Dazzling Big 30 Gift To Myself

It's been years that I've always yearned for a beautiful smile. A chipped tooth and another badly decayed has kept that sparkle at bay. Before this were years of discussions with my dentist and the only issue that has kept me from pursuing the smile was the bank account. Having gone through the braces with little success, the crown was inevitable. I could have just filled it up nicely but that's not going to change the lousy orientation of the teeth.

Running the risk of emptying the bank account after months of hard work, topped with sufficient courage, I told my dentist one day that he can finally go ahead to better the aesthetics. In order to alter the orientation, the veneer was out so the only option was a crown. About a week ago, the dentist shaved off my 4 front teeth. Seeing my reflection on the little LCD screen, I thought I looked horrendous. However, regret was a little late. Now I have got 4 temporary cap over the shaved tooth, giving me an awkward smile over the entire Christmas period. I am now extremely looking forward to next week when my crown would be officially on. Practising the new smile will keep me busy during my Hong Kong trip in January.

Next on, the lasik. Time to beef up the bank account again...

This Christmas

Departing from the previous years of drinking, maybe it's part of aging, the fun is completely different. Some little things have warmed me like never before. Things are beginning to look different and I'm quite confident that the coming year would be better. In a nutshell, I didn't spend the entire Christmas Day nursing a hangover.

Bidding farewell to the place I called second home for the past months, I am forced to take a month off work and rest. Considering it's very much a festive month, this break was welcomed with open arms. I was kept busy running errands and being the man's chauffeur. Simple day usually ending with simple dinners and excessive time on the iPhone.

The plan for my big 30 gift hasn't quite gone down the drain. Working within necessary budget, no extravagent trips were planned but instead, it was one giving me a dazzling smile. More to come in my next post.

2 days in a row, dinners with friends and family kept me running around. Friends and family who weren't mine until some months ago. I was overwhelmed by warmth and contentment. Of all the pursuits in life, isn't this all what we have ever wanted. A smile at the end of the day...

Regular Musings, Not So Regular Lifestyle

My life is far busier when I'm not working, believe it or not. My schedule (Yes, i do have one enough though I'm on garden leave) is filled with facials, manicures, haircuts which are all long overdue. Waking up early isn't an option as I would need to send the man to work just so I can use the car for the rest of the day. Afternoon naps are possible only IF I'm home at that time. More often, I'll be out buying or doing some stuffs. This only means the bank account is depreciating on a higher rate than a normal work day.

The change was unexpected, almost a surprise to many people and even to myself. It was a change that I know I'd be happy or at the very least, the one last change you would expect to happen until the next World War. The familiar faces and voices will probably ease the day to day drag and for that matter, no more drag. And for prepare for the new start, I needed a gift for myself. Well, that's just an excuse.

My big 3-0 is just round the corner and and my plans for a big Safari trip is looking bleak. Hence, the decision to dump some months' effort into changing the look of my 4 front teeth is underway. More details will be up by next week. I will get through Christmas with some ugly replacement and hopefully, by my birthday, the smile will look entirely different. Can't wait...

My Vision, World Vision

As some of you may know that I have my adopted charity. What happens is that I do not make random donation but instead, I will channel my funds to either sponsoring children in less fortunate places and to make a year end Christmas donation. My adopted charity is the World Vision and on an annual basis near to Christmas, I will receive this brochure for a one time donation. Such gifts are really special and interesting. A couple of examples that you can donate (cost in brackets):

- Blanket to be send to Myanmar ($12)
- Goat or sheep for orphans in Ethiopia ($94/$155)
- 2 peach trees + 3 apple trees for the people in Lesotho ($11)

At different price ranges, you can donate what you can afford. A little goes a long way and to be absolutely honestly, the extra $50 more a month is not even going to be pinching you but it helps to build a community behind the beautiful faces of the under-privileged children.

Do what you can. Simply click on the World Vision banner on your right.

Zapatos-mania

Ever since I started to indulge in the better things in life, my passion has revolved around cars and girly stuffs like bags and shoes. The ownership of a car took me away from the more feminine side over the past few years. As much as the petrolhead in me continues to live, part of my self fulfillment now lies in the purchasing of bags and shoes.

When it comes to bags, I tend to be a tad more conservative because my taste in bags tend to be a little exquisite. To counter the problem, my investments never tailed too far from classic and "amortisable" purchases. The rational mind will have their conversations and logic always prevail. It can be seen from my daily recycling habits of my bags. At some point in time, I would love to have a slightly more varied wardrobe of bags but before that day arrives, I will stick to my staples.

What retail therapy means to me apart from doing insane online shopping on Victoria's Secret and ASOS, would be my regular visits to Alegra. Alegra is jointly run by 2 ladies with incredible taste for shoes. At times they do some nice knockoffs which are slight variations from the runway. The designs are more practical and definitely wearable. If comfort is one of your worries, you can rest assured that although I indulged in killer heels and I do admit that they are not the most comfortable creatures in the world, the shoes that Alegra carries is definitely more comfortable than other shoes in the same price range. Over the past few months, I have bought more than enough shoes than what the excuse "I need this shoe to match this dress" can justify. On a day to day basis, I switch between about 10 pairs of shoes left in the office for convenience sake. The stamp card that Alegra gave me is now almost full and that means I can buy another 3 pairs at 20% discount. But according to Blue Potato, I do not need or should not need to buy any more shoes until the end of the this year. I don't disagree but I have to really peel myself away from Alegra whenever I walk past. Thankfully, the stuffs that really appeal to me are not normally on display. The best items are always hidden and tucked away in the store. Apart from Alegra, I have always bought countless pairs from Vincci whenever we have a drive trip to Malaysia.

Recently, Ferragamo was having this delicious sale but I have successfully convinced myself that the money could be spent more wisely. Considering that I have found a new "target", I should not just squander the littler-er money away and make myself feel miserable when I can't afford the more big ticket item.

Talking about big ticket, my teeth needs some fixing and I will have to decide in a week's time if I want to complete the project which I've always wanted to embark on.

The Adventures of The Misadventures

Getting my wallet nicked at Platinum Mall wasn't the most pleasant experience. It was a girls' trip together with 7 others from the office. Great food and endless shopping marked most of the trip. However, just several hours into the shopping, I ran out of all money and it wasn't because I spent it all. Having seen the others in despair and reporting their losses, it was a funny sense of relief that I wasn't the only one. The floods in the country have brought the poor up into the city seeking money and definitely not the most of the legal ways. Fortunately for me, I have got friends who could financially help my through the rest of the shopping frenzy and someone at home who efficiently assisted me with cancelling the cards. The trip to the local police station was at adventure in itself. While trying my best to be understood so as to get my statement taken, I was wondering if I'm ever gonna get the massage that I was anticipating.

The trip ended with much regrets, not having the foods I was craving for and insufficient shopping that I had hoped I completed. It was still a trip I will always remember not because of the misadventure, but the company that kept me going. So looking forward to the next one. This time, I'll strap the money close to me with masking tape.

The Wisdom of the Blue Potato

People are not to blamed if they are not born as intelligent as others. But it's the realisation of such inadequacy that can help you to be a better person in life. The hilarious part is when you're found to be a conniving person, instead of just losing trust, you will eventually become a joke.

I tend to be blinded with anger when some people try to get to me. The agenda is unknown or rather, it's not within a reasonable person's call to action for the most trivial of things. I ignore them till they blow it in my face. Leaving a conversation, looking like a beetroot and swallowing the flames wasn't the most easy of all decisions. But the Lord works in mysterious ways. He allowed me to see the bigger picture from a bigger person. He has blessed me with wisdom by giving me a hand to hold for life to guide me through the darkest of all roads.

Looking back, the people who calls themselves your friends, yet stabbing you beyond your sight, can enjoy each other's companionship as they grow old because with such narrow hearts, you will never be able to find space in the heart to accommodate someone else in order to love them beyond the way you love yourself.

Sitting here at Mcdonald's, looking at the Monopoly tab, it dawned on me that life is always about finding the Sentosa Cove tab because you're holding to the Marina Bay one. And so what if you had won the $80,000. It's being able to hold on to the wealth and let it blossom into something greater that really gives the prize winning some meaning. I may not have won the McDonald's prize but I found something even better.

Disconnect to Connect

When I found myself having issues with Blue Potato for using his phone over dinner, I forgot to check out the reflection on the mirror. During a recent conversation, we recalled on how I was t'apping' away on my iPhone and I felt really guilty for being a social failure. Soon after, I forgot how the phone disconnects us from life.

Just about a year ago, I was posting proudly on how much of a Crackberry I was. It is not that I was unaware that human relationships eventually relies on communication, the non-electronic sort. I was unknowingly sucked into the whole "the game is so interesting" or "I so need to twit about this" moment and I didn't care about the other diners on the table nor the rest of the people in the conversation. I was in my world.

Blue Potato showed me this video to prove a point and it was home run. Guilt has overwhelmed me but his patience was too warm to ignore. The understanding that I received was pure bliss.

Farewell Ascocendas

I won't pretend to say I know alot about the woman who has always been the one right behind the man who made a difference to my life and my habitat. But in my memories will be a woman who stood by her husband through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, with unprecedented poise and of Asian beauty. She will continue to live in my heart as a role model for the rest of my life. The basic lesson of simple contentment that will bring us round the ups and downs. Rest in eternal peace, Mdm Kwa Geok Choo.

F1 Fever

This is the 3rd year that Singapore is hosting the race and I've yet to go for any of them. As many of you may know, I'm pretty much a petrol head but the fever just hasn't hit me. To be honest, I'd love to go for the races but I simply cannot justify paying for the tickets and still squeezing my way in there. By any chance, if I get offer a corporate suite at a reasonable price, I might actually consider. Having said that, I'd gladly watch the race in the comfort of my couch.

The inconvenience of the race has surfaced too many times to not talk about it. Going to and coming home from work becomes a chore. Having offsite meetings became insane. All because I work right in the middle of Central Business District where the race is being held. The road closures made me wonder what do I actually benefit from having the races in Singapore when on the other spectrum, it made my life so much worse. Although I know the benefits will not be so immediately visible or for that matter, tangible in any form, I'm still not paying any less in terms of taxes.

As a Singaporean, we have always thought that if we could provide a world class race (very much like a world class Olympic event), then we could get much publicity that way. But NO, we are often criticised for not having a great track which I do admit, it's absolutely true. The road conditions are horrible and when you see the machines bottoming up, you wonder aloud, "what an embarrassment!" Of all the taxes I've paid and the inconvenience that the race has given me, I'm still so far from providing one of the most impressive tracks the F1 has to offer. If there's any saving grace, the backdrop of the unique Singapore city night race is amazing.

It's exciting to get visitors coming to town and think that this small dot is more that just a blemish on the map. The impression that are telecasted across the globe only gives potential visitors an excellent image. It is still possible to retain the positive but someone has to work on the negatives to make Singapore the place that we've always been proud to call home. And please, no smart alec scholars who knows nuts about F1 races. We can only wish for an amazing someone to correct the situation. Fingers all crossed, let's watch out for next year.

Goodbye Kokoro

Guess it is about time.

When I first decided to get Kokoro, it as my personal mark of achievement that I can and I will, which I did. It's been a little more than 2 years and over the past 43000km, that little machine has served me well. Despite all the time that it was in VCS to get the piston rings, mechatronics, manifold and whatever not it needs to make it feel good again, it has never failed me. Especially these couple of months after all the major changes, it hasn't even coughed a little. Till today, even merely looking at it makes me feel good about myself. Through turbulent times, keeping up with the upkeeping was draining.

The project began with the major transformation to look like the way when it first arrived. The process is still ongoing and by the next week, it's ready to be adopted for good. The love may be lost but the pressure will be off. A wise decision considering the situation. Time to let go of the love of your life when you know you're ready for the next stage.

This pain will be temporal.

A Fit

Not the spasm sort but relating to people who makes you feel entirely comfortable around them. When this comfort extends from a person to the entire social circle of this person, it almost feels like a jigsaw fit. Mind you that in life, jigsaw fits will always have the impressions and the lines. The picture will not be perfect but you'd take it for the way it is because you paid for a jigsaw and have accepted the very way it came in. To even complete the jigsaw puzzle should be a feat in itself.

In most young minds, the thought is always the search for the high definition picture. But it occurred to me that the senior folks are very much satisfied with their pixelated screens as long as they carry the right message. In both views, different messages from a very same pictures are conveyed depending on their respective recipients. At the age straddling both bands, the expectations are better managed and not compromised. In search of very different objectives, the starting line will differ.

People come and go in our complicated lives and at various points of the timeline, the same footprints will inevitably cross our paths. The rest of how the history should be written depends on how we write them. Keeping the objectives clear will very likely steer us in the direction of the eventual goal. Having the blinkers on and the sight focused, the end point is never too far away. Yet again, these all boils down to perspective and managing expectations. The noise beyond these, should be ignored and erased. Interference will only slow down the race, albeit the race at walking speed.

Expecting The Supposedly Expected

Expectations often disappoints because with the anticipation, we tend to feel loss but if it had never happened with no expectations, life would be filled with more smiles. Simply said than done, it's extremely tough to ignore the emotions. As B put it, we are people who tend to think too much and more often, it's not very healthy. When the thoughts revolve the brains, the mental energy gets zapped so quickly that we don't normally know how the term "mental exhaustion" came about because we only feel it when it's too late.

Exploration is yet another stage that prevents you to move ahead.If we are always in the exploratory stage, how can we even find the right time to harvest the crops. The song I last posted was titled 對的人 which means The Right Person. The lyrics moved me and encouraged me to be that but more patience. But when pushed too far, even with excessive patience, we can run out of it. If life is a waiting game, I've played too much of it and I become a slave to this game without realising it.

愛要耐心等待　仔細尋找　感覺很重要
寧可空白了手　等候一次　真心的擁抱
我相信在這個世界上　一定會遇到
對的人出現 在眼角

對的人

How do people know if they have found the right person? So what if the person fits like a jigsaw? According to Sod's, which my life seems to be closely adhered to, nothing seems to be smooth sailing. It's not as simple as the person whom I love doesn't reciprocate and the person whom I'm uninterested in, likes me. It's the nitty gritties that guides a relationship, be it the friendship, the dating process, the life planning, the marriage, health, death and to some, the divorce. The part whereby people take things for granted, the feelings of people who are affected by our very own actions. The anticipation of the good and the bad. The ultimate unknown and the not knowing the ultimate.

Patience will then play its role for one to hold their fort. Friends are always teasing me about the "Panic Button" but trust me, I am feeling anything but panic. I am very much fine to be alone like this but I know I wouldn't be happy. I can't always be seeking the left shoulder of Black Tulip aka Big Bear because one day, his both shoulders will be required by his Mrs. For now, all I want is to cry into those shoulders before one that I can call my own were to appear one day. I feel like I'm imposing his life. Do not get me wrong and go into the men and women can never have a platonic friendship. I think I know better although I am almost always wrong in judging people. But hey, I do not want to judge so let people prove themselves otherwise. Second lesson in law school, innocent until proven guilty. Do I have to go through the first one again? Alright, justice always belong to the person with deeper pockets.

The coming week is going to be a test on the weak spirits. Hoping with all my might that with prayers, all I have to do is to receive. Receiving before I die of excessive stress that is. Such a weak person... You're thinking of just that, isn't it? Dreading the first step of the week into the office isn't quite helping in bringing the spirits up.

It is important that we can feel... Still...

Arren Quek - My Favourite Athlete for YOG

YOG isn't as celebrated as it should be. It is Olympics but somehow, the hype doesn't quite live up to the importance. I am, however, following very closely for one reason, one athlete. My favourite nephew, whom I'll always remember as the hyperactive kid with a natural hoarse voice, will be representing Singapore in swimming. I can't explain how proud I am of him but I know he's been training very hard, receiving very little support from the same body who would want them to do well, he's THE recipe for success. Being the perfectionist he is (the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree), he will not settle for second best. That said, we wouldn't want to put any stress on him because as it is, qualifying for the YOG is already incredibly impressive.

Join me to cheer for my favourite all Singaporean boy.

Food Prints

Many have asked what I actually look for in a partner. More often, the answer is simply "the ability to hold an intellectual conversation". Even with friends, going home after having a fulfilling conversation may actually surpass the satisfaction from food. In actual fact, to gauge and judge a person's brain power during a conversation is extremely unfair. The point is not having an "airy" conversation and going home feeling stupider than before. It is of great importance that people around you makes you feel better about yourself and yet you learn from them. Such expectations are quickly becoming harsh so we, as forgiving human beings, shelf these. During times when you come out of a casual dinner coupled with a great conversation, the feeling is euphoric. I am not going to attempt explaining further because if you are unable to understand where I'm coming from, then no amount of explanation is going to help you understand. Let me qualify that that doesn't make anyone lesser of a person but it's purely my personal trigger point.

There have been many of these people in my fairly short life and I must say, my life has been enriched and I'm rather fortunate. Personalities like these come and go and have left their footprints. To me, I'll just have to keep looking forward to a less disappointing and non-vanishing pair of feet. The hope of leaving prints of 4 and not merely a spectator to disappearing prints on a sandy beach is fast eluding me. Optimism is what keeps the heart pumping for now.

Count On Me Singapore

Happy Birthday Singapore and to be absolutely honest, without googling, I have no idea which birthday we are celebrating. I'm not going to pretend to be a saint but as you get older, you lose track of the number of candles on the cake, don't you. not really considering I'm hitting the big 3-0 in January. Big plans on the way and for once, one that involves just me and no one else. Maybe by then, I might get myself a travel partner or one who's for life.

In years, this is one of the rare occasion that I'm actually sitting at home, right in front of the telly, watching the live telecast of the National Day Parade. Previous years, I can be found drinking somewhere with some friends while trying to catch glimpses of the parade on the telly that no one's paying much attention to.

Singing along to Majulah Singapura triggered this spurt of patriotism. But what actually is patriotism. Compared to the Kamikaze spirit from the Japanese' Samurai culture, how many out there would actually die for the country when we are finally called for. As the Chinese saying goes, 养兵千日，用在一时。I started to question myself if I would risk my life when the enemies come marching in one day or will I pack my bags and call another country home? Nobody knows until we're put through the test one day. All talk is cheap.

Back to the parade, Singapore National Day Parade Choir 2010 reminded me of the times when I was in school and was forced to attend such activities reluctantly. Now that we're all grown-up, we look back and feel sorry for the kids. Then again, Singaporean kids are so spoilt, they aren't even bothered to fake a smile. The only adjective I can think of while staring at those sad faces is 'unenergetic'. Can I blame them? If I put myself in their shoes, I might don such a face but the educators behind them, should shoulder the responsibility to enforce the understanding of their importance during such a glorious parade. Before I start contradicting myself, being absolutely fair, we are in position to judge these kids. The way they are brought up is entirely different from our time. Now that sentence made me feel old the moment it escaped my fingers.

Still, I can't help feeling proud of the nation because for every man on the parade, there are thousands behind them that hold the same passport and go through hours of discomfort and labour for us who are watching the parade in the comfort of our couch and in my case, my very comfortable bed. Just when I'm fantasizing being in Kit Chan's shoes serenading the crowd with "Home",

As I listen to the beautiful voices, I thought of our very own first Prime Minister, now Minister Mentor "you know who". During those times, we needed the iron fist that ruled without the fatherly smile. Undoubtedly, because of his beliefs and strength, we are what we are today. A small dot on the big map, with a name impossible to ignore. However, my personal favourite for a Prime Minister has got to be Goh Chok Tong. I remembered looking forward to his rallies although at that age, they meant very little to me. Trying my hardest to get his jokes, I chuckle with every bit of the humour I could grasp. I can't simply explain how close I feel to this man but he made me as proud as I am of my old man who did everything within his means to provide me with a better life.

Now, the one scene that disturbed me was a son who didn't not help his aging father to be seated. Before I get charged under the ISA, I'm going to stop my comments. I'm so being watched.

Waffles Woes

Sounds rather bimbotic but I'm on a mission to either hunt down the best tasting waffles in Singapore or to learn to make them. It seems rather simple but how often do you spot a waffle maker in somebody's home? This all began during training at Conrad weeks ago. Buffet was awesome and on the first day, I stuffed myself at the appetisers and mains that I was over the limit when it was dessert time. On the second day, I went straight into the waffles after I was about 30% filled. It was so warm, crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. With just butter and maple syrup, I was whisked to heaven. It's a little crazy to be going for the buffet just to wolf down the waffles but desperation is getting to me. The insanity of a woman's craving.

Come Monday, everything at work will be the same. The only difference is not having our favourite intern around. Jonk who would be completing the rest of her internship in our Tokyo office, was off this morning after organising our last QBash. As usual, there was excessive amounts of alcohol and budget had to be closely adhered to before we bust it like we usually do.

The week was weird. Ran into some people whom you wouldn't want to see just because the week was too hectic and entertaining people isn't preferred at all. The same face that still brings that tear that occasionally roll down the cheek is still the same. The shoulders seemed much heavier but we all know it's a passage of life and part of growing up.

There's finally a glimpse of that light at the end of the tunnel. Although still pressured by the environment, given that the pace is never experienced before, the smile at the end of every struggle seemed to slowly sail me into the next struggle and the next day. I hope all these will pay off. I'm planning for a big present for myself but looking at the way things are going, I don't know if it will happen.

Things Fall Apart As Better Things Can Fall Together

Saw the above statement in TongMama's blog and it touched a very raw part of me. In my insignificant part, it always seem like things are falling apart more than coming together. With friends who helped me along the way to seek the pre-existing contentment, things are alot easier to ride on.

Recently I've been getting the "you're not young anymore" rubbed in my face. I totally understand where they're coming from but that should not be a motivating factor for me to grab just anyone. I am lucky, really. I have people around me who truly cares and in no circumstance am I going to jeopardise the friendship. This is probably the time of my life I should focus my attention of what feeds me and the other mouths that depend on me. It is absolutely not an option to give them a life lacking in reliance and comfort. Even for the love for myself, to be absolutely selfish, dependence is not a trait I can afford to pick up.

Still, I suppose in the most unexpected situations, I should be hitting some jackpot. Maybe not the machine with the most payout but one that will bring me much joy.

Against Odds

With people walking in and out of our lives, and particular for what I have to say today, people out or on their very way out. Maybe it's just the imaginary no entry sign that stopping the show from continuing. To encounter the familiar faces with the strangest feeling of it all, like an ostrich, avoiding seems like the natural way to handle the awkward situation. The thoughts rushed back and wishing only you can turn back the clock and change things. But truth is, it's always against the odds when people have changed their direction and had their eyes focused on a direction away from yourself.

See, I've been watching Scrubs from scratch. The part where Turk proposed and when JD finished making his toast as he watched 2 loving couples kiss on, I actually felt sad for him and subsequently reflected. Just a couple of hours ago, I found out a very good friend of mine whom I could almost qualify as my best friend because if I were to define best friend, I couldn't think of any. Then again, there's Black Tulips. The only one person who has got my back when I needed someone to talk to. In fact, he passed me exactly what I needed - Series after series of Scrubs for me to get past my weekends.

All these while, I've been intentionally drowning myself at work. On one end, I just needed to do it because it's my job, I love it and most of all, it pays bills. On the other, I just didn't have anything else in my life to occupy the time after work or to have any compelling reasons for me to leave the office early. Weekends become empty on the calendar and the desperate need to fill them out. Somehow, sleep is still incredibly lacking.

Something I heard on Scrubs that I really love - "No relationship is perfect. What is important is that you wanna be there even if it sucked." Now, if there's even something worth the while and the time. Maybe I meant, someone instead of something.

At the very least, I know there's any important lesson I have got to learn in this life. That is to pick my battles...

Saying Too Much

When the email informing me of my training came in, I was a little disappointed. I should have expected that I'll be attending training in Singapore as compared to some others in the office as I haven't been amazing. At the back of my mind, I was wondering if given the same platform, would I have performed as well or even better? If the starting point is different, I only have myself to blame for being less than amazing. Logically, especially knowing how these P&L works, I know I'll be the one paying for them eventually but for me, it boiled down to personal achievements and how much of an asset you'd mean to the team and the man in charge.

I think I've broke too much rules since I came into this place. I never blogged about work, nor added colleagues on Facebook. So I'm gonna stuck the f*** up before I get myself into trouble. Just to qualify, I'm not unhappy with others but at my very own performance. I end up questioning myself if there's anything I could have done better. I too wish I can churn money like some of the better known "machines". Self-doubt will not help so constructive advice would be preferred.

I know my well-deserved holiday will come soon, hopefully. Weekends alone are so hard to survive...

Sleepy Battle

Resistance was futile. The warmth revolving above the cheeks persisted. Pain proved to live longer than anger. Images flashed like they would during the last moments of oxygen intake. Personal failure was one of the discussion topics, discussion with the internal soul that is. The song on eternal repeat acts as the satire, sniggering at the plight. The heavy lids were in battle with a heavy mind. Flipping the Mac open for countless times on a sleepless night, singing the song to myself, feeling the warmth which was present only on that small spot. The rest were in shivers.

Wish one can be like a spoilt brat at the supermarket insisting on that lolly that caught the eye. By kicking legs, waving the arms and screaming at top volume just to achieve the likely conclusion. And by remaining the reactive one, with inertia greater than a normal passive mind, inactivity is clearly expected. The rack that I strolled to was empty, stripped of the last pack of snacks that could possibly bring the smile back. If the rain could wash away everything...

Some reaction would be good. But didn't they say be careful of what you wish for? Rather, some genuine concern would be comforting...

Rain rain go away... Little children want to play...

未來我得到的還會有很多， 但失去的，只有你一個

又來到這個港口 沒有原因的拘留
我的心乘著斑駁的輕舟
尋找失落的沙洲

隨 時間的海浪漂流
我用力張開雙手
擁抱那麼多起起落落
想念的還是你望著我的眼波

我不是一定要你回來
只是當又一個人看海
回頭才發現你不在
留下我迂迴的徘徊

我不是一定要你回來
只是當又把回憶翻開
除了你之外的空白
還有誰能來教我愛

又回到這個盡頭 我也想再往前走
只是愈看見海闊天空
愈遺憾沒有你分享我的感動

我不是一定要你回來
只是當又一個人看海
疲憊的身影不是我
不是你想看見的我

我不是一定要你回來
只是當獨自走入人海
除了你之外的依賴
還有誰能叫我勇敢

除了你之外的空白
還有誰能來教我愛

The Most Important Value

When Grandma was alive, she used to sing the "天黑黑" song to me. Dad and Mom never gave up even when there were regular false alarms. We would spend annual leaves and weekends just to be with Grandma fearing each visit would be the last. In our might, we did and gave all we could. I have never regretted a single moment. I'm proud to have such parents because they taught me the most valuable values I could only wish I can impart to our future generations.

If you are at any point proud of being an Asian, embrace your traditional values. These are priceless lessons you may not be able to afford no matter how deep your pockets are. Get your chest out, feel proud.

Fat Coke Only Please

Following a series of unfortunate events, I'm home and Kokoro as dirty as before. The room needs to be cleaned too, that is after I can get my ass off this seat. The bump on the tyre is putting the pressure on the pocket. Togetherness is the time spent with my Mac. Busy weekends are a good way to pass time but there are bound to be moments when you are absolutely alone. Honestly, I did enjoy pockets of time like these but there are the others when you feel, even when you're just bummer, it's nice to have someone just there. Having said that, is that someone just filling space and the need or generally as human beings, we desire a sense of belonging?

Knowing very well that the full fat Coke is detrimental to the body, I could not resist indulging into the temptation of a chilled glass full of it. Then there are the harmful bits and pieces that come and go and yet continue to haunt you, very much like the after effects of Coke overdose. Such is life but how jaded that actually sounded doesn't really quite matter to anyone out there.

Yet another night out with the Fabulous Looking people and without any surprise, it was a night of fun. Things may not be the same as before but just by having a good friend or two, makes life worth its while afterall. Friends who can trigger smiles out of you easily are worth everything in this world to keep. Friendship never quite comes too easily. Seeing A&E Quack going around high fiving non-stop laughing at his own jokes made my day, no matter how exhausted I was after an entire day at work. The unsaid understanding of a true friend is priceless.

Another week of seeing my own name published on the local newspaper instantly made me feel like a star. Not exactly for the wrong reasons but I wish the intended readers would pick the information up. If next week develops into an incredibly busy week, I'd be a willing candidate.

Blue Clouds, White Sky

The first thing I got when I stepped into the office today after an unwarranted long weekend, a vicious paper cut awaited me. It cut so deep, I could see my flesh, albeit a 0.15267mm of it. Sensing bad news a looming, I couldn't be more eager waiting for my desktop to start up. The calendar screamed at my face, I needed to do a presentation. Being still groggy from an overdose of medication didn't quite help with the speed nor the clarity. Incoherent was an understatement. Going through the slides, which by any means should be a piece of cake to me since I was last being trained to at least be able to present some topics plucked from the air, proved to be difficult. Firstly, the last of my voice didn't help. The pain in the throat was worsening every passing second that I had to speak. Lastly, I was all that the team had. Thankfully, just when I was running out of saliva to lubricate my throat, PapaTran came to the rescue.

The overpriced soup was possibly the most comforting dinner I can think of. Just 20 mins before that, I had to fight gastric pain and an useless bladder. It was pure relief to be home and to be on my bed. Just when I popped my last does of antibiotics for today, together with a cocktail of multi-coloured pills, an unusual box blinked. Reckon that it wouldn't be too important, I entertained my swollen eyes with ice packs. Intuition called me back. An uneasy feeling crept up my spine and so I checked.

What I read sent an array of emotions all around and not knowing how I should be feeling. The stuffed up nose still wouldn't pity me and let me go. The mind must be hallucinating, as I told myself. It was scary. I meant real scary because I thought I dreamt of exactly the same scene last night. It's NOT deja vu. I did dream of the same scene last night. I don't even know if I'm typing in my dreams now. Maybe the brains are too tired but I'm typing all these just to prove that at the point when I'm typing, I wasn't dreaming. Or am I?

Hold My Hand

After a night of coughing, the decision to skip work was right. Concentration was no longer possible and my voice was almost inaudible. With 2 doses of antibiotics in me, the sudden surge of energy made me feel vulnerable. The need for a warm body to shower some concern became painfully clear. The disappearance of my Singapore Flyer months back woke me up from being reliant on anyone. It was be the swollen eyes that blurred my vision once again. Independence is not given and to internally fight for it should not be seen as tough. It could just be the bacteria-ridden brain that is making me think so negatively. Maybe getting back at work and to keep the mind totally occupied is not that bad an idea afterall. Getting the desk up and running is building the tenacity unknowingly and being a better person is not the natural result. The fight is unavoidable.

Spending time on the BBM with Black Tulip kept me smiling while waiting at the doctor's and while waiting for the right warm body to appear. It is a promise to myself that friends like such are rare to come by, hence not to be given up even if Prince Charming were to make his appearance one day.

Girls' Weekend

Simple snacks with the right company made late Friday night easy to pass. Lonely weekends are far from over but comforting chats made time shorter. The cherry on the icing was an entire Saturday full of laughter. Massive amounts of food and loads of harmless gambling led to a group of World Cup widows screaming "what are the chances?" The unbelievable odds reflects very much on life. When you think it's close to impossibility, the unexpected falls upon. The only flaw preventing the perfect day out was the bad throat and sniffly nose. Sunday became a day of miserable self nursing and pure hope of recovery. There's so much I'd want to say, writing it the way I would normally do. But my cloudy mind is not allowing it. Proofreading becomes a chore. Tomorrow should be better. Good night.

Black Tulips

Half of June has past me by and this is my first post for this month. Much has happened and too much work was done. Last nights in the office became common. Views were polished and sharpened but have also left the views even more hazed than before. At times, it's not necessary a blessing to see things this clearly. Criticism has to be taken lightly and improvements need to be actioned upon seriously. It's more than easy to say, life goes on.

People who have taken their leave are found to be closer in the weirdest sense possible. To be indirectly rejected will make way for newer searches, better fits. Blockheads are better left untouched before the beautiful turns ugly. While watching the TVB serial, I was reminded that the person who was able to keep the most to himself might almost always end up as the ultimate survivor. Happiness was another objective altogether.

Grumbles are reserved for people who can accept you for who you are and that to me would mean the very person whom my bloodstream is rooted to.

Too much to say but no way I can put it such that it will remain my style, cryptic that is. Thankfully, there's one listening ear for me. That was the ear with no agenda and happy flowers. To say this person is a big brotherly figure is so cheesy yet so accurate. The only thing missing is the pat on the head and the big bear hug before my tears will readily roll down my cheeks. To be more liberating in emotions is close to impossibility. Not that anyone would care and on the contrary, it's more likely to be read the wrong way. The worst way imaginable. Emotions are probably best to be kept to oneself. Meanwhile, I'm happy to share it with Black Tulips.

Time Runs

Grandma is 74 today! For once, I feel that age is catching up on my last surviving grandparent. Last week, she had to go under the knife for cataract and as she was walking down the steps just now, she was struggling. I cannot believe what I saw because she has always been rather healthy.

Now now, that makes me feel how far I'm lagging behind in terms of life's natural progression as compared to my peers. Being Asian, most of my friends from school have screaming kids tugging onto their dresses as they attend yet another wedding of a friend's. Biological clock ticking? Nope. About 4 years ago, I would have agreed but right now, it's just leaving everything to "what comes may". Having experienced enough irresponsibilities and disappearing men, becoming cynical was just expected.

If you ask me, I just want to go on a race on the track with the C63 AMG for now and dump all the tiring thoughts behind.

By the way, I never thought too well of Speegies (if you don't get it, that's cuz I meant it that way), I just do not want to become one. Having said that...

Yardstick For True Friendship

Yet another 2 weeks has past me by. Time moved faster than I can imagine although things have definitely gone against my vision's peripheral. Some people have chosen to come and others to go. The yardstick for sincerity just shifts itself before you can even get your eyes fixed on it.

On Friday, A-litigator brought up several issues about life in general. Thoughts progressed and lingered. We all have choices even if it comes to companionship and this in turn, will result in the type of lives we end up living. Yet another friend reminded me of possible vicious words and with sufficient sincerity, we should be able to keep true friendships. Living in daily confusion of uncovering truth and locating the truths behind the truth, this world of lies leaves all of us gasping for the rare breath of fresh air.

Escape is meant for fools and it's not suited for me. The courage to face up and to deal with it would be my way but I won't impose it on anyone. If the choice is to silently walk away, so be it. To think that the initial choice was right but it was proven wrong subsequently and maybe knowing the truth will actually hurts.

Speaking of the devil brought about new meaning. The truth about talking about someone and to run into someone immediately. Hope this isn't yet another disappearing act but I know very well, this lunchbox belongs to another.

Incredible Weather

Has it always been such or is it global warming?

Just weeks ago, it was raining regularly every afternoon. It wasn't the most welcomed thing but looking back, I'd rather have a rainy afternoon. Recently, it's been hot and I mean, too hot! Hitting highs of 35 degree celsius doesn't quite feel fun. Having to shuttle in and out of the office going for meetings after meetings, all you want is to have meetings in the office and no where else. Unfortunately, with the change in portfolio, more opportunities arise for me to brave the heat to get to another location too near yet too far. The heat brought about cruel headaches and even on a Sunday, sitting in the room with the AC and fan on, the headache persists.

In the every littlest effort I can to reduce global warming, being environmentally friendly wasn't a choice. It was a calling to make this planet a better place to live in. Before I sound like the irritating overly environmentally friendly freak, all I'm asking is to use ONE less plastic bag whenever you can. Carrying a 環保袋 will help the world more than you think, especially if everyone of us can just save one plastic bag every day. If there's no need for one, ask not to have one. Admittedly, some of us use plastic bags as trash bags and there aren't much alternatives. But truth is, don't most of us have excess of such bags at home and to dump one away when trash isn't quite filled to its capacity? It's quite a shame when other countries are showing the efforts and a developed nation like ours isn't playing its part. Whatever happened to BYOB?

Do your mini part, do what is within your means. The next time when you buy a drink from 7-11, tell them that you don't need a bag. And I'm not even asking you to buy a packet drink over a bottled drink! Do me a favour by doing mother earth a favour and you'll find that, you're doing yourself a gigantic favour.

Wrong & The Wrong

Another work week passed and finally having time to type my mind out again. Watching the way I type and careful not to ruin the careful "paintwork", I sat down on my bed in this cold room, staring at the rain and watch the day go by. Questions pop up and you ask yourself if it's such sheer coincidence that when the confidence dwindle, things happen to force you to have double takes. Is truth that hard to grasp?

Musical chairs is inevitable everywhere I go. It's more than plain familiarity. In this case, it's the unveiling of a hidden star and the focus on the better. The want for a faster drive, a better life and a concrete roof will mean a tougher time, harsher objectives and greater heights.

Checking on numbers send shocks but giving it back to feed the people who protect and contribute, blame could only be on bad accounts management. Putting in the hours will in hope, bring some glory back.

Yet another weekend... To another week to prove myself.

Not So Sweet Potato

Physical food may fill you but beyond the acceptable point, the body would just reject it all. Mental food sits on empty dishes and the dishwasher goes into overrun. Standing alone in that oven-like carpark, staring at the spot that was replaced by a giant machine, tears were warm, gently reminding you that it's a mistake. It could have been the poor memory or the inability to forget but the constant shower of words about the cold, makes breathing really harsh in this tight space. Putting the index finger on the reset button, the lack of courage pulls you back. The need to have some firm answers on the definition of happiness sends you a frightening moment that made it sound almost deaf. The blocked off atmosphere became so physical and tangible of a sudden. The need to run into the warmth familiar smell again developed into a stinging pain.

Funny how the sweet potato isn't that sweet after all.

Pretty Weekend

Never did I ever have such long nails so I decided to do something about it, considering my last manicure/pedicure session was more than a year back when that big toe nail was bruised. Believe it or not, it took a whole year for the new nail to replace the dead one. Armed with a sudden sense of adventure, I went with a bright pretty pink. When I saw the girl next to me walked out with green nails, I felt guilty thinking that I'm actually adventurous. Call me conservative but I'm loving it. Weirdly enough, with the newly painted nails, I became really girly. I could finally understand why some of my girlfriends took forever in the washroom. I could hardly zip and button up my jeans with that newly manicured calcium blades.

Brunch with Attituder at Spruce was way overdue. With the same old giggly us and re-enactment of our classic antics, we had a great afternoon complete with good food and company. During these times, you start to think, "the men never gets it". Fondling with my Miu Miu Mini Bow, which we found out by accident that both of us bought the same bag in the same colour and the same size, you wouldn't imagine two boyish car-loving girls squealing over handbags.

The weekend quickly came to an end. Too short but there's always the next one. Sleep debt is something I regretted not paying off but time with friends was even more valuable. Appreciation is on top of the list.

Q-Bash on Friday was totally insane. This is the first time in my life I actually went to an event not dressed up to the nines. Instead, I was dressed like a Mexican man sporting a moustache that was stopping me from smiling, laughing and talking properly. If you need to imagine how I spoke, just stiffen your upper lip and continue that imagination with hair getting into your mouth all the time. The night was nothing short of fun. I am already looking forward to the next quarter and of course, before all the celebration means loads of hardwork. I'm now recharged and ready to take on more. Bring it on!

POP!

My first Pop! Not that this is my first placement but it came especially sweet after a horrible career downturn. This makes me feel that I'm finally back on track and ready to shine even brighter than ever. Life is way less decadent than how it used to be. Contentment marks the difference. But no amount of contentment is going to evolve into complacency. Up is the only way and the direction guide provides no roundabouts. Objective now is to create another (and yet another) miracle for my foundation preparing for the bigger and the better. Having a great team and the great work, life is almost complete.

Then again, life is like a game. When you reach the high points for this level, you will find yourself leveling up. Your experience points will appear low and although it feels like starting all over again, you know you're already above the rest.

Life is afterall, a game. Am I right?

P.S. Secretly, I'm a complex, confused and competitive person. Keep your fingers and toes crossed. The above sentences have no relevance but I needed to say what I wanted to.

Delayed Telecast

Those in Italics were written when I was sitting in the last hotel hotel where we enquired on the availability of rooms... Sense the frustration!

I ended up in KL checking into Traders' and spending a fortune away. Even when I'm home now, I'm still thinking of my Marc Jacobs. I simply miss Ritz in KL and their plush beds.

It cannot be anymore impromptu. Upon my last meeting, I hit right home to grab Kokoro and we were on the road for the next 3 hours or so. To be able to reach KL in 2.5 hours was a feat considering the fact that there was a stretch of road when it rained cats and dogs, I had to really slow down and squint my eyes for the last bit of visibility. Travelling on the North South Highway was all too familiar. The heavy lids after a long working day wasn’t. And hell wasn’t I vaguely prepared for what was awaiting.

The drive from the base of Genting all the way up to the chilly top, I displayed the infamous trait of the “B Road Sleeper” as affectionately given to me by Saints. With the face turning green and coupled with my head continuing to spin from the lack of sleep, I ended up with the worst nauseating feeling ever. My body felt like it was falling apart and meaningless tearing went on overdrive. I needed a place to sleep.

When I got to the hotel, I thought, finally! I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’m sitting in the lobby of the 4^th hotel I went to, only to get the unapologetic, “sorry, full house”.  And I’m contemplating to drive downhill to try out Awana and worst still, to go down to KL instead. It was meant to be an unwinding trip and I ended up worst off than just staying at home, sleeping the next 24 hours away. All I need now is a steaming hot shower and a clean comfy bed. I would pay a fortune for it. I swear I would. Trust me! I asked for the best suite in town and I still got the “full house” answer. How is that possible?

I’m freeeaaaaking blogging from my Microsoft Word because I haven’t got internet access. If I had, I’d spend the entire night meddling away with Facebook. I’m feeling like an idiot. A miserable one. Right now, I’d rather be back in the office, slogging away. I am absolutely serious. And I’m absolutely miserable. Yes I’m whining. I need my beauty sleep.

*chug

Just out of curiosity - Are Italics called Italics because some Italian came up with it or that the Italians are not so straight up (relative to the Germans)? Tough joke to laugh at. I know!

"Pop" Goes My Heart

Hectic is an understatement to describe my week or rather, the past weeks. The toiling is finally showing some fruits. It was an empty piece of canvas and now, it's got sketches and lines of a blueprint. It's a matter of time when the colours are filled. There's no need for a Monet but it's about completing the picture that you can call your own. I can't wait for the first "pop"!

Networking is always preferred when they come naturally. Business cards that runs out too fast only goes to show the pace I've been on. At the end of the day, it boils down to the company when the most mundane of all things take over. The constant laughter brought me past day after day way easier than I thought a Raffles Place life would be. Basking in the sun post lunch became decadence which I haven't had the chance to do it since I started in this concrete jungle again. My mealtimes are regularly 2 hours after everyone else's. Lunches at 3pm became common. Dinners at 9pm are an inevitable way to send indigestion and fats cultivating in the right path. But read this, I'm a happy camper. There's no way to possibly imagine me dating a few years back looking at my calendar right now and be feeling pleased. The people made it possible and I'm glad the choice was right then. There's mental note that I've been sending to myself read, "I could be more competitive..." In a good way that is.

Parking is impossible in this part of the country. The queues for lots are measured by quarters, in not, years. No longer is it the ability to pay for the exorbitant season parking charges, miscellaneous ERP charges and other costs of owning a vehicle, altering the situation the least bit. My car will just continue to sit in my semi-sheltered carpark to collect dust with the occasional weekend stripping of petrol making the main difference. Mileage sensitive me now has one less thing to worry about apart from the pending insurance and road tax costs. Supping up my baby and racing him has become the next on the list after Chanel.

The fingers typing is post is extremely rest deprived. The next weekend is highly anticipated.

How I love this world...

Talk About Insensitivity

What is the million dollar question you should never ask your ex-girlfriend?

"I remember you once told me about your contact who sells diamonds..."

Thought bubble popped with unseen eyes rolling in all directions - 'Yes I did because you were talking about marrying me!'

Is that a subtle way to announcing your pending wedding bells ringing or is it just pure insensitivity?

By the way, I hate it when I'm too smart to catch the little details.

Thou shalt not dwell as memories are meant to stay beautiful. To taint it any further is strictly forbidden. As a friend, the care for your well-being hasn't been terminated. As an ex-girlfriend, all one can ask is a little respect to not tear open a wound that has healed. Too much to ask for?

Fully Geared

The moment I got seated in front of my stylist, I told him to do whatever he wants and to cut it short if he wanted to. I didn't want to know what he had in mind so I would be in for a surprise by the end of the hour. While he chopped and snipped away, I was fussing with Facebook. I came across a joke. Considerably the joke of the millennium. I had no intentions of taking any action and if I ever do, it would be legal. No one taunts this cookie and I've made it absolutely clear. People who know me knows very well, I can be nice but don't attempt to even trifle with a well you can hardly measure. Drowning is no fun. This is not a joke which is why, this post is not dated on April Fools' day.

Had a chat with Peter Pan earlier on whether I should stick to banking or to return to legal. The conclusion was simpler than I thought. With the existing team, I'm extremely blessed. Having a mentor like Sexy T and a teammate like Sherzer, I shouldn't be asking for more although legal remains my passion. I suppose in life, you can't always have the best of both worlds. In my world, this is more than sufficent. From a quality to quantity driven role, a switch of mindset was mandatory. As far as I'm concerned, I will ultimately conquer the industry and be the same superstar I used to be in legal.

Prepare!

Roar! Book of Eli... As though that narcissistic man will ever appear here. Let bygones be bygones.

假装多好

On a Friday night, my phone was silent. I was happily overworked but I knew I needed to have a life after work. Drowning myself in more work in order to keep the mind from thinking didn't help. Getting out is just a way of staying sane. Some things or people are just not worth the attention. Or was it me trying to self hypnotise? I was trying to convince myself that only work was worth my time. I needed to prove myself and I'm not exactly a very patient person.

Dinner with Lao Ma & Da Shu must be God's evil scheme to make me fat again because when I lost weight, I kept meeting the wrong people. Not that when I was chubby, the people were right anyway. Having an office that doesn't stop eating and everyone still looks good, is driving me into a guilt trip everyday for not working out the calories. It's always good to be with people who genuinely cares about your well-being.

An unexpected night out to Club Atlantis was icing on the cake. With someone whom I treasure as a friend because we're so alike, we always fall into the same kind of trap. Unfortunately for her, she's always taking those steps before me. As a great friend, she will warn me ahead just so I don't get slashed like the way she did. She's almost like my own pre-emptive measuring instrument. My tolerance for alcohol has amazingly gone up. I may not have drank like the bottomless pits but I think I fared well.

By the end of the night, I found myself sitting in the car, parked beautifully in a bungalow lot, crying to myself. Mentally, I was exhausted. Is this a sign of burning out?




假装多好 我只想要再拥有一秒

去相信你的拥抱 一直会让我依靠

我被自己困在自己设下的圈套

假装多好...
我的拥抱已随风飘

How To Train My Dragon

While trying to stay healthy in a busy day, the solution is an Elephant portion salad from The Salad Shop. I was happily ticking and considering the amount of Caesar dressing I added in there, the healthy part went straight out of the window. Meetings were back to back. Tiring became an understatement. Not to worry, I'm not about to get burnt out. Happily working should be a description more apt for my situation. With a group of fun colleagues and an excellent team led by a great mentor whose exactly like me, making more money together than individually became a common goal. As an incentive for their hardwork, they were being treated to a movie. I tagged along and we watched "How To Train Your Dragon" in 3D. As a person who gets motion sick very easily, I think I survived the movie well without having the need to throw up in the middle of the show.

The show itself was good. As per every other big budget animations, the hidden message for adults is always present and all too valuable. The title reminded me of someone who told me recently on keeping a tiger in a big cage. It is naturally instinctive for a tiger to pounce on the freshest piece of meat once it is being dangled in front of it. It is not vaguely possible to be able to train the tiger to go against it's instincts. Not that anyone can or should be blamed for it. The blame is on stupid people who walk into the cage. Trust me, this world doesn't lack stupid people and as much as I cannot stand them, I become part of them every now and then. Now that the tiger has gone abracadabra, the cage is irrelevant be it having the ultimatum of having hope and although with the hope, people always hope to be proven wrong. The very fact that they are waiting to be proven otherwise only goes to show the actual likelihood. I have always been hopeless in numbers or statistics but when they are almost non-existent, I should know very well.

Good night, world. Good night, Book of Eli.

Up, Up & Away

After 2 solid weeks of training, the conclusion is such. It was probably one of the best training I'll ever experience in my life. It was an all rounder that covered every possible aspect you can even think of although the actual mastering of it will take more than just time. Beside on occasions that I was merely trying to fight the Z monster away, I thought it actually taught me quite extensively on what I would need to know to do my job well. To think that I came with a few years of related experience behind me, there were still things I never knew I needed so much more training to refine it.

As much as the nature of the job hasn't changed, the industry and the type of roles are drastically different. It is comparatively volume driven and the expectations are higher. In terms of expectations, it is very much self-imposed because this is one opportunity that didn't come easy and I'm not about to take it for granted. Besides, fruits of harder labour are sweeter to the tongue.

The only desire right now is to have sufficient sleep apart from the fact that I'd love to be able to drive to work again. As we're speaking, Kokoro will need to spend some time back at Volkswagen General Hospital again. This time, he might be put into intensive care and I would reckon his heart would be taken out for the anticipated operation. Get well soon my "sour" baby...

Loving It All & Hating It All

Period.

Girls' Night Out

How would you describe a girls' night out? Compared to some guys' nightclub wild fun, this may seem like child's play. But trust me, the fun is not any lesser. With the right crowd, party happens everywhere.

It was my first week at work. Getting along well with colleagues sounds like an understatement. May I say that we hit it right off. And as such, I decided to join them for the last Chippendale performance in Singapore. It was really a last minute decision as one of our colleagues couldn't get back to town in time so there was an extra ticket. I didn't hesitate much... I needed to "open up my eyes" at some point in time.

More than 10 girls of all ages, shapes and sizes made their way to Chilli's at ResortsWorld right after work ended. Excessive food was just part of the routine considering that it's been a while since I felt hunger. Which also explains why I'm putting back on the pounds I lost a while ago. Dinner was a rush but not that anyone was complaining. The hot men helped with the digestion I bet.

From before the show started till the end of the show, we were screaming non stop. And at most times, we were screaming for the fun out of it and laughing at one another. The joke was on each other. Half the group stayed and paid for an entire cabana whereby the hotties would come by and chat with us. For the first time in my life, I felt like I'm enjoying the tip of THAT ice berg that those men have been enjoying every single night at the nightclubs. Only difference would be the cowards like us would never sleep with those guys.

Some of you might be lamenting on how much of a waste that would be, to us, the school girls' scream and a night of fun with the girls was enough to close the night with satisfaction. But of course, the hugs and kisses showered on the girls was enough to leave an impression and a lifetime of memories to reminisce on. One of those things that makes you go like, "I've done it before..."

Not A Crap Life Afterall

Since the start of the week, I've been so tied up at work. I've been given one of the best training I think I'll ever undergo and it's still ongoing. Nothing is being taken for granted and success is expected. To perform is not a choice. The team is a bonus and an important catalyst to make sure you get twice the results in half the time. Time is no longer mine and what is left of my very own is just pathetic. If you think I'm grumbling, then you're wrong. I've been waiting for so long, seeking for so hard to find a place like that for me to shine. I think I've found it and I'm going to give everything I can back in exchange for the shine that has eluded me for so long.

People come and go in your life. What is ultimately the most important is the love for self. Only when one learn to love themselves, then will others know how to love you. If others cannot understand that it is all for loving yourself, then they don't deserve your attention either. And not, I'm not talking about being narcissistic. Excessive is never good but the right does makes you a better person, friend and partner. Being understanding is the least one can do.

To follow me during this tedious period, get hooked up to my Twitter. That will keep you in line and be prepared to get tons of my crap on a regular basis.

I got this from TongMama's blog and it made alot of sense to me. Hope it brings a smile to your face.

Busy Bee

The Chinese New Year season has finally ended with February. As you may have noticed, I had only a handful of entries in February or maybe, you didn't even have the time to visit any blog during the festive season. Too much of gambling and getting together with friends. The challenge was to put the body through too many hours of staying awake and still despearately trying to look good.

The array of goodies has its effect of tempting you to chomp down on yet more snacks. The weighing scale has to go into hibernation as the jump in the needle might end me up in the A&E from some massive heart attack.

For now, I'm just going to prep myself to have a brand new shining star and have enough fun while I still can.

Walking Alone & Lovin' It

It was totally awesome just walking alone down the streets and watching the dried bougainvillea leaves drifting in the air. Since my legs couldn't take me any further, I sat myself down at McDonalds' and got myself some ice cold Coke to go with some fries. People watch I did. Countless thoughts came to mind and I filter them out slowly. Achieving peace wasn't easy. Repeating one song in my head that helped with the clearance significantly and planning my next steps in my life.

If one is unable to control what people speaks, then one has to control being able to see oneself in the mirror before you head to bed. Armed with the right pair of comfortable walking shoes, I will choose to walk on and prepare myself for the tougher roads ahead.

Alone time is good. There can actually be times that you really do not need anyone to influence your thoughts. I guess that can eventually make you a stronger person.

Raffles Place Fan

It's been a while since I've enjoyed such an easy weekend. Should I say I'm happy that the "good days" are going to be over soon? By all means, call me weird. Maybe I'm destined to lead a workaholic's life. I totally enjoy work but the pre-requisite should be at least some basic enjoyment of what I am or will be doing. I've always believed that if I enjoy what I do, there'll never be a day I have got to work. With reasonable amount of stress, non enjoyment throughout the total 365 days of the year can be pardoned. As long as I have at least 2 good weekdays in a week, I'll be contented. That shall be the new resolution for the coming year. That said, let me officially announce... I'm going back to the industry that I enjoyed albeit not in the specific niche area that I came from. I can no longer hold the excitement so drinking I went last night.

To get picked up by guys at a club can be flattering before they get on your nerves. At times, you just feel that maybe by hanging a placard that screams, "Leave me alone!" you'll have more peace while drowning in the loud music. Please do not get me wrong. I'm not saying I'm attractive and I get picked up but maybe the guys are getting too bored. Their courage deserves the applauses.

Another fortnight of idling, I will be back to CBD, having my subway lunch beside Singapore River while replying emails on my Blackberry. The one hour of solace that I used to enjoy while trying to escape the air-conditioned room and getting some sun is one thing I know I'll looking forward to. Another few days of Chinese New Year driven gambling, I need to seriously get my butt going and engine rolling. Or does "engine going and camera rolling" sound better? Whatever makes your day. I'm a happy girl now and I can't care less. No one shall take the smile away from my face for now. I genuinely believe I've gotten myself into a great team and better work awaits me. The ladder is now free for all to climb. Come come... Climb climb...

沒那麼簡單

Was talking to this person I truly treasure as a friend. Both of us are people who aren't very lucky in our love lives. We're very strong girls but emotionally, all shattered. She recommended this song. I cried upon hearing it. But like she said, once you're out of it, it's a nice song and it will no longer bring tears. I can't help but agree. She's is definitely a level above me and miles ahead. I just need to learn to 放空自己. An important lesson for me - 別人說的話 隨便聽一聽 自己作決定


沒那麼簡單 就能找到 聊得來的伴
尤其是在 看過了那麼多的背叛
總是不安 只好強悍
誰謀殺了我的浪漫

沒那麼簡單 就能去愛 別的全不看
變得實際 也許好也許壞各一半
不愛孤單 一久也習慣
不用擔心誰 也不用被誰管

感覺快樂就忙東忙西
感覺累了就放空自己
別人說的話 隨便聽一聽 自己作決定
不想擁有太多情緒
一杯紅酒配電影
在周末晚上 關上了手機 舒服窩在沙發裡

相愛沒有那麼容易 每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀 轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易 才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心 所以最開心 曾經
想念最傷心 但卻最動心 的記憶