Walker say, "Keep Walking?" If stuffs needs to be dumped, dump it and move on. If the wardrobe is full, there's no way new clothes can fit in without removing the old ones. It's also important that most of the things in the wardrobe must belong to you and there's always space for more. Even with a bigger wardrobe, with the ridiculous amount of old clothes you keep, you still will not have enough space for new ones. If shopping at the groceries store on a weekly basis sounds too much like a couple thing, then let me help you pack your wardrobe like a real buddy. Lean on me my friend.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Big Smile
Someone did something just because it was deemed that I needed a smile across my face.
I was hauled out of the heavy meeting to collect something at the door. What greeted me was a beautiful bunch of gerberas. On the card, it says "Hope this brightens up your day... ... ..."
Let's just call this person, X. X has always been an online persona, someone you might love and/or hate. The brainless comments irritates the hell out of you but at other times, you'll just smile at the stupidity. When you start to wonder what sort of person is this behind the disgusting avatar, you will find that all predictions were all but mere speculations. Having met this person just once and we barely even spoke, it's quite tough what to make out of it. Then again, what do we know?
I know what all of you are thinking but seriously, I do not believe this is one person with evil plans up the sleeves. Then again, trust is something that's lost out in the huge endless ocean. It's just nice to know that there's always someone out there to take away your stresses, with no expectations. Thankful for all the people around me, be it friends, family, lunch kakis...
I was hauled out of the heavy meeting to collect something at the door. What greeted me was a beautiful bunch of gerberas. On the card, it says "Hope this brightens up your day... ... ..."
Let's just call this person, X. X has always been an online persona, someone you might love and/or hate. The brainless comments irritates the hell out of you but at other times, you'll just smile at the stupidity. When you start to wonder what sort of person is this behind the disgusting avatar, you will find that all predictions were all but mere speculations. Having met this person just once and we barely even spoke, it's quite tough what to make out of it. Then again, what do we know?
I know what all of you are thinking but seriously, I do not believe this is one person with evil plans up the sleeves. Then again, trust is something that's lost out in the huge endless ocean. It's just nice to know that there's always someone out there to take away your stresses, with no expectations. Thankful for all the people around me, be it friends, family, lunch kakis...
Monday, September 28, 2009
Restoration - His Way
Today's sermon couldn't have been more "in the face." The topic on restoration is an attempt from the bigger man to set the inner being free. Instead of doing it the snuggly cryptic way, the message was explicit. B and myself just stared at one another with amazement. The tear ducts weren't faulty afterall. Our idea of restoration is apparently different from His explaination. Imagine a mug shattered into pieces. Restoration will mean putting the mug back together but guess what, we will have the mug better than ever and in fact, 7 times better! So if you lose something, you may not have lost it because it will be given back to you 7 times better or even better replacement that is 7 times more awesome will come your way. Just leave it to powers you can't imagine. This sermon can't be a better testimony to "God works in mysterious ways." To a stubborn person, you will need to be direct and to state the obvious. Thou shalt not repeat what Pastor Prince said but it was pretty darn clear! Freedom of the mind followed, though not quite immediate. Kinda miraculous, you've got to experience it to believe in it.
The storm in this area isn't isolated and the setting in of reality is hitting people close to heart. I suppose it's just normal human behavior to have some sort of retarded reaction to emotions. I'd like to compare it to turbo lag. It happened to me and now, I'm seeing it on a dear friend whose identity is protected because I see hope through faith. The peace before the storm can be deceptive and I cannot offer anything else but my ear. I agree we're all running out of activities after trying to pack everything into every available slots possible but when the dust settles, we know we're due for a drink. Cheers...
The storm in this area isn't isolated and the setting in of reality is hitting people close to heart. I suppose it's just normal human behavior to have some sort of retarded reaction to emotions. I'd like to compare it to turbo lag. It happened to me and now, I'm seeing it on a dear friend whose identity is protected because I see hope through faith. The peace before the storm can be deceptive and I cannot offer anything else but my ear. I agree we're all running out of activities after trying to pack everything into every available slots possible but when the dust settles, we know we're due for a drink. Cheers...
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Confusion
Many of us might have been in situations whereby it feels exactly like how the saying goes, "one step forward, two steps back." When one becomes disillusioned, the ability to tell right from wrong becomes impossible. The frustration of helplessness lingers. The blind determination becomes the closet murderer. Self protection mechanism goes down the drains and streams. Communication in itself is not coherent. Consistency is non-existent. The haze covering the sky isn't a dream, it's just pollution. A whole breaks down into multitudes of pieces. Sharing may be a virtue meant for bigger hearts. Selfishness creates strength. Stupidity breeds insanity. Not to worry as alcohol is still preferred over Prozac. The road ahead looks fuzzy and decisions remain obscure. Take a deep breath, lock the doors and get a good night's sleep.
Friday, September 25, 2009
To Love & To Hold?
I never liked to share chain mails on my blog because it's not of my own and definitely not my very own outlet. But I read this today and wanted to share so badly. When people take their vows or made their promises to their other half, words were easier than the action. It's the little things that made us remember and treasure but traffic should never be one way. As time passes, we often miss the little changes and start to take things for granted.
This article left my eyes wet. When your wife/partner wants nothing but just that bit of your attention, do not brush it off. Use that heart of yours, be more sensitive and feel her pain. Pain that is more often dismissed with the non-presence of love. Love is not just about the laughter and fun but also the hurt and pain it brings along. It may be so well hidden, you just don't see it. Do not wait till it's too late. I must admit the death portion is too emotional but death is not the only form of departure. Be appreciative for you'll never know if life presents itself a second chance. Only when you've given your all, you'll have no regrets.
Appreciate your better half before you wouldn't have a chance to.
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card.. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
This article left my eyes wet. When your wife/partner wants nothing but just that bit of your attention, do not brush it off. Use that heart of yours, be more sensitive and feel her pain. Pain that is more often dismissed with the non-presence of love. Love is not just about the laughter and fun but also the hurt and pain it brings along. It may be so well hidden, you just don't see it. Do not wait till it's too late. I must admit the death portion is too emotional but death is not the only form of departure. Be appreciative for you'll never know if life presents itself a second chance. Only when you've given your all, you'll have no regrets.
Appreciate your better half before you wouldn't have a chance to.
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card.. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
The New Romance...
Getting stuck in a meeting for hours is absolutely no fun when they're all talking about numbers. Numbers are foreign to me and they have no intention to know me better by any standard and I just left that relationship at that. Past my A'Levels, I never wanted to see them again. Fate played devil and now I'm responsible for numbers and more numbers. The worst is when the meeting had no outcome. The only consolation was my pavlova and rooibos tea at Cedele which I decided to give myself a treat for sitting through the meeting. It may be an excuse but I'm a happy girl (compared to the gloomy me during the meeting) with extra sugars in my system.
On my way back to the office which by then, I should have headed home instead, I got to see the new facelifted Z4 in flesh. There was much talk about it when Gorgeous Babe and Adnsx Fairboy put down good money for the awesome machines a while ago in white and black respectively. All my life, I've never been a roadster person. Be it the previous Z4 or the much talkabout MX5, none of them managed to move me. This time around, I was stumped in awe and it's a new toy I want real bad. The twin turbos and DCT just made it more yummy and not forgetting the signature rear wheel drive. Although stick shift rocks, the DCT might just fare better in terms of local traffic conditions. The retractable hard top swept me off my feet instantly. If there's one thing I'd like to change, it's the soft suspension. There's always Cross... *slurp
The sheer looks of this car did all the selling. The rear, or I would affectionately call it the ass, could be described as muscular and sexy. Ah B did mention that he's got a similar butt but I'd beg to differ until I get to check his out tomorrow. The buck teeth as Ah B named it, is nothing like the way he described it but I'd liken it Pierce Brosnan's sexy nose instead. Pardon the lack of adjective but sexy is THE word to describe the car. Now, this gives me a reason to really work for it and for it to bring out the star in me, the task shouldn't be too hard. This dormant rising star will shock you. The time is yet to come but trust me, it shouldn't take too long. The wooing will take a while but the determination will not die off. This is pure encouragement to draw out the next sparkle/shine that will just push me forward every step I take. Nothing will bring me down and I will not allow anything or anyone to. The comeback is worthwhile so keep your eyes glued! Let me show you the superstar within...
On my way back to the office which by then, I should have headed home instead, I got to see the new facelifted Z4 in flesh. There was much talk about it when Gorgeous Babe and Adnsx Fairboy put down good money for the awesome machines a while ago in white and black respectively. All my life, I've never been a roadster person. Be it the previous Z4 or the much talkabout MX5, none of them managed to move me. This time around, I was stumped in awe and it's a new toy I want real bad. The twin turbos and DCT just made it more yummy and not forgetting the signature rear wheel drive. Although stick shift rocks, the DCT might just fare better in terms of local traffic conditions. The retractable hard top swept me off my feet instantly. If there's one thing I'd like to change, it's the soft suspension. There's always Cross... *slurp
The sheer looks of this car did all the selling. The rear, or I would affectionately call it the ass, could be described as muscular and sexy. Ah B did mention that he's got a similar butt but I'd beg to differ until I get to check his out tomorrow. The buck teeth as Ah B named it, is nothing like the way he described it but I'd liken it Pierce Brosnan's sexy nose instead. Pardon the lack of adjective but sexy is THE word to describe the car. Now, this gives me a reason to really work for it and for it to bring out the star in me, the task shouldn't be too hard. This dormant rising star will shock you. The time is yet to come but trust me, it shouldn't take too long. The wooing will take a while but the determination will not die off. This is pure encouragement to draw out the next sparkle/shine that will just push me forward every step I take. Nothing will bring me down and I will not allow anything or anyone to. The comeback is worthwhile so keep your eyes glued! Let me show you the superstar within...
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
天黑黑
The way Daftbitch described it was almost like a brewing storm and waiting for that lightning to roar before the heavy cumulonimbus clouds gave way. It was a thunderstorm. When the clouds were building up, the weather still looked fine. And in fact, people were still basking in the sun. The sky gradually started to look ominous. With enough build up, more often in a stupor, the downpour was sudden and frightening. The air was too dense and thick, and so to some, the pour was welcomed in anticipation of better air and a possible rainbow. It's been a while since I saw a rainbow and the last time I saw it and posted pictures of it, things have changed. They are still playing the documentary about thunderstorm on Discovery Channel and Singapore remained the mentioned country with the highest occurrence of lightnings and thunderstorms. Watching Discovery Channel became a task I need to learn to love to watch again. Meanwhile, SCV will be making more money from me with the increased number of channels.
Looking back at how Daftbitch and myself both sensing a neighbouring storm from brewing, it was so darn clear that women are just that tad more sensitive.
During lunch, it was pretty hilarious when they commented on my visible weight loss and their losses being non-visible. The loss was more than what some of them would like to see and according to Eczema Road Planner, I don't look as "overflowing" as before. It felt good to be praised with just the extra bit of makeup and a pair of killer heels everywhere I go. My co-workers have never seen me dress up so it was an eye opener for them. But of course, like primary school kids, I had to turn deaf ears to the jeers of the boys. Boys will be boys and they never grow up, do they? For friends, they would have seen all these before. The challenge right now is to prevent the copious amount of mooncakes poisoning my bloodstream and adding onto the bulge I managed to lose.
我愛上讓我奮不顧身的一個人 我以為這就是我所追求的世界
然而橫衝直撞 被誤解被騙 是否成人的世界背後 總有殘缺
我走在每天必須面對的分岔路 我懷念過去單純美好的小幸福
愛總是讓人哭 讓人覺得不滿足 天空很大卻看不清楚 好孤獨
天黑的時候 我又想起那首歌 突然期待 下起安靜的雨
原來外婆的道理 早就唱給我聽 下起雨也要勇敢前進
我相信 一切都會平息 我現在 好想回家去
天黑黑 欲落雨 天黑黑 黑黑
The greatest comfort I can think of is for a thunderstorm to come by and not having to worry about anything else. Lying on Grandma's lap and watching the rain go by.
"As long as you're here for me, nothing else matters." A cynical question - Can there be anyone who can be there for you whenever you need them? [And yes Daftbitch, I know your phone is turned on 24 hours and thanks for switching the volume louder when you sleep and thankfully, I didn't had the need to call you.] I'm just wondering because everyone will be gone or be dead one day, so how would this sentence hold water? In such a complex world, how can nothing else matters? C'mon and indulge me with an intellectual argument. I'm opening up the comments box so you won't need to sign in or to get it approved by me.
Looking back at how Daftbitch and myself both sensing a neighbouring storm from brewing, it was so darn clear that women are just that tad more sensitive.
During lunch, it was pretty hilarious when they commented on my visible weight loss and their losses being non-visible. The loss was more than what some of them would like to see and according to Eczema Road Planner, I don't look as "overflowing" as before. It felt good to be praised with just the extra bit of makeup and a pair of killer heels everywhere I go. My co-workers have never seen me dress up so it was an eye opener for them. But of course, like primary school kids, I had to turn deaf ears to the jeers of the boys. Boys will be boys and they never grow up, do they? For friends, they would have seen all these before. The challenge right now is to prevent the copious amount of mooncakes poisoning my bloodstream and adding onto the bulge I managed to lose.
我愛上讓我奮不顧身的一個人 我以為這就是我所追求的世界
然而橫衝直撞 被誤解被騙 是否成人的世界背後 總有殘缺
我走在每天必須面對的分岔路 我懷念過去單純美好的小幸福
愛總是讓人哭 讓人覺得不滿足 天空很大卻看不清楚 好孤獨
天黑的時候 我又想起那首歌 突然期待 下起安靜的雨
原來外婆的道理 早就唱給我聽 下起雨也要勇敢前進
我相信 一切都會平息 我現在 好想回家去
天黑黑 欲落雨 天黑黑 黑黑
The greatest comfort I can think of is for a thunderstorm to come by and not having to worry about anything else. Lying on Grandma's lap and watching the rain go by.
"As long as you're here for me, nothing else matters." A cynical question - Can there be anyone who can be there for you whenever you need them? [And yes Daftbitch, I know your phone is turned on 24 hours and thanks for switching the volume louder when you sleep and thankfully, I didn't had the need to call you.] I'm just wondering because everyone will be gone or be dead one day, so how would this sentence hold water? In such a complex world, how can nothing else matters? C'mon and indulge me with an intellectual argument. I'm opening up the comments box so you won't need to sign in or to get it approved by me.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Hello! Friends & Beer Please...
It's pre-work blues but unlike the fear of work, it's the fear of the feeling of being lost. Having been away for longer than just a long weekend, the oncoming audit will have a part to play nibbling me away bit by bit.
The weekend was completed by a short game of mahjong. Hosting them in my little room was a challenge but as compared to before, this room actually has more space for the table than before. On top of it, the portable table was just enough. Being relatively petite in stature, it was never an issue until Atomic Pilot commented on his restricted movements on the table. Given his size and height, I could understand why. I shall suggest his smoke friendly rooftop for our next game so we could have the other group of bored souls entertaining themselves with alcohol.
The hottest and my favourite season of the year flew off to another Asian city this morning and our initial intentions of sending her off over breakfast was aborted as none of the nightbirds last night could wake up for breakfast this morning even though there wasn't much alcohol last night. People come and go but some are just here to stay even though they can't be here physically. They are the people who are there when you needed them most, even if it's just for a casual chat. Just like Jaded Manhattan Lensbaby who can't fly down even if he's back in Asia this time round, seeing him on Gtalk was almost like striking gold for me. His attention was desired and appreciated.
I think I need more SCV channels...
The weekend was completed by a short game of mahjong. Hosting them in my little room was a challenge but as compared to before, this room actually has more space for the table than before. On top of it, the portable table was just enough. Being relatively petite in stature, it was never an issue until Atomic Pilot commented on his restricted movements on the table. Given his size and height, I could understand why. I shall suggest his smoke friendly rooftop for our next game so we could have the other group of bored souls entertaining themselves with alcohol.
The hottest and my favourite season of the year flew off to another Asian city this morning and our initial intentions of sending her off over breakfast was aborted as none of the nightbirds last night could wake up for breakfast this morning even though there wasn't much alcohol last night. People come and go but some are just here to stay even though they can't be here physically. They are the people who are there when you needed them most, even if it's just for a casual chat. Just like Jaded Manhattan Lensbaby who can't fly down even if he's back in Asia this time round, seeing him on Gtalk was almost like striking gold for me. His attention was desired and appreciated.
I think I need more SCV channels...
Monday, September 21, 2009
In My Hands - Wisdom
The past week can't be more eventful. Apart from the unusual regular drinking, considering that I'm almost a teetotal, my car has also travelled more mileage than I'll ever clock up during a normal week. Going places and seeing faces was so much fun and I've kept myself so busy with slotting everyone in every available slot, I can't remember the last time I was this sleep deprived yet feeling so hyped. The only mistake was possibly mixing medication with excessive alcohol (which in my context is not alot but far more than my regular nightcap worth of single malt) and the rest was justified by a medical certificate. I tried resting the flu ache and fever while nursing the heavy head. However, the real remedy was with people who brought me so much laughter and smiles.
Singing my lungs out at the KTV, attending a birthday party, planting myself at Singapore's Super Import Night, spending quality time with my folks, casual chit chatting with real friends, hitting balls at the driving range, hosting the "Hottest Season" in transit and getting the hug she owed me for the longest time ever was just some of the endless activities. It's amazing how much one can pack in a long weekend and for me, a super duper long one starting from Thursday. The most important event has got to be church service today. Thankful to Ah B, I dragged my sleep-deprived body to Suntec and after getting stuck in the pre-F1 road changes, the anointing began. The prayer for wisdom was such a simple yet powerful one. And prosperity is where the wisdom will bring you in different aspects of life. The service touched many hearts, B and myself included.
The end of the lunar calendar's 7th month has also marked closures for many journeys, some were shocking and the others were expected. But the new piece of canvas was perfect for mistake correction and fresher colours. Life couldn't possibly be more exciting! To be in control is a prerogative that should not be forgotten and to be responsible for your very own happiness that lies right in your hands. All I need now is to catch a movie, dance my heart out and go spend some sundown time by the beach enjoying the breeze by myself. The seabreeze is comfort and to be able to shout out to nothing is a privilege that I must learn not to take it for granted. Just imagine living in a desert... (Gosh no!)
If there's a mahjong game for me to spend a couple of hours on, my weekend would be so complete. Then again, my room and Kokoro needs some undivided attention.
Singing my lungs out at the KTV, attending a birthday party, planting myself at Singapore's Super Import Night, spending quality time with my folks, casual chit chatting with real friends, hitting balls at the driving range, hosting the "Hottest Season" in transit and getting the hug she owed me for the longest time ever was just some of the endless activities. It's amazing how much one can pack in a long weekend and for me, a super duper long one starting from Thursday. The most important event has got to be church service today. Thankful to Ah B, I dragged my sleep-deprived body to Suntec and after getting stuck in the pre-F1 road changes, the anointing began. The prayer for wisdom was such a simple yet powerful one. And prosperity is where the wisdom will bring you in different aspects of life. The service touched many hearts, B and myself included.
The end of the lunar calendar's 7th month has also marked closures for many journeys, some were shocking and the others were expected. But the new piece of canvas was perfect for mistake correction and fresher colours. Life couldn't possibly be more exciting! To be in control is a prerogative that should not be forgotten and to be responsible for your very own happiness that lies right in your hands. All I need now is to catch a movie, dance my heart out and go spend some sundown time by the beach enjoying the breeze by myself. The seabreeze is comfort and to be able to shout out to nothing is a privilege that I must learn not to take it for granted. Just imagine living in a desert... (Gosh no!)
If there's a mahjong game for me to spend a couple of hours on, my weekend would be so complete. Then again, my room and Kokoro needs some undivided attention.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Ache
Pain is something that can be hidden too easily but to deal with it behind closed doors is another story altogether. Being with friends is one of the many methods and to have one of the those closer to heart just standing away from the crowd with you, without much being said, inhaling hard on those cancer causing oxygen tubes and giving you a gentle BFG hug will simply draw out that residual smile from you. Without putting anyone in a difficult position of having to take sides, bitter smiles was the only way to send messages across. To control the emotions from developing into a flood was hard but necessary. To be wronged with endless misunderstandings was sufficiently painful and exasperating. If it brings the period to the period, then so be it.
As painfully amazing and equally excruciatingly amusing, one can actually switch from totally understanding to unbelievably off. Things within controlled have been changed or refined over the months and years but things not within control are others' perspective. People see and hear what they want to see and hear and no amount of explainations will aid the understanding. The colour test during my first coffee with Urban Legend came back to haunt me on how people choose to see what they want. It's like putting on the blinkers and charging for the next target. The change in direction can be so sudden yet focused.
Open wounds kept getting dug at before the path of recovery can begin. To put all the pain to a close, the mind being the main culprit must start working harder than before. The legs must learn to move before the walking even begins. No matter how one can be stubborn and press on, the responses and environment will set the stage on the sheer possibility. If no explainations can alter perception then leaving it status quo might just be healthier for memories sake.
傻瓜 我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤
傻瓜 我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜
As painfully amazing and equally excruciatingly amusing, one can actually switch from totally understanding to unbelievably off. Things within controlled have been changed or refined over the months and years but things not within control are others' perspective. People see and hear what they want to see and hear and no amount of explainations will aid the understanding. The colour test during my first coffee with Urban Legend came back to haunt me on how people choose to see what they want. It's like putting on the blinkers and charging for the next target. The change in direction can be so sudden yet focused.
Open wounds kept getting dug at before the path of recovery can begin. To put all the pain to a close, the mind being the main culprit must start working harder than before. The legs must learn to move before the walking even begins. No matter how one can be stubborn and press on, the responses and environment will set the stage on the sheer possibility. If no explainations can alter perception then leaving it status quo might just be healthier for memories sake.
傻瓜 我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤
傻瓜 我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Reverse
The colour of my hair has been deliberately coloured for a change but no one could tell the difference. How sad is that? Anyway, almost everyone commented on my weight loss and they all said the same thing, "I don't remember you being so petite/short." According to Bster, it must be the "presence" in terms of the sheer volume one can put their eyes on. Well of course without those clicking stilettos I used to strut in, I'd look far shorter than I actually am. Then again, I am short and I'm happy that way. I used to feel inferior when I was younger but hey, I can't grow legs just like some people can't grow brains! Ha!
Back to the topic of hair, I was born with pretty brown hair and with the fine strands, they just look lighter naturally. Ironically, I was always spotted for coloured hair in school when it was au naturel.
Eons ago... During the first day of school of the start of every academic year, I'll always get called out to the front during morning assembly without fail because the discipline masters/mistresses would always think that I've coloured my hair over the holidays. Truth is, I really only started colouring my hair only at the age of 18 and everything went haywire after that with colours ranging from totally blond to pink and purple (minus off the experience mentioned below).
So after being called out to be ridiculed and embarrassed in front of the entire school, my parents would inevitably be called in the next day. Whenever my Mom steps into the office offering the first handshake to the principal or discipline master/mistress, they would ask no further. My Mom's hair was lighter than mine and hers probably looked uber natural as compared to mine. So I would always be let off without much hassle.
However, I had this teacher who probably had a stick up his arse, went around "catching" people for coloured hair and insisted that my hair wasn't natural. I told him to ring my Mom up but he refused and wanted my hair to be coloured "SHIT-BLACK" the next day. Geared with less than $20 in my pocket, I marched to the nearest pharmacy to get black dye. The closest I got to black was "Blue-Black". (To BloodRed, Can you remember those days?) I thought it was black so I went home to get my hair dyed. Mom thought it was ridiculous but offered to help me out. It was my virgin experience with hair colouring. I swear I looked horrible and my hair looked like a piece of rock! The very next 2 weeks, I was "bleeding" blue water whenever I showered and soon enough, I had blue hair instead. And the cycle of that teacher chasing me repeats itself. Until a time when my Mom had to call the school and told them enough is enough.
So she had my hair cut short... It was a bad hair year because short hair aren't meant for naturally wavy/curly hair. Ryan Giggs was one of those people who could pull it off, few others did successfully. And I learnt from then that I should never have short hair until straightening iron came to the rescue. Should anyone with my pictures then, you can use it to blackmail me but you know I'll hate you perpetually for that.
Back to the topic of hair, I was born with pretty brown hair and with the fine strands, they just look lighter naturally. Ironically, I was always spotted for coloured hair in school when it was au naturel.
Eons ago... During the first day of school of the start of every academic year, I'll always get called out to the front during morning assembly without fail because the discipline masters/mistresses would always think that I've coloured my hair over the holidays. Truth is, I really only started colouring my hair only at the age of 18 and everything went haywire after that with colours ranging from totally blond to pink and purple (minus off the experience mentioned below).
So after being called out to be ridiculed and embarrassed in front of the entire school, my parents would inevitably be called in the next day. Whenever my Mom steps into the office offering the first handshake to the principal or discipline master/mistress, they would ask no further. My Mom's hair was lighter than mine and hers probably looked uber natural as compared to mine. So I would always be let off without much hassle.
However, I had this teacher who probably had a stick up his arse, went around "catching" people for coloured hair and insisted that my hair wasn't natural. I told him to ring my Mom up but he refused and wanted my hair to be coloured "SHIT-BLACK" the next day. Geared with less than $20 in my pocket, I marched to the nearest pharmacy to get black dye. The closest I got to black was "Blue-Black". (To BloodRed, Can you remember those days?) I thought it was black so I went home to get my hair dyed. Mom thought it was ridiculous but offered to help me out. It was my virgin experience with hair colouring. I swear I looked horrible and my hair looked like a piece of rock! The very next 2 weeks, I was "bleeding" blue water whenever I showered and soon enough, I had blue hair instead. And the cycle of that teacher chasing me repeats itself. Until a time when my Mom had to call the school and told them enough is enough.
So she had my hair cut short... It was a bad hair year because short hair aren't meant for naturally wavy/curly hair. Ryan Giggs was one of those people who could pull it off, few others did successfully. And I learnt from then that I should never have short hair until straightening iron came to the rescue. Should anyone with my pictures then, you can use it to blackmail me but you know I'll hate you perpetually for that.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
说好的幸福呢
Jaded Manhattan Lensbaby sent me a picture today of a beautiful engagement ring his mate presented to his partner. At 2.25 carat, the image was just staring me in the face. I was stumped with awe. The round brilliant cut kept my eyes glued.
Over a general discussion of how much should a man spend on an engagement ring, he googled and concluded that it's at about 3 months of the man's monthly salary. With your regular overheads, that means scrimping and saving for more than 6 months. If we're all talking about a lifetime, that's cheap. Truth is, the irony with the age-old opening wedding march "Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You" shouts in most people's face sarcastically because everything changes. Everybody's Changing by Keane happens to be the song I've been drowning myself in recent months but no one listens to the same iPod as I do, as if anyone could be bothered.
In my point of view, back to the engagement ring, 3 months of the guy's salary is not unreasonable but do have your priorites and work them accordingly. It's a guide and not a must. But at least 1 full carat would make sense just because it retains value better! On the other end of the spectrum, overdoing and overkilling is not the way to go as well. But for those of you men out there grumbling on the 3 months when you know you can very well afford it, think about a lifetime and the commitment. PLEASE!
Lastly, not to forget that the decision to spend a lifetime together far exceeds that 3 months salary or the brilliant round cut diamond. It all boils down to the promise to one another, to love and to hold. Honour that and be in love for the rest of your lifetime.
怎么了 你累了 说好的幸福呢
我懂了 不说了 爱淡了 梦远了
开心与不开心 一一细数着 你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉 都太深刻 我都还记得
你不等了 说好的幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着 要怎么停呢
Over a general discussion of how much should a man spend on an engagement ring, he googled and concluded that it's at about 3 months of the man's monthly salary. With your regular overheads, that means scrimping and saving for more than 6 months. If we're all talking about a lifetime, that's cheap. Truth is, the irony with the age-old opening wedding march "Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You" shouts in most people's face sarcastically because everything changes. Everybody's Changing by Keane happens to be the song I've been drowning myself in recent months but no one listens to the same iPod as I do, as if anyone could be bothered.
In my point of view, back to the engagement ring, 3 months of the guy's salary is not unreasonable but do have your priorites and work them accordingly. It's a guide and not a must. But at least 1 full carat would make sense just because it retains value better! On the other end of the spectrum, overdoing and overkilling is not the way to go as well. But for those of you men out there grumbling on the 3 months when you know you can very well afford it, think about a lifetime and the commitment. PLEASE!
Lastly, not to forget that the decision to spend a lifetime together far exceeds that 3 months salary or the brilliant round cut diamond. It all boils down to the promise to one another, to love and to hold. Honour that and be in love for the rest of your lifetime.
怎么了 你累了 说好的幸福呢
我懂了 不说了 爱淡了 梦远了
开心与不开心 一一细数着 你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉 都太深刻 我都还记得
你不等了 说好的幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着 要怎么停呢
Monday, September 14, 2009
Always Be My Baby
The husky voice of David Cook never fails to capture my attention whenever it's on air. One song in particular that caught my attention and the rendition in my personal opinion, being better than the original performer's. There's this unique sex appeal about this American idol and I can't believe he's younger than me! I know very well I'm not young but these new singers are just repeatedly making us feel like time flew past us before we could even reach out for it. There are dreams we are want to grab but procrastination always ended up being the legendary thief of time. Dreams built and lost and once we flip to the next page, we always think of a new piece of drawing canvas and before we know it, the book is filled. Was talking to Jaded Manhattan Lensbaby and it seems like we're always back to the initial drawing block wondering the next block of crayon and how we want to pen the first stroke. Be it really vibrant colours or impossibly dull tones, we need to draw something. Reluctant as we may be, the empty pages need to be filled up or before you know it, the page gets tattered and you have no choice but to flip it.
Back to David Cook, with that chiselled face, he's the type of guy who would be your eye candy back in school encouraging you to wake up earlier the next day and attending school looking your Sunday best. He's also the type whom you'll never talk to and if he takes the initiative, you'd just stare and drool away. Incredibly handsome is definitely not the right description but probably really manly and possibly responsible. You know if he falls crazily in love with you, he'll give up his rising stardom to hide in Southern France with you. I have to admit, that's some insanity and a little alcohol talking. His voice does makes me happy and that's all that matters isn't it? Girls expect too much some times.
Urban Legend says this sounds like a stalker song... The song does begin to sound like one to me... Gosh! Must be Mariah Carey... She co-wrote this!
Will someone come sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to a small abandoned town away from this crazy place?
Back to David Cook, with that chiselled face, he's the type of guy who would be your eye candy back in school encouraging you to wake up earlier the next day and attending school looking your Sunday best. He's also the type whom you'll never talk to and if he takes the initiative, you'd just stare and drool away. Incredibly handsome is definitely not the right description but probably really manly and possibly responsible. You know if he falls crazily in love with you, he'll give up his rising stardom to hide in Southern France with you. I have to admit, that's some insanity and a little alcohol talking. His voice does makes me happy and that's all that matters isn't it? Girls expect too much some times.
Urban Legend says this sounds like a stalker song... The song does begin to sound like one to me... Gosh! Must be Mariah Carey... She co-wrote this!
Will someone come sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to a small abandoned town away from this crazy place?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
開始懂了
Thinking I've finally figure iPhoto, I couldn't be more wrong. They are all in funny format and I can't pass them on. Pictures of my little boyfriend, Bababooboo Junior, are still hot from the oven but even after figuring out saving it in alternative formats (or have I? Hmmmm...), stupid blogspot has got software issues hence, not knowing how to HTML the crap, I could only give you the basic until the functions are up. Kids grow up so darn fast and every single time I see him, he looks different. From looking like Mommy from birth, he now looks like Daddy. Having the need to jump all the time, the adults arms were all tired from being his bungee support. Being sleep deprived definitely doesn't help. Life is so simple for them and a total envy of many of us adults. A smile gets tricked out of him easier than performing a complex magic trick. My "Boo!" trick seems to work well with Breyton Junior and Bababooboo Junior so I guess it's sufficient to conclude that my trick is simple but efficiently steals smiles, laughter and giggles from babies.
Looking at the way Bababooboo Junior jumps, makes one wonder the courage of adults diminishing down the years. Based on the pedagogy thingy I learnt during my course last week, adults are more logical and systematic. As such, they have lost the bit of courage to go further or do more. The box slowly builds and thinking out of the box becomes a brand new concept here to stay. Human beings learnt to calculate and trust their environment a little bit more after each fall. With enough trust, we take it for granted that the floor will not sink when we walk on it and the buildings will not collapse when we enter it. But what actually causes the death in people in falling or failing buildings, is when we trust it to hold us well too much and when disaster befalls us while watching the rising of death tolls, we grieve in solemn lost of trust. The ability to trust a building that has once fallen is gone with the wind as well. There's a reason why World Trade Centre in New York City never got rebuilt besides leaving ground zero for tourists. Then again, that doesn't stop us from entering the other buildings because are we left with no choice or do we forget pain too easily? Given the current world population and economic activities, it is almost impossible to house everyone on flat ground. Having said that, we've all heard of ground sinking destructions too. Am I not making sense? I guess some sleep is due...
Lastly, an internal debate which I'd leave it out for all to have a good think about it - Is trust a regenerating trait?
Looking at the way Bababooboo Junior jumps, makes one wonder the courage of adults diminishing down the years. Based on the pedagogy thingy I learnt during my course last week, adults are more logical and systematic. As such, they have lost the bit of courage to go further or do more. The box slowly builds and thinking out of the box becomes a brand new concept here to stay. Human beings learnt to calculate and trust their environment a little bit more after each fall. With enough trust, we take it for granted that the floor will not sink when we walk on it and the buildings will not collapse when we enter it. But what actually causes the death in people in falling or failing buildings, is when we trust it to hold us well too much and when disaster befalls us while watching the rising of death tolls, we grieve in solemn lost of trust. The ability to trust a building that has once fallen is gone with the wind as well. There's a reason why World Trade Centre in New York City never got rebuilt besides leaving ground zero for tourists. Then again, that doesn't stop us from entering the other buildings because are we left with no choice or do we forget pain too easily? Given the current world population and economic activities, it is almost impossible to house everyone on flat ground. Having said that, we've all heard of ground sinking destructions too. Am I not making sense? I guess some sleep is due...
Lastly, an internal debate which I'd leave it out for all to have a good think about it - Is trust a regenerating trait?
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Indifference
If the indifference in a person’s look can kill, many of us would have died too many times. The hype from a person may not be from the last can of carbonated drink but it may root from fear or discomfort and more often, an unsetting combination of both. The inability to tell a close one from a stranger is disconcerting. For one moment, your confidante becomes foreign… Almost as foreign as a new language in the piece of land thousands of miles away. The daily weather is almost as uncertain as the changing seasons. To light up on a day of overcast has proved tough. Smiles are contagious but rare. Like the stock market in this financial climate, the sunlight just keeps dimming day after day. The initial hype of anticipation died faster than one can count from 1 to 10. Even cold blooded animals know it’s time to bask in the sun when it’s out. The sun will not always shine, the heat will not always be available. Must we wait for the sun to go down before we wait in insufficient patience for it to reappear hours later?
Are we all too used to “maybe” answer then look back in regret full of “what ifs”. Going full on 100% in all things in life doesn’t always herald good news. Caring too much in the process and results will only lead to the usual equation of expectations versus disappointments. To ignore all emotions either puts you on the altar of “thou shalt have no feelings” or puts you on the path of painless journeys. This statement is flawed and I know it but devoid of finding a better explanation, maybe and yes, maybe deluding oneself is a way of doing things to ease it all off. Easier said than done, I know and I cannot disagree.
Buying time is neither the deal nor the option that one would prefer. However, if that’s the less of all evils, then the deal is on. What amounts to evil then? Does lesser pain means lesser of the evils but what if… The same ol’ exclamation of what ifs… Maybe… Whoever can guarantee or measure the amount of pain inflicted and whoever else would be able to understand?
If one can toast the pain off with a night of endless blabbering, life would be much easier. The drips and drapes that are left of the memorable cold is the unforgettable voice and the sheer warms of the hands. If loud music and more intoxication can help, it would be more welcomed. Maybe… Well maybe…
If the presence makes a difference, one can only pray that all will be sweet much like how we would love our stay on this world to be and be remembered just the way we want it to be and in some cases, the quieter the departure the better. Besides, not all funerals are fired up by drums and cymbals. Should the last moments be able to determine much, the look from the eyes of the senders would lay down what needs to be done after flames turn all warmth and blood to dust.
After having done all the necessaries within all possible humanly powers in pursuit of happyness, can “rest in peace” be appropriate? Maybe… Maybe not…
If this post is too cryptic, that was intended. With fears of being put out in the open to be a target for new wounds, the choice between an outlet and excess exposure is being compromised a little away from each direction. Without losing the piece of self, the journey continues.
Are we all too used to “maybe” answer then look back in regret full of “what ifs”. Going full on 100% in all things in life doesn’t always herald good news. Caring too much in the process and results will only lead to the usual equation of expectations versus disappointments. To ignore all emotions either puts you on the altar of “thou shalt have no feelings” or puts you on the path of painless journeys. This statement is flawed and I know it but devoid of finding a better explanation, maybe and yes, maybe deluding oneself is a way of doing things to ease it all off. Easier said than done, I know and I cannot disagree.
Buying time is neither the deal nor the option that one would prefer. However, if that’s the less of all evils, then the deal is on. What amounts to evil then? Does lesser pain means lesser of the evils but what if… The same ol’ exclamation of what ifs… Maybe… Whoever can guarantee or measure the amount of pain inflicted and whoever else would be able to understand?
If one can toast the pain off with a night of endless blabbering, life would be much easier. The drips and drapes that are left of the memorable cold is the unforgettable voice and the sheer warms of the hands. If loud music and more intoxication can help, it would be more welcomed. Maybe… Well maybe…
If the presence makes a difference, one can only pray that all will be sweet much like how we would love our stay on this world to be and be remembered just the way we want it to be and in some cases, the quieter the departure the better. Besides, not all funerals are fired up by drums and cymbals. Should the last moments be able to determine much, the look from the eyes of the senders would lay down what needs to be done after flames turn all warmth and blood to dust.
After having done all the necessaries within all possible humanly powers in pursuit of happyness, can “rest in peace” be appropriate? Maybe… Maybe not…
If this post is too cryptic, that was intended. With fears of being put out in the open to be a target for new wounds, the choice between an outlet and excess exposure is being compromised a little away from each direction. Without losing the piece of self, the journey continues.
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Painting The Bank Account Red
The trip is coming to an end. Massive shopping was done and I painted both the town and my bank account red. If it means I need to drink soya sauce for breakfast, lunch and dinner when I get back, I'd have to brace for a new kidney. Shopping ain't exactly cheap but the variety is awesome. Bargaining is totally foreign to me and it makes me feel totally useless. Going around taking pictures without my face inside seems a little like postcard photography and after a few shots, you shouldn't be amazed that I gave up on that idea altogether. Instead of having giant faces, I chose to save some battery life. Even then, travelling by yourself isn't that bad an idea at all. At the very least, you spend minimum amount of time whereever you don't want to be in and vice versa. More grounds get covered and of course, more shopping gets done. If you're a single female traveller, some not so marvellous tips which essentially worked for me over the years. Probably only applicable for city trips with shopping involved.
1. Have a travel wallet with your cards and the rest of the cash closeby yet unaccessible. (Common sense, I know) Have a little pouch with one essential shopping credit card and the cash that you're prepared to spend for the day. This way, you can effectively watch your spending as well. And look who's talking...
2. Always carry a big bag that can be secured with at least 3 smaller compartments. You'd never know what you're gonna buy.
3. When in doubt, follow the crowd. (And I mean the right crowd... If you trail behind some old ladies, you'll end up in their shopping district. If you choose shady guys...)
4. Have some water and tissues with you all the time.
5. iPod makes your long subway trips
6. Comfy walking shoes. Some places just keeps you walking and walking and walking and walking... They may be ugly but they keep you alive and your legs/feet happy.
7. Maps. You may not know how to read it but have one with you!
8. Mobile. For obvious reasons... And have at least a few emergency quick dials on hand just in case. The mobile must always be handy.
Although I may not be the most experienced traveller around, there are just some guidelines I have for myself.
Lastly, I do not wanna go home!
1. Have a travel wallet with your cards and the rest of the cash closeby yet unaccessible. (Common sense, I know) Have a little pouch with one essential shopping credit card and the cash that you're prepared to spend for the day. This way, you can effectively watch your spending as well. And look who's talking...
2. Always carry a big bag that can be secured with at least 3 smaller compartments. You'd never know what you're gonna buy.
3. When in doubt, follow the crowd. (And I mean the right crowd... If you trail behind some old ladies, you'll end up in their shopping district. If you choose shady guys...)
4. Have some water and tissues with you all the time.
5. iPod makes your long subway trips
6. Comfy walking shoes. Some places just keeps you walking and walking and walking and walking... They may be ugly but they keep you alive and your legs/feet happy.
7. Maps. You may not know how to read it but have one with you!
8. Mobile. For obvious reasons... And have at least a few emergency quick dials on hand just in case. The mobile must always be handy.
Although I may not be the most experienced traveller around, there are just some guidelines I have for myself.
Lastly, I do not wanna go home!
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
What If...
Sitting here alone, feeling slightly below the weather, my mind started to roam with my iTunes ringing away in the background. In this land of foreign language and faces, I wandered the streets looking for the complex answer to "what do I want to do next?" Simple question but depending on what it relates to demands a much more thought through answer. These couple of days, I chose to not pack too much activities but cover more grounds, understanding the very local way of living. If you want to dwell, I'm just too lazy to explore too much. I needed a break from too much in the mind and I was trying to just attain that. Having said that, money seems to miraculously disappear even not much shopping was done. Besides, my main purpose of being physically here was easily achieved by the flight. The rest is up to the bigger man up there. Weather here had been good with a bit of overcast every now and then but generally, what can't be controlled by me shouldn't be mine to grumble about. Maybe...
So, what do I want to do next? Was told recently that even if the deal is right in front of you, you can always choose not to accept the deal as the power of decision lies in your very own hands. But too many times, we're all too concerned with the "what ifs". There's always a limit to what one can take but why are we all so engrossed in pushing the bloody limit. Maybe it's easier to take the back seat and let the rest fall into place. Easier said than done. We all want what we want and what we can do to have it, we will fight for it. At least the miserable personality of mine always seeks such "nirvana". If the decision befalls on another person's decision, it might well be better to loosen the string and let the kite fly. Afterall, what is not yours will never be.
Sometimes, it's not about what the will power can do but not to have the will and to give it all away. The load should be lighter...
So, what do I want to do next? Was told recently that even if the deal is right in front of you, you can always choose not to accept the deal as the power of decision lies in your very own hands. But too many times, we're all too concerned with the "what ifs". There's always a limit to what one can take but why are we all so engrossed in pushing the bloody limit. Maybe it's easier to take the back seat and let the rest fall into place. Easier said than done. We all want what we want and what we can do to have it, we will fight for it. At least the miserable personality of mine always seeks such "nirvana". If the decision befalls on another person's decision, it might well be better to loosen the string and let the kite fly. Afterall, what is not yours will never be.
Sometimes, it's not about what the will power can do but not to have the will and to give it all away. The load should be lighter...
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Lost In Translation
After having written pages of airline review and about my first day in this new city, I discovered that I was having difficulties connecting to the internet with my Mac. So for latest updates, please wait till I have time to bring my Mac to the nearest Starbucks or when I'm back.
Weather is getting cooler and I spent the entire Sunday rotting in the apartment because I walked a little too much yesterday and my legs are aching. Another week of walking to come and I really miss my Osim at home...
I've yet to sink myself into the point of no return of retail therapy but I strongly believe the battle is beginning. There are just so much to see and buy here, the only worry is the depth of your pocket. Things aren't exactly cheap but the hunt begins...
Weather is getting cooler and I spent the entire Sunday rotting in the apartment because I walked a little too much yesterday and my legs are aching. Another week of walking to come and I really miss my Osim at home...
I've yet to sink myself into the point of no return of retail therapy but I strongly believe the battle is beginning. There are just so much to see and buy here, the only worry is the depth of your pocket. Things aren't exactly cheap but the hunt begins...
Friday, August 28, 2009
Me Leaving On A Jetplane. Yes ME!
Sitting in the departure lounge, waiting for yet another flight. This time round, the fun factor is escalated because most of the population around me has no idea where I'm heading to. Rest assured as I'll be updating my whereabouts very soon. Right now, I can only hope my flight is conducive enough for me to nap and thankfully, I have no kicking obasan with smelly feet behind me as I opted for the very last row. Window seat is given since I have really bad motion sickness. Yawn... Hope when I wake up, I'm at a brand new city ready for me to explore. SHOPPING!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Moving The Feet
Babooshka Mom once told me if one ever dreads stepping out of the door in the morning, things need to change and if we're able to do that, we should. I did that once not knowing if it was a good choice because if I could turn back time, I might have been alot more cautious and wouldn't be where I am today. Then again, had it not been the change, I might not have encountered some things, incidents nor people. The experience isn't quite exhilarating but definitely priceless. Meeting and working with Bring Thou The Knife is unexpectedly rewarding. Now that this chapter is closing, how the next chapter begins or continues got me thinking...
The credit crunch of 2008 affected many and I wasn't pardoned. That was the first economic depression of my working life. "Subprime" became a household term. Presumed stability was an illusion. No occupation is absolutely recession proof. Medical might be one but there are still part of the profession that was affected in one way or another. So far, if one has escaped the perils of the subprime led recession, you should be thanking God. Then again, I still believe that everything in life happens for a reason and that The Mighty One works in mysterious ways. Doubt is something I should avoid or should I say, I have tried. But by the very end of the day, I find my hands wide open, surrendering all. Absolutely frail and without defence, I often am left clueless. I talk, I speak, I scream and sometimes, I cry. All in the hope that my weak voice can be heard. Pressures emerge when you least need it and as much as I agree what Dad once taught me about life with regards to money, some problems just seem to get bigger without it.
When the market picks up, will life reset back to where it was left behind? Would it be desired? Would the newly amassed experience sufficiently compensates? Decisions are made in life everyday and to not regret is my personal key in my very own decision making audit committee between the ears. To learn to walk again is no longer a choice. To want more in life is purely a luxurious want but not too much to ask for. To put this in perspective, we all want life to be better today than tomorrow. Maybe I'm still lucky because I've always been given choices...
The credit crunch of 2008 affected many and I wasn't pardoned. That was the first economic depression of my working life. "Subprime" became a household term. Presumed stability was an illusion. No occupation is absolutely recession proof. Medical might be one but there are still part of the profession that was affected in one way or another. So far, if one has escaped the perils of the subprime led recession, you should be thanking God. Then again, I still believe that everything in life happens for a reason and that The Mighty One works in mysterious ways. Doubt is something I should avoid or should I say, I have tried. But by the very end of the day, I find my hands wide open, surrendering all. Absolutely frail and without defence, I often am left clueless. I talk, I speak, I scream and sometimes, I cry. All in the hope that my weak voice can be heard. Pressures emerge when you least need it and as much as I agree what Dad once taught me about life with regards to money, some problems just seem to get bigger without it.
When the market picks up, will life reset back to where it was left behind? Would it be desired? Would the newly amassed experience sufficiently compensates? Decisions are made in life everyday and to not regret is my personal key in my very own decision making audit committee between the ears. To learn to walk again is no longer a choice. To want more in life is purely a luxurious want but not too much to ask for. To put this in perspective, we all want life to be better today than tomorrow. Maybe I'm still lucky because I've always been given choices...
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Bleah...
Just so mentally tired. I've been missing my alarm and rushing the daylights out of myself recently. So much things on my mind and so much piled up that I have no idea where to begin. Never ever been good with politics, it's still a topic I'd like to avoid. But somehow, it gets to you no matter what. It's when i found myself dreading getting out of the house, I knew some things had to change. For now, it's the mindset... Good night, world...
Friday, August 14, 2009
I Loved That Lazy Moment
This would be the last song in the world anyone would categorise as a love song. It stirs back some happy moments...
Care to send me the mp3 format, anyone? I'm dying to sing along to this in Kokoro...
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Almost Here
When a purpose is no longer present, the game resets and life reshuffles. Looking at goals previously forsaken due to some setbacks, the process of rethinking begins. Goals are set once again but the arena changes. Getting out of this country may give the whole picture a clearer view and changes the focus spot. Having a brand new aim might being life to greater heights. If that is what that will last, there's no reason why that position shouldn't have a spot for me. Other things in life can wait I suppose...
Keeping all options open, there's a chance I might not leave the border but every chance I have to leave this place for a while, I might grab it in a heartbeat given the right settings. The daily reminder of what things would have been can be torturous. Going out to just do it might solve all issues. The main question is the future of Kokoro, the machine that's of so much value to me but none to others. It was the topic of how future would be like with the little house and the little car and Kokoro being that little car. To let go of such memories is undesirable but necessary. To press on will only smear the nice make up that's put on to beautify the face.
The temptation of a faster moving city is extremely tempting. The pending stress is only encouraging to put all of the mind and the soul into carving a new block. The rest of life will have to wait. Staring at pictures of bliss and happiness, it feels almost like a joke that we actually built those sandcastles that we knew that was too far away from concrete. No amount of desire and perseverance seems to be helping. I wish I could change the world but my hands are too small. If they can't even change the arc of my mouth, they can't change a mind. There's very little left to what one can do...
I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Saturday, August 08, 2009
最暖的胸口
After the sandstorm, the dust settles. Everything still looks grainy, as though God intended for it to be so. As much as we'd all love a clearer view, clarity remains out of reach. Did He forgot about me?
A couple of days short of the most important day in the calendar, the second departure differed from the first. Still vivid and remembered by the post on the day of the first teary goodbye, I wrote that to wait was naturally expected. Little did I know, the second goodbye was for good. I'm wishing it would rain heavily now so that I could go soak myself and wake my dumb brain up. The mind is playing back the bitter sweet moments like a fucked up broken recorder. Absolutely torturing and disruptive. Funnily, I secretly hope that the same teary scene at the very last moment before the first final departure, the words "wait for me, dear..." would reappear like a beautiful dream. Like a forgotten child...
牵手和分手来自同一双手
To try to maintain a strong front has always been a forte. To return home to emptiness never fails to hit hard with the unspeakable and excruciating pain. If there's someone I could run to, there could only be one. When the weather is bad out there, we will always look forward to having a warm shower at home. When the fall hurts, the sprint home to that warm voice always helps. Few fit the bill of a warm voice. The choices are ultimately a choice.
The rain is getting cold. The face gets warmer. The arms are empty. To long to hide in Pengaloo... The warmth in the cold... Complex yet simple happiness. It is not an imaginary place but it can no longer be found.
我怀念的 是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动
Is this wanting very little or wanting alot? I want nothing else in this world. Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Nothing... I find that I'm talking to myself...
想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐
Now that the emo side is done, the rational side of me understands. I truly do... And I'll still be around whenever my presence is needed.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Parcel Before The Toe
There are just so many things I try to talk about or not talk about. This blog is after all a public area accessible by everyone. This has always be my outlet and will continue to be. There's only so much I could hide in my car to scream, tear and swallow down and about all the crap this world delivers right to my doorstep. Not anywhere else but right smack in front of my big toe. When every step you take is in consideration of a bigger picture, the moment the artist withdraws the drawn, it will not just be a plain piece of canvas, it becomes an useless piece of dirty canvas. Time will wash this piece of canvas time and again and whether it regains it's former glory, it's an uncertainty we can hardly hold on to. Time will also play its part in aging the canvas. To some, it's vintage. To others, it's a piece of rag. To find the right jockey for the crippled horse may be a challenge, though not impossible but has anyone asked if the horse is too old or too tired to race the race?
Time is not the right chip, neither yours nor mine. Time is something none of us can stop or grab. It will slip away from you regardless of the number of steps that you're taking. Staring into space may be therapy to some but total wastage to others. Is silence and doing absolutely nothing a bad thing afterall? Would it allow repackaging, restructuring, resizing? To reshuffle is again, back to the initial drawing board. Too tired... Maybe taking a seat by the broken tree stump might salvage some integrity. Reshuffling...
Time is not the right chip, neither yours nor mine. Time is something none of us can stop or grab. It will slip away from you regardless of the number of steps that you're taking. Staring into space may be therapy to some but total wastage to others. Is silence and doing absolutely nothing a bad thing afterall? Would it allow repackaging, restructuring, resizing? To reshuffle is again, back to the initial drawing board. Too tired... Maybe taking a seat by the broken tree stump might salvage some integrity. Reshuffling...
Monday, August 03, 2009
愛我別走
我到了這個時候還是一樣 夜裡的寂寞容易叫人悲傷
我不敢想的太多 因為我一個人 迎面而來的月光拉長身影
漫無目的地走在冷冷的街 我沒有你的消息
因為我在想你 愛我別走 如果你說 你不愛我
不要聽見你真的說出口 再給我一點溫柔 愛我別走
如果你說 你不愛我 不要聽見你真的說出口
再給我一點溫柔 我到了這個時候還是一樣
夜裡的寂寞容易叫人悲傷 我不敢想的太多
因為我一個人 迎面而來的月光拉長身影
漫無目的地走在冷冷的街 我沒有你的消息
因為我在想你 愛我別走 如果你說 你不愛我
不要聽見你真的說出口 再給我一點溫柔
愛我別走 如果你說 你不愛我 不要聽見你真的說出口
再給我一點溫柔
愛我別走 如果你說 你不愛我
不要聽見你真的說出口 再給我一點溫柔 愛我別走
如果你說 你不愛我 不要聽見你真的說出口 再給我一點溫柔
Packing Up The Dreams
Recalling the week when I came home from work staring at the familiar backview while work continues on the Mac. It was sheer happiness even if it means not doing much. Expecting the future to be busier than ever, the concern was thrown out of the window. Changes were inevitable but we geared towards it and we was braving it together. On a one way street, thinking that love will conquer all, the battle was lost. Thinking I was needed and wanted was plain wishful. Packing up the memories, I will keep walking. Looking back, there were only smiles and I'm thankful for the memories. Sorry I couldn't be there anymore even if I wanted to. It was that little space in the heart that I failed to hold the fort. Wounded and tired, I just need to take a rest... Maybe tomorrow might be better. Afterall, the sun will always be shining.
If only the pillar can continue to support the building, the pillar will relentlessly hold on until the day it crumbles.
If only the pillar can continue to support the building, the pillar will relentlessly hold on until the day it crumbles.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Everytime We Say Goodbye, I Wish We Had Another Kiss
If one is found sitting in an empty and cold room staring into the promises written on the ball of the past, the legs curl up and you try to remind yourself, happiness is not measured by this moment but a collective series of episodes consisting of the past, present and the future. Hoping that crazy emotions doesn't get the better of things, you take a deep breather and just think of the most beautiful images you could ever piece together and recall. What is missed is often easily brought up by a song or a line but what could be missed could possibly mean a lifetime. Life brings about many junctions and many tend to detour you but once the destination is a clear one, perseverence will pay off. Or will it really? The junctions bring about opportunities and alternative happiness but eventually, it is the destination that you are concerned with. However, the company that keeps you going during this journey cannot be taken out of the equation. So what if the junctions are tempting, the decision lies within. When I believe it to be beautiful, it is not an illusion. It is beautiful. Bring me to life!
Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, fell the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, fell the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Thursday, July 30, 2009
想太多
I remembered when we were young, our school bags were atrociously heavy. Every night, I'd religiously pack my bag to make sure that I will have the necessary the next day but not overpack. However, the possibility of overpacking was unavoidable due to personal anal characteristics that I'd rather overpack than underpack. To underpack would be disastrous. Which actually equates to a huge travel toiletries bag and that normally takes up a good quarter of my luggage for any short haul trips. When underpacked, I'd feel totally inadequate and my mood would normally hit rock bottom, killing the rest of my trips. Well, that generally applies to crucial items like spectacles, contact lenses, hair mask and my flat iron for the unmanageable hair.
Back to school bags, my parents were always worried if I run the risk of becoming the Hunchback of Notredame. And as the day passes, the bag becomes heavier. Or when the weather isn't quite going the way you want it to be, you just wish to dump the bag in some field and bury it forever till it turns to dust. I knew my parents would ensure I'm the one to bite the dust eventually so I gradually gave up that thought.
How many times have we found ourselves beginning a day with a light bag and subsequently found it too heavy for our shoulders? The contents hasn't changed and if any, cash miraculously disappeared during the day. For me, I blame it on the shopping indulgence happening once every blue moon. I prefer to call it retail therapy. Minus the shopping part, the shoulders get more and more tired without any significant addition to the general weight of the bag. The drag is painful but we're bound to carry them home. How many of these times do we wanna just head straight home (excluding the shopping trips in Hong Kong whereby it's so convenient to drop off your shopping at the hotel before returning to the mall for more killings) and not care about the load anymore? Sometimes we succumb to the sore shoulders but for myself, more often than not, I endured till the end of the day and happily head home to smile at my very victorious shopping trip. All is not wasted when you put on your pair of killer heels or that sexy little black dress. However, not all shopping trips end with good purchases. On days, you find yourself going back to swop but better sizes/colours or a total refund for the unwanted product. Though few and far between, it sure does happen. Undesirable but unavoidable. So the next time when your bag gets heavy, don't just flag a cab and head home. think of the more beautiful things awaiting for you at the end of the day. Hopefully, life gets more fulfilled.
你笑着说 他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔
我的不安 那么沉重
只有你不懂
他霸占了 你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说 我们 不是你和我
是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却没有 真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
他霸占了 你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说 我们 不是你和我
是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却没有 真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
我想我没有 错怪了什么
虽然你不说 都是错在我
太晚我才懂 爱了你太多
是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却没有 真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
Back to school bags, my parents were always worried if I run the risk of becoming the Hunchback of Notredame. And as the day passes, the bag becomes heavier. Or when the weather isn't quite going the way you want it to be, you just wish to dump the bag in some field and bury it forever till it turns to dust. I knew my parents would ensure I'm the one to bite the dust eventually so I gradually gave up that thought.
How many times have we found ourselves beginning a day with a light bag and subsequently found it too heavy for our shoulders? The contents hasn't changed and if any, cash miraculously disappeared during the day. For me, I blame it on the shopping indulgence happening once every blue moon. I prefer to call it retail therapy. Minus the shopping part, the shoulders get more and more tired without any significant addition to the general weight of the bag. The drag is painful but we're bound to carry them home. How many of these times do we wanna just head straight home (excluding the shopping trips in Hong Kong whereby it's so convenient to drop off your shopping at the hotel before returning to the mall for more killings) and not care about the load anymore? Sometimes we succumb to the sore shoulders but for myself, more often than not, I endured till the end of the day and happily head home to smile at my very victorious shopping trip. All is not wasted when you put on your pair of killer heels or that sexy little black dress. However, not all shopping trips end with good purchases. On days, you find yourself going back to swop but better sizes/colours or a total refund for the unwanted product. Though few and far between, it sure does happen. Undesirable but unavoidable. So the next time when your bag gets heavy, don't just flag a cab and head home. think of the more beautiful things awaiting for you at the end of the day. Hopefully, life gets more fulfilled.
你笑着说 他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔
我的不安 那么沉重
只有你不懂
他霸占了 你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说 我们 不是你和我
是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却没有 真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
他霸占了 你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说 我们 不是你和我
是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却没有 真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
我想我没有 错怪了什么
虽然你不说 都是错在我
太晚我才懂 爱了你太多
是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却没有 真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Authenticity of Care
Every girl, and for that matter, every human being likes to be given the attention and to be cared for. But life is weird in the way when you are expecting concern from specific people, they tend to not notice your needs. On the very same page, you have people who care and gives you the attention you so desire. Does it really matter at the end of the day if such cares are genuine or are such concerns a selfish way to keep our emotions on a constant high? What is the yardstick for authenticity then?
I suppose if we look at our life like the GPS navigation system. One needs to get from point A to point B. At times, we may need to take a detour but we're eventually headed to our destination. Other times, for one reason or another, we abort the current destination to hunt for the nearest mall. There are traffic warnings here and there but it boils down to oneself is you would want to bring withn the speed limit or beat that red light. Penalty may or may not come. The single most important factor determining the destination is eventually the driver him/herself. One decides if a detour is needed or desired regardless of the highlighted route.
Crucially, your conscience should be your natural direction in life. The destination may not be clear but clearly, the drive ought to be a safe and hopefully, interesting one.
I suppose if we look at our life like the GPS navigation system. One needs to get from point A to point B. At times, we may need to take a detour but we're eventually headed to our destination. Other times, for one reason or another, we abort the current destination to hunt for the nearest mall. There are traffic warnings here and there but it boils down to oneself is you would want to bring withn the speed limit or beat that red light. Penalty may or may not come. The single most important factor determining the destination is eventually the driver him/herself. One decides if a detour is needed or desired regardless of the highlighted route.
Crucially, your conscience should be your natural direction in life. The destination may not be clear but clearly, the drive ought to be a safe and hopefully, interesting one.
Life's Eclipse
It's been quiet but it isn't dead. Besides work, my Blackberry has occupied all my other time frantically trying to find someone for dinner in the bare remaining hours I'm left with after work. Due to the lack of an interface to blog via my Blackberry, I've gone pretty darn silent. I'm back with a vengence and I'm determined to find a user friendly interface to start blogging again. If you have got any suggestions, please inform me.
After work, life mostly revolves around a short dinner cum coffee then it's straight home because by then, I'll be dead beat. Rarely do I have the luxury of spending hours out after working hours because I'd be expected to be at work on time, if not, before official start time. And to be working on the other end of this island, being at work on time is important yet discouraging.
To be home early has lost its appeal. Having my folks grumbling about my job and the limited promised dough isn't pleasant and with Skype no longer blinking away with highly anticipated conversations, to be home early has lost its incentive. However, going home slightly later doesn't mean that I have loads of time to unwind. Doubled with the lack of sleep, I'm beginning to look like a real zombie.
Hopefully, Cannonbola Run 3 this weekend can spice up my life that bit more.
After work, life mostly revolves around a short dinner cum coffee then it's straight home because by then, I'll be dead beat. Rarely do I have the luxury of spending hours out after working hours because I'd be expected to be at work on time, if not, before official start time. And to be working on the other end of this island, being at work on time is important yet discouraging.
To be home early has lost its appeal. Having my folks grumbling about my job and the limited promised dough isn't pleasant and with Skype no longer blinking away with highly anticipated conversations, to be home early has lost its incentive. However, going home slightly later doesn't mean that I have loads of time to unwind. Doubled with the lack of sleep, I'm beginning to look like a real zombie.
Hopefully, Cannonbola Run 3 this weekend can spice up my life that bit more.
Sunday, July 05, 2009
THE Prada Bag
Shopping has always been my more feminine love and equally as painfully and detrimental to my pocket as my love for cars. Slightly more than a year back, I made my choice and adopted Kokoro. Subsequently, I lost my job and settled for a job I would never have imagined myself to take on. As much as it is interesting, it's not able to financially support my expensive passions. Not that I'm regretting and in fact, I'm thankful for such an opportunity. However, I do want to kill myself when I go shopping and realise I have lost the spending power I used to have. I started to think if things would have been better had I continued to plough on the same dry ground and hoping the rain starts to pour and on a daily basis, pray that things grow on the barren ground. I kinda like the way it is now that my life doesn't depend on the variant in my paycheck but that also means it wouldn't grow no matter how hard I work.
While staring at the black leather/fabric bag in Prada, I was so tempted to bring it home. When I was told that they have only brought in 5 pieces and that was the last piece, I nearly died because I wanted it so damn badly. My immediate reaction wwas thinking if I should go back to my previous line. to be honest, apart from the meagre paycheck, I do enjoy what I'm doing at the moment. But for the kinda headache I have to brave through, I am seriously overutilised on the per dollar basis. Don't get me wrong because I'm not complaining. I just wanted that bag quite badly but I cannot justify spending 2 months worth of car installments on it and not eat and spend for the rest of the month. Sigh...
While staring at the black leather/fabric bag in Prada, I was so tempted to bring it home. When I was told that they have only brought in 5 pieces and that was the last piece, I nearly died because I wanted it so damn badly. My immediate reaction wwas thinking if I should go back to my previous line. to be honest, apart from the meagre paycheck, I do enjoy what I'm doing at the moment. But for the kinda headache I have to brave through, I am seriously overutilised on the per dollar basis. Don't get me wrong because I'm not complaining. I just wanted that bag quite badly but I cannot justify spending 2 months worth of car installments on it and not eat and spend for the rest of the month. Sigh...
Friday, July 03, 2009
Friday Entertainment
My self entertainment while facing pain at work, turning my anguish to laughter.
An internal email to a colleague:
"Dear XXX (XXX to protect my innocent colleague),
I think for general XXX (XXX to protect my innocent department) “Mental” Health, we should set up a course. Common Sense Development Course (CSDC) The purpose of this course is to reduce hazardous remarks that are said without putting any reasonable thoughts to it and causing grieve to others as a result. In the course, we will provide XXX (XXX to protect a particular government organisation) certified trainers which are commonly found in most zoos and humans call them monkeys. The honouranium will be in the form of peanuts.
Please approve this course suggestion so we can get non-English language certified courseware developers to start developing courseware plagued with spelling errors.
PS. I wore my watch on my waist today and my belt on my wrist. I’m so happy."
Another follow up email by me:
Dear XXX (XXX to protect my innocent colleague),
Thank you for the approval. Please note that trainees are able to claim special funds from Mandai XXXlogical (XXX to protect someone who doesn't quite need much protection) Garten but please do direct them to the Idiots Only Department (IOD). They have to meet the basic requirements as follows:
- From department of Sales/Marketing
- Certified as old ugly men and occasionally some old ugly women
Unfortunately, I’m sorry to tell you that you do not qualify so XXX (XXX to protect my innocent department) will not be able to sponsor you for the course as XXX (XXX to protect my innocent department in another desperate attempt) is the anal department always giving people trouble and always receiving others’ unwanted burden. You need to be ugly and stupid enough to qualify so in the event that you disfigured your face AND killed your brains, we will accept an appeal from you and might consider waiving your course fee.
I have just entertained myself on a PMS plagued, stressed up Friday.
An internal email to a colleague:
"Dear XXX (XXX to protect my innocent colleague),
I think for general XXX (XXX to protect my innocent department) “Mental” Health, we should set up a course. Common Sense Development Course (CSDC) The purpose of this course is to reduce hazardous remarks that are said without putting any reasonable thoughts to it and causing grieve to others as a result. In the course, we will provide XXX (XXX to protect a particular government organisation) certified trainers which are commonly found in most zoos and humans call them monkeys. The honouranium will be in the form of peanuts.
Please approve this course suggestion so we can get non-English language certified courseware developers to start developing courseware plagued with spelling errors.
PS. I wore my watch on my waist today and my belt on my wrist. I’m so happy."
Another follow up email by me:
Dear XXX (XXX to protect my innocent colleague),
Thank you for the approval. Please note that trainees are able to claim special funds from Mandai XXXlogical (XXX to protect someone who doesn't quite need much protection) Garten but please do direct them to the Idiots Only Department (IOD). They have to meet the basic requirements as follows:
- From department of Sales/Marketing
- Certified as old ugly men and occasionally some old ugly women
Unfortunately, I’m sorry to tell you that you do not qualify so XXX (XXX to protect my innocent department) will not be able to sponsor you for the course as XXX (XXX to protect my innocent department in another desperate attempt) is the anal department always giving people trouble and always receiving others’ unwanted burden. You need to be ugly and stupid enough to qualify so in the event that you disfigured your face AND killed your brains, we will accept an appeal from you and might consider waiving your course fee.
I have just entertained myself on a PMS plagued, stressed up Friday.
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